ST:TNG Season Four, Episode Fourteen "Clues"

ST:TNG Season Four, Episode Fourteen "Clues"
Production Order: 14
Air Order: 14
Stardate: 44502.7
Original Air Date: February 11, 1991

Anybody else spend their entire December weekends volunteering at a petting zoo, asking small children over and over, "Would you like to pet the kitten? Isn't she so soft?"

No?

Just me?

Okay, then.

*******

We open seeing shots of Worf's mok'bara class, which is new for this show. (If you're not familiar with mok'bara, it's Klingon martial arts and is similar to tai chi.)

Picard's Log 44502.7: "We finished up this one mission early, which is awesome, because we've been so freaking busy lately that no one has had time for hobbies and stuff. So the crew is fucking around for a few days. Gonna cruise by this one nebula, and I'm mentioning it and the fact that I think it'll be a walk in the park as a way to foreshadow that some shit is about to go down, because frankly, an episode where we just have downtime is not that interesting. Nobody wants to watch me hanging out watching Netflix."

As more foreshadowing, we see Crusher put some clear, empty pantyhose containers on a machine and smile. We have no idea what she's doing, but she seems to be enjoying herself.

Last of the Picard voice-overs: "Also doing a thing I like, and introducing a friend to it."

Surprise.

Guinan swings into the Dixon Hill office and asks for him, but she's stymied by Hill's obstinate girl Friday, Madeline. Madeline says Hill doesn't want to be disturbed, and Guinan is annoyed. She and Picard were supposed to do this thing, and Madeline is holodeck-blocking her.
Madeline tries to get smart and say that Hill is incommunicado, but she can't remember the last part of the word, stutters, and makes a sound like a cat horking up a hairball. Guinan finishes the word for her.

"Tell him Gloria from Cleveland is here. I have an appointment at 2:00."
"It's 2:10," argues Madeline.
"I had trouble with the clothes," snaps Guinan, lifting her skirt to reveal a set of stockings and a garter.
Nice gams, Whoopi.

Madeline calls into the back office to tell Hill that Gloria from Cleveland is here to see him, but she hangs up and tells Guinan that Hill has never heard of her.
Guinan drops the pretense and starts to tell Madeline that she and Picard set this up in advance, and they're meeting here at 2:00, but she realizes that gatekeeper Maddie has no idea what she's talking about.
"Fuck it," says Guinan. She goes around the desk, Madeline protesting at her, and opens the office door.
Oops.

The dude with the gun gestures for her to come inside and close the door.
... did Madeline know this shit was happening five feet from her? Cuz she was real casual about it.
This new guy (Johnny) is clearly holding Hill hostage, and Hill apologizes to "Gloria" for getting her mixed up in this.
Picard and Guinan insist that Gloria is Hill's cousin, and they speak in weird, fake film noir gangster accents. Johnny wants to know where his money is. Guinan awkwardly tries to play along.
But Johnny steps in front of the window and is immediately filled with bullet holes from a machine gun. Bye, Johnny.
Somehow, Madeline hears none of this, and doesn't come running. Has the office been sound-proofed? Does Dixon Hill make that kind of cash?
"WTF even is this?" Guinan demands
"A mystery!" says Picard enthusiastically. "We don't know who this guy is, or who killed him, or where his money went, or why he thinks Hill took it! Now we look for clues."
Guinan is unconvinced. "This is fun?"

The phone on the desk rings, and Picard picks it up. It's Data.
"Hey, sir. Thought it would be less distracting to call you this way instead of through comm badges, which might ruin the effect of the holodeck."
That's pretty damn considerate, Data.
"Anyway, we came across a weird-ass planet in the T-Tauri system, and wouldn't you know, it's class-M."
"Oh. Regulations say we check it out. Call up the bridge crew. Thanks, Data."
Is... is there not a crew on the bridge already? Can you not check shit out with the crew that's already in place?
Picard turns to Guinan and says he has to go, but she's welcome to stay and work on the mystery without him.
"Aww, Picard," she replies. "I love you and your quirky shit, but I'm really over this crap. Thanks, though."
I don't blame her. She probably wants to get out of those damn garters and into something less uncomfortable.

Picard enters the bridge.
"So there's a class-M planet, and an unstable wormhole," says Riker.
"There are almost 40 wormholes in this system," adds Data. "Oh, hey."
Data looks up to see the wormhole swallow the ship.

Oops.

Dramatic music! Opening credits break!

When we return, Data is helping up Picard while the others climb to their feet. Data explains that the wormhole knocked everybody the hell out for about 30 seconds, but he scanned the whole ship and didn't find any problems.
Riker checks the computer. "We're really far away. Like, a whole day's travel."
"I think I should change the ship's clock to reflect the actual time," volunteers Data.
Crusher calls. "WTH?"
"Unstable wormhole," explains Picard. "We were all knocked out for 30 seconds. Everything okay there?"
"Yep, just little injury reports coming in. You guys cool?"
He confirms they are and hangs up.
Sassy Riker Moment: "We're lucky we weren't knocked into next week."
Hmmm, kind of actually possible in Star Trek.
But Data swings around in his chair. "Actually not possible here. The wormhole was small and not very powerful. Probably just a local thing."
"Yeah, but we were gonna check out that planet...." says Picard.
"Not a good idea," Data puts in. "That wormhole was super unstable. It would be way safer to send a probe to check it out."
"Cool," agrees Picard.

Down in sick bay, Crusher is scanning O'Brien's arm and asking him what he was doing when he fell. This week's Exposition to Prove That O'Brien is a 3-D Character has him telling Crusher that he was hanging a plant for his wife, and that she's trying to make him more of a plant guy. It is not going well.
Crusher turns to ask her nurse for something, but seeing that the nurse is busy with a patient, cheerfully tells her "never mind," and goes to get it herself.
The nurse, who we've seen before and who has had lines, finally gets a first name: Alyssa. She won't get a last name until later (Ogawa) and she isn't going to get the full O'Brien Treatment with plenty of lines and stories of her own, but at least she isn't just "nurse" anymore. She's better than a piece of equipment, and clearly friends with Crusher, as she's being called by her first name rather than Nurse Ogawa.

Anyway, Crusher goes into a back room to grab something and stops at her pantyhose eggs, which are now filled with... pink cotton candy or something. She pauses. Clearly, that cotton candy should not be there.
She goes back to O'Brien and casually asks Alyssa if she saw anybody messing with her pantyhose eggs or if she changed it at all.
"Hell no," replies Alyssa. "I wouldn't touch one of your experiments."

Back on the bridge, the probe info has come back, and the brown planet that they saw on the viewscreen earlier is now green.
"It's got a helium-nitrogen atmosphere," says Data.
"But we saw - and you reported - a class-M planet," says Picard. "The whole reason why we went over there was because you said it was class-M."
Data shrugs. "Could be interference from the wormhole."
"That's a weirdly specific thing for the sensors to get wrong," points out Riker.
"Maybe a planet we detected on the other side of the wormhole," suggests Data. "We can check all of the nearby systems here for a planet like the one we saw. It would take about six days."
Picard snorts. "Who has that kind of time? Naw, we're good. Check the sensors to make sure they weren't damaged by the wormhole, Data. Let's get out of here."

