ST:TNG Season Two, Episode Two "Where Silence Has Lease"

ST:TNG Season Two, Episode Two "Where Silence Has Lease"
Production Order: 28
Air Order: 28
Stardate: 42193.6
Original Air Date: November 28, 1988

When we open, Picard is worried. He leaves the ready room, looks like he's going to make an announcement to the bridge crew, stops, looks like he's going to re-enter the ready room, then stops again and sits in his chair.
We have no idea what his deal is.
Troi asks him if he's concerned, and I wonder how tedious it must get for her sometimes, asking someone a question when you knew the answer when they walked in. Patience must be her A-game.
"I am worried," admits Picard.
"For Riker or Worf?"
"Both."
Okay, whatta we got? Clearly, this is an away mission, right?
"I think it is best to be ignorant of certain elements of the Klingon psyche," he continues.
Whut?

Are Riker and Worf there to catch people having sex on the holodeck?

(Dude, you know it happens. More than one thousand people on that ship, and no one has a kink that can't be handled in their quarters? And some Gold shirt maintenance guy has to come by later to mop it up when some kid slips in it playing Pareses Squares.)

Riker and Worf wander through this jungle setting with some kind of half-broken metal structure. They look like they've been through the ringer. Worf puts on this spiked gloved thing that reminds me a bit of the one Yar wore in that garbage racist episode. Then he and Riker fight a live-action Koopa.

Also, Skeletor-Without-Affirmations.

They each beat down one, then Worf goes after Riker with a battle axe. Riker calls the exercise off, but it isn't until he pulls ranks that Worf knocks that shit off. You're supposed to think that they were down on some planet's surface, facing monsters on an away mission, but it's just some calisthenics program of Worf's.
(BTW, when's the last time you heard the word "calisthenics"? Was it the 80's? Yeah, me too. Rabbit hole: it still exists, because it's just a bunch of free-form exercise, but now it's grouped into other categories, like parkour or pilates.)
Dramatic music for some reason! Opening credits break!

Picard's Log 42193.6: "Going to the Morgana Quadrant, which has been unexplored thus far by a manned Federation vessel. Gonna check that shit out."

Right off the bat, there's a weirdness: Data detects something that can't be. Riker tells Picard that it's an area of blackness, and it appears and reappears randomly. They put it on screen and Riker points.
"There it is."

Fucking where, dude? It's space.
Everywhere is a patch of blackness.
That's like pointing out the guys in red-striped shirts in a Where's Waldo book.
Maybe it's a Magic Eye drawing, and if we stare into space long enough, we'll see the picture of a patch of blackness... come the fuck on.
Even Picard is like, "Are you kidding me with this shit?"
They magnify one spot and come up with this:

"It's like a hole in space," says Wes.
Picard asks Data what the sensors say.
"Nothing," says Data.
"Not possible," says Picard. "Maybe there isn't any matter there, but there is never nothing present."
"Bitch, did I stutter?" asks Data. "The sensors report that there is nothing there."
"But there is something there," argues Riker.
"Maybe. Maybe not."
"That's not very scientific," protests Picard.
Data pulls out a sick Neil DeGrasse-Tyson burn: "Captain, the most elementary and valuable statement in science, the beginning of wisdom is "I do not know." I do not know what that is, sir."
"Hey," suggests Wes. "If this was any other hole in space, wouldn't we be able to see what's behind it?"
There's a weird moment here where Picard and Riker exchange a smile at this, and Picard pats Wes on the shoulder, and I'm not certain if they're being patronizing or not. It certainly seems that way, but then Wes smiles at Riker and Riker smiles back. Did they take this as being a smart idea, and their smiles say, "That was awesome, Wes, good thinking"? Or did Wes confuse it as being this way, that they are patronizing him, and he just doesn't realize it?

