Warp Speed to Nonsense

Warp Speed to Nonsense

Monday, August 15, 2016

ST:TNG Season One, Episode Nineteen "Coming of Age"

ST:TNG Season One, Episode Nineteen "Coming of Age"
Production Order: 19
Air Order: 19
Stardate: 41461.2
Original Air Date: March 14, 1988


They gave Wes a new haircut. It... does not suit him.


Wes runs down the corridors of the E, and finally catches up with his friend Jake Kurland, who we have never met before. He tries to make awkward small talk, but they finally get around to the crux of the conversation: they both took the pre-test to take the real test to get into Starfleet Academy, but Jake missed it by 32 points, and now Wes is leaving to go take that real test, and they both feel kind of crummy about it. But Jake shakes his hand and genuinely wishes Wes good luck before they part.

Picard's Log 41416.2: "Orbiting Relva VII. Wes Crusher is gonna take the entrance exams to Starfleet Academy, and my buddy Admiral Quinn is there. He's asked to come aboard."

So Wes transports out, and Quinn beams in with this other dude, Lt Cmdr Remmick, the walking, human equivalent of the phrase Stick Up Your Ass.
Picard introduces his staff present, and Quinn stiffly says he wants to talk to Picard. But when Picard attempts to invite Riker also, Quinn barks that Riker cannot come along. Picard is weirded out - I guess it's typical to have the first officer present at "official business" meetings like that? Especially when it's clear that Remmick will be going?
Lightly suspicious music... Opening credits break!


When they get to the ready room, Quinn comes right out with it: Remmick is with the Inspector General's Office. Picard lets out an uncomfortable "ohhh..." because let's face it, you don't really need to know what the Inspector General's Office does. You just know that every other department housed in that office building refers to them as "Dicks R Us." If Umbridge joined Starfleet, she'd be with the Inspector General's Office, right the fuck at the top, bustling everywhere with a clipboard in a uniform that was oddly pinkish instead of dark red.
Then Quinn drops a Vague Bomb: Remmick is here to inspect the Enterprise and her crew because Starfleet suspects that there is something "wrong" on the ship.
Picard is understandably baffled. "Um, what's wrong with the ship? Can I help you find something, or...?"
"No, I can't tell you that," barks Quinn. "But you have to cooperate completely."
He tells Remmick to get on with it, and Remmick is wearing his attitude like it's woven into his uniform: he's got a bit of power here, but he's acting like it's quite a bit more than it actually is. It's the sort of attitude where you hope someone will knock him down a peg or two by the end of the episode.
In the meantime, Picard tries to appeal to his friend by asking what this might be about, but Quinn is all business, and Picard is forced to refer to him as "sir." It's always uncomfortable when Picard calls someone "sir."


Wes is first in the testing room, and of course he's messing with some do-dad. I kind of like that. It speaks to his character. If he were simply the first one in the testing room, it might make him a suck-up, but instead he's playing with something he possibly shouldn't be playing with. Wes likes gadgets, he likes knowing how shit works. Then he gets caught. Another candidate walks in and playfully calls him out for messing with equipment. She's Oliana Mirren, and it seems she's heard of him before. She says he's described as "very smart and very young."


They're soon joined by the other candidates, T'Shanik and a Benzite named Mordock. T'Shanik tells Wes that he looks too young to be joining Starfleet and Wes replies that his sixteenth birthday is the following month, so now we know what the age minimum is for the 24 century. (That doesn't explain how the hell Tina Lawton ended up finishing the Academy's four-year course and landing a spot on the flagship of Starfleet at age 17, but TOS was all over the place, so if they wanted a teenage girl on the Enterprise, they just put her there.)
Wes briefly fangirls over Mordock, who is the creator of the Mordock Strategy, a chess move. Then the instructor, Tac Officer Chang, enters and the testing begins.
You know what I noticed? Clever wardrobe people very subtly gave each of the candidates outfits that included Ops gold, command red, and science blue.



Check out Mordock, yo. He's pretty awesome. That little light-up do-hickey in front of his face occasionally lets out this puff of something, so I'm guessing that the Benzite atmosphere is different enough to warrant wearing one of those. He's just a really cool alien. The make-up team was nominated for an Emmy for this episode, so I gotta guess it was for Mordock.

Upstairs, Remmick is pretty much standing over everyone, tapping out notes on a tiny PADD. It's unnerving, to the point where people keep asking him if he needs their help with anything. Geordi looks like he'd like to get sassy with with Remmick, but he knows better, so his tone is almost apologetic when he says that they're just in standard orbit, and the conn positions need to be manned as a matter of routine. Remmick tells Riker that he'll want to speak to him alone later, and Riker decides to ask Picard about this crap. He heads into the ready room.
"Am I being investigated?" he asks point-blank.
"Dunno," admits Picard. "Can't tell you even if I knew."
"This sucks."
"I agree."
But they're both frustrated, and it ends with raised voices. Riker stomps out of the ready room and onto the bridge.
"Let's have that chat," says Remmick.
"Fuck off," replies Riker.
Remmick tries to get all high and mighty about how everyone has to cooperate with him.
"I SAID FUCK OFF, I HAVE SHIT TO DO!" yells Riker, getting in the lift. It closes satisfyingly in Remmick's face.
Dramatic music! Commercial break!


We see the last question on the written exam about intermix ratios, which Wes gets instantly because it's a trick question. (The intermix ratio for matter-antimatter is 1:1, which you can now use at trivia nights, or when taking your own entrance exam at the Academy. 
Hey, man. Don't knock it. All those nerds who grew up watching this show are now scientists hell-bent on making this shit a reality. We already have early-stage replicators and transporters, so we may not be that far off. So when your grandchild is struggling over intermix ratio questions on AP Science homework, you can confidently tell them that it's 1:1, because you read it on some dumb blog...which I will probably still be writing, because reboots.)
Mordock and Wes talk about how there could only have been one answer, and Oliana feels bad, because she didn't get the answer in time. She says it must be nice to be them, having the answers come so easily. Wes backs up and apologetically tells her that he has to study all the time.
"It's a good thing you're cute, or you could really be obnoxious," she laughs, just before leaving.
I am... not touching that with a ten-foot pole.
Wes is kind of charmed. "Mordock, she said I'm cute!" he beams.
"Is that good?" asks Mordock, reminding us that not every species procreates the same.
"Yes! I think?"


Riker enters the bridge and tries to apologize for yelling at Picard earlier.
"No need," answers Picard. "Remmick is a total twat-waffle, and he has everybody on edge."
Remmick then enters from the other lift and asks if Riker is now ready for their "chat." He uses a Sassy Moment voice, but again, that dude is a twat-waffle, so I'm not awarding him a Sassy Moment. Suck it, Remmick.
Riker agrees and they go into the ready room. Remmick says that there are "discrepancies" in the captain's log.
"Have you asked him about those?" asks Riker.
"No! I'm asking you, and we're gonna go over them with a fine-tooth comb!"
There's a tense pause, then -
"Fine. Let's do this, motherfucker," Riker replies.