Suspicious music! Zoom-in on Data!

Crusher goes to see Picard in the ready room, and she takes her incubator of cotton candy.
"Cool, Diomedian scarlet moss," says Picard. "That's a good crop. Shit's hard to cultivate. Didn't know you were into ethnobotany."
She admits she dabbles in it, and says this batch concerns her: she just started it, and there's already a full day's growth. "We were seriously only out for 30 seconds?"
"Yeah," he says. "All of the ship's chronometers, the systems, even Data, says we were out 30 seconds. Maybe your moss was fast-growing, or something weird happened to it."
"I have a bunch of this," she argues. "Maybe something weird happened to one, but not all of it. I think we were out for a whole day."

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard's Log, supplemental: "Data says we were out 30 seconds. Crusher's moss says it was more."

Picard holds a senior staff meeting in the Obs Lounge with the moss.
"I have a theory about the moss," announces Data. "(Science concerning some theorist from the 22nd century.)"
"Doesn't quite match up," argues La Forge. "That theory is about energy, not matter."
"Could still apply," says Data.
"Okay, cool," says Picard. "Hey Data, could you go help Nelson with the sensor thing? I told him to expect you."
Data agrees and leaves, and it's real obvious that A) peeps don't trust him, and B) Picard just got rid of him on purpose.
"Anybody think Data's telling the truth?" Picard asks, once Data is gone.
They hesitate, then Geordi says he doesn't buy it, that's he's surprised Data suggested that weak-ass theory about the moss.
They bat about some questions to ponder, like if they were out a whole day, then why did nobody's beard grow? And what happened on that day that they aren't aware of?
"Eh, Data doesn't lie, though," reasons Picard. "Maybe whatever affected us, affected him in another way, and he's actually being honest."
"We could check the ship's chronometer to see if someone messed with it," says Geordi.
"And I could check the transporter trace analysis, see if there's something there as well," adds Crusher.
"Both," replies Picard. "But nobody make Data suspicious, okay?"

La Forge goes down to Engineering and gets an update on the sensors from Data (they're fine), then tells Data that Picard wants him on the bridge. Once Data leaves, La Forge asks him in a meaningful way to help him with the computers. Poor Nelson. He has nothing to do with this shit, but everyone keeps involving him in their intrigue.

There's a small time-filler scene where Crusher asks O'Brien who went through the transporter last, and he looks it up and tells it's one of his transporter crew. She asks him to send that crew member to sick bay.
In sick bay, Crusher and Alyssa scan the crew member and discover some discrepancies. Crusher is ecstatic. She calls Picard and he asks her to do a Walk & Talk with him to Engineering.
"I can measure internal clocks at the molecular level," she tells Picard a few minutes later. "I took scans of the last person to use the transporter, and compared them to her trace from the transport. They were off. We were out longer than 30 seconds."

They go down to Engineering.
"Figured out that yes, the ship's chronometer was fucked with," says La Forge. "Here's the shitty part: only Data and I can do it."
Dramatic shot of Geordi!

Picard confronts Data in the ready room about the tampered-with chronometer.

"That's mysterious," says Data.

"Could someone or something have messed with you without you knowing about it?" asks Picard.

"Good question."

"Would you consent to Geordi examining you?"

"Yeah, okay."

There's a security Gold in the ready room with them, and Picard asks her to escort Data to Engineering.

Sassy Data Moment: "I know the way, sir."

They disappear through the door.

Dramatic zoom-in on Picard!

Picard's Log, supplemental: "Looks like we lost a whole day. To what, nobody knows. But Data is looking hella suspicious now."

A section of Data's hair is missing, revealing flashing lights, and La Forge tells him that he's going to start with higher motor functions and go down. He uses some bedside manner, cuz Data is his best friend, and he's a nice guy.

"It's nice of you to make me feel comfortable," says Data, "but I notice that you are uncomfortable."

"Seems like you're not being honest with us," says La Forge. "Anything you want to tell me?"

Data pauses as though about to say something, then decides against it and says he's told them everything he knows.

On the bridge, La Forge reports that Data is functioning perfectly.
"Kinda wanted to find something wrong," he admits.
"Fuck a DUCK," says Riker. "So Data is hiding something, and there's something wrong with our sensors. Because that probe said that that planet was not habitable, but our sensors said it was."
"Data launched that probe," replies Picard, with a look that says he'd rather not remind them of that.
"Could you prove it if he messed with the probe?" Riker asks La Forge.
"Maybe," replies La Forge. He leaves to go check it out.

"Fuck a duck, indeed," says Picard. He tells the bridge at large to see if they can remember what they were doing right before they got knocked out, to search for clues.
Troi doubles over. "Crap, I'm dizzy."
"You should go to sick bay," suggests Picard.
"Nah, I'll lay down in my quarters," she decides.
Worf escorts her there at Picard's request.
She goes in, the door closes, and Worf starts to walk away. Then she screams and he runs back, calling for an override on her door when he yells her name and she doesn't respond.
Terrified, she tells him she looked in the mirror and it wasn't her.

Picard goes to Troi's quarters, where Crusher is scanning her. They both report that Troi is fine now.
"I looked in the mirror, and I saw my own image, but it was like behind my eyes was a stranger? Like my face was a mask?"
Geordi calls Picard. "Found something."

Worf goes to sick bay.
When Crusher asks what's wrong, he huffs and tries to be all, "It's a little complaint, but Picard said to report anything suspicious. Like, it's nothing."
He's holding his wrist, so she scans it. "WTF?"

Picard and La Forge go to Data's quarters. When La Forge shows Data a pic of the green planet, Data says it's the one they scanned before they went through the wormhole, and the one the probe picked up.
"Naw, it's Tethys III with some bits altered," says Geordi.
"You go through the ship's library and plug this image of some obscure planet into the probe?" Picard asks Data.
Data pauses. "Can't say either way," he says finally.
Picard sends La Forge to launch another probe, and Geordi apologizes to Data on his way out.
"Troi had a creepy hallucination. You know why?" asks Picard.
"Can't say."
"Ugh, I'm trying to get to the bottom of this shit, Data! Why are you being such a dick?"
"It's not by choice," Data admits.

"Would you endanger your friend and colleague Deanna?"
Another pause. "Do the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or one?"
"Are... you protecting us?"
"Can't say."
This "Data being enigmatic" thing is starting to piss me off.
It's pissing off Picard, too.
"Answer me directly: what really happened to us?"
"I can't answer that."
"WTF, Data? I mean, what if you were in my position?"
This one gives Data pause, and he rips the Bandaid off. "So... it seems like I tampered with the ship's records, screwed with an investigation, and disobeyed a direct order from a commanding officer. I think we both know what that means."
Yeah, Picard does. "A court-martial. Your career would be over."
"That's true."
"And that asshole Maddox would probably take you apart to find out what went wrong."
"Yeah."

