Warp Speed to Nonsense

Warp Speed to Nonsense

Monday, July 21, 2014

Season 2, Episode 48 "The Immunity Syndrome"

"The Immunity Syndrome"
Production Number: 48
Air Order: 47
Stardate: 4307.1
Original Air Date: January 19, 1968

And now, a conversation between myself and the Reading Public:

RP: Hey Lady Archon, what happened to last weeks' post?
Me: This is it, here. I was unable to complete it in time because my effing laptop screen cracked, and not one piece of technology in my life can accomplish the task in it's entirety. My television and Blu-Ray player have Netflix and can play the episode through both that and the DVD set, but neither takes screencaptures. My computer at work is too slow to play the cbs.com episodes, and does not have the capability to play the discs. So I must return to my all-day endeavor of taking notes with a pen and notebook, then trekking down to my local library with my disc to get my screencaptures. Or, at least until my laptop is fixed.
RP: Didn't you just get that laptop, like 6 weeks ago?
Me: (through gritted teeth) YES.
RP: Sounds like you have bad luck with technology.
Me: It has always been so.
RP: You should appeal to the technology gods. Build an altar made of old Commodore computers, sacrifice some Angry Birds, then dance naked around it, chanting in DOS.
Me: ...yeah... I'll get right on that.


Kirk's Log 4307.1: "Just finished a super-shitty mission, and now headed off for shore leave."

Kirk, on the bridge, tells Bones that he's looking forward to some rest on a beautiful planet, but in the long, Shatnery pause between "beautiful" and "planet", he lecherously scopes a blonde yeoman. What he means is that he'd like to find himself orbiting some green Orion strange.
Uhura interrupts his spank bank fantasies to tell him that she's getting a garbled message from Starbase 6 about a Vulcan ship called the Intrepid, and sector Gamma 7A.
Suddenly, Spock looks up with a shocked look on his face and declares that the Intrepid and it's crew of 400 are dead.

Kirk sends Spock to sick bay, and Uhura puts the now-clear audio on speaker. Starbase 6 wants the E to find the Intrepid, with which they have lost contact. Kirk attempts to pawn it off on someone else, but the E is the only ship available, so he acquiesces.
Chekov, who has moved to the science station, does a long-range scan on Gamma 7A, and reports it dead. Kirk angrily replies that that can't be true, as that sector contains billions of people, but a look in the science station reveals the truth: it's dead, Jim.

In sick bay, Spock assures Bones that he's fine, but that he's certain that the Intrepid is dead because he felt the death screams of 400 Vulcans, and that not even the Intrepid's computers knew what was killing them.
Spock returns to the bridge and the science station. The e is flying toward Gamma 7A when they encounter a hole or something in space. Kirk asks what it is.
"Fucked if I know," replies Spock. "Nothing in the computer matches that."

They launch a probe into the hole, and there's a loud, high-pitched whine that bothers everyone but Spock, which is interesting, as he has hyper-sensitive hearing. Uhura almost faints. Bones calls to tell Kirk that almost half of the people on the ship suddenly passed out. He's giving them stimulants.
A cranky, tired Kirk tells Spock that it's not cool that there's no info, as the science officer is supposed to have all of the answers.
"I can't give you answers if there are none," says Spock. "Why are you being such a dick? Do you need a nap or something?"
"No," grouches Kirk, even though he totally does. "Okay, what is it not?"
"Gas or solid or liquid," replies Spock. "It's like, energy."
Kirk instructs Uhura to tell "the Starfleet" (no, seriously, he added "the") that they're going to check out the space hole (why does that sound dirty?). 
Shatner is laying it on thick with the dramatic pauses in this episode. Very distracting.