Next we go to Engineering, where Remmick is hassling Geordi, following him around while he does shit at various stations by the warp engines. They're talking about the incident with Kosinski and The Traveler, where the E ended up at the edge of the universe and beyond. Remmick is accusing Picard of losing control of the ship.
Geordi has no patience for this shit. "Bitch, what did I just say? Starfleet sent us Kosinski, with the direct orders for us to let him "improve" the engines."
"But the bridge crew objected to him," Remmick presses. He just "decides" that Picard lost control of the ship.
Geordi lets out this short sigh that says, "OMG, fuck you sideways with a katana."


Next up: Troi.
Remmick demands to know if Picard has ever had a mental lapse that would mean he was not fit to run the ship.
"Never," she replies.
"What about the thing with the Ferengi and the Stargazer?"
"Hello? He was being controlled by a mind-altering machine," she answers.
"Hello? That counts as mental lapse." He types "yes" in on his PADD.
Troi considers getting Geordi that katana that he said he wanted.


Wes is chilling on an unused holodeck when Worf enters. He's about to turn it on when he notices Wes just leaning against the wall. The acting ensign tells the Klingon that he's finished with today's tests, but is worried about the psychological portion, which will be based on his deepest fears. He wants to program some fears into the holodeck to practice facing them, but isn't certain what he's most afraid of.
"Thinking about something which you can't control wastes energy and creates its own enemy," Worf says wisely.
Wes is annoyed. "I don't know what my biggest fear is - how do they know?"
"They check out your psych profile," Worf answers. "They were right on the gold-pressed latinum for me and everyone I tested with."
"I thought Klingon warriors weren't afraid of anything?"


Wes feels like he may have overstepped his boundaries by asking too many personal questions, but Worf sees that this kid could use a mentor, so he continues on. He tells Wes that he struggles to depend on others, especially with his life.
"But... you have depend on everyone on the Enterprise to do that everyday," reasons Wes. "How did you overcome your fear?"
"I haven't," he answers. 
Y'all... that was a great scene. They've been really stepping it up with Worf lately, not only giving him more screentime and better lines, but giving him more to work with overall. And I like the fact that we see Wes worrying about his future here. A lot is riding on whether or not he'll get in, and it's assumed that he will, but he doesn't know that yet. That they paired Worf and Wes together here makes it even better for both characters.
Now if we could only do the same for Tasha...

Riker and Picard are having a perfectly normal, stress-free convo on the bridge at one of the science stations, when an alarm goes off. It's the shuttle bay, and Yar reports that someone is taking a shuttle. She says it's Jake Kurland. We know him, the kid who didn't quite make the cut to take the Academy entrance exams.
The bridge crew hops into action, but Remmick hops into Asshole Mode.
"Isn't that area secure?" he asks in a snotty tone.
"Go fuck yourself," Riker replies.
Worf relays that Jake is using the emergency override to open the bay doors.
"Smart kid," remarks Geordi.
"Kid?!" says Remmick. He goes ignored.



Picard calmly calls the shuttle. He's being followed by Remmick.
A shaky-sounding Jake comes on the line, saying that he's flying someplace else to sign on with a freighter. He can't face his father after failing that test. Unfortunately, an alarm goes off in the shuttle. He's accidentally effed up the dilithium reaction.
He's lost power, and is less than two minutes from burning up in the atmosphere of Relva. The bridge crew discusses options. Too far away for a tractor beam, too far away for a transporter lock. Then fucking Remmick physically steps in front of Picard to yell in his face that he's "responsible for that boy!" right in the middle of a mother. Fucking. Crisis.
Picard is so done. "Move. Your skinny ass. Out. Of my way."


Sensing that he could very likely walk away with a broken nose, Remmick wisely steps back. Picard puts Jake on viewscreen. Jake is now panicking. Picard reassures him that they get him back safely, as Riker is quietly telling Picard that the shuttle needs 50 seconds for the core to cool off before it can start again.
Picard tells Jake to aim the shuttle at Relva, wait until it hits a certain speed, then pull up hard.
"I'm gonna crash!"
"You're going to be just fine."
But Jake does what he says and manages to come out in one piece. Everyone cheers, including Remmick.
"That was incredible!" he says. "How did he do it?"
"He built up enough speed to bounce off the atmosphere," smiles Geordi.
Jake is told to bring the shuttle back and report to Riker.


Remmick slips easily from "Hooray! You did it!" right back into Asshole Mode. "How did that kid get access to a shuttle?"
Riker puts the smack-down on Remmick by stating that Kurland is a "highly-qualified Academy candidate" with a lot of experience in multiple areas, including shuttlecraft.
"Did this training include discipline?" demands Remmick dickishly.
You know Riker is probably in charge of Kurland's training, just as he is in charge of Wes's training, and is not going to take that crap lying down. He looks like he's going to punch Remmick. But Picard stops Riker long enough to calmly explain to Remmick that everyone makes "rash choices" sometimes, and that when he gets back, Jake Kurland will get a refresher in discipline.
Sadly, no one punches Remmick.

Downstairs, Wes is walking through the Relva complex with Mordock when a huge gold shirt asks him where to drop off a package. He gives directions to a nearby office, but when the gold shirt passes, they knock shoulders. The gold shirt becomes enraged and blames the incident on Wes, who stammers an apology. Chang happens by and asks if there's a problem. The gold shirt pulls out some "do you know who I am?" bullshit. But then Wes switches tactics, and starts yelling back.
"You bumped into me! This was your fault! Do you want your ass kicked?"
The gold shirt smiles. "Naw, we're good, friend." And he walks away.
"WTF?" asks Mordock.
"When he gestured, I saw that his fingers were webbed," explains Wes. "He's a Zaldan. They think courtesy is phony, and it pisses them off. So I yelled at him instead."
Chang admits that it was an unannounced test to see how the candidates deal with certain situations.
Mordock muses that, not having heard of Zaldans before, he would not have passed that test.


Upstairs, Remmick has Data in the observation lounge, and inquires as to whether or not he has to tell the truth, being an android and all. Data answers in the affirmative. Remmick is being all weird and secretive, as though everyone thus far has been lying to him, and Data will give him all the information that everyone else has been hiding. He tells Data that there's something wrong with the logs and with Picard, and Data tells him that there is nothing wrong with either.
"That's not acceptable!" says Remmick.
Sassy Data Moment! "Acceptable or not, sir - it is the truth."
He swings the computer screen back at Remmick, and Brent Spiner gives him the smarmiest look he can pull out while still remaining in character. "Suck it, biiiiitch."


Next up is Worf. Remmick asks "how did this contaminant get aboard the ship?" (He's asking about the Naked Now illness.)
Remmick tries to make it Picard's fault, but Worf is stoically insistent that it was an accident.
"You don't like me very much, do you?" asks Remmick.
Dude: Sassy Worf Moment:


Cut to Remmick grilling Crusher, and guess what he asks her about?


That's right! Jack Crusher is dead! It's pretty much Picard's fault!
And while her words do not necessarily warrant a Sassy Moment, the fact that she laughs softly before answering, and especially her tone, definitely earn her a spot on the list:




YAAAASSSS!
Finally, Remmick grills Picard about saving Wes from the Edo, violating the Prime Directive. Picard admits to it freely, and reminds Remmick that he's interrogated all of his senior officers and found nothing. Remmick suggests that Picard is afraid of being found guilty of... something. Like, we have no idea what he's even after, and we're more than half-way through this episode.
"The only thing I'm guilty of is letting this drag out this long," Picard tells him, and walks away.
Dramatic music! Commercial break!