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Back in the ready room, Crusher and Worf tell Picard that Worf's wrist was broken, reset, and mended by sick bay equipment during the time when they were all unconscious. Worf looks like he'd like to just sink into the ready room carpet and disappear forever. Crusher and Picard are mostly talking about him, near him, like parents talking to a principal about a kid who got in trouble, while the kid sits nearby in embarrassed silence.
"You think Worf was awake during that time?" Picard asks Crusher.
She thinks they all were, and then their memories of that time were erased or blocked or changed somehow. Picard asks who would have done such a thing.
Worf finally speaks up. "The list of people on this ship who are quick and strong enough to break my wrist is really short. Data's on it."
"Yeah, I don't think so," says Picard. "I mean, I know he's being fishy, but there are other parts of this puzzle, and I have a hunch that Data isn't a completely willing participant."
Geordi calls again. "Our probe is near that planet."

They all hurry onto the bridge, and Geordi put his findings up on the viewscreen. It's the same planet they saw when they first rolled up.
"Class-M, no spacial distortions anywhere nearby," says Geordi. "Like, even if the wormhole was closed, we could still detect residuals."
"There is no wormhole," says Picard. "It's a fucking ruse. There are a bunch of clues here that suggest that we are missing a day, a day that we experienced. And Worf's broken wrist says that there was a struggle for our lives."
"We're still alive," says Crusher. "We probably won."
"Data acting weird says that we didn't," he argues. "And he seems to accept that fact that his career could be ruined, just to keep his secrets. I think maybe it was a stalemate. With part of a compromise being that we had to have our memories erased. And somehow Data got roped into keeping his mouth shut."
"Shit, that means that us uncovering this stuff upsets the stalemate," points out Riker. "Should we just... leave it alone? Go about our merry way?"
"No," says Picard. "We have to figure out how Data fits into this, or Starfleet will decide he's untrustworthy, and we end up with the same problem. No, we gotta talk to Data. Let's go back to the T-Tauri system and see what's up."

So they go back to the planet, and an energy field appears between them and the planet.
Is it a giant green hand in space?
Naw, it looks like a diaphanous length of gauze, floating on the surface of bathtub water or something.

The field puts out an energy pulse, and Picard is curious, so he just lets it hit the shields.
"It dispersed," Worf announces.
But it actually didn't. In true TNG tradition, a ball of light assaults Troi while she's sleeping.

Troi shows up in Data's quarters. Fortunately, whatever is possessing her allowed her to put on clothes so she isn't just wandering around naked. 
"You're in our space again," says Troi in a weird, deep-ass voice.
"Ah, you again," says Data. "Yeah, sorry. I'm trying."
"I have to destroy the ship," says Troi-thing.
"I can maybe fix this still," he offers.
La Forge pokes his head through the door. "Hey Data, you're wanted on the bridge."

Data and La Forge exit the turbolift and Data goes straight to Picard's side.
"We're back at that planet you lied about," says Picard.
"Yeeeaaahhh... we need to leave?" says Data. "Like, yesterday?"
"No way," says Picard. "Spill the fucking tea already."
"I can't. And, it's dangerous to be here, so let's go."
"What's the deal with this planet?" demands Picard.
"Can't say. Was ordered not to."
"Why the hell not?" Picard puts on his conspiracy face. "Did Starfleet contact you, and tell you not to say anything to us?"
"Can't say."
"Who ordered you to not say anything to us?!"
But then Troi-thing enters, and her tea is extra strong.
"You did, sir," replies Data.

WHAAAAA? Dramatic music! Commercial break!

"The fuck?" asks Picard. "Me?"
"Hey, that energy field is getting closer," warns Worf.
Riker starts to tell the crew to do max shields, but Data interrupts to say that max shields will speed up the takeover of the ship, and to vary the shield strength and shape as quickly as possible. And even though Data is being super sketch, Picard still trusts him, and goes with his recommendation.
The energy field tries to match the shifting shields.
Data pretty much gives up the ghost at this point. "So that shield thing will delay the takeover, but it will still happen. The Paxans have better technology than us."
Troi-thing steps forward. "You invaded our system," it says in that weird voice-modulation.
Worf draws his phaser, but Data points out that shooting the Troi-thing will only end in harming Troi.
Geez Worf, don't you know how alien possession by energy ball works?

Time for an exposition dump!
"The Paxans are xenophobes," explains Data. "They don't want contact, and they don't want people to know about them. So they set up a trap around their planet. The energy field stuns everyone on board the invading ship and puts them in stasis."
"That's why our beards didn't grow," La Forge tells Worf.
"Then they move the ship way away from the planet," Data concludes.
"Ah," says Riker. "Then the crew assumes wormhole based on the distance traveled, and goes on their way."
"What went wrong?" asks Picard.
"Me," says Data. "My tech is unknown to them. So I stayed awake."
Flash-back time!
Past-Data is shown activating emergency procedures and creating the shifting shield. Then he tells Majel to basically fill the ship's air with smelling salts.
The crew wakes up.

Data voice-over: "The Paxans can do a bunch of cool energy-manipulation, so they took over Counselor Troi's body to communicate with us."

When Past-Troi-thing stands to talk to Picard and the others, Worf rushes it with a phaser. It breaks his wrist.
Picard puts a stop to the action to talk to Troi-thing.
"You're not allowed to know about us," the Troi-thing tells him. "We tried to put you in stasis and it didn't work. Gonna have to blow you to smithereens now."
"No good," says Picard. "We're part of this vast network of explorers. If you blow us up, someone will come looking for us. More people than you can imagine will know about you. I promise to keep your secret and never tell anyone about you if you just let us go."
"Not gonna happen," argues Troi-thing. "There are 1000-plus people on this ship. Someone will talk."
And now we get to the stalemate:
"Can your stasis stuff affect memory? Like, could you erase the memories of everyone on board? Then no one will know about you, and you can move us and make it look like a wormhole thing."
"Yeah, but it'll take like, one of your days to hit up everyone on board. Also, dude is immune?" Troi-thing points out, looking at Data. "He'd still know."
Picard pauses. "Okay Data: gonna give you a direct order. Don't tell anyone about the Paxans. Not Starfleet, not me." 
"Cool," replies Data.
Picard announces to the bridge crew that they better start erasing all of this crap ASAP from the records.