They inch the ship forward.
"Penetration of the dark zone in one minute, seven seconds," sounds Chekov, and I seriously did not make that up. That's the line as it was spoken.
That nasty whine comes up again, and everyone feels crappy after it passes. Kirk comms Bones to the bridge, and Bones shows up with Nurse Not-Christine. They walk around and hypo everyone with stimulants.
Kirk calls Scotty. "Why are we losing power?"
"Dennae," says Scotty. "Can't stop it, either."
"Well, figure it out!" barks Kirk.
So far, he's asked Spock for info that he doesn't have, and Scotty to keep the ship from leaking energy. I see - it's Do the Impossible Day! Hooray! In the next scene, Chekov will pronounce the letter V, and Kirk will make it through one damn line reading without awkwardly pausing four times.
"WTF was that noise we heard earlier?" demands Kirk.
"We passed through some kind of barrier into a zone of negative energy that isn't compatible with us," Spock answers. The further in we go, the more energy it sucks from us, and the weaker we get, the stronger it gets."

"Let's GTFO," Bones suggests.
In response to Bones, Kirk gets on the PA to give a pep talk to the crew. Unfortunately, it doesn't come off that way.
"So we're sick and getting sicker, and it's totally my fault because I ordered Chekov to penetrate the space hole, but quit your bitchin' and get back to work." This inspiring speech is overlaid with shots of people in sick bay beds. You're a dick, Kirk.
Bones calls from sick bay. "Nice talk, asshole. According to science, we're all dying."
Kirk facepalms, telling himself that he really needs to stop chasing waterfalls space holes.

Kirk's Log 4308.8: "Damn, I screwed us over again. Hope nobody finds out."

Kirk goes to engineering. They've turned off the engines, but the power is still draining. Suddenly, they lurch forward. Spock calls from the bridge to say that the space hole is sucking them in. Kirk asks Scotty for forward thrust, because everything seems to work backward in the space hole, and this action slows them down.
There are some short cut-away scenes where Christine delivers some lines about life signs being stable and unstable, but these are unimportant, as Bones describes them a few minutes later in another scene. What a waste of a perfectly awesome actor.

This Red creepily stared at Christine throughout this whole

In the briefing room, bones iterates that they're dying; Scotty says that everything in engineering is running back-asswards, but that power is still draining; and Spock surmises that whatever is in the space hole is what drained the energy from the Intrepid and Gamma 7A. Scotty agrees to channel all of their power into the engines to give them one massive thrust forward.
Spock and Kirk talk a bit later about how the Vulcans were unaware of what killed them, and how astonished they were to be defeated, because Vulcan has never been conquered.

Back on the bridge, Kirk warns the crew that they're going to be doing some thrusting in the space hole, and then everyone falls to the floor when it happens. Scotty calls from engineering to say that the thrusting didn't work, and that their power is still being drained.
"Looks like the mysterious thing found us," says Spock, and everyone looks at the viewscreen.

They launch a probe - because that worked so well before - and Spock reads out the info. Apparently, the thing is squishy on the outside, and gets progressively squishier the further one goes in. Also, it's alive.
Down in sick bay, the trio talk about amoebas. They think the squishy thing is one.
"Probes didn't work," says Bones. "I'm gonna volunteer to get into the shuttle and penetrate the amoeba to find out how to kill it."
"The hell you are," says Spock. "I can take more shit than you, physically. I volunteer as tribute."
"Fuck you both," says Kirk. "I'm the best pilot." (Ed. note: Fuck you, Kirk. The best pilot is Sulu.)
"You don't science," the boys protest.
"I'll think about it and decide," Kirk answers.

Jim's Log 4309.2: "Recap and shit. Who do I choose to fly into a giant amoeba? Of course there isn't time for them to fly in, find out how to kill it, and fly back. It all falls under Rule 47, section 10, subsection 3 of the Disable the Ship plotline. So the dude I choose will be flying to his death."

Scotty calls to tell Kirk that ppower is down 50% and they only have about an hours' worth left. the boys in blue arrive and Kirk tells them that he's picked Spock to go.
Spock and Bones walk down to the shuttle, which Bones has outfitted with science. they bitch at each other in the corridor, Bones being butthurt and Spock being all Vulcan-smug.
"Wish me luck," says Spock, and he heads out onto the flight deck to the Zombie Galileo.

