ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Three "The Survivors"

ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Three "The Survivors"
Production Order: 3
Air Order: 3
Stardate: 43152.4
Original Air Date: October 9, 1989

Picard's Log 43152.4: "Gonna go check out a distress call from a planet in the Something-Something system. Maybe we'll see some survivors, maybe the hostiles will still be there and we'll have to beat some alien ass carefully diffuse the situation using talking and goodwill."

They put the shields up, just in case, and swing in to check it out.
"I'm not hearing any greeting from the colony," says Data.
"Yeah, there are 11,000 people in this colony, and I should be picking up on those people, but I'm not," adds Troi.
Picard decides to put the planet on viewscreen. The planet is pretty much a rock in space.

"No life-forms," announces Worf.
"Where are the people?" asks Dr Crusher.
"Maybe they escaped," says Troi hopefully.
Realistic Ryan the android points out that this planet didn't have any interstellar craft.
Wes says he thinks he found a standing structure, and when Worf takes a scan, he says there are two life-forms there, maybe human.

The planet has a soul patch.
"The hell?" asks Riker. "How did the whole planet get obliterated, except for some trees and grass?"
Crusher suggests that it's an illusion, but Data says it's most def there.
"Go downstairs and ring the bell," Picard tells Riker.

Dramatic music! Opening credits break!

Picard and Troi take the lift with Crusher down to the transporter room. Crusher remarks that being the only survivors of a nuclear holocaust means that these people can't be doing well, and they ask Troi for clues.
"I get a weird vibe from them," she shrugs. "That's kind of it. Sorry."
They reach the transporter room, and Crusher leaves with Riker, Worf, Geordi and Data.
(I get why Riker is going - he's leading the away team. Worf is going because some unknown enemy destroyed 10,998 people. And Crusher is the CMO. But... why take the chief engineer, and his buddy, the android?)
That's... an interesting house.

 And now, why Geordi is here...
"Geordi, look at the thing with your special eyes," directs Riker.
Geordi does, and shrugs. "It's a house."
"And this is just grass and trees," confirms Data. "No reason for this place to be spared."
Worf scans the house, and finds the two life-forms. Also, a phaser that doesn't work.
"Harmless," concludes Riker. "Let's knock on the door."
Too late, Geordi yells at Riker that there's something buried in the area where he's stepping, and Riker is hoisted into the air by his ankle. Lol, he stepped into a snare.

An old man appears. "Hey! Get off my lawn!"
He's got a phaser trained at them, but Worf has already reported that it doesn't work.
"Also, who the hell are you?"
Riker tells him who they are, and that they were getting a distress signal from the planet, and came to rescue survivors. This old dude is not keen on visitors.
But then his wife comes running out of the house, calling him Kevin, and scolding him for being rude. She says they were afraid that the whole Federation had been attacked, and they haven't seen any other colonists for days.
Geordi helps Riker down, and they all give the woman, named Rishon, a sad look.
She hadn't realized that she and Kevin were the only ones left.

Riker asks about the attackers. Kevin describes a huge ship, but says they had no idea who the attackers were, as they never saw their faces.
Rishon starts as Crusher scans then with a tricorder. Crusher apologizes, saying she's only doing a medical exam.
Consent, Crusher. OMG.
They give their names - Kevin and Rishon Uxbridge - and Data rattles off their backgrounds. they're botanists from Earth, and moved here five years earlier. They're both in their eighties, and Rishon composes music. When everyone looks askance at Data, he shrugs and says that he figured it would come in handy to memorize the colony's roster.
Yes, Data. Everyone does that.
Riker requests to go inside.
"Why?" asks Kevin suspiciously.
"Because you guys and this house were spared when everything and everyone else were wiped from the surface of the planet, and I want to know why," explains Riker.
"You think we were slated to survive?" demands Kevin. "Like, we betrayed the others?"
"No," says Riker. "But it is a mystery, and I'd like to get to the bottom of it."
They go inside.

Rishon offers to make tea, and then starts to tell Crusher how tea grows wild everywhere on his planet, but then she grows sad, because unless said tea grows on their soul patch of property, then it's totally gone now.
Worf Sassy Moment:
"Sir. May I say your attempt to hold the away team at bay with a nonfunctioning weapon was an act of unmitigated gall."
Kevin: (looking at the phaser) "Didn't fool you, huh?"
Worf: (smiling) "I admire gall."

Data checks out a tiny bell jar with some dancing figures inside. Rishon encourages him to pick it up, and explains that it's a music box, and has been in her family for generations. It plays a tiny, tinkly tune, and oddly, it also plays upstairs, where Troi is in her quarters. She is very confused as to why she suddenly hears music in her head.

Riker remarks to Crusher that the house is just a house, and Crusher says the Uxbridges are fine, if a little stressed, but that's kind of normal post-attack.
"Okay, so, time to leave," says Riker to the Uxbridges. "Do you need to pack?"
"We're not leaving!" protests Rishon. "This is our home!"
Maybe not the best choice, Rishon. What's with all of these episodes about people refusing to leave in the face of imminent danger?
Riker tries to convince them, to no avail. Finally, he takes off his comm badge and hands it to them, saying that the e is leaving, but they'll be in comm rage for a while, and to call in case anything happens, like their attackers returning, or them changing their minds.

Dramatic music for some reason! Commercial break!

Upstairs, the senior staff have gathered for a meeting in the Obs Lounge.
Troi is clearly still hearing that music, but it's distracting. She shifts in her chair and rubs at her temples. Sometimes the discussion in the meeting is turned down so we can hear the music play in the foreground. Riker watches her intently.
At one point, Picard asks Troi for her opinion on them, but she apologizes, saying she isn't getting much off them.
By the end of the meeting, they're decided that the Uxbridges probably weren't conspirators with whomever destroyed the colony, but that their continued living in that one square of land isn't sustainable. Especially because the water table is contaminated.
Just as the meeting is breaking up, Troi stands and announces that she isn't feeling well, and she'd like to go lay down in her quarters. Surprised, Picard grants it.