"So we did," says Present-Data. "I changed the ship's chronometer to show that only 30 seconds had passed, and we erased all of the records and everybody's memories, but you guys started picking threads in the sweater, and the whole thing unraveled."
"And here we are again," says Riker.
"Yeah, gotta blow you up this time," says Paxan-Troi.
"No, wait!" says Picard. "The problem with this time is that little clues were left. It makes for a mystery. Humans love mysteries. We gotta get to the bottom of shit. What say we treat this last time as a dress rehearsal, and we try again, making sure we leave no clues. Things like Crusher's experiment, and Data tinkering with the computer, and his weird behavior. Anyway, can we try again?"
"Eh, I kind of like you," shrugs Paxan-Troi. "Give it another shot."
"Cool," says Picard. "Nobody fuck it up this time!"
The Paxan energy-thing leaves Troi.

Later, the bridge crew wakes up on the floor.
"That was some wormhole," says Data. "You guys were all knocked unconscious for about 30 seconds."
Picard does a quick check: no damage or casualties. Everyone is fine, but they're a ways from where they started.
"Oh yeah," says Picard. "We were gonna check out that class-M planet back there."
"I think it's too dangerous," says Data. "That wormhole was hella unstable. Plus, there might not even be a planet there. Might be a reflection or something from the wormhole."
"Probe?" suggests Riker.
"Sure," shrugs Data.
"Eh, good enough for government," brushes off Picard. "Let's get back on track. Also, call Starfleet and let them know there's a big-ass wormhole there that needs to be avoided."
Knowing close-up on Data...

This is an episode that I like quite a bit. There's good Star Trek stuff here, some fun at the beginning, and the mystery is top-notch: what happens when the guy who is suspected of fishy behavior is actually incapable of lying? (Okay, okay - all of his answers end up being "Can't say," which gets annoying, but still.)
Thing is, when you go over an episode with a fine-toothed comb, you notice stuff that was never explained, or things that warrant more detail, or... well, just plot-holes in general.
The Paxans are a xenophobic culture that secretly diverts possible visitors by making them think that they've gone through a wormhole. As defenses go, that's pretty freaking clever. No need to waste resources on military, or time making threatening gestures, or money building a fucking wall. They just use tech to knock everybody the hell out and tow them to a safe distance. A+.
So that's how we get our mystery and backstory, and both are great. But the problem turns out to be Data, in that he was awake the whole time, and his promise to past-Picard to keep the secret might have worked, had they not inadvertently left clues behind.
And here's where I make McKayla Maroney face and go, "Eh..."

It's the "humans are wonderful and special" thing again. Picard frantically explains to Troi-Paxan that humans are curious, and love mysteries, and getting down to the bottom of them is considered exhilarating. Troi-Paxan is quick to give them another chance to do it right. "You're an interesting species," is how she puts it. "Worthy of a second chance."
I know we can chalk this up to needing to wrap up the episode in the time allotted, but if you were a xenophobe, and carefully diverted a ship from your space with the promise that they would not be back, then showed up on your doorstep right away again, would you take their word for it a second time, or blow them up? My guess is gooey-kablooey, but here she decides to let them go ahead with it. Is Picard really that skilled a diplomat, or are humans just charmed with great luck? Are Worf or Troi or the Bolian barbers ever annoyed that things just magically turn out okay for humans at every turn? I've often found myself muttering that humans are the Gryffindors of the universe, and here they fit the bill again: they win the day "just because." The Dumbledore of this particular universe is the writing staff, awarding extra points to Team Human for farting.

Well done, humans!

So let's set that aside and talk about the problem with Picard's plan. The initial idea wasn't a bad one, as long as Data agreed to not tell future-Picard the truth, or to let anyone know for as long as he continued to function. The trouble lies in that missing time: they wouldn't be missing an hour, but 24 of them. That's a lot of hours to miss. I know that's what set off the "mystery," but think about that for a minute: there's the problem of life going on without them. The moss grows. Pets on board would be hungry and will have probably eliminated all over the floor in their quarters. Worf's wrist will still have been broken and reset. And most telling: Starfleet will have continued to function in that 24 hours. What if they had sent a communique to Picard that went unanswered? When they hit dock again, someone would have noticed that Data had screwed with the chronometers, and asked Picard about it. Oops. And we begin again.
Speaking of beginning again, we end with the Enterprise attempting to cover their tracks a second time in preparation for being knocked out, towed away, and relieved of their memories again. So, if we do the math, that's
- the initial 24 hours that went missing;
- the second 24 hours that now need to be erased as well;
- all of the time between these first two times, when the senior staff were investigating Data - we don't know how long that was, maybe a few hours, but maybe several days.
When they dock again, they'll be missing possibly three or more days. The E crew can try to explain it as wormhole time, but Data claims they were out 30 seconds, not days on end. Would he tell the crew that they had been out for all of those days, instead of half a minute? Starfleet would still ask Data for his report for those days.
"The whole crew was out? Why didn't you contact us? What were you doing those days? Why weren't you bringing the ship back to Federation space in the meantime?"
There are too many variables to cover. I get that they're out in the middle of nowhere, but they're still tied umbilically to Starfleet, who is definitely going to open an investigation as to why 1000+ people are missing a number of days.

A tiny little side thing: Madeline can definitely hear into Hill's office on the holodeck. She heard the glass breaking and guy getting shot, but never ran in to check on Hill or "Gloria" or even react to it. How do I know? Data's phone call initially rang in the front office, and they overheard her answer the phone, which resulted in a quasi-funny moment: "Sorry, there's no Captain Picard here. Try the docks." Picard then called to her to transfer the call into his office. Is the program set so that Madeline doesn't respond to things unless they concern her directly? Why would she not scream, or rattle around outside like she was crawling under her desk, or yell that she was calling the cops? Did the writers temporarily forget she was there?

Despite my objections, this is actually a fairly good episode, with some fun and funny moments. The mystery is solid storytelling, and the intrigue of "is the honest-by-nature guy lying?" is interesting enough to hold the audience's attention.

- Fun Facts:

- This episode came from a spec script from fan Bruce D Arthurs. Michael Piller liked it well enough to offer Arthurs a writer job on the show. The script was then rewritten to take out Wes' part and polish up the dialogue.
- There's a similarity between this episode and the Red Dwarf episode "Thanks For the Memory."
- Director Les Landau used longer, more fluid takes on the flashback scenes to set them apart from the real-time ones.
- This episode is a bottle show.
- First appearance of the mok'bara classes.
- First mention of Nurse Ogawa's first name.
- Picard mentions the Paxans by name during the flashback, despite the fact that Troi-Paxan had not mentioned the name of her people.


Red deaths: 0
To date: 0
Gold deaths: 0
To date: 0

Blue deaths: 0
To date: 0
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 11,000

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0
To date: 1

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Geordi moments: 0
To date: 2

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 2

Sassy Riker Moments: 1
To date: 7

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date: 7

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Data Moments: 1
To date: 2
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date: 2
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 4
Sassy Guinan Moments: 1
To date: 1
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 0
To date: 3

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 2
To date: 20

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 1
To date: 14

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date: 0
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 1
To date: 1
Picard Maneuvers: 0
To date: 16
Tea, Earl Grey: 0
To date: 5

Pavel and Princess Ginger

ST:TNG Season Two, Episode Nineteen "Manhunt"

ST:TNG Season Two, Episode Nineteen "Manhunt"
Production Order: 45
Air Order: 45
Stardate: 42859.2
Original Air Date: June 19, 1989

Sci-fi yoga:
INHALE the good TNG energy.
EXHALE the bullshit STV energy.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Use a neti pot to wash away the sins of those who consider Sybok to be canon.
INHALE Picard's steady presence.
EXHALE a slew of plot holes that had to be written away in the STV novelization.
...annnnd shavasana in a red shirt.