So Spock talks to the bridge through the comm, preparing to enter the amoeba. He actually fucking says "The area of penetration will no doubt be sensitive." You make this too easy, Star Trek.
He flies in and falls out of his chair because of the tough ride, then gets up and re-establishes contact.
"That was rough. Bones would not have survived that," he adds. "Also, haha, I'm doing science and you're not."
"Dude, fuck you," says Bones over the comm.
Spock does science and sends back the info. Of course the amoeba is in the process of reproducing. There's so much innuendo in this episode that someone must be rendered pregnant.

They briefly lose contact, but then the ship rocks again and Kirk says that spock must have agitated the thing to let them know that he's still alive. Spock calls back to tell them how to kill the thing before it goes forth and multiplies, destroying the universe. But he's gonna die before he can get back to the E.
"Bitch, you should have wished me luck," he croaks at Bones.

Kirk's Log 4309.4: "We can kill it, but we need to do it from the inside. Spock knows how, but we lost contact again before he could let us know what to do."

"This thing is weird," Kirk says to Bones.
"It's like a germ, invading the body of our galaxy," Bones muses.
"Yeah, and it will make millions more, and then we'll be the germ," Kirk frowns "Hey, I have an idea!"

Gentle caress of a lover, or bitchslap? You decide.

They go up to the bridge, and Kirk tells Scotty to divert the engine power over to the shields. He does, and the E gets sucked into the amoeba like loose Jell-o shots through a straw.
"We can't shoot it with phasers," complains Scotty. "It eats power."
"Naw," says Kirk. "Everything works backward here, so we'll blast it with anti-matter."
"Cool!" says Scotty, and he runs off to make an anti-matter bomb.
Kirk intends to load the thing onto a probe, drop it onto the nucleus, then run like hell as they detonate it.

Spock makes a personal log on the shuttle, only I can't differentiate it by using his first name, because dude only has one name.
Spock's Log: "Totes dying. If someone finds this, my ship and my crewmates are the bomb-diggity."

Then Kirk makes a log: "My ship and crew are the bomb-diggity. Commendations to the bridge crew."

They have seven minutes left of impulse power, so they set the bomb thing for seven minutes also. Chekov drops the package on the nucleus and they back away.
But look! It's the Zombie Galileo! Kirk sets a tractor beam on the shuttle, and Spock's voice comes over the comm.
"No, don't. You don't have the energy."
"Shut up, Spock!" barks Bones. "We're rescuing you!"
"Why, thank you, Captain McCoy."
Then Bones and Kirk make "fuck you, it's for your own good" faces in the general direction of Wherever Spock Is, and they grab him.

Seriously, this is Kirk's Fuck You, Spock face.

But, aw crap, their power dies just before they exit through the membrane. The amoeba explodes, and everyone rocks dramatically in their chairs.


Chekov reports that they were thrown clear from the amoeba, and the viewscreen shows stars again. The tractor beam held, for no reason that anyone on board can explain, and they comm Spock so he and Bones can end the episode like always, bickering like an old married couple.
The shuttle docks, and there's some cool miniature work here.

The episode closes with the same line that it opened with: "I can't wait to get some rest and relaxation on some lovely..." (pause to scope the ass of some Blue with a clipboard) "...planet." And they laugh, fully enabling Kirk's problem of leering at crewmembers.

Death Toll:
Red deaths this episode: 0
Red deaths this season: 17
Gold deaths this episode: 0
Gold deaths this season: 6
Blue deaths this episode: 0
Blue deaths this season: 1
Total crew deaths this season: 24
Total crew deaths thus far: 41

A red fainted on the bridge, but that doesn't count.

So, this episode doesn't suck. Not at all, in fact. Someone knows their biology, or at least a little bit about single-celled creatures. I dunno how much I buy that reverse-energy thing, but it wasn't a big deal. No crappy science here. No weird costume choices. Shatner paused a lot, but whatever.
The thing that caught my attention this week was totally by accident. For whatever reason, I opted to watch this episode on Netflix rather than using the discs, and this episode featured bigger differences than the episodes that I had Netflixed previously. Netflix uses the remastered editions from the 40th Anniversary set, while the disc set that I use does not. The remastered editions have subtle changes made to them in the special effects department. Anything that had previously been done with models had been refilmed, shot for shot, using CGI. Was the CGI terrible? No. Did it seem unnecessary? Yeah, it kind of did.