Later, Picard is making his way through the corridors when he's approached by Worf.
"I've checked, and there are no other ships in this system," says Worf confidently. "Whoever attacked the colony is gone."
"Sure about that?" asks Picard. "There was this one time where an admiral thought that some Andorians he was looking for had left an area, but it turns out the Andorians had taken their ship apart and just hidden the pieces."
"Yeah well, I'm more thorough than that," argues Worf. "I would wager my career that the ship is no longer here."
"Okay," replies an unmoved Picard.

Troi is in her quarters, and the music is still in her head. I have to admit, I'm getting tired of this music, and it isn't even playing in my head 24/7. She's starting to lose it.
Her door chimes ring, and she straightens up with a "don't appear crazy" look on her face, calling "Yes?"
Picard comes in. He is concerned that she isn't feeling well. She lies and says she's just tired, but he tells her in a friendly way that she's full of shit.
"Um, I'm hearing this music in my head?"
"Ah," he says. "Earworm. We've all been there."
"No, this is different," she says. "It started when the away team was on the surface and I was thinking of Rishon and Kevin, and this music just started playing. They're weird. I can't really wrap my mind around them."
Picard isn't sure what the cure for Annoying Psychic Music is, so he advises her to get some sleep, and to use sleep aids if necessary.
She agrees as a red alert goes off, and I can't help but wonder how irritating the combined sound of tinkly music box and red alert klaxon must be.

Picard goes to the bridge. A ship has come into view next to the planet.
"Whoa, it's huge," says Wes.
I'm going to fight the urge to reply "that's what she said" and instead point out that it looks to be about the same size as all of the ship models we've seen on this show. Riker can say that the scans show that it's five times the mass of the E, but we have to take his word for it.

Picard steps up to Worf. "Hey, didn't you say you'd wager your job on the ship being gone?"
"I, um... weeelllll," says Worf.
"It was hidden behind one of the planet's three moons," says Riker. "And it has enough weaponry to kill a planet."
Data hails them, and the ship gets the message, but ignores them.
Then it turns and fires on the E. The Enterprise rocks a little, but no damage is reported. The ship fires again. Same.
"Weeeak," says Picard. "Fire a warning shot with the phasers."
Worf does so, and it looks like he just has shitty aim, because the phaser goes right past the other ship. But then the thing turns tail and flies away.
"Bullshit," says Picard. "Follow that spaceship!"
They give chase. The other ship speeds up. The E matches. Then Wes is told to up the ante and overtake the other ship. The other ship now matches.
Geordi is called.
"We have a need for speed!" says Riker.
But then, as they chase the ship out of the system, Picard abruptly changes his mind.
"No. This is dumb. Let's go back."
"Ex-squeeze me?" asks Riker.
"We need to talk to the Uxbridges," answers Picard.
He turns on his heel and walks out.
The others are baffled.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard and Worf beam down to the surface, where Kevin and Rishon are playing in their garden.
"Hi, I'm Captain Picard. Worf and I have brought you a matter replicator, which you'll need if you're going to stay."
"We don't need that," Kevin starts to say, but Picard continues talking over him, extolling the virtues of the replicator.
"We do need that," Rishon tells her husband. "You're being a dick."
"They need to fuck off, and quit spying on us," says Kevin.
"We were about to have tea," Rishon tells Picard. "Would you like some?"
Picard agrees, because Rishon said the magic word.
They go up to the house.

Upstairs, Troi is full-on losing her mind. She cries and screams to a pair of blue-shirt assistants to make it stop. Crusher enters, and orders the assistants to move her to the bed, where she gives Troi something to help her relax. She mentions moving Troi to sick bay, but Troi refuses. Then she offers a sedative.
"I don't want to sleep, it will follow me!" Troi shrieks.
"I can induce a really deep sleep, block all your dreams," offers Crusher.
"It's not a dream, it's real!"

Rishon tells Picard and Worf their meet-cute. She was traveling with her parents on a ship, and he was some staring student in a rumpled suit and mismatched shoes who kept hanging around her. Two hours after they met, she asked him to marry her, and he accepted.
"I think he still regrets it," she quips.
Worf sips his tea, and makes a face.
"What do you think?" Rishon asks.
Typical Worf response, a deadpan, "Good tea. Nice house."

"How come you came here, at your age?" asks Picard.
"Rekindle our romance," answers Rishon. "And it worked."
"When are you leaving?" demands Kevin.
"Dunno," says Picard. "We chased a warship away from the planet a little while ago, but it may come back."
"I thought you said it left," an alarmed Rishon accuses Kevin.
"It spared us before, it'll do the same again," Kevin assures her.
"You sure of that?" asks Picard.
"No, but I don't like you upsetting my wife!" he barks back.
Picard asks for details of what happened, and Rishon describes the ground shaking and thunder.
"You're different," says Picard. "There was some reason why you were spared. Could be anything."
"We didn't fight," says Kevin. "That's how we were different. I refuse to kill anything. But the aliens wouldn't have known that."
He gets up and leaves the room.
"He hates violence," says Rishon.
"What about you?" asks Picard.
"I wanted to fight," she replies. "But I stayed with my husband." Then she adds. "I need to clean up now."
"Please come with us," says Picard.
"I can't leave Kevin," she says again.