Picard goes to the quarters where Quinn is staying. "Cut the bullshit, Quinn. What do you want?"
"Remmick's report is almost ready. You can be here when he reports it back to me," Quinn replies.
"I don't know if I want to be your friend anymore," growls Picard.
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I had to do this, though."
He calls Remmick, who replies that he'll be right there. Remmick's voice has lost its pitbull quality and taken on a weasely-lackey tone. Ugh.


In the testing center, the candidates are taking this weird test when a cube made of dots rotates on their screens, while other dots fly at it. The candidates have to make the flying dots go to the cube so the whole thing turns green or something. I don't really know. It looks kind of futuristic, so they slapped some science-y jargon onto it, enough that the audience will shrug and go, "Okay, I'll buy it." It looks like a cabinet game from the 1980's, but all the candidates are struggling, so we're also supposed to buy that it's difficult. I have no idea what they're actually doing. "Inputting vector coordinates" or something.


Anyway, Mordock is losing faith, and Wes coaches him from his own station. Mordock completes the test just before Wes does, and the girls appear to finish as well before time is up.
Chang comes in, congratulates Mordock on getting the second-fastest time on that test ever, and Mordock complains that he only finished the test because Wes helped him.
"Yep," says Chang cheerfully, unconcerned. "You get an hour free time before the next test."
"The psych test?" asks Wes.
Chang frowns and acts all serious, correcting Wesley on the proper labeling of the "psychological evaluation" but then he smiles and ends with, "but "psych test" will do."
You know, I really like Chang. He reminds of Sulu, and it makes me wonder if this actor (Robert Ito) is a fan of Sulu, because he seems to be channeling our former helmsman. There's just enough seriousness that you know that he's a competent officer and the guy who's got your back in a pinch, but enough of a playful sense of humor exists that you'd probably like to get a drink with him after shift.

 

Meanwhile, Remmick reports in for his meeting with Quinn. Picard is there, staring out the window.
"Um, so... I did what you asked," says Remmick. "I tried to find something wrong, and I talked to all of the crew members and went through the logs, but I couldn't find anything. Like, the bridge crew is... familiar, but it's because they treat each other like family and stuff."
Quinn dismisses him. When he starts to leave, Remmick turns and addresses Picard.
"I'm done with the Inspector General's Office in six months," he says. "Then I want to come work for you here."
Picard gives him this look like, "That's a terrible jo- oh, you were serious."
Remmick shrinks a little. Quinn's look also says, "That was awful timing."
The lieutenant-commander leaves.
Then Quinn drops another Vague Bomb: Starfleet didn't send them to investigate something being wrong on the E. Quinn is doing this all on his own. And he didn't want there to be something wrong on the E, because that would mean that there's probably something wrong with Picard, and he wants to trust Picard, blah, blah, blah, run-on sentences and crap that's supposed to be tension-building, but which is actually irritating filler, and we finally get to the very vague crux: there's some kind of threat to the Federation, and he doesn't know if it's from the inside or the outside, but he wants to promote Picard to admiral and put him in charge of the Academy. Also, surprise: there was never actually anything wrong with the E, he needed to make sure that Picard was on the up-and-up.

"Sorry, didn't catch that. Perhaps if you were more vague?"

Picard decides to think about it, and give the admiral his decision later.

Downstairs, Mordock comes out of his psych test shaking, and he tells Wes that he will be fine. Wes is shown into a tiny empty room with one chair. He announces his presence, and when no one answers, he thinks maybe they forgot about his test. He then tries to talk himself into remaining calm.
There's a loud thud outside, which he quietly investigates. More explosions, and he's now out the door, looking for the source. He locates it down the hall, in the environmental lab.
An open door reveals an on-going accident scene. Wes yells for help, just as the trapped workers do as well.


One dude, who's kept his wits about him, yells to Wes that there's going to be another explosion, and the room will automatically seal itself off before that to contain the damage. They have thirty seconds before that happens, but he can't go anywhere, as his legs are crushed under some fallen pipes. There's another guy at the back of the lab who looks like he's about to lose his mind. He seems to be moving alright, but he keeps hugging a pipe connected to the wall and yelling, "We're all gonna die!"
"Help me!" Wes yells to him, trying to dig out the guy with the crushed legs.
But guy #2 just shakes his head and yells again that they're all gonna die.
Wes frees guy #1 and begins the first aid drag, pulling the dude out by his under arms. He keeps yelling encouragement to guy #2, who still has his arms firmly wrapped around that pipe.
Guy #2 insists that he can't move.
"I can't carry you both!" Wes calls back to him.
He drags guy #1 out into the corridor just in time, yelling "I'm sorry!" to guy #2. The doors snap shut.


Chang steps up to Wes, and Wes, seeing him, starts yelling frantically about an accident in the environmental lab.
But then Crushed Legs Guy gets up and shakes Wes' hand, thanking him before walking away. The doors to the enviro lab open, and Panicky "We're All Gonna Die!" Guy walks out, giving Wes a quick nod before leaving casually down the hall.
"So yeah, that was your psych test," says Chang, confirming what is clearly dawning on Wes' face.
And Wes finally walks himself through what turns out to have been his biggest fear: Jack Crusher was killed when Picard had to make a choice that ultimately lead to the death of his best friend. Wes was afraid that when the time came, he would not be able to make a choice like that. And while it didn't quite occur here in the same way - the panicky guy was a stranger rather than a close friend - he was forced to make a life or death choice, and he did so.
For once, I do not have to use the horse photo when talking about Jack Crusher's death, because for once, it's used correctly. We've seen it utilized to define relationships and needlessly tug at heart-strings, but we've never quite gotten around to talking about the fact that it would have not only affected Wes, but actually formed the person he would become. And that it would form the basis of his biggest fear, and inform on the career path he wished to take.


Chang tells him that he did well, even though there was no right or wrong answer.
But let's face it - the psych test is only 50% for the benefit of Starfleet. That other half is for the person applying. While the results could be helpful to Wes in gaining entrance to the Academy, it's really more helpful for him to know that he was able to stare down this previously unknown fear, and make the decision he wasn't certain he could make.

Upstairs, Picard is staring out the ready room window. There's a cool shot of Riker entering from the door, and we see him reflected in the glass.
Riker tells Picard that Remmick has left, and Picard reveals that Remmick found nothing, and that Quinn was impressed by the crew. Picard tells Riker that Quinn was watching him, and has offered him a promotion, to be commandant of Starfleet Academy.
Riker is genuinely pleased for his captain, saying that this promotion sounds like a great job, and won't it be awesome to mold some new minds for Starfleet...?
But he recognizes that Picard is on the fence, and needs to do some more thinking before making his choice.



Downstairs, Chang laments that they can only choose one candidate to enter the Academy, and hopes that the others will test again, because he thinks they're all awesome. Then he announces that Mordock scored a tiny bit higher than Wes, and that he will be the first Benzite in Starfleet.
Mordock protests, because Wes helped him. Chang says that all things were taken into account, and Mordock still would have scored a little bit better, even if Wes had not lost a few seconds time in helping him. Chang leaves, followed shortly by T'Shanik, who must be pretty pissed off that she lost. Oliana shakes Mordock's hand, then playfully tells Wes that he should be looking out for her next year, before she also exits.