I know I bitch a lot about the cheesy effects on this show, and I do try to be fair sometimes about it, considering the tiny budget that they had to work with. I'm quick to praise budget creativity when they pull it off. But with the remastering... well, it felt a bit like when you watch the director's cut of Star Wars, and shit was digitally added in the background to make the shot more... populated? Exotic? More like what the original creator had in mind when his imagination was bigger than his wallet? People complained heavily about those additions. So too did they complain when remastered shots of ET replaced shotguns with Walkie-Talkies.

"Look out! He's got a communications device!"

I'm gonna complain a bit here about the remastered Star Trek effects. Some of the effects used in TOS were state of the art for their time. A lot of it was miniatures or hand-drawn animation. Goofy as it looks in our eyes, somebody put time and effort into those things to enhance the show, and I feel like their hard work gets erased by these new effects. The new effects are also a bit too polished-looking. It fits right in with anything you might see in movies or on tv today, but when spliced together with the original footage, it looks too perfect, too plastic. And out of sync with the style of the show. Sure, it looks cool, but also kind of strange, and less cheesy.
Given the choice, I'm going with cheese.


Teacup and I had dinner at Red Robin the other night, and the waitress offered me a drink. Among the choices listed were "flavored teas." Though peach sounded good, I opted for pomegranate. Pomegranate is a weird fruit, both in reality, and as a flavor. Just like gardenia scent, no one ever seems to get it right. It's always vaguely fruity, vaguely tropical, and kind of nothing like pomegranate. I think Red Robin makes their flavor tea with syrups (like Torani?). My first sip through the straw heralded a mouthful of flavor with less tea, and the balance shifted more toward tea as I finished the glass. I ended up with the overall feeling that it tasted like a berry-flavored Arnold Palmer (tea + lemonade). It wasn't bad, it just didn't taste like pomegranate to me. I'll go ahead and recommend it on the grounds that it was good, but if you're looking for actual pomegranate flavor, you might want to try just cracking open the fruit.

Cubby the troublemaker

Monday, July 7, 2014

Season 2, Episode 47 "Obsession"

Production Number: 47
Air Order: 42
Stardate: 3619.2
Original Air Date: December 15, 1967

We start this week on the surface of a planet, where Kirk, Spock and a contingent of Reds is doing scientific stuff. They've found a bunch of some stuff that's 20 times harder than diamond, which I guess the Federation wants, so they phaser off a sample to take back home.
An ominous cloud drifts into their vicinity, but then the film is reversed so that the cloud gets sucked back behind a rock again, supposedly retreating because of the phaser.
"Do you smell that?" asks Kirk, panicking for no reason. "It smells like honey."
Is it a stroke? Like, a space-stroke? Sounds like a space-stroke. You should lie down in sick bay for the rest of the episode.

Kirk dispatches the Reds to look for a cloud, and tells them to phaser it on some special setting. I gotta stop you there, dude: you really want them to fire weapons into a cloud? Should they surround it first? Kirk tells Spock that he last smelled that smell on another planet, 11 years earlier.
Meanwhile, the Reds are bein' vewwy, vewwy quiet, cuz they're huntin' clouds. But now it comes from behind a rock and covers them and two of the Reds choke to death amidst animation.

 It tries to take the third as he comms for help. Kirk and Spock come running, and Kirk points out that the two dead Reds are vewwy, vewwy pale because the Scary Cloud drained them of their red corpuscles. The third Red is not dead, just knocked out. Kirk comms for a beam-up, and we go to credits break.
YOU GUYS: nothing for weeks, and then we get two dead Reds before credits!

Kirk's Log 3619.2: "Scary cloud. For serious."