Crusher tells an assistant that a sleeping Troi is behaving as though she can still hear the music, even though she shouldn't be able to. She toys with the idea of putting Troi in a coma to block all stimuli. Oops, red alert again.
The ship is back (shocker!).
On the bridge, Picard enters to hear Riker say, "The ship is back."
"I'm shocked," replies Picard.
This time, the ship fires a weapon that's much more powerful. Once, twice.
"Shields are down!" announces Worf.
"Hit it with a spread of everything," says Picard.
So Worf fires all weapons. Nothing happens. The weapons energy is absorbed by the other ship's shields.
They try a second barrage, but the other ship remains undamaged.
"Let's just go," sighs Picard.
That seems weird to me. This ship supposedly destroyed 11,000 Federation members, but Picard is opting to leave?
"What about Kevin and Rishon?" asks Riker.
"They should be fine," he answers.
Like, even if he has a hunch about something, that's still weird. Sure, the Uxbridges opted out of leaving, which puts them at the mercy of the ship, but it seems like Picard is gonna take some heat for not finding out who is piloting that ship, and why they would kill all those people.
"I don't think the Uxbridges are in danger," says Picard, as the other ship moves between the E and the planet.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Crusher and Picard are in Troi's quarters. Troi is out cold.
"I don't know what to do about this thing where she hears music," admits Crusher.
"Is it psychic?" he asks.
"Probably," she says. "But that's not my area of expertise."
"I bet it's Kevin and Rishon, blocking her from finding out what's going on," he guesses. He calls Riker. "Keep going in this direction for another hour, then take us back to the planet."
"Um, sorry?" asks Riker. "Our shields won't be up and running by then."
"Just do it," says Picard.
Man, all of this back and forth commuting cannot be good for their wear-and-tear. Also, they're traveling for an hour in the wrong direction, then going back again? What kind of time-table do they have for this mission? And aren't they communicating with Starfleet this whole time?
"So we gave up and left. Looks like maybe they're in cahoots with the ship, or something? I don't know. We're just leaving."
"Um, that's not a great plan, Enterprise."
"Oh, well."
"Fine. We'll get you another assignment."
*two hours later*
"Okay, we changed our minds. We're going back."
"...whut?"

The officers' quarters on this ship are freakin' sweet.

We arrive back at the planet, and surprise, there's no warship.
"I think it's protecting the Uxbridges," says Picard. "It's not here because it thinks it ran us off. It responds to what they want, whether they know it or not. Anyway, I'm beaming down with Worf, and we'll find out if it's true or not when I beam back up."
"I'm baffled, sir," says Riker honestly.

They beam down. The Uxbridges are waltzing in their living room to the music box, and they seem surprised to see Picard and Worf.
"Yeah, that's what I thought," says Picard. "You didn't expect to ever see me again, because you thought you'd run us off."
"Fuck off," replies Kevin.
"Yeah, I'll leave the house, and I won't come back down here," says Picard. "But we're staying in orbit indefinitely."
"Why?" asks Rishon.
"Because the warship came back, and I think you're in danger. We'll stay in orbit as long as you guys are alive."
He and Worf turn and leave.

They beam back up, and return to the bridge.
Shortly afterward, Data and Worf report that the warship has returned, but the E doesn't have good shields or weapons yet.
"It's cool," says Picard.
The warship approaches, then moves into low orbit, and fires on the Uxbridge residence.
"Hmmm, saw that coming," remarks Picard.
Everyone on the bridge is astonished that he just let the warship kill two people without trying to stop it.
"Life-signs?" asks Picard.
Worf presses some buttons. "None."
"Uh-huh. Fire a torpedo at the ship." Picard replies.
Worf does so, and the ship blows up quickly and easily. No fancy energy-absorbing shields this time. No weapons fire back. The ship just explodes.
"Hey, Number One," says Picard casually. "Do we have any reason to stay here?"
"No," says Riker cautiously. "Uxbridges are dead, enemy ship was blown to bits."
"Cool. Take us into a higher orbit so we can chill there. But, you know, scan the surface sometimes."
"Um, for what?" asks Wes.
"Whatever pops up," shrugs Picard.
And he goes to the ready room.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Riker goes into the ready room.
"Okay: wtf, sir? We've been here three hours, staring at nothing."
Geez, three hours? Again, do these people have nothing but time?
"Yeah, I have a theory," says Picard. "It may not pan out, but I need to see first."
"What kind of theory?" asks Riker.
"I have a theory that something obliterated everyone on this planet, and only left one survivor, who has been screwing with us this whole time."
"O...kay."

On the bridge, Worf complains to Geordi.
"Why are we still here?"
"Because the house just reappeared?" says Geordi, checking his screen. He pages Picard.
Picard and Riker re-enter.
"House just reappeared in front of us," says Geordi. "Grass, trees, the whole kit and kaboodle."
Picard asks for life-signs.
"Two," says a surprised Worf.
"Sweet. Beam 'em up to the bridge."
"They'll be pissed," says Data.
"Let 'em," says Picard.
They beam the pair to the bridge.
"The fuck?" demands Kevin. "Leave us alone!"
"No," says Picard. "You've been screwing with us since we got here, and your actions have caused psychic damage to one of my crew members because she would have figured out your secret."

"What do you think that Kevin has done?" demands Rishon.
"Your house was destroyed in the attack, Rishon. But Kevin has the ability to recreate things. Create, destroy, repeat, repeat," says Picard calmly.
She protests that Picard is upsetting sensitive Kevin, but her husband encourages her, sadly, to listen to Picard.
"Kevin wanted us away from the planet," says Picard, "because nothing about this situation added up, and he couldn't explain it. So he sent in this warship to get us out of the system. Then I went to your house again, and I actually told you the only reason why the E would leave orbit for good: your deaths. So Kevin made it a good one, having the warship show up to blow you away."
"I feel bad about your crew member," says Kevin. "I'll help her. But what will you do with me afterward?"
"Take you to a starbase and let them decide," says Picard. "You attacked my ship and my crew member, and may have killed 11,000 people."
"He wouldn't do that!" says Rishon. "My husband wouldn't kill anyone!"
"No," says Kevin wearily. "The attack on the planet was real. I didn't kill those people."
"Fill in the blanks, Kevin. Tell us about Rishon."
Kevin turns away, and Picard fills in the blanks with his guesses.
"You died defending the colony," Picard tells Rishon. "Kevin recreated the house, the property, the warship... and you."
Rishon disappears.
Creepily. Until only her eyes and some peachey smudges are left, then they disappear also.