Picard is making his way down the corridor in his dress skant when he and Jake Kurland do the Awkward Dance.  They go around one another, and Jake seems grateful that Picard has opted to ignore him, but then cringes when he is called back. He stammers apologies for damaging the shuttle, explanations of how he is now going to fix the shuttle as part of Riker's "discipline training" and thanks for saving his life. Picard reminds him that running away is not the answer, and that it's his job to ensure that everyone on the E remains safe.


I guess he's doing the mentor tour, because Picard finds Wes in the observation lounge.
"How come you're not in dress uniform for the admiral's farewell dinner?" he asks.
"Seemed inappropriate," admits Wes. "I... uh, I didn't get it. I failed you and the E."
"No, that's dumb," says Picard. "You did your best, and you'll do better when you re-test next year. You're only competing against yourself, and you shouldn't be taking me or anyone else into account when you do the test."
"Look," he says, "I'm gonna tell you something that I've never told anyone else... Wesley Albus Severus Crusher, you were named for two guys from another fandom who were heroes but also really kind of fucked up, and it's okay if you get sorted into Slytherfleet."
Naw, just screwing with you.
He admits that he also failed the test the first time.
Wes is baffled, and Picard says that he did not fail the second time, implying that Wes will not, either.
And they go to the admiral's dinner, so that Picard can "disappoint an old friend."


We skip the dinner, but go straight to Picard saying goodbye to Quinn. Quinn wishes that Picard had taken the commandant position, but smiles and shrugs, saying that he's been playing politics for so long that he now sees conspiracies everywhere. He gets on the pad and beams away.

Picard returns to the bridge and gives Wes the destination. He makes a note to Wes about "continuing with our mission," and they warp away.



It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
No, okay. That's not true. We got two Wes-based episodes back-to-back here, and neither one was the best or worst.
But we did get one pretty good episode that played up to Wil Wheaton's strengths, and one that did not. In "When the Bough Breaks," he's asked to play the part of Wes-as-revolutionary, which doesn't really ever pan out. He likes the Aldeans and never gets around to giving them the verbal smack-down that they so sorely needed. They give that bit to Picard, which waters down Wes' part considerably. But in "Coming of Age," Wil is asked to portray an uncertain Wes, possibly on the brink of starting his adult career, and it works because Wil, at the same age as Wes, may have been grappling with the same issues. It reads better. What's more, they build his character up by not only playing him against Worf, but by factoring in his past and what has made him the person that he is at this moment in time. All of these things work well for the character of Wes, and make it that much easier for Wil to slip into the role.
The other thing I like about this episode is that it allows us to see a bit of Starfleet "behind the curtain." We know these people aren't just wandering around in space alone, we know they're connected to a larger organization, but that organization is pretty nebulous. There's a hierarchy, yes, and sometimes we see others in it, but there isn't a lot of talk about how things run. In this particular episode, we see how two different parts operate: how one gets into the organization to begin with, and how things run once one is further along on the pecking order.
We see other candidates, people vying to get into Starfleet, and the exams they must pass in order to proceed to training. The written stuff is expected, but the psych test not as much (unless you factor in for the Kobayashi Maru, which cadets get stuck with at the Academy). Again, the psych test is as helpful for the Academy hopeful as it is for Starfleet, and I find myself wondering what everyone else's psych tests were like.
It's also hinted at that Wes' ability to cheerlead his teammates is appreciated by Chang and others doing the testing, something he would have picked up working on the E.
I do like the fact that he didn't get in, though. It has several advantages: one, this way we get to see more of his character before they ship him off to San Francisco; two, we get to hear from two very different characters (Worf and Picard) how their exams went, which means a bit of character development on their part; and three, we get to see how Wes deals with failure. We know how he reacts when he's correct but treated as an underling (either frustrated or douchey, for some reason), but knowing how someone reacts to failure is just as good for character-building (and sometimes better) than seeing them succeed.
The addition of Jake Kurland is interesting. We start out knowing that he hasn't passed the initial step to getting into Starfleet, and we see Wes feel bad for him while being elated that he himself made it. That's a tricky situation to be in, and one that Wes handled nicely. His friend does not feel slighted. For Jake, this probably feels like the end of the world, which is why he made the rash decision to run away and join a freighter. We don't really know anything about signing up for freighter duty, but we can guess that it takes more physical skills than mental skills, and that working on a freighter is something that people in the 24th century do not aspire to. Is there anything wrong with that? Probably not, but it sounds like the sort of thing that others react to with a sad, "I wanted better for him." Here's the funny thing about Jake that marks a difference between TOS and TNG: on the original series, Jake would have died. Think about it: any time TOS introduces a character who has a backstory and obvious friends on the ship, it is only to tug at heartstrings more when that character dies needlessly later in the episode. By TOS rules, Jake should have been red-shirted. But TNG plays by different rules, and characters who are introduced and given backgrounds and relationships are allowed to merely fade into non-existence. They may return later for recurring roles, but most likely they simply served their purpose of furthering the story, and will never be seen again.

Seeing the bureaucratic side of Starfleet was also interesting, if a bit vague, (That seems to be the thee for this episode.) Quinn appears with Remmick, and Picard, though non-plussed, doesn't question it when Quinn orders him to cooperate. It seems as though he never asked for any confirmation that Starfleet wanted the E checked out... he just takes his friend's word for it. The crew goes along (again, no one questions it), and they cooperate, but make it quite clear that they'd rather be disemboweling Remmick with the aforementioned katana. Then, when Quinn finally tells Picard that he thinks there's trouble afoot, we get some X-Files conspiracy theory shit, and Quinn admits that the politics he has to play every day probably contributes to his seeing this stuff that may or may not exist. It really just plays into the Star Trek mantra of "Don't ever get promoted above captain. It'll make you into a fancy asshole."

Bottom line: this episode was pretty good. Not the best, not the worst. But fairly good for a Wes story.


Red deaths: 0
Gold deaths: 0
Blue deaths: 0
Obnoxious Wes moments: 0
Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
Sassy Geordi moments: 0
Sassy Wes Moments: 0
Sassy Worf Moment: 1
Sassy Riker Moments: 0
Sassy Yar Moments: 0
Sassy Picard Moments: 0
Sassy NPC Moments: 0
Sassy Data Moments: 1
Sassy Crusher Moments: 1
Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 1
Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0



Fun Facts:

- There's actually an action figure of Mordock, as well as a trading card.


- John Putch, the guy who played Mordock, was actually asked back to play Mordon, another Benzite in a later episode. ("A Matter of Honor") This made him the first person to play two different characters on TNG of the same species. He was all flattered to be specifically asked to play Mordon, but later realized that it was because they'd built the Mordock head to fit his own head, and another actor would not gave fit into it correctly.
- The matte painting for Relva was originally used in three episodes of 1979's "Buck Rogers in the Twenty-Fifth Century." It was painted by Dan Curry of the Star Trek special effects team, and altered ever-so-slightly for inclusion in this episode. It still hangs in Curry's home.


- This was the first episode where Maurice Hurley was showrunner. He paid for a trip to Tahiti for Gene Rod and Majel Barrett, with the understanding that he would run the show while Gene was gone. When they returned, Gene gave the writing staff over to Maurice rather than picking up where he left off.
- A scene of Wes' sixteenth birthday was filmed but then cut. It supposedly included a humorous conversation between Worf and Data, where they discuss birthdays.
- We have to assume that Remmick talked to Yar, because the episode states that he spoke with all of the senior officers, but her interview is not shown.
-This episode features the first appearance of the shuttlecraft model on TNG.