Down in sick bay, Christine uses her two sentences per appearance to tell Kirk that the surviving Red is still unconscious and receiving transfusions to replace the blood he lost. Then we get a series of Disable the Ship plot points from Spock, Scotty and Bones through the side-story of the E taking perishable vaccines to some planet that desperately needs them, and they have to rendezvous with another ship to get said vaccines. This is pitted against Kirk insisting that they stay to investigate the Scary Cloud. He doesn't give a shit if some people die on Theta VI without the vaccines.
Bones reports that the Reds died without any exit wounds, which is weird. Kirk tells him to check the medical logs from the USS Farragut from 11 years ago, then he requests that the surviving Red, Rizzo, is revived so he can ask him about the cloud. A groggy Rizzo says that he did indeed smell honey and sense a presence before he passed out. Rizzo falls asleep again, and Kirk stalks out.
"That was fucking weird," says Christine.

Kirk goes to the bridge, where Spock has been scanning for life-forms and finding none on the surface.
"What if it's disguised as something else?" asks Kirk.
The lift opens, and a Red steps out. I guess he's supposed to be dreamy or forbidding or something because we get a close-up. Dude looks to be about 18.

He's Ensign Garrovick, and Kirk knew his dad. He's the new security officer. Uhura reports that Rizzo is dead, and Garrovick is upset because he and Rizzo were friends.
"Grab your gun," Kirk barks at him. "We're huntin' clouds today."
Man, no deaths for weeks, then I get a Red massacre. Sweet.

We go back to the surface, and Kirk tells a whole bunch of Reds to circle around some rocks, to be on the look-out (smell-out?) for a honey scent, and to fire if they see a Scary Cloud. Then they split up. Like that ever works.
Garrovick takes two Reds with him, and they're ambushed by the Scary Cloud. Garrovick fires his phaser, and the rest of the away team comes running. Garrovick fired too late. One Red is unconscious, and one is dead.
It's Christmas in July, you guys!

Kirk's Log 3619.6: "Recap and stuff. One more Red down. Hamlet-like self-talk and doubts. Everyone wants to know why I've decided to stay and fight the Scary Cloud."

Kirk, Spock, and Bones gather to interrogate Garrovick. The kid says he saw the cloud, smelled honey, but felt no intelligent presence. He says he hesitated for a split-second before firing. Kirk relives him of duty and confines him to quarters.
"That was dickish of you," remarks the good doctor.
"Fuck off, Bones," Kirk replies before storming out.

Garrovick walks into his quarters and looks around. I'm pretty sure he's gonna smash stuff, but instead he throws himself on the bed like a heart-broken teenage girl.

Kirk stomps onto the bridge, where he's reminded that they still have a ship to meet, and peeps need vaccines, and he blows up at everyone and accuses them of conspiring against him, which only makes his tinfoil hat all the more visible.
Spock goes into sick bay to ask Bones what the fuck Kirk thinks he's doing. He reveals to Bones that, 11 years earlier, half the crew of the USS Farragut died at the hands of the Scary Cloud, and that Garrovick's father was the captain, and Kirk was on board.

Jim's Log  3620.7: "I may have fucked up all of the shit. Hamlet, Hamlet, Hamlet."

Kirk is being melancholy, lying on his bed, when Bones comes in. Kirk ignores him and calls the bridge. But there's nothing new to report, so he flops onto the bed again.
"So I read in those tapes of the Farragut that you hesitated before firing on the Scary Cloud, and that you blamed yourself for 200 deaths," says Bones.
"Yeah, well, it was my fucking fault," replies Kirk.
"Dude, you're acting weird," says Bones.
"Fuck you very much," Kirk answers. "Why don't you get the hell out already?"
"Because I'm the ship's surgeon, bitch. And my medical report is gonna say that you're acting weird. What's more, I have back-up." The door slides open, and guess who comes in to stand next to Bones?
"He-e-e-yyyy, Spock, old buddy." Kirk can tell that he's being tag-teamed by the Blue Crew.
"Dude, you're acting weird," says Spock.
"Don't give me a bunch of bullshit regulations," sneers Kirk.