*******

Picard's Log 42859.2: "Going to this planet Antede III to get some dignitaries, which we'll then take to a conference on Pacifica."

Picard is all dressed up in his longer-than-a-scant dress uniform and leggings. Worf and Pulaski are in the transporter room already, along with Wes. Picard has asked Wes to be in attendance as an educational thing.

O'Brien beams up a pair of fish-like humanoids. Picard introduces himself as captain, but the Antedians say nothing.
Wes asks if they're okay, and while Pulaski scans them, Picard explains that Antedians deal with space travel by going into a self-induced catatonic state. They'll stay that way until the ship reaches the conference.
Um, then why did you bother getting dressed up and introducing yourself? For the sake of showing everyone what nice legs you have?

Pulaski says she doesn't really have room in sick bay for the Antedians right now, so she asks if O'Brien can store them.
...whut?
"Sure, I can find an out of the way place to stash them," he agrees.
Dude, aren't those passengers? Like, I get that they're in a catatonic state right now, but they're not luggage. They can't even find them quarters?
Picard goes back to the bridge, and Wes asks Pulaski what the barrel is that beamed up with the Antedians.
"Vermicula," she says. "It's what they eat."
It's pretty much little fish. Wes thinks it's gross.
Worf remarks that the Antedians are handsome. I suppose the joke is that Klingons are also severe-looking, but I disagree. Aside from some unfortunate wardrobe choices (why did Vixis have leather thongs braided around her scalp?), I think Klingons are actually fairly good-looking.

Back on the bridge, Riker asks Wes what he thought of the Antedians.
"Fugly," says Wes.
"Wow, that's rude," says Data. "Why do humans gotta be so freaking prejudiced?"
I thought maybe the rest of the bridge crew would break in and defend themselves, but no one does. And maybe I expect that because of the times in which we live, where someone would undoubtedly try to defend humanity from being the assholes that we are. But that's not what happens.
"That's true," remarks Picard, admitting to the asshole-ishness. "I bet to some species, we're pretty fugly, too."
It's announced then that there's a small ship approaching them, and it's hailing the E.
Troi freaks out. "What's she doing here?"
Riker and Picard are concerned, because Troi doesn't just react to things for no reason.
They put it up on viewscreen, and a pilot says he's carrying a VIP passenger to transfer to them.
"Let me talk to them!" says the passenger.
FUCK YEAH!

Two weeks of bullshit, and Star Trek rewards me with a Lwaxana episode!
Good show! Have a biscuit!
So it seems that Lwaxana is also going to the conference, and Starfleet has granted her full ambassadorial status.
"That's really naughty, Jean-Luc," she chides through the viewscreen. "But that's really flattering, all the same."
Picard's face says, "Awww, fuck me."

Hesitant music! Opening credits break!

Picard, Troi and Riker go back to the transporter room, and Picard and Riker are in their dress uniforms again.
"It will be... pleasant to see your mother again," Picard tells Troi.
Riker smiles because he knows that Picard is really trying to convince himself of this.

Riker will spend the entirety of this episode laughing at Picard's awkward discomfort.

Lwaxana appears on the pad, facing the wall and kneeling. She screams about her legs being gone, until Troi reminds her that they're underneath her, and she stands and turns around, complaining about the transporter technology and calling Picard Jean-Luc.
(A quick aside: if Lwaxana had appeared on the transporter pad of the E, facing backward and on her knees, that means she started out the beaming process facing backward and on her knees. Which begs the question - what the hell was she doing at beam-up?)

Troi admonishes her for not addressing Picard as "captain." Lwaxana turns fully around and sees the Antedians, starting.
"Those are the Antedian delegates," explains Riker. "They're being stored here temporarily."
"They look like fucking sushi," says Lwaxana.
She steps forward to hug Troi, compliments Picard's legs, and tells O'Brien to beam up her valet, Mr Homn.

"You can carry my bag," she tells Picard.
"Oh, I don't want to interfere with Mr Homn's valet duties," he deflects.
"It's cool, I'll get it," says Riker.
And he proceeds to give himself a hernia carrying that heavy-ass case to her room.

As they all move down the corridors, Lwaxana talks to Troi through telepathy.
"Riker also has nice legs. Is he still yours?"
"Humans no longer own each other in that way," Troi responds.
"Really?" Lwaxana says out loud, to a strange look from Picard. "That's a custom we may have to re-introduce."
I'm... I'm confused. Own each other in what way? They no longer date monogamously, or...?
When they reach the room, Riker ditches the case and high-tails it away.
Picard tries to do the same, but not before Lwaxana announces a Betazoid dinner of greeting tonight, an ambassadorial function in her quarters.
He agrees, then quickly leaves.
Troi chastises her mother for talking about men like they were commodities, and Lwaxana argues that they are, especially human men. As an example, she asks if Ian was ever unhappy with her.
"No, he was very happy with you," Troi agrees.
They hug it out.
I... have some concern with Lwaxana's argument there. One satisfied husband does not mean that all human dudes are going to be the same, madam. #notallhumans

Gossip on the bridge, y'all.
Riker is telling Data and Wes what Lwaxana was saying, and Wes laughs about how she complimented Picard on his legs. Data ponders out loud Lwaxana's tendency to leave her filter in the off position, especially considering that she's a telepath. He thought mind-readers would be more discrete. Picard enters the bridge and tells them to knock it the fuck off, that Lwaxana is an ambassador, and needs to be treated with respect.
"Even if she is somewhat eccentric," he finishes.
"Also, this is a dress uniform dinner," he adds, before getting into the lift.
"What dinner?" asks Riker.
Everyone shrugs.

Picard is back in his skant, carrying a bottle of Romulan ale. (For an illegal substance, they sure do drink and gift a lot of this stuff.) He runs into Pulaski and, seeing as how she is not in dress uniform, asks why she isn't going to the dinner.
"I already ate, thanks," she says cheerfully.
Picard is let into Lwaxana's quarters, and he politely hands Mr Homn the bottle of Romulan ale.
Homn chugs it like a frat boy.
"I'm early," he says, looking around, and seeing no other officers.
Homn shakes his head, points to Picard, then points beyond him.
Lwaxana is standing in the doorway in a dress that's supposed to look like a nightie (I think), and she purrs that it was good of Picard to come.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

When we return, Homn serves an awkward dinner for two to Lwaxana and Picard.
She gives a toast to sexy Earth dudes.
"Um, okay, thanks," he replies, clinking glasses with her. "Soooo, I was thinking before that this was going to be a dinner that all of my officers attended..."
"You shouldn't assume things where I'm concerned," she says, and she rubs her leg against his.
Picard moves his leg away.