"I am helping, yes?"

Monday, August 1, 2016

ST:TNG Season One, Episode Eighteen "When the Bough Breaks"

8ST:TNG Season One, Episode Eighteen "When the Bough Breaks"
Production Order: 18
Air Order: 17
Stardate: 41509.1
Original Air Date: February 15, 1988


Nope, not flipping you off. Needed finger there to keep book from
falling over.

It is Jo's birthday, and y'all are lucky you're getting a post this week. Just sayin.'

*******


This week we start off with a small personal moment rather than with Official Ship's Business. I really like these little scenes because they tend to be kind of light-hearted, and highlight the fact that the E is carrying more than 1000 people, a large portion of them civilians. It also helps build a bit of character development, as these people have to interact with one another each day. In this case, Riker collides in the corridor with a kid named Harry. (Not sure why Harry was running through the corridor like he was auditioning for Cabin in the Woods, but...) Riker helps the kid to his feet and calls him by name in a friendly manner, so we know that they're familiar with one another, and that Riker seems to like Harry well enough.
Harry's father, Dr Bernard, catches up with them, and apologizes to Riker. His tone is friendly, but has a tinge of "dammit, my kid ran right into a senior officer" annoyance. He takes Harry by the arm and leads him away. They argue as they exit about Harry hating calculus, and how he's "not going back." Ah, gotcha. The kid went AWOL from math class.
Also: damn. That kid is like ten, and already doing college-level math. I guess by the 24th century we had progressed enough as a species that grade-schoolers were taking calc.
Riker enters the bridge a moment later. Picard is practically hopping up and down in fangirly excitement, and he tells Riker that the followed some chemtrails or some shit, and it lead the to the Epsilon Minos system, and he thought Riker would be excited to know that. 



Riker is pretty stoked. We need to some exposition here, so Yar volunteers to play the youngest person at the Seder dinner, and asks what the hell everyone is so chuffed about.
They reveal that there's supposed to be a mythological planet in the Epsilon Minos system called Aldea, but no one has ever seen it. It's supposedly this great civilization, but the Aldeans have found a way to cloak the entire planet to keep it safe from hostile outsiders, but since no one has seen it in living memory, no one knows if it actually exists or not.


Yar laughs. She thinks it's crap. Data says his scanner don't show anything, but Troi says that something is there. Then a planet de-cloaks in front of them. It's probably Aldea!
Fun-time, wonderous, fantasy music! Commercial break!



Picard's Log 41509.1: "Woot! Found Aldea!"

Just to confirm, a chick named Rashella hops on the line to welcome them to Aldea. She says that their shields have been up for "millenia" and when he asks why they chosen to reveal themselves now, she says that they really want to meet in person to talk about not only that but stuff of "mutual interest."
"Awesome," says Picard.
He's probably already forming an away crew in his head that consists mostly of the bridge crew and senior officers, because this franchise's only learned lesson so far has been "just don't send the captain out."



Turns out he didn't have to form that team after all, as Rashella and someone else beam themselves onto the bridge. A bit rude, but they brought flowers, so it's okay, right?
Alarms go off, and the security team is on edge, and Crusher points out that, because they didn't transport "the normal way," the Aldeans didn't go through contamination.
The guy with Rashella, who calls himself Radue, apologizes for throwing them off-guard, but Starfleet transporters don't work with their shields, and this was the only way of getting in or out. Apparently, letting people know that you plan to just appear in one of their higher-security areas is also something that is not allowed by their shields, based on the fact that they were like, "Hi, it's nice to meet you," followed by "Surprise, motherfuckers, we're on your ship!"


They then reveal that they've been monitoring the E's communications and more, because they call Riker by name without anyone having said it. The bridge crew has an awkward moment. 
"Anyway, we have to go. The light here is super-bright. We'll expect you soon, okay?" 
They touch their little personal transporter devices and vanish.
Riker is put off by their visitors, but Picard is still all, "Dude! Aldeans!"
Troi says they want something very badly from the Enterprise, but they're afraid the crew won't give it to them, because it's something that humans value higly.
Radue calls and says they are ready for Riker and two others. Riker, Troi and Crusher disappear.
"Interesting choices," remarks Picard.

Damn, Star Trek. You sexy.

A bit later, Wes is on the bridge asking Data about the cloaking device on Aldea. I like that they made Wes the asker here. He's younger, so there are things that he doesn't know, so he's going to ask. But he's also a pretty sharp cookie, so he'll be able to understand more technical terms than most younger people. I also like that they had Data give the answer. Data is older (if you can call it that) and has more information than Wes, but unlike other older people, he isn't going to sigh in annoyance at the question, or be all uppity with the answer. He simply recognizes that Wes is seeking an answer to a question, and he has the information.
What's more, this is a really nice way to do exposition. Wesley probably wants to know out of scientific curiosity. That's his jam. The writers wanted to insert some science, so they said, "Let's have Wes ask Data." 
Now everyone, including Wes and the audience, knows that cloaking devices work by bending light around an object, in the same way that the Romulans have cloaking devices on their ships.
Now the scene moves forward, with some kind of beam scanning the bridge. And oops, that beam lingers on Wesley.


They realize that all of the decks are being scanned at the same time, and when the beam lets up, Picard goes to Wes to see if he's okay. Wes says he's fine. Worf reports that only the children were scanned.
Suspicious music!

Downstairs, our away team is having a meal with Rashella, Radue, and his wife (I think?), Duana. Radu talks about how the Aldean traditions and ways have brought them peace and prosperity, but now there are not a lot of people left to enjoy it.
We get down to brass tacks: Rashella was the last kid born on Aldea, and the doctors and scientists are at a loss as to why everyone is now sterile. Radue says the Aldeans want the Federation help them to pass along Aldean traditions and culture.
"How?" asks Riker.
"We want a trade," says Radue. "We'll give you some awesome information about the universe and technology and stuff - something you'd have to spend centuries to get - for your kids."



Yep, this wagon train to the stars just encountered the bazaar, and the natives here do not want to trade spices or silk. They want your crotchfruit.
Troi attempts to diplomatically explain that humans are really attached to their kids, and probably won't agree.
Crusher, however, is blunt. Pretty sure her phaser is not set to stun.


"Yeeeaaahh," says Riker. "Not giving you our kids. Is there anything else you want?"
"Huh, disappointing," replies Radue.
Rashella pushes a button on her transporter device, and the away team is beamed back to the bridge. But then Wes disappears.
And we see shots of other parts of the ship, where more kids are disappearing.



Worf reports to the bridge crew that a bunch of kids were just beamed off the ship.
"They want our kids," Riker tells Picard. "That's why they brought us here and revealed themselves."
Shields up! Dramatic music! Commercial break!

When we return, we find out that Picard has been trying to contact Aldea. Their hailing frequencies are open, but they aren't responding.
Radue finally calls them back, and says that no harm have come to the children, and that he'd like to discuss how the Aldeans might compensate the E crew's parents.