"There's no reason for us to be here," they argue with him. "You're all Ahab right now, and we have to be somewhere like yesterday, only you won't let us leave because of this thing that's kind of like this other thing that you ran into 11 years ago."
The bridge calls. They found the Scary Cloud, but now it's heading into space. Kirk orders Red Alert, and  he and Spock rush to the bridge. Kirk immediately orders his crew after it, even though they have someplace to be and the engines can't keep up with the Scary Cloud.

Garrovick is pouting in his room when Christine brings in his tray.
"Dinner," she says cheerfully.
"I don't want any," he pouts. "I fucked up all the shit."
"Self-pity is not a good first course. You should try the soup," she suggests, and I didn't make that up. It's just a really good line. He acts like a toddler, scowling at her and lamenting about what a rotten human being he is, when she loses patience, and holds up one of those colored tiles that's supposed to be an information tape. "This is the doctor's medical report for you. It only says one thing: eat. If you don't, he's going to drag your ass, caveman-style, into sick bay and feed you in a way that you won't like at all."
Oh, my fuck. They allowed Christine to channel Number One! YES. She turns and leaves, and he's kind of like, "yes, ma'am."
Christine returns the tile to sick bay, where it turns out to be some random report on some planet somewhere.
"Applied some psychology," she smiles.

On the bridge, the Scary Cloud has slowed down, and they are catching up. It kind of turns and comes at them.
In his quarters, Garrovick picks up the lid of the covered plate that Christine brought him, and when he sees that he's being served those colored cubes of space rations again, he gets mad and flings the cover at the wall, knocking a vent open. Kirk calls for Red Alert, and Garrovick rushes to the bridge to ask if he can take his command again.
Kirk ignores him, ordering Chekov to fire the phasers. Chekov does so, but the phasers go right through BECAUSE IT'S A GASEOUS CLOUD, YOU FUCKING MORON. Then he orders Chekov to fire photon torpedoes, and guess what just goes gliding through space, not hitting anything? I wonder how many space bucks Kirk just wasted firing weapons into clouds.

Oops. The Scary Cloud just opened some hatches or something and got into the ventilation system, and now it's inside the ship. Good job, Kirk.
Kirk angrily marches into the briefing room to talk to Bones and Spock. There's one dude from engineering who is now in sick bay, and another who is dead. We'll go ahead and guess that he's a Red as well.
"Sooo, it turned and attacked us, so it's actually a creature," says Spock. "I'm just wondering why it stopped here."
This question is asked purely to make you think that there is something special about this stretch of space. The Scary Cloud probably has a nest of baby clouds that it's protecting nearby.
"Yeah, so... sorry," says Bones. "I guess it was a creature."
"Dude, fuck you," says Kirk.
Bones leaves.
"The creature is one-second out of sync with time," Spock tells Kirk. "This is why phaser fire always goes through it. Even if you had fired at the right time 11 years ago, it would not have made a difference. It's because nothing on this show makes sense, and we have to make up stupid reasons why you can't destroy a cloud of gas with WMDs."
"Yeah, fuck you, too," replies a sullen Kirk.

Spock goes to talk to Garrovick in his quarters, reminding the ensign that hesitation in the face of danger is a human trait, but Garrovick basically tells Spock to go screw himself. Uh-oh, here comes the Scary Cloud through the vent, and Spock yells, "I'll try to block it," pushing Garrovick into the hall and closing the door.
The cheap-ass vent knob comes off in his hand, so Spock stupidly tries to cover the vent with his hands. Come on, Spock. You're smarter than this.

Everyone rushes to Garrovick's quarters. Engineering has done reverse-pressure on the room, and we see the film backed up again to show the cloud getting "sucked back" into the vent. The Blues want to break into the room to rescue Spock, but Kirk stops them: what if they let it loose in the ship?
Dude, are those doors air-tight? Because if not, it'll just creep around the doors into the hall, and then everyone is dead.
The doors open, and Spock walks out. Kirk is all surprised, because he's the only one that's forgotten that Spock's copper-based blood has no red corpuscles.
Scotty calls to say that the Scary Cloud has left the ship. Everyone goes back to their stations, and Kirk pulls Garrovick aside to tell him that neither of them is a fuck-up, it's just that you can't actually fire a weapon into a cloud of gas and expect anything to happen. He sends a beaming Garrovick back to his station, secure in the knowledge that he was all mentor-y today.