"You're not human," says Picard.
Kevin looks at him scornfully, then disappears into this bluish light before going completely transparent.
"Turbolift!" shouts Geordi.
"Let him go," says Picard. "I want him to know that we won't hurt him."
"He's dangerous!" protests Worf.
"Naw, he could have killed us a thousand times over," reasons Picard. "Also, if he's the creature he claims to be, he'll help Troi first."

Crusher enters Troi's quarters to see Kevin standing over Troi.
"I fixed it so she won't hear the music anymore," he says. "She was starting to figure out who I was. I've lived as a human for over 50 years, and no one suspected, but her. I had to keep my secret."

Picard comes in. "The whole story now, Kevin."
So Kevin tells his story: he's a Douwd, an immortal being who can change shape and create illusions. Fifty years earlier, he was traveling as a human and fell in love with Rishon. He set aside his powers to be her husband, and they lived pretty much happily ever after. They came to this planet to retire (though you know that Rishon would have died first, as Kevin will not). The colony was attacked by a group of people known as the Husnock. Kevin attempted to fool the Husnock like he fooled the Enterprise, but it only made the Husnock angrier. Rishon ran to help the colonists fight, but she was killed with the others. Kevin, in his devastation, killed the Husnock.
"You tried to trick us because you felt guilty for not helping Rishon and the others?" asks Crusher.
"No, you don't understand the scope of what I did," sobs Kevin. "In my grief, I didn't just kill a few Husnock. I killed all of them. Everywhere. Fifty billion people. I wiped out the entire species. I had this nice way of life, I wouldn't kill a living thing, and then I committed genocide."
Picard stares at him. "Go back to the planet, Kevin," he says quietly. "Remake your house and your wife. We don't have a punishment to fit your crime."
Kevin briefly transfers back to the being of blue light before disappearing.

Picard's Log 43153.7: "We are departing the Rana system for Starbase 133. We leave behind a being of extraordinary power and conscience. I'm not certain if he should be praised or condemned only that he should be left alone."

Man, I don't know about this episode, you guys. Like, it's not terrible, but it is apparently forgettable. The other day I encountered an episode of Futurama that I'd never seen before, even though that's a show that I frequently have on in the background. I guess maybe I just kept missing it time and again? So when I sat down to do my preliminary watch of this episode, I absolutely couldn't recall any of it... until Ann Haney appeared on-screen, and I thought, "No, I have seen this." It's kind of sad when you completely forget an episode, especially considering that the odds are good that I've seen it a few times.
So what's good and bad about it?
Kevin's story is pretty solid, a guy who lives as a human for fifty years, and his human wife never finds out that he's immortal. That was interesting.
Troi's side-story about hearing music constantly (especially tinkly music box music) is horror-film-esque, and I wouldn't label it as good or bad so much as just... "there." It exists, and was a means to an end of Kevin getting Troi out of the way. Meh.
Bad: they tried to make the ending poignant or something. Kevin's story ends badly. His wife dies, and the colony is obliterated. But then he breaks whatever vow he made, and completely destroys an entire species, probably in the blink of an eye. Guy has power that should not be messed with. Granted, the Husnock sound like jerks, but how much of a reliable narrator is Kevin? Maybe the Husnock were not as awful as he makes them out to be. We have no idea. We also have no idea why they attacked the colony. Maybe they were being jerks. Maybe, like the Sheliak last week, they had a right to be there, and didn't bother going through proper channels. But like Lee Harvey Oswald, we won't get the answer from the horse's mouth.
Instead, Picard says "We have no punishment for your crime," and basically tells him to go back to his life. Strange that he would do that. Does what Kevin did not count as genocide? Because the Federation absolutely has a punishment for that. It was discussed in TOS' "Conscience of the King."
The Federation does not take kindly to mass murder, whether it was slow or happened in a instant. Did Picard walk away because he felt that Kevin's conscience would weigh him down plenty through the millennia, providing an adequate punishment? What's to stop him from losing his shit in the same way, and doing it again? Did Picard shy away from consequences here because Kevin has more power than anyone he's ever encountered? He didn't seem to fear retaliation, and I feel like Kevin probably would have accepted any punishment that Picard would have handed him.
Or maybe he's decided that the Federation should handle it instead. They're making for the nearest starbase, and you know that he's going to have to report the whole story to Starfleet. They'll know who Kevin is, and where to find him. maybe Picard thinks that Kevin, instead of staying on the planet, will take off and go someplace else before Starfleet returns. I really don't know. Picard seems to have made up his mind about hauling Kevin in for the slaughter of 11,000 colonists, but when it becomes 50 billion Husnock, a species that it sounds like he's never heard of before, he just kind of says, "I don't know what to do with that," and lets Kevin go. There's... a weird ambiguity there. Some ambiguities can be satisfying, but this one doesn't quite make it for me. I want to know how it played out, and that didn't happen.