Every now and again, I'll pause Netflix and accidentally get a really fantastic screencapture without trying. This is one. I love the composition, the lighting, the color palette, everything. But most of all, I love the individual reactions: Picard is still trying to wrap his head around a mythological planet appearing before the ship, extending words of welcome, then promptly kidnapping a dozen of their children; Riker and Crusher look like they're planning to cut Radue just as soon as they see him again; and Yar very angrily cannot even with this shit.
Picard loses his shit here. He yells at Radue that there's no way the Aldeans can call themselves civilized when they've just committed an act of "utter barbarity."
Radue says he'll call back when Picard is no longer on his period.
Radue is a douche-waffle.


When Radue ends the call, Picard turns and gives his crew a "this is fucked up" look.

The kids are all gathered in that same place where Riker, Crusher and Troi told Radue that their children were not for sale. Wes, the oldest, reminds the kids that everyone knows where they are, and that no one is going to harm them.
Radue, Rashella and Duana enter. Radue sees Wes talking to the kids.
"Oh, good," he says. "The Custodian said you would be the leader."
"Who is that?" asks Wes, suspicious.
"The Custodian is not a person," Radue replies cryptically.
"You're our guests," gushes Rashella, as though she's the entertainment director on a cruise ship. "You can have anything you want!"


It appears that Wesley is also planning to cut Radue. Remember, friends: the crew that slays together, stays together.
"You guys were chosen because you're special snowflakes," Radue says.
You know what that means? Somewhere on the Enterprise, there's gonna be at least one kid crying in Troi's office because "I wasn't special enough to be kidnapped by aliens!"
Alexandra, the little redhead with the tribble plushie, walks forward and shakes Rashella's hand.

Upstairs, Picard and Troi meet with Crusher and the other parents. Crusher reminds the parents that they all knew what the risks were when they signed on with the Enterprise, but that Picard is going to do his damnedest to get the kids back. 


Downstairs, Alexandra plays with Rashella.
Wes is ushered into another room with Harry and Katie. Radue says that the other kids have already been "assigned" to their new families. 
"We already have families," Wes points out.
Radue makes this face, because he's full of himself, but can't seem to pass it.


A couple collects Harry, and tell him that they are artists, like he is.
"I'm not an artist," he protests.
"You are," they insist. "Or, you have the potential to be. You'll be awesome!"
Are these people prescient? How do they know that?
He goes with them, because he's a kid, and he's not given any choice. He looks pretty miserable with these new parents.
Then Katie is handed over to a guy of retirement age. Radue says he's the foremost musician on Aldea.
"I am honored," says the musician respectfully. 
Katie does this fantastic thing here where she almost does an eyeroll, but stops herself, and just does a really long blink or a short-ish closing of her eyes in irritation. Either way, she answers "thank you" stiffly, as though remembering her manners.


Before anyone comments, no: the older, single musician guy does not strike me as a creeper, just a nice older guy geared up to teach a kid music. This episode isn't about child molestation, it's about people kidnapping kids because they can't have their own. It's not an After-School Special, and you'd know if it was, because when Star Trek does those, they're either lovely and subtle, or heavy-handed and awful.
However, it does make me wonder about Aldea's screening process. They figured out which kids they wanted, and only took those specifically, a very small percentage of the kids on that ship. Then they were quick to pair them off with couples who had been matched to them pretty carefully. Either they had been hatching this plan longer than they were letting on, or they were getting help from that mysterious Custodian. Possibly both. At any rate, with a really small program of less than a dozen kids, it's easier to weed out the creepers to begin with. But then you have to wonder what their breeding program looks like.... ugh.

Wes wants to know what his part is in all of this. Radue starts giving him some bullshit spiel about how, as leader, it's now up to Wes to see that the other kids transition smoothly into Stockholm Syndrome, and how they're all members of Aldean society now, and that isn't going to change, so it's his responsibility to see that the other kids fall in line.
Now I am also gearing up to cut Radue. This stupid motherfucker is trying to make Wes an accomplice in his crimes here. There are certain things that young teens should be responsible for, but it's things like homework, and cleaning their rooms, and picking up pet waste. "Ensuring that small children go along with their kidnappers" is not one.



Alexandra runs giggling into the room, being chased by Rashella. Radue admonishes her for keeping Alexandra away, because her new jailers are waiting for her. Rashella snatches the little redhead up and says they can't have her, because she is keeping the kid.
Dramatic music! 


Real quick: so during the parent meeting, Troi told the parents that the Aldeans can't have children of their own, and Harry's father remarked that that probably meant that it would be that much harder to get the Aldeans to return their kids. The dramatic music is most likely supposed to be about that, about the Aldeans not wanting to give the kids back because they have none of their own and will become attached to the human children. 
But right before the dramatic music was an argument between Rashella and Radue about Rashella not being willing to give Alexandra to another couple, so it actually comes off like this:
Dramatic music! Rashella wants to keep Alexandra! Radue now has to tell the other couple! One antagonist has now slightly inconvenienced another! Oh, no!

On the bridge, Riker tells Picard that they've figured out that the Aldean shield has little holes in it. Not so big that they could beam an away team through it, but you know, they exist, so that's something. Data says he is working on figuring out the codes the Aldeans use to transport through their shields. Picard wants to keep them talking, because he knows when they realize that the E is not going to take compensation, they will slam the shield and cloaking device down, and the kids will never be seen again.
Correct use of dramatic music this time! Commercial break!


Duana takes Wesley to see The Custodian, which turns out to be a computer system that runs the planet. She tells him that it was built by The Progenitors, millenia ago, and that it "takes care of us."
"How does it work?" he asks.
She shrugs. "Who cares?"
"If you don't know how it works, then how do you repair it?"
"Why would it need to be repaired?"
"Because sometimes shit breaks down, you dumb bitch!"
Oh, great. We're gonna get a Red Hour or some crap, aren't we? Hail Landru!



Duana gives Wes level three clearance, which means that he can ask The Custodian questions. Wes asks to see Harry, and The Custodian shows him CCTV of Harry in his new home, using this thing that's like a chisel and a phaser had a baby. He uses it on some wood, and tells his new mother that it's kind of fun.
Wes is concerned that they're "making" Harry into a sculptor, but Duana says that he was already a sculptor, He just hadn't been properly encouraged.
AGAIN: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
We spy on Rashella and Alexandra as well, but never find out what the hell it is they're doing. Magic or some shit, I guess. Katie does music, Harry is an artist, Wes is a leader, why did they take Alexandra? Because she's cute?



Wes asks what's behind Door #1, and guesses it might be the power source for The Custodian, but Duana says she doesn't know. What's weird is her tone. Her "I don't know"sounds like the tone used when you ask someone with dementia what their name is, and they don't recall: sad, confused, kind of regretful. 

Picard's Log, supplemental: "Still in orbit around Aldea. Still trying to get our kids back. But talk is not working, and we need to get through the shield."

Radue calls. "Are you ready to beam down for negotiations?"
"Yeah, me and Dr Crusher."
"Why her?"
"She's a staff officer," shrugs Picard. "Starfleet regulation 6.57 says we have to have at least two staff officers at negotiations."
There's a funny-ass moment here between Picard and Data once Radue hangs up.
"Captain, I am not aware of regulation 6.57," says Data.
"No, Data, neither am I," replies Picard.
"I see, sir." Then: "Oh! I see, sir!"

This plan appears to be Yar-approved.