He starts eating, and she toys with her food, saying she's not really hungry. She puts a bite in her mouth, and Homn rings a chime.
"Oh, right. I forgot. You guys give thanks for your food," he says.
I guess each time they take a bite, they ring the chime. I wonder how this is done? Like, if they're having a small, family dinner and don't have a servant, does one of the family members have to ring that chime? Is this a thing you do with snacks as well? What if you live by yourself?
They take a few more bites, and Picard wonders aloud how many other cultures gives thanks for their food in this way.
Lwaxana's purring seductress act slips. "Um, I dunno."
You can see a lightbulb go off over Picard's head. It's actually a damn good idea.
"Let's find out!" He calls Lt Google. "Hey, Data! How many cultures give thanks for their food like the Betazoids do?"
"Lots!" says Data, who is stoked to have a use for his trivia knowledge. "There's this one culture - they hit rocks together while eating, and everyone has to eat until one of the rocks breaks!"
"Rad!" exclaims Picard. "You should join us, and tell us more interesting, useless shit!"
"Sweet, I will!" The android signs off, and rushes to the lift.
"The hell?" demands Lwaxana. "Why would you think I'd want that robot at our dinner date?"
Picard ignores her robophobic slur. "Because Data has the most interesting dinner conversation!"

A while later, Data is telling a story with a lot of math in it, while Lwaxana stares unseeing at him, and Homn yawns in the background. Picard hangs off of Data's every word.
"Talk about brown dwarf stars now!" says Picard.
"Cool!" Data is so damn excited to be included.

Troi and Pulsaki are walking down the corridors, discussing the situation.
"So hey, did I ever tell you about Betazoid menopause?" asks Troi.
"No, what about it?"
"Um, so my mother is entering what we call "the phase" and it means she's reaching her full sexuality."
"That explains a lot," laughs Pulaski. "I saw Picard going to her quarters in dress uniform."
"Oh! Maybe I should warn him!" worries Troi.
"Naw." Pulaski smiles. "As his doctor, I consider it to be very good for his reflexes and agility."
"Gross!" Troi is horrified.
"No, I mean in his ability to dodge her advances." Pulaski is thoroughly enjoying herself.
Troi is not only mollified by this, she actually also seems to be enjoying this situation. "Yes, an animal is always at its best when being hunted," she says happily.
"Or hunting," Pulaski agrees in a cheerful tone.

Troi goes to her mother's quarters, where Data has broken out a Power Point.
Lwaxana is overjoyed to see her, and Picard looks at this as a way to escape.
"I have to do captain stuff," he says quickly. "Thanks for a nice dinner. We should do it again sometime."
Nope, too far on the politeness, Picard.
Lwaxana drops back into her predatory purring. "I know we will."
"Data, you should stay and entertain our guest," suggests Picard.
"No! I don't want to keep Mr Data from his bridge duties," Lwaxana adds.
Data and Picard leave.
They head back down the corridor for a bit before Picard stops and thanks Data.
"I owe you big-time," sighs Picard.
"You wanna hear more stories?" asks Data. "I got some good ones about -"
"Thank you, Mr Data."
"No? Okay, cool."

Troi yanks her mother out into the corridor so they won't be discussing things into front of Homn, who is actually minding his own business while he goes around the table, finishing everyone else's alcohol.
"Now I know why you came on board!" Troi accuses.
"What?" asks Lwaxana innocently. "We were both going to Pacifica."
Troi demands to know how far along her mother is in "the phase."
"Far enough along to enjoy it," says Lwaxana flippantly. "So now I'll do the honorable thing with Picard."
"Why would you think he'd want to?" demands Troi.
"Because he was thinking about it all through dinner," says Lwaxana.

"The fuck?" demands Picard when Troi relates this story.
He takes a moment to compose himself, then delicately tells Troi that her mother's telepathic abilities suck.
"Actually, they're pretty advanced," she admits.
Making Lwaxana Troi an unreliable narrator... on purpose. Let's face it, girlfriend likes to shock people and watch them squirm. What better way than to claim you can read their lustful thoughts?
Troi then explains the phase. Riker jumps in to add that when he first started hooking up with Troi, she warned him about it, stating that a Betazoid woman could expect to quadruple her sex drive during this time.
"Or more," says Troi.
"More?" he asks, startled.
"I didn't want to frighten you," she says sheepishly.
And Riker reacts like this:

"So she's going for the dignified option," explains Troi.
"Isolation?" guesses Riker.
"No, she's gonna focus all of her sexual energy on one male, who she'll eventually marry. Um, looks like she's picked you."
Picard is mortified.
Riker laughs. "Congratulations, sir!"

"It's not funny," snaps Picard.
The fuck it's not. This is one of my favorite Star Trek scenes ever. I'd rank it right up there with TOS' "The Apple" where they discuss... replacements. Riker is amused, and so am I.
I do kind of feel for Picard, though. There's nothing more uncomfortably awkward that having someone admit that they want you, and you really, really, REALLY do not reciprocate those feelings.
"I'm gonna hide until we get to Pacifica," says Picard decisively.

We switch over to Picard programming the holodeck. He's gonna indulge in some Dixon Hill for a little while, and he's made sure to dress the part first.
He enters the officer, where his secretary is working. It takes him a second to remember her name.
"Madeline. Good to see you again."
She laughs. "You act like you ain't seen me in a year."
Eh, eighteen months. Close enough.

"Do we have any cases?" he asks.
"We ain't had a case since Hitler and Stalin were bosom buddies," she replies.
Wait, does that... well, not science, but history? Yep. Hitler and Stalin were in a non-aggression pact from 1939-41, and the Dixon Hill stories take place in '41, so she could be talking a matter of weeks to six months, depending on what month this particular story takes place.
Probably longer than a few weeks, since she says the landlord told her to tell him that he needs to pay the rent on the office, or they'll get kicked out. She also complains about not having been paid in a month, and mentions that he's been in the hospital.
Picard goes back into his office to chill. He hangs up his trench, turns on the radio, and puts his feet up on the desk.
(There's a funny sort of detail here that I'm not certain completely fits: when Picard puts his feet up, you can see that there's a hole in one of his shoes. If Dixon Hill has fallen on tough times, then this would work. But Picard is not Hill, and he has to request his clothes from the replicator. He's also not aware of what Dixon Hill story the computer will choose to depict, so there's no way for him to tell if Hill has fallen on hard times, unless HIll is always in that state? Would he really specify "Brogues, circa 1941, with a hole in the sole"? Seems a touch too specific.)

In Lwaxana's quarters, Troi is telling her mother that Picard is unavailable because of "ship's business." She's annoyed, but sits down next to Mr Homn and quickly resigns herself to her Plan B. (Mr Homn once again minding his own business by drinking every bottle of space booze on the ship.)
"What the hell is Plan B?" demands Troi.