Picard asks Troi if she gets anything off of it, but she replies in the negative.
So Picard asks Data if anyone has ever encountered anything like this.
Okay, here I have to protest - they're attributing Magic Vulcan properties to Data, just like they did with Spock in TOS. As though he automatically knows everything. Now, it's possible that he has all of the information that Starfleet has (like everything), but they've never been consistent about it. Sometimes they send him off to do research on stuff that would be included in Starfleet history (and that he would therefore have already in his memory banks), and sometimes, like now, they just ask him to look stuff up in his own brain. Which is it, you guys? Is he a Magic Vulcan, or does he have informational storage limits?
Data stares off into the distance for a moment, then says that no other Starfleet vessel has ever encountered anything like this.
*cough, cough* Bullshit *cough, cough*
Hello? How about "The Immunity Syndrome"? Big-ass hole in space? Amoeba eats the ship? Once again, TNG, you've forgotten past canon and you should be paying more attention.

"Cool," says Picard. "Let's fly real up close to it, and poke it with a stick launch a probe."

So they launch the probe. It makes a sort of dull echoing ding sound for a second or so, then stops abruptly as it enters the whatever-it-is.

Worf flips out. "Let's go to yellow alert!"

"Why?" asks Picard, puzzled.

Worf looks embarrassed. "NM. Forget it."

"Seriously - what?" demands Picard. "You're head of freaking security! You can't just scream "yellow alert!" and then say never mind."

"Okay, ummm..." He hedges. "So there's this like, Klingon legend about a big black space blob that eats ships." Riker gives him a look. "Yeah, it's dumb, I know."

"O...kay," says Picard. "Let's launch an even fancier, more expensive probe at it to see it disappear into the void."
You can guess what happens to that probe.
Wes says, based on where the probes disappeared, that he can plot the boundaries of the space blob. Picard sends them in closer.
"Let's launch a photon torpedo!" says Worf.
Dude, calm down. I'm glad you're head of security, but not captain, cuz you've got an itchy trigger finger.
So they're sitting there, and the damn blob thing darts forward and freaking envelops them.
There's a collective "...the hell?" from the bridge crew.
Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard's Log, supplemental: "So even though it's obvious to the audience that that thing ate us, I'm gonna give it the benefit of a doubt and say that we managed to "move past its boundaries." Anyway, communications ship-wide went out for a moment, but are back on."

Riker and Picard have a philosophical discussion about how ancient mariners used to think that the Earth was flat, and you could sail off the edge.

Picard: "It's even said that crews threatened to hang their captain from the yardarm if he refused to turn back."
Riker: (grinning) "I'm sure no one has that in mind, sir."
Picard: (in a clipped, sarcastic tone) "How comforting, Number One."
Wes lets them know that they don't have any communications outside of the void, and they decide to gather their information and get the hell out of Dodge.
Pulaski enters the bridge... like we need her there. She's the freaking CMO, why does she need to be on the bridge? (And yes, I never complained about McCoy or Crusher illogically taking up real estate on the bridge when it wasn't necessary, but neither McCoy nor Crusher pissed me off on a continuous basis.)
Picard says he assumes she's been briefed, and she says she has, but she's confused, so they go to Data's station and ask him to magnify the picture a bunch of times. But all they're looking at is an inky blue-black, so the image never changes. Pulaski keeps asking Data to increase magnification, to no avail.
And I'm sitting here with the video paused and I don't want to unpause it because I know what that bitch is going to say next and I want to fucking scream.
I hit play.

She's talking about Data. In the third person, to Captain Picard, as though Data weren't sitting right fucking there. She refers to him as "it" not once, but twice, and her question implies that Data does not know how to do his job, all because she doesn't understand that magnifying on nothing gets you more nothing.

Fuck this bitch. Fuck this dumb, small-minded robophobic bitch.

And Picard lays it all out on the table for her in no uncertain terms:

So she tries to save face, and she back-peddles, now addressing Data again,

Pulaski: "Forgive me, Mr Data. I'm not accustomed to working with nonliving devices that... forgive me again. Your service record says that you are alive and I must accept that." 

Oh, how generous of you, Pulaski! You said that will minimal resignation in your voice, too!

I'd like to cut a bitch with my Starfleet-issued Bowie knife.

Data makes the tiniest smile and gives an almost-imperceptible nod.