Fun Facts:

- Actor Ann Haney (Rishon Uxbridge) has been in pretty much everything. We'll also see her again in an episode of DS9. She didn't start acting until she had hit her forties. When questioned as to the late start she quipped, "My husband died, my daughter went to college, the dog got fleas, and the maid quit, so I had to come to Hollywood."
- Actor John Anderson, who played Kevin Uxbridge, had lost his wife a few months before, so taking on this role was especially hard for him. In a strange coincidence, he once played a grieving widower obsessed with his wife's music box in an episode of "Little House on the Prairie."
- This is the first time we see Deana Troi's asymmetrical  turquoise dress with matching tights and heels. She'll sometimes still wear the rompers, though.
- The original title for this episode was "The Veiled Planet."
- The outdoor scenes were shot at a Malibu beach house in California.

Jonathan Frakes doing the snare stunt.

- The large round window in the Uxbridges' living room was a reuse of the window in Riva's home in "Loud As a Whisper."

- There's an interesting continuation here, concerning the aging of humans in the future. Both Anderson and Haney were hired to play characters that were supposedly twenty and thirty years older than themselves. When paired with the fact that Dr McCoy is presented as being 137 years old in the first episode of TNG, this suggests that humans have all gotten to the point where extreme old age is no longer considered quite so extreme.

Filming on location. The guy dressed like Riker is Dan Koko,
Frakes' stunt man.

- Riker refers to the Uxbridges' property as being "a few acres of grass," which is strange, because in Star Trek, they typically use the metric system (should have been hectares).


Red deaths: 0
To date: 0

Gold deaths: 0

Blue deaths: 0
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Geordi moments: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Worf Moment: 1
To date: 1

Sassy Riker Moments: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date: 3

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 0
To date: 2

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 0
To date: 7

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
To date: 2

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 1
To date: 1
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 0
To date: 1
Picard Maneuvers: 3
To date: 8

Jed

ST:TNG Season Two, Episode Twenty-Two "Shades of Gray"

ST:TNG Season Two, Episode Twenty-Two "Shades of Gray"
Production Order: 48
Air Order: 48
Stardate: 42976.1
Original Air Date: July 17, 1989

I would just like to say, look at this amazing in-studio outdoor set. All of the sets
have been like this on TNG. They're a far cry from the ones on TOS. 

So we start out down on some planet, and Geordi comes through the underbrush, spotting Riker sitting dejectedly by a stream.
"What's up?" asks Geordi.
"Got scratched," says Riker.
He shows Geordi the wound, and when Geordi makes a "that's a bad one" noise, Riker looks away in embarrassment.
Geordi calls O'Brien for a beam-out, and Riker protests, because "it's just a scratch."

Oh, sorry -

"Rules are rules," says Geordi, sort of ignoring the fact that Commander Riker is his superior officer. Safety first! "This is an alien planet, and we have no idea what scratched you. You're injured, you go back."
"Can't beam him up," O'Brien calls back. "He's got some kind of alien something-or-other in his system now, and the biofilters don't like that. It alerted Dr Pulaski."
A few minutes later, Pulaski shows up, and O'Brien shows her on the biofilter where the microbes are listed.
"Man, that's like the "check engine" light of health hazards," complains Pulaski. "It doesn't tell me anything."
O'Brien offers to bypass the filter and beam him up anyway, but she decides to err on the side of caution and beam down to look at it. She climbs hesitantly onto the pad.
"I hope these are the right coordinates," he quips.
She starts, but then he tells her that he's joking.
"Dick move," she snaps.
That is a dick move. Knock it off, O'Brien.

She beams down and scans Riker's leg. He tells her they were doing a geological survey and a thing jabbed him in the leg. Geordi says they've been looking for it, but no dice. Pulaski says she'll beam Riker back to the E. I hoped they beamed him straight to sick bay.
We don't see the beaming part, but go straight to sick bay anyway, where two non-comm medical assistants help Riker onto a biobed.
"My leg just went dead," he tells Pulaski.

Dramatic music! Opening credits break!

Picard's Log, 42976.1: " Recap of opening."

Picard goes to sick bay, and Pulaski explains that whatever stung Riker is not a bacteria or a virus, but has components of both, and it isn't possible for her to remove the microbes surgically, as they've wrapped themselves around his nerves at the molecular level.
"That's why the biofilter couldn't screen them out," Riker puts in.
"No nerve damage," she adds,"but it's affecting his nervous system anyway."
"My leg's still asleep," he translates.
"So it'll eventually spread to his brain, and he could die," she says bluntly.
Picard asks how he can help. Pulaski requests a sample of the thing that stung him. Picard comms Geordi and Data, asking them to beam down to get that sample.

Data and Geordi enter the transporter room, arguing. Data says it isn't necessary for Geordi to go, as it puts him at risk as well, but Geordi argues that only he knows where Riker got stung.
They both beam down to the site.
Data takes some scans and says there are animal remains all over the area. Geordi takes an interest in a vine he hadn't noticed before, even though it hasn't done anything different, and he walked past it a dozen times earlier.
"I think it's dead," says Data.
"Naw," says Geordi. "I can see with my VISOR that it isn't."
The vine jumps at Geordi, and Data catches it.
They notice a big-ass thorn on the back and phaser it off, much to the vine's chagrin.

They beam back up and are met in the transporter room by Picard. Geordi rushes the thorn off to sick bay while Data tells Picard about the vine.
"Looks like it kills warm-blooded animals, maybe as part of a bigger chain, but we have no idea what else might be involved there. Kinda hope I'm wrong about this predatory vine thing."
"Yeah, but you rarely are," frowns Picard.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard goes to Pulaski's office to check on her progress.
"I can kill it, but not without killing Riker, too."
She's pretty stumped.