Madeline lets someone into Hill's office, whispering that he doesn't look like a client.
A guy comes in. "Hello, Mr Hill. I'm (dime-store-novel name that's inexplicably a noun or verb, combined with equally ridiculous last name). I'm here because my buddy asked you last week to find his girlfriend."
"Did I find her?" asks Picard.
"You're funny," replies Mr (WTF kind of name is that). It is obvious that he has no sense of humor. "Yeah, you found her face-down in the river, and now my buddy is on trial for her murder."
He pulls a gun, and Picard freezes the program.
"Less violence, please," he tells Majel.
"Okay," says Majel.
Madeline lets a new dude in, who tries to beat the crap out of Picard. This guy also has no sense of humor.

"Stop!" yells Picard. Dude disappears. "Computer, you just swapped out one kind of violence for another. Try again."
A guy runs in with a machine gun.
"OMG, computer! Freeze this and get rid of this guy, and what the hell did I say?" barks Picard. "I wanted a nice, quiet program, and you keep sending in these guys to kill me."
"Bitch, what do you want?" demands Majel. "You opened a film noir-style program about a private eye. Shit's gonna go down, and all I can do is give you the violence that goes with it. It's like asking for a WWII program where Nazis and Allied troops join hands and sing kumbaya."
"Huh. That's true," admits Picard.

Worf and Wes are back in the transporter room for no reason, and Worf again remarks that he thinks the Antedians are good-looking. Wes disagrees.
"Did you think that about me, when we first met?" asks Worf bluntly.
"Kind of, at first," admits Wes. He has the good sense to be embarrassed about it. But then he puts his foot in his mouth. "But I've gotten to know you, and I've seen some other Klingons, and now I think you're pretty handsome, for a Klingon."
Worf gives him a Vulcan-like eyebrow raise.
"That came out wrong." says Wes quickly.
Lwaxana and Mr Homn enter. She remarks that the Antedians still look like sushi, then she sizes up Wes.
"One day, you'll be a big, strong man."
Creepy, Lwaxana.
"But I don't have time to hang out and wait for puberty to finish it's magic. You're pretty awesome, though," she tells Worf. "But I like humans. Who is next?" she asks Homn.
Homn holds his hand flat across his eyes, indicating a VISOR, and instead of discriminating against Geordi, she seems excited to go chat with him.
Equal opportunity human humping?
They leave, and Worf and Wes wonder why the hell she was there.

Back on the holodeck, Picard is exiting his office to see Madeline stock-still applying make-up at her desk. He starts to talk to her, then realizes that she can't respond. He unfreezes the program. LOL, Picard. You wuss. He's been chilling in his fictional office with the program paused this whole time.
Madeline asks if Picard is going to Rex's bar, as she left a note about it on his desk.
"Sure," he says. "Wanna come?"
She readily agrees, kind of stoked because he's never asked her to go with him for a drink before.
"But if we're going to Rex's bar," she says, taking a gun from the desk and handing it to him, "you'll need this."

Swanky music! Commercial break!

They enter the bar, and Rex the barman comes over to take their drink orders. They light up cigarettes and talk about the impending world war while Rex pours the drinks. Picard does a thirty-second TED Talk about how beneficial WWII was by way of technology and culture, and Rex wonders aloud if he should pour Picard a drink, as he appears to be drunk already. Then he asks for money for the drinks.
"Damn," says Picard. "I forgot to bring money again."
Rex starts talking about Jimmy Cuzzo, and Picard can't place where he knows that name.
Madeline says Jimmy Cuzzo is why she gave Picard the gun, and that he and Rex both gave testimony that put Cuzzo away, and now he's back and kind of looking for both of them. Picard recalls vaguely the Dixon Hill adventure that featured Cuzzo.

Lwaxana waltzes onto the bridge.
"You can't just walk onto the bridge," Troi tells her.
Sassy Lwaxana Moment: "I didn't walk, I took that turbotube, or whatever."
She scans the bridge. Her eyes fall on Riker. He notices her looking at him, and squirms a bit.
"Not him," says Troi telepathically.
"Why not him? He's adorable," Lwaxana replies.
Pulaski calls to tell Riker that the Antedians are starting to wake up.
"Cool, I'll tell the captain," he answers, and he stands up to leave the bridge.
"You're going to see the captain?" asks Lwaxana. "I thought he was busy with ship's business?"
"He is," replies Riker. "I'm not going to disturb him, just give him the message."
"Okay, and you can let him know our news," she says. She grabs his arm. "Friends," she announces to the bridge, "when we're on Pacifica, you're all invited to the wedding of Commander Riker and I."
"The hell?" asks Wes.
Troi does not look pleased.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

We return to the same scene.
"Um, Mrs Troi..." starts Riker.
"It's okay, I know you're super excited!" she gushes. "We'll take care of the details!"
And she sweeps into the lift with Homn.
Troi makes to go after her, but Riker holds her back.
"Let me go, I need to yell at her!" protests Troi.
"Leave it," says Riker.
Data approaches Riker. "Are you going to the holodeck? Can I come?"
"Sure," shrugs Riker.

We go back to the bar. The shadow of a figure pauses in the frosted glass on the door, and they all think it's Cuzzo, but when the door opens, it turns out to be a smartly-dressed Data, followed by Riker, who did not bother to change his clothes.
"Hey," says Riker. "Our passengers are waking up."
"Oh, I should go," says Picard.
"Your friends should have a round first," suggests Rex.
"Sure, why not?" says Picard. He introduces everyone, calling Riker "Nails, from Chicago" and Data reminds him that in the Dixon Hill program, he is "Carlos, from South America." Picard pauses when introducing Rex. "I don't know if I remember your last name," he admits.
"Don't know if I have one," shrugs Rex. "It's just Rex."
I'm not certain if that response was Rex, the cheeky barman, or Rex, the NPC holodeck character who doesn't have a last name, and is trying to reply in the style of Rex the barman. Whatever.
"So a certain wealthy and beautiful woman we know now thinks she's going to marry me," Riker tells Picard.
"Looks and bucks?" asks Rex. "Sounds like you got it good."

In her quarters, Lwaxana has changed into yet another purple dress. She decides that Riker should see how awesome she looks in it. Out in the corridor, she consults the wall panel.
I love these scenes. Majel Barrett is talking to herself.
"Where is Commander Riker?"
"On the holodeck." This ship has no chill.
"Where is that?"
"I'll light up the comm panels on the wall as a sort of yellow-brick road," says Majel helpfully.
For serious, ship. What if Lwaxana had been stalking Riker? I feel like I've complained about this before. You can just ask the ship where someone is, and it'll tell you, like a 24th century Marauder's Map. No privacy. "Commander Riker is in the head, taking a shit."
The comm panels light up as they move down the corridor.
"Oh, that's so helpful!" says Majel.