They beam down, and Picard opens with, "We'd like to see the children."
"No. Go fuck yourselves," says Radue. "We're here to give you money or information, then you're gonna fly away from here and forget that those children existed. Go make more or something."
No, seriously. That asshat tells them that they can always just have more kids.
"Your kids will have great lives here, and have more kids, and jump-start a new generation, infused with our culture," Rashella says, trying to make things sound better than they are.
"Who says those kids can have kids?" demands Crusher.
"Of course they can!" argues Rashella, because she really doesn't want to entertain the thought that their grand plan might backfire. "Our problem is genetic, not contagious!"
Oh. My fucking fuck. Are Aldean scientists and doctors really that stupid that they believe that there are only two ways that a person might become sterile?
Do they not watch House?
Do they not get cable out here on Aldea?
Have they never taken basic biology classes?
How about "I'll take Environmental for 400, Alex"?


Picard finally convinces Radue to let Crusher see Wes.
When they embrace, Crusher slips Wes the little scanner part of her tricorder, and he secretly scans Duana while telling his mother that the Aldeans are treating the kids well, and that everyone is safe. 
Crusher returns to the meeting room and reports that Wes is fine. 
Radue bids Picard farewell, and Rashella beams them back to the bridge.
Once there, Radue calls again. "Because it wasn't creepy enough that we kidnapped your kids and offered you compensation while suggesting that you can make more, now I'm going to threaten you by demonstrating the vast power of Aldea. But - don't forget that I'm a nice guy with a big need, and you're doing us a favor, and we're trustworthy."
Then he flips a switch or something, because some ball of power swings around the planet, hitting the Enterprise and sending it flying through space.
"Oh, shit," says Geordi. "We're like, three days away from Aldea at warp nine."
Gee, remind you of everyone's favorite omnipotent asshole?


Radue calls back and brushes some salt off of his salty-ass arms into the Enterprise's wounds. "Oh, beeteedubs, if you don't fucking comply, then next time I'm pushing your little flying tin can so far into space that by the time you get back, your kids will have grandkids."
Dramatic music! Commercial break! Lady Archon imagines all of the bridge crew flipping off the screen when Radue signs off!

Picard's Log 41512.4: "So we're about a day away now, and we still have no freaking clue how to get our kids back from these psychos."

We check in with Katie and Melian, the musician-dad. He shows her how to hold an instrument, and tells her to feel the music rather than play it. After a quick slip-up, she manages to play a few notes. The instrument kind of lights up like a Simon game. Melian compliments her, even though the tune was kind of introspective.
"Play something happy," he suggests afterward.
"But that's not the way I feel," she says. She gets up and puts the instrument away.



There's a short scene where we check in with Harry as well. He tells his new artist-dad that he's really digging this sculpture thing, and asks if he still needs to take calculus.
"You don't have to do anything you do't want to do," says artist-dad, which is what you say to a kid that you've been parenting for less than a week.
Then: "What's calculus?"
Um, what? I thought you guys were supposed to be hella smart, but you don't know what calculus is? Have you guys just been kicking back for millenia, not needing to be smart, because The Freaking Custodian does everything for you? Are you the cultured, skinny equivalents of the fat people in the floaty chairs on Wall-E?
Ohhh, I think we just solved the mystery as to why their scientists and doctors are so fucking stupid...


Picard's Log, supplemental: "Okay, been three days, and we're back now."

That was an almost non-existent Disable the Ship. I think it mostly existed to give the kids time to adapt to the situation and learn how to be artists. It also gave Crusher time to look at the scans Wes took for her. She reports to Picard that Duana is dying from chromosomal damage, and she guesses that everyone else is, too. This explains their lack of appetite and sensitivity to light.
"Is it genetic?" he asks. "Environmental?"
Huh. Lookit that. The non-doctor, non-scientist suggests that elusive third option. 
"Won't know until I look some more at causes," she replies, and heads back to her lab.

Artist-mom is rubbing at the back of her hand.
"Are the lesions gone?" asks artist-dad.
"Yes," she replies. "The medicine has worked again."
Yep. Skinny people. Floaty chairs.
Harry has finished his sculpture, and it's this hella-nice dolphin.
"What is it?" asks artist-dad.
"A dolphin. Like a fish, but not a fish," explains Harry.
"Oh, we used to have fish in our oceans!" says artist-mom excitedly. "I've never seen one!"
SKINNY PEOPLE!
FLOATY CHAIRS!
ENVIRONMENTAL FOR 400!
Harry starts to talk about his dad, the oceanographer, and being stationed on this one planet with all these dolphins in the water, but the kid makes himself sad, because he remembers that he's Patty freaking Hearst, and maybe calculus is an okay trade-off for being with his actual parent.


Wes is in that main set piece that meeting hall and dining room and all-around whatever room, picking at his food. Duana tries to convince him that they'll be all be happy, forever after.
"We were happy before we came," he replies. "And I gotta tell you, we aren't going to cooperate."
Later, he gets out of bed in the middle of the night. For some dumbass reason, he's fully clothed and wearing his shoes.
Wes goes to see The Custodian. He asks where the kids are in the building, and Google Maps shows him the way. He goes to Katie's room and shakes her awake, telling her he needs her help.

Crusher's Log 41512.9: "I think maybe Aldea has the same problem that Earth had in the late-twentieth century, this thing with holes in the ozone layer."

Crusher flips through screens of information, looking for matches to prove her hypothesis.

Wes has gathered the kids in that main room. This time, it has one large table instead of many smaller ones. He's decided to try civil disobedience, and tells the kids they all have to do it, or it won't work.
"But I kind of like these people," says Harry, uncertain.
"Me too," says Wes. "But I don't want to live here forever. I wanna go home."
Harry reluctantly agrees.
Rashella comes in to find them gathered, and panics. She tries to take Alexandra, but Wes picks her up instead.

Upstairs, Crusher has figured out that the Aldeans have radiation poisoning. This is what's sterilizing them. It's curable if they can fix the problem.
Data's shield computations have failed. It would take weeks to figure out what numbers he'd need. Riker and Geordi have figured out what's going on in the fluctuations in the Aldean shields, and that if they calculate it just right, they can beam down through the hole. But it's too risky to beam the kids up through it. Picard tells them to keep working on it while he stalls for time.

Back at the sit-in, artist-mom has brought a tray of food. She sets it down, but everyone refuses to talk to her. She leaves. Alexandra reaches for fruit, but Wes pulls her hand back.
"We're not eating out of protest. This is how we tell them that we want to go home. Do you understand?" he asks.
"Yeah," she replies.
No, she doesn't. That kid is like, three. She doesn't understand hunger strikes or civil disobedience or sit-ins. 
Just have her say no. Have him kind of explain it again, then apologize. That's way more realistic than a preschooler understanding why she can't eat the fruit on the tray in front of her.


So here we get a few tiny scenes that show the carry-out of the new plan: Picard and Crusher allow Radue to beam them down from the bridge, while Worf carefully monitors the shield fluctuations. On his command, Data and Riker beam down to the room where The Custodian is kept.
Data tells Riker that he can't get into The Custodian because it's all done by voice recognition and command, but he can hack into it and make it so that no one else can get into the computer.