Kirk decides that they should follow the cloud to the place where it attacked the Farragut 11 years earlier.
"Why there?" asks Spock.
"Because before it smelled like honey, but when it was in Garrovick's quarters, it smelled different, like home," explains Kirk.
"That doesn't make any fucking sense," says Spock.
"I know," Kirk replies. "But the writers couldn't come up with anything better than my feeling intuitive about this home thing, so I'm dragging you guys across the universe in pursuit of it just based on that bullshit."
"Is that better or worse than the we-can't-shoot-it-because-it's-out-of-sync-with-time thing?" asks Spock.
"Dunno," says Kirk honestly.

Kirk formulates a plan: the Scary Cloud is here to spawn, and he needs to kill it, so he's going to put a vat of blood on the planet's surface to bait the trap, then blow it up with anti-matter. Of course someone has to set the trap off in person, because the blast will destroy half the planet, and the E has to get away. Kirk decides to have Garrovick help him set shit up, then Garrovick will beam back, the E will move away, and maybe they'll be able to beam Kirk back. But you know something will happen, and Kirk will attempt to sacrifice himself, because after some malfunction  there won't be time for him to beam back.

They beam down. There's this cutesy shot where Garrovick lets go of the handle of the anti-grav and it just hangs there. "Look! It's anti-grav, see? We're so clever." It's not actually badly done, just kind of obvious.

So, guess what happens? The Scary Cloud approaches as they're setting up, and it eats the bait. Kirk tells Garrovick to get back to the ship, as he's going to make himself the new bait. A gratuitous fist-fight is started in the dust, but Kirk says he's not sacrificing himself. They're just going to beam at the last second. So the Scary Cloud comes closer, and the transporter gets a lock, and Kirk gives the command to "transport and detonate!"

There's some explosion animation, and a minute or so of Spock and Scotty dicking with the fidgety transporter controls because they can't get a good lock. All the while, Bones is bitching about how they're not doing enough to get Jim back, and how much it sucks that this travel mode involves scattering a man's molecules across the universe - same old, same old. But then they get Kirk and Garrovick back, and everyone is happy because they probably killed another space buffalo. Hooray!
Kirk tells Garrovick that he wants to tell him some stories about his dad, and Garrovick smiles.

Sooooo... no one's going to talk about how this is pretty much the same episode as the cement windsock? No? Okay then.

Death Toll:
Red deaths this episode: 5
Red deaths this season: 17
Gold deaths this episode: 0
Gold deaths this season: 6
Blue deaths this episode: 0
Blue deaths this season: 1
Total crew deaths this season: 24
Total crew deaths thus far: 41

Dude, five Reds in one show. Excellent!
Seriously, why do I root for this shit? What is wrong with me?


So a few weeks ago I reviewed the hot version of the Blackberry Sage from The Republic of Tea. It was pretty good hot, but I brewed a pitcher of iced tea with it this morning, and it was even better. It's light enough to drink on an effing hot day in July, but it's still flavorful enough that it doesn't taste like watered-down juice or something.

This summer,
do not answer the scratching at the back door.
A film by Maeby Funke

Friday, July 4, 2014

Happy Fourth (Not the one in May)

Happy Fourth of July!

If this is not a holiday you celebrate, then you're in luck: it was named after the calendar date, so you can still feel free to have a good day.
If you do celebrate this holiday, please do so responsibly. It's nobody's fault but your own if you get piss-drunk, set your phaser to Fucking Obliterate, and disintegrate your aunt at a barbecue.

Also, if you set fireworks off at 3 am on what is technically July 5th, I'll call the cops on your ass.
Just sayin'.