This time, when a shadow falls across the frosted door, it's Mr Homn, holding the door for Lwaxana. She's annoyed as hell, chastising Picard for hiding out here, and barking at riker that she knows how he really feels, and that she's too much for him to handle, anyway. Rex is at once impressed by her, being the dame with the big bucks.
"He's not good enough for you," coos Rex, pouring her a drink.
Lwaxana is just as taken with Rex, whom she cannot read, telepathically. She declares him to be a mystery, and in her world, that's quite the aphrodisiac.
"Carry my drink to that table," she purrs. "We have some things to discuss."
They canoodle at a small table while Homn looks on.
"We should tell her," says Riker quietly to Picard.
"Eventually," agrees Picard. "But let her enjoy the moment for now."

In sick bay, the Antedians have woken up. Worf grabs handfuls of the vermicula to... hand to them? I dunno what his plan of action was there. Anyway, they push him to the side and basically use the barrel as a trough. Pulaski calls Picard to report that they're awake and hungry.
"Would you like to be shown to your rooms?" she asks.
They ignore her.
And knowing they had rooms makes me wonder why they were being stored in the transporter room. I mean, I know that they wanted them in sick bay to keep an eye on them while they were in stasis, but in the meantime, could they not have stood around in a room with a medical guard rather than hang out in the transporter room?

Picard approaches Lwaxana.
"We have to go. We're almost to the conference."
"Tell Riker I'm marrying Rex instead," she replies.
"That's great, but the conference...?"
She finally gets up, telling Rex she'll see him later. On the way out of the bar, he breaks the news to her that Rex isn't real.

Lwaxana, getting out of the lift while orbiting Pacifica, is pissed as hell.
"He let me carry on!" she says, outraged. "And that man wasn't real!"
Marina Sirtis trips over Majel Barrett's long-ass Lwaxana dress as they're getting out of the lift, and for some reason, they left it in instead of reshooting. It's kind of funny.
Sassy Troi Moment: "I thought you liked surprises, Mother."
They enter the transporter room.
"Why are they still here?" Lwaxana demands, eyeing the Antedians.
"You're going to the same conference," explains Riker.

"They're not delegates," she announces. "Their robes are lined with explosives that your transporter wouldn't detect. They were planning on blowing up the conference."
"Lies!" says the first Antedian.
"Whatever. I can read your thoughts," she waves off.
Data does a scan. "She's right."
"Take them to the brig," says Picard, "and disarm them."
So like, strip 'em down?
The Trois hug goodbye, and Lwaxana and Mr Homn hop up on the transporter pad.
"Didn't find a fuck buddy, but I guess I saved the conference," sighs Lwaxana. "Close enough."
O'Brien energizes, and they start to disappear, when Lwaxana says, "Jean-Luc... shame on you for thinking such a thing."
Picard rolls his eyes.
Riker grins.

This is one of my season two favorites, combining two types of episodes that are frequently used for comedy: Lwaxana Troi, and holodeck shenanigans. Some Lwaxana episodes contain some poignant parts, but these earlier episodes, she was used mostly for comedic value. We got some character and culture development for the Betazoid people, which I enjoy. We learned how they eat, and some physiological stuff, as well as some tiny peeks into the relationship between Riker and Troi. His reaction to her "or more" comment clearly says that he's thinking that he still has time to hook up with her later, but it isn't approached in a weird, creepy way.
Lwaxana's behavior was borderline creepy, though. That was something I hadn't noticed much of previously, but something you take in more when you view an episode in snippets over the course of several hours. Her sizing up of Worf and Wes was a bit much, though it seems like that was the goal to begin with - she's on a mission to secure a friend with benefits, and she rejected Wes for being too young, and Worf, for not being human. I like that she considered Geordi despite his alternate abilities, and considered Worf based on his straightforward personality. I wonder what would have happened if she had gone all the way with Rex before finding out that he wasn't real. We know, thanks to Minuet, that one can "go all the way" with a holodeck character, but you better lock the damn door, because the ship will tell everyone where you are and who you're doing.
I also appreciate when the Enterprise characters go back in time on the holodeck. Picard's not remembering to carry money on him in the Dixon Hill stories worked out in a funny way this time around, as he chides himself for not carrying any, and Rex replies something along the lines of "Haha, you're funny. You can't keep your bar tab open forever." In this case, his mistake worked out nicely, in that it appeared that Dixon Hill didn't have money on him and was making a joke. But it's amusing seeing people of the 24th century trying to navigate the early 20th, and I think the writers made the correct choice in allowing the NPC holodeck characters to react to their gaffes.



Fun Facts:

- It took me forever to figure out why Lwaxana's eyes looked so large and kind of strange to me, and I finally figured it out - Majel Barrett has blue eyes, meaning that she wore contacts to make her eyes dark. I initially thought this had been done because Marina Sirtis has dark eyes and they wanted to make sure that they appeared to be related, but it turns out I was incorrect. Though I can't recall it ever being discussed, Betazoids have black irises. If their children are interspecies, they might have dark-colored irises. Now that I'm comparing photos of Deanna and Marina, it seems that they may have given Marina contacts as well, as her eyes are naturally a light brown. Not gonna lie, the contacts given to Majel creep me out a bit. I think they made these contacts larger than her actual irises, because I'm reminded of both black-out lenses, and the ones you can get now that make your irises look huge, to create an anime look.

- Betazoids appear to be polytheistic, as Lwaxana thanks "the four deities" when Troi shows up in the middle of Data's Power Point presentation.
- Mick Fleetwood, of Fleetwood Mac, is given credit as making a guest appearance on this episode, but you'll be hard-pressed to find anyone who looks like him. He plays one of the Antedian assassins.

- LeVar Burton doesn't appear in this episode. He's alluded to, wordlessly, by Mr Homn.

- This is Robert O'Reilly's first Star Trek appearance. He plays Scarface here, the guy in the Dixon Hill program who threatens to beat the crap out of Picard. We'll see him again in season four and beyond.

- Tracy Torme wrote this episode, but was credited under a pseudonym because he was unhappy with the rewrites that were done. He especially did not care for how the Dixon Hill scenes were rewritten. This would be Tracy's final authored episode before leaving at the end of the season.
- When Picard looks out of the window in Dixon Hill's office, old movie footage is used to depict the street outside. However, the name of the film is not listed.


Red deaths: 0
To date: 2

Gold deaths: 0

Blue deaths: 0
Unknown color crewmember deaths: 18

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Geordi moments: 0
To date: 6

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 4

Sassy Riker Moments: 1

To date: 7

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date: 13

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 13
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 6
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 3
Sassy Pulaski Moments: 0
To date: 3
Sassy Troi Moments: 1
To date: 1
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 1
To date: 2

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 1
To date: 20

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
To date: 23

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date: 2
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 1
To date: 13

Episodes Left Until We Get Rid of Pulaski:

Uhura judges you.