I'm gonna stop real quick here to make a note: writing about this kind of thing is tedious as hell. They're trying to ramp up the drama by making this not necessarily real time, but dragging it out to something similar, and I'm stuck here trying to convey it to you in a way that doesn't make me sound bored, even though I kind of am. We pretty much know that Riker is not going to die, and that eventually Pulaski will find some way to cure him, because there aren't a lot of times when they do something permanent to a character in an ongoing show. So instead they slog through the episode, never quite finding the cure, while the patient gets worse and worse, then at some point, they will find a cure, or fix the problem, and then that person will be on the mend again. It leads to a lot of me wanting to write "they spend the next twenty minutes of screen time trying different things to fix the problem. Nothing works, but then something does." The action is not necessarily boring, but writing about it is.
There are really only two things that might prevent the return to status quo here. First off is Yar. When Tasha got struck down by Armus, you expected her to either get up or be fixed by Dr Crusher. Crusher's announcement that she was dead probably fell into the realm of, "they won't make that stick"... until the credits rolled, and she was not in the next episode. Yar's death made it a possibility that a main character could die in the middle of everything, and actually freaking die. The second possibility is that this is a season finale. If they're going to do something permanent, it's going to be in the finale episodes, so they can take some time to come back to the new status quo.
Spoilers: eventually they cure it, and Riker lives. But you're not here to read this kind of sentence over and over again each week, so let's go back to that oh-so-exciting working-on-a-solution sequence, shall we?

Picard goes out to visit Riker, who is testing the reflexes in his hand as though they were not working correctly. Then he hides the action by stacking his hand behind his head. To lighten the mood, he makes jokes.
"Hope they don't find out I'm faking!"
They discuss how "exploring the unknown" comes with these kinds of situations, and how you can't resent your own death or the circumstances because most things in the universe will react badly out of fear or instinct rather than malice.

Later, Riker chats amiably with the medical technician while the guy scans him. He tells the technician (who has no lines) that Rikers are tough, and tells him a story of his his great-grandfather was once bitten by a rattlesnake.
"After three days of intense pain, the rattlesnake died."
The tech chuckles and walks away. Troi, who was listening from the doorway, comes in to talk to him. She remarks that he's funny, and he replies that as first officer, he has to set an example, and facing death with a sense of humor appears to be his way of doing that.
"I haven't given up yet," he says cheerfully.
Then his eyes roll back in his head, and he passes out. All of the little yellow triangles on the medical wall slide to the other end of the spectrum and turn red and make tiny klaxon sounds. Pulaski comes running and says that the infection has reached his spinal cord and is interfering with his autonomic nervous system. She hypos him.
Dramatic music! No commercial break this time!

CMO's Log, 42976.3: "Once the infection hits Riker's brain, it'll kill him off, in like, an hour. The only way I can think of to keep him alive is to set him up in this thing that stimulates his brain."

They wheel over this machine that looks like hypodermic needles that form a halo around Riker's head. Or like the crown-thing on the head of the machine-man from "Metropolis." (Have you seen that movie? You should. It's fucking amazing.)

Anyway, my biggest problem with this needle-stimulating-machine-thingy is that the needle-things go in several inches. That's a lot. All I can think of is that they're skewering his brain like kebabs. Or like, when you have one potato or one avocado pit, and you want to make more, so you skewer them and hang them over cups of water or whatever.

This is your brain. This is your brain as kebab meat.
Any questions?

Pulaski presses some buttons on the side of the machine, and I'm wondering about the one with the Starfleet insignia. In case of accidental death, press button. Machine will resurrect dead character."

Anxious music plays. Pulaski fiddles with the machine while looking into the binocular part, and we zoom in on Riker...

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls (and those of you who are yet to make up your minds)...
welcome to Star Trek's first, last, and only...
...motherfucking clip show.
The first clip we see is of the craptacular episode "The Last Outpost". But it's just footage of him wandering the volatile surface of the planet, calling out his crewmates' names. I guess this was supposed to be a visual for the tumultuous state of Riker's mind and health?
Whatever. Like anyone gives a shit.
I can just hear the 1989 audience when the screen switches over to this footage: "A clip show? Are you fucking kidding me? This was supposed to be a new episode!"
And it technically was. They could call it a new episode because new footage had been shot for it. But at least 50% of this episode is a conglomeration of reruns.

The camera zooms back out to the "present" where Pulaski tells Troi that she's stimulated his brain, but things are kind of erratic. A tearful Troi tells Riker to hang on.

Dramatic music because Riker is in danger! Tempered by frustrated screaming from the audience because what the hell is this shit? Commercial break, wherein most viewers probably changed the channel, because why would they sit through the rest of this crap?!

When we come back, Pulaski is adjusting the machine to make things more stable. She spouts off some medical-science jargon that no one understands, and then Troi says, "He's dreaming."
We zoom in on him. You know what that means.
Gotta start from the beginning, I guess: Riker goes to the holodeck to fetch Data in the first episode. "Encounter at Farpoint". I noticed something here that has nothing to do with anything, but is slightly off-putting: they hadn't painted Brent Spiner's lips gold for the first episode (or at least this scene) so they're... mouth-colored. It's weird.

We segue into the scene from "The Dauphin" where Wes has asked Riker for advice on flirting, so Riker flirts with Guinan. It's a pretty good scene, which is nice, considering they started out with a POS like "The Last Outpost."

We then move straight to the scene from "The Icarus Factor", where Troi and Riker say goodbye, as he is accepting another position on another ship. Interesting that, as he lies dying, Riker does not actually think of his father.

We zoom out again, so empathic Troi can recap for Pulaski that Riker is thinking of warmth and friendship.
Yay, is this going to be a whole episode of Riker hanging out with his friends? It's like the terrible fanfiction you write for a beloved original character, where that person has a fun day at the park, and then goes home. How nice for them. And how boring or the audience.
Oh, what's up next?
The episode with the half-naked people,  "Justice". Lots of flesh. How nice for Riker.