Radue tells Picard that they need him and Crusher to talk to the kids.
"They're on strike or some shit? I dunno. This is new to me. Tell them to be good little kidnap victims."
Oh, I see.  This dude wants you to believe that he has these great powers, but they've turned out to be less infinite, and more... impotent. 
Your people can't have kids, so you steal them. Then when you steal some, you realize that you can't control them, and put some kid in charge. "Make them heel." When the kid instead starts a tiny revolution, you beg the people you ripped off to make it all better.
Then he drops this bomb:
"You have to help me! I'm... not very good with children."
Wow, no shit? I'm shocked!
The hilarious part - and which Radue is completely unaware of - is that Picard is shit with kids, too.
Radue beams Picard into the room with the kids, because apparently, no one can walk anywhere on this planet.


Wes immediately tells Picard that he's figured out their computer system, and Picard tells him that's awesome. A rare compliment - take it and run, Wesley.
There's a brief awkward moment here where Picard looks at the kids, and you know he's thinking of filling the void with, "Soooo, you guys are kids... how's that going for you?"
Harry breaks in by telling Picard that he feels crappy for arguing with his dad right before he got kidnapped, and would Picard please relay the message to his father that he's sorry?
Picard rallies, and tells Harry that he will be able to tell his father this himself, as they are getting the hell out of Dodge. He seems pretty confident until Alexandra walks up and holds her arms out to him. Picard stares at her.
"Hello."
"Hello." Girlfriend is not giving up. He concedes and picks her up. It's hilariously awkward.


Picard beams back into the main room with the kids.
"WTF?" demands Radue.
"Yeah, we're taking our kids back," Picard tells him.
Crusher starts telling him that the shield and cloaking devices that Aldea has been using for millenia have given them radiation poisoning, and sterility is one of the symptoms. 
Radue insists that it's lies. But he says it in this tired, casual way that says that maybe others in his community may have suggested this as well, like it's an Aldean conspiracy theory.
"If that was true, our scientists would have figured it out," he replies.
"Your scientists are fucking morons!" she bursts out. "You've been letting The Custodian run things for so long, that you've stopped questioning things altogether!"
YES! SOMEBODY FINALLY SAID IT!
He still doesn't buy it, but then Rashelle steps forward.
"Wait, what if they're right, and instead of providing us with another generation, we're condemning these kids to our same fate?"
"They're lying because they want their kids back," Radue argues.
Right? Those pesky parents, ruining kidnapping plots with their logic!


Radue is done talking about this, and tries to use his personal beaming device to send the kids back to that other room, but it just kind of beeps ineffectively and does nothing. The look on Wes' face in the background when this occurs is fucking fantastic:

"Haha, we fucked up all your shit!"

Picard hits his comm badge to call Riker, which of course everyone can hear:
"I guess you took it down."
"Yep. Found the power source, neutralized it. We're good."
"Rad." Picard calls the E for a beam-up for the kids.
Harry stops the proceedings to thank the artist-dad for everything, and to tell him to keep the cool dolphin sculpture, because he can make another.
The kids are beamed off of Aldea.
"You have destroyed us," mumbles Radue, because he's a giant drama queen.
"Don't be a douchebag," replies Picard. "We're helping your sorry A, after you kidnapped our kids."

We skip to the next scene, where we get to meet The Custodian. He's a pretty impressive dude.


"What is that?" asks Radue.
"The thing that's powering your planet," says Picard. "Also the reason why you have those dumb floaty chairs and radiation poisoning."
Radue has a very swift change of heart here, which seems odd considering that like two seconds ago, he was insisting that all of this was lies designed to keep them from kidnapping alien kids.
"We have to re-learn all of this," he tells Rashella, "so we won't fall into the same trap."
"We'll help you," offers Picard.
"Cool, thanks."

Back on the E, Harry tells his father that he wants to be an artist, and that he doesn't want to take calculus.
"You can be whatever you'd like," says Dad reasonably, "but you gotta take calculus."
Harry agrees.


On the bridge, Data tells Picard that they have successfully "re-seeded" the ozone layer, but using the shield or cloaking device ever again will fuck up all of the shit. Crusher enters and reports that she has finished treating the Aldeans, and when they're cured they can have kids again.
"We already know they'll make good parents," says Troi.
Sorry, what? Kidnappers make good parents now? Are you sure of that, Counselor?
The lift opens, and Wesley exits with Alexandra.
"WTF?" demands Picard. "No kids on my bridge!"
"She wanted to thank you for rescuing her," says Wes.
Alexandra gives Picard some flowers and an uncomfortable hug.



Wes takes Alexandra away, and Picard stands to give the order to leave, but the bridge crew laughs, because when he turns around, we see that the tribble plushie is stuck to his back.



So my (un)professional opinion on this episode is "eh." The sci-fi was only so-so, like a quieter, slower progression of "The Return of the Archons," where instead of making the inhabitants insane, The Custodian chugs right along, eventually causing Aldea to pollute itself and kill off the natives. That was about the only sci-fi involved, as I feel like their ozone layer issue could have taken place at any time and in any place. It's interesting to note that the Vienna Convention for the Protection of the Ozone Layer would be put into full force just seven or so months after this episode aired, so current events were clearly on the writing staff's mind. It's not the first time that Star Trek had written episodes involving news items - TOS made episodes about the Vietnam war all the time.
The thing is, this is not really an episode about the ozone layer. It was just a means as to why the Aldeans couldn't have their own children. No, this was an episode about desperate people doing desperate things: a race of people feel the only way to preserve their race is to steal the children of another. It's not terribly poignant, despite the fact that it could have been. And here's the thing that gets me - it appears that the Aldeans won't be dealing with any kind of consequence here. They kidnapped seven people and held them hostage, yet they appear to be getting away with it. 
Compare that with the Bynars, who stole a ship to save their home planet, and at least had to face a hearing with the Federation.
This was also a Wes-heavy episode, and not a great one, if you ask me. "Where No One Has Gone Before" was better. In this episode, Wes is asked to lead a tiny revolution against a guy who has no clue what the hell he's doing. Radue was a bit wishy-washy, leaving Wes with practically nothing to battle against. I know they wanted us and the kids to like the Aldeans, to think that they might be just misguided, but it means that Wes didn't have much to butt heads with. We end up not being as invested in the children being returned to their parents.


Red deaths: 0
Gold deaths: 0
Blue deaths: 0
Obnoxious Wes moments: 0
Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: Like 3. Anytime he had to deal with Radue's shit, basically.
Sassy Geordi moments: 0
Sassy Wes Moments: 0
Sassy Worf Moment: 0
Sassy Riker Moments: 0
Sassy Yar Moments: 0
Sassy Picard Moments: 0
Sassy NPC Moments: 0
Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 0
Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings:1
Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0



Fun Facts:
- Wil Wheaton's younger siblings, Jeremy and Amy, played Mason and Tara, though they received no on-screen credit for the parts.
   


- McKenzie Westmore, daughter of TNG make-up artist Michael Westmore, played Rose. McKenzie would later play Ensign Jenkins on Voyager.


- This is the first episode of TNG not to feature an opening shot of the outside of the Enterprise.
- It's pretty obvious that the name of the planet had been changed to Aldea after filming had begun, because when Riker tells Yar about Aldea in the opening scene, the way his mouth moves forms a completely different word. It looks like bad dubbing on a Power Rangers-level.
- "Aldea" is the Spanish word for village.
- The tune that Katie plays on the Aldean instrument is actually The Traveler's Theme from "Where No One Has Gone Before."
- The Custodian set was made with bits of other models, surrounding a clear acrylic tube with a florescent light in it.







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