Mmmm, helloooo, Minuet! ("11001001")

Troi sighs. Her on-again, off-again boyfriend is having erotic thoughts that probably do not include her. What a fun time for her!
More Minuet, then the part of Angel One where he boffs the leader of the planet.

Oh, can't forget Breanna O'Dell! It's literally Will Riker's Greatest Hits! ("Up the Long Ladder")

"The organism has responded - it's doubled!" says Pulaski in alarm.
Of course it has. Riker has offered the organism free soft-core porn. Who wouldn't show up for that?
"All we've done is make things worse!" says a distraught Troi.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Pulaski guesses that the organism's growth is in response to what kinds of memories Riker is dreaming about, and she comes up with some weird explanation as to how that's medically possible, blah, blah, blah. Basically. the show has decided to group clips together, and claiming that the underlying emotion from the clips is what is allowing the organism to grow or not grow is how they're going to go about explain it away.
We went through some friendship clips (surprisingly, no Picard, geordi, Pulaski or Worf in those), and we've run out of Sexy Times clips, so what collection is next?
Sassy Riker?
Poker Games?
Awkward Boners, guest-starring Lwaxana Troi?
Nope, we're gonna pull out the big guns and go straight for death. First Yar.

"Skin of Evil"

Then Ian, remember Troi's kid? Yeah, he was only around for part of an episode, and Riker was there when he died.

"The Child"

But now we're out of deaths that Riker would give a shit about, so we go back to sick bay. Troi says that Riker is feeling sad, and Pulaski replies that negative emotions appear to inhibit the growth of the organism. She says she will stimulate his brain to think of worse shit.
For instance, Riker serves aboard a Klingon ship, and beats the shit out of the second officer.

"A Matter of Honor"

Oh, and yay! Here's Riker fighting with the creepy bug-infested admiral from "Conspiracy."

Pulaski says that the growth rate has dropped even more, but he's still real weak. A frustrated Troi says that Riker is feeling "primal, survival emotions."
"Those emotions must produce endorphins that are poisonous to the organism," guesses Pulaski.
"Can't you crank up the juice?" demands Troi. "Make his emotions more intense?"
Is that medically possible? Sounds like crap.
"I can try," says Pulaski.

Dramatic Music! Commercial break!

CMO's Log, supplemental: "Dude is weak. More recaps."

The druggo T'Jon grabs Riker and threatens to electrocute him in "Symbiosis."

The Last Outpost again, this time with those fuck-awful Ferengi.

And now that black blob Armus drags Riker into a living oil slick ("Skin of Evil").

More time spent where Pulaski rattles off some medical stuff, and a tearful Troi asks her to go further in her treatment, and really, once you've seen one of these clips of them in sick bay at this point, you've seen them all. Pulaski does medical stuff. Troi cries and holds Riker's hand. We zoom in on Riker, and go into a clip.

Riker and Picard set the auto-destruct on "11001001".

An away team rescues some Klingons from an exploding ship ("Heart of Glory").

More hand-wringing and medical jargon.

Now a montage of heads exploding, things blowing up, Riker setting self-destruct. Also, oddly, footage of a ship exploding from "Wrath of Khan", which... Riker was not in. I guess they just needed more exploding ships?

And now the chart says no more infections, and the red triangles move to the middle of the chart and turn yellow, then white. Pulaski scans Riker, then calls Picard.
"We're all good now!"
All smiley faces. Soothing music.
Hooray, we made it through a shitty clip show!
Picard and Data come down, and Pulaski says she wants to run some tests, to see if there is any memory loss. She wants to make sure he still knows who he is.
Riker glances at Picard and replies. "Of course I do! I'm Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the Enterprise!"
Amused, Picard replies, "Glad to hear it. The admiral and I-" he gestures at Data "- were worried about you."
Data pauses. "Sir, I do not think you have the authority to promote me to admiral."
Everyone smiles and laughs, because they also made it through this shitty clip show.

I... I can't even with this shit. A clip show, y'all... a fucking clip show. As a series finale, of all things! How the hell am I supposed to review that? I can't. I mean, I guess I can rate the new material, which accounts for about 50% of the episode (interesting plant story, devolves into shots of Pulaski doing medical stuff, and Troi sniffling: meh. And an infection which is warded off by negative, primal, survival feelings? Wouldn't that be counter-intuitive to the plant? How does it get a meal - ever - if the animals it poisons go into survival mode, fight off the poison, and walk away?). But the other half is snippets of things we've already watched and reviewed. And part of the deviousness of this episode is that you don't even get to the clips until twenty or so minutes in, so you think you're watching a regular ol' episode. Then, BAM! And they start out with freaking Last Outpost of all things.

Okay, so let's get into this crap, shall we? (What, you thought I didn't do my homework for this one? Ha! I'm the biggest Hermione you'll ever meet. I do homework on everything.) Clip shows started out with the best of intentions, way back in the day when theaters would show serials, and they would play clips in a "last time on such-and-such" format, so you could see what you might have missed. There wasn't really any such thing as reruns at that point, and if you saw episode three, and were now watching five, then you needed to know what went down in four. It started in 1936, and continues to this day when you tune in for part two of a two-parter, or when you're watching a show with a story arc. These are not considered to be terrible so much as informational.
Then, in 1947, the makers of the Three Stooges got... "creative." They took old footage from old Stooges shorts, reshot some new footage, spliced it together, and sold it as new, because they could charge more for new stuff than for old stuff. Now, I know what you're thinking: that's the very definition of "The Menagerie," and didn't you lurve that one? Yes, and yes. BUUUUT, "The Menagerie" utilized previously unseen footage (making it essentially entirely new), and was then released not to make more money, but to save more money. This makes it more similar to those aforementioned serials, like Robinson Crusoe, which had filming problems due to weather, and which was forced to put together a few more clip shows in order to save money. (Not to be left out, animation studios made plenty of clip shows as well.)

The modern clip show on television generally brings groans. You're promised a new episode, only to find that your show has shot a few minutes of new footage, then beefed it up with old footage. And the new footage often sucks, just people sitting around in a room somewhere, reminiscing about "old times." Frequently, if the show likes it's audience, it'll save these until the very end of the shows run, and package it as a bonus show, played before the series finale or something. If a show hates its audience, it will play the clip show in the middle of the run, simply because they've run out of cash. For instance, ALF had a clip show in the middle of its first season. (Yes, part of my homework was to read up on how others had handled reviewing clip shows. Both Phil of ALF and Casey of Perfect Strangers opted to go sideways with their reviews, because fuck clip shows. Phil mentions an interesting comparison between clip shows and Greatest Hits albums, but this episode is not the greatest hits of anything.)

Then you get the clever clogs shows who use clip shows in a meta way... to make fun of clip shows. Clerks: the Animated Series used the second episode EVER to do a clip show that consisted of clips pulled from the first episode, and actually earlier in the second episode itself for their flashbacks. You have no idea how much I want to find and watch those episodes now. Dan Harmon, who created the sitcom "Community" and the animated series "Rick and Morty" used the clip show format, but stocked those clip moments with brand-new footage.

Of course, this was not what happened here. What happened with "Shades of Gray" was two-pronged. Firstly, that Writer's Guild Strike that keeps plaguing this series struck again, this time by way of a lack of scripts that were ready to go. Normally, they would have a small pile of scripts to choose from, but here, they had none. Secondly, a lot of the budget from this season went to two episodes in particular: "Elementary, Dear Data" and "Q Who," which both featured special effects, more elaborate costumes, and extra sets. They still owed the studio one more episode, but had no money or script.
"Do a clip show," said Paramount.
I like to imagine Star Trek replying back with, "Go fuck yourself. We don't do clip shows."
Paramount: "You only have money to do a three-day shoot, instead six."
Star Trek: "Fine. We'll do a bottle show."
Paramount: "Nope, no money. Clip or nothing. Oh, actually, also make that clip show a bottle."
Star Trek: "Come on, man. We don't do clips. We thrive on cheap budgets. That's when we're at our most creative."
Paramount: "Bottle and clip. Get on it."
Star Trek: "It's gonna suck!"
Paramount: "Bottle and clip!"
And so they did get on it. And it did suck. It was the lowest-rated episode EVAR. the audience hated it, the writers hated it. Maurice Hurley called it a "piece of shit." Peter Lauritson said it was "probably the worst we ever did." (Think about that. There has been some CRAP on this show, and Lauritson described this one as "the worst.") Ronald D Moore called it "an embarrassment." David Livingston: "It's very cheesy, and the fans didn't like it."
In fact, the fans and the makers both agreeing that clip shows in general, and this one in particular, suck sweaty donkey balls, meant that Star Trek has not done another clip show since. In DS9, they added clips to the series finale, but it was not a full show. Also in DS9, we will come across the clever "Trials and Tribble-ations" which melds new and old footage a la "The Menagerie," but that was also not a full clip show. there have not been more full clips for a reason. In season four, Paramount approached the writers again and asked for another clip show. Citing the abysmal failure of "Shades of Gray," the writers offered to do another bottle. The result was "The Drumhead." which is a fucking great episode. In fact, every time the writers were faced with a too-small budget, they did a bottle. The results were usually good. Lesson learned: if you tell the staff there is too little budget, they will get creative and give you something decent. If you force them to make crap, they will produce crap.
So there it is. One clip show ever, because they suck.



Fun Facts:

- Anybody tuning in to watch this episode only gets 24 new minutes of material, out of about 44 minutes. And it isn't really anything interesting to add to Riker's character, just "this one time, Riker got real sick from being stung by a plant."
- The medical technician who scanned Riker and laughed at his snake joke was also seen in season two, episode one's "The Child." He was played by an unknown actor, but ended up in the Star Trek Customizable Card Game, which suggested that his name was Daneeka.

- Today is the 28th anniversary of this crap episode.
- Eric A Stillwell, the production assistant, was tasked with finding the clips to use for the show. He jokingly proposed calling it "Riker's Brain," and had almost convinced several staffers to use it. Instead, he named it "Shades of Gray" because "it wasn't black or white, just gray."
- In the original script, the forest set was supposed to come alive and attack Data and Geordi, but you can guess why that went away.
- Because this is the final episode of this season, it is the last time we see Dr Pulaski.
- Worf and Wes only appear in this episode via clips.
- Oddly, because of said clips, this episode contained pretty much every main character on the show up until this point, including both doctors, Guinan, and O'Brien.
- Minus the clips, this episode is in the running for the smallest cast with nine. There are episodes of DS9 and ENT which feature small casts as well, but nobody beats TAS' "The Slaver Weapon" with three.

- This is also the last time these uniforms are used, with the piping at the pants hem and around the shoulders. We get new uniforms next season. (Okay, technically, they are seen in a flashback on a later episode, but this is the last time we see them before we get season three uniforms.)
- Only three sets were used in this episode - sick bay, the transporter room, and the planet's surface.
- Seventeen episodes provided the clips for this episode.



Red deaths: 0
To date: 2

Gold deaths: 0

Blue deaths: 0
Unnamed color crew deaths: 18

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date:1

Sassy Geordi moments: 0
To date: 7

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 7

Sassy Riker Moments: 0
To date: 7

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date: 14

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 13
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 7
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 3
Sassy Pulaski Moments: 0
To date: 5
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 0
To date: 5

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 1
To date: 25

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 5
To date: 30

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 1
To date: 3
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 0
To date: 14

LIlly Belle