Picard calls Geordi to find out how it's going in Engineering, but Geordi says wherever they are is having no affect on any of the equipment.

So here's where we get a bit philosophical again. They ask Data to speculate on the nothingness.

"This void has a total lack of dimension. Therefore, by any accepted standards, it does not exist; yet being within it denies that conclusion."
Riker: "Might we have moved into another dimension?"
Data: "Could a lack of dimension be another dimension in itself?"
Fucking A. Is this Star Trek Goes To Flatland?

"Annnd, I'm over it," says Picard with finality. "Let's check out the rest of the quadrant as per the orders. Starfleet can send back a science vessel to check this thing out."

Wes is told to flip a uey and fly them out, but after a few moments of still seeing bluish-black, they call Geordi to make sure the engines are working properly. He says they're fine, but out of concern, transfers his controls to the bridge to join them. Both Data and Wes confirm that they have traveled quite a distance by now, and that they should have reached past the pint where they came in.

But you didn't go in, Jonah. You flew right up next it to, and that thing jumped out and ate you.

"What if we drop a beacon in space here, and then fly away from it?" suggests Data. "Then we can gauge how far we're going and how fast."

Picard agrees, and they drop the beacon. They can hear it making these dull gong sounds, which fade as they move farther away, There's silence for a moment as they move away, then Data says that the sensors are picking up something dead ahead. And that gong sound slowly comes back.

"What's that?" they all go.

Geniuses, what the fuck do you think that is?

Yeah, it's the beacon you just dropped.

"Did you go in a circle?" asks Picard.

"Nope, straight forward," says Wes.

Oops, what's that up ahead? Decloaking warbird!

The Romulans fire on the E, and everyone rushes to battle stations.

The E returns fire, and the warbird blows up.

"Too easy," declares Picard, as Worf reports zero debris from the explosion.

And look, another ship! This time, it's their sister ship, the USS Yamato.

"Um, the Yamato isn't anywhere near here," says Wes, skeptical.

They hail the other ship and get no response. Data's scan turns up a fully-functioning ship with no life signs aboard.

"This is weird," Picard says to Riker.

Geordi Sassy Moment: "Like the rat said, Keep the cheese. I just want out of the trap."

"I want to board the Yamato with an away team," Riker tells Picard.

"Okay," says Picard. "But only take Worf."

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard's Log, supplemental: "All the stuff we talked about just before the break."

We get another rare sighting of Chief O'Brien, running the transporters. Worf suggests that they be beamed to the back of the bridge of the Yamato, in case there's someone on the other ship.

"There's no one on the other ship," argues Riker.

"Still," persists Worf. They set their phasers for stun.

O'Brien beams them over.

But they don't appear on the bridge. Riker appears in a random corridor. He starts running when he hears Worf scream from somewhere else. They finally meet up, Worf with his phaser cocked, or whatever it is that phasers do.

"Don't shoot, it's me!" yells Riker.

They both conclude that each heard the other scream.

Riker calls O'Brien, but gets mostly static. He tries the bridge, but Picard gets mostly static as well.

Picard requests that O'Brien beam them back, but nothing doing. Worf figures out that the Yamato computer is down. The computer on the E goes down as well. Geordi leaves to return to Engineering.

Riker and Worf are making their way to a turbolift while Riker scans the corridors. he concludes that the Yamato (or whatever the hell it is) isn't a Federation ship, because the walls are made from something that is beyond their technology. They go through a door and find themselves on the bridge... but I'm pretty sure that no doors lead to the bridge. Only turbolifts.

Also: "This bridge should be four decks up," says Riker.

They turn to go back through the door, and see another bridge.

They enter the second bridge through what should be the door to the observation lounge, then walk around, wondering aloud which one is real.

Back on the E, power has returned to the computers.

There's a new guy sitting in Wes' pilot chair. His name is Haskell, and he's wearing a red shirt. You totally know what that means.

He says that he sees stars, and the viewscreen shows a starfield through an opening near the Yamato.

But when Picard checks with O'Brien, O'Brien says that he does not have a lock on the away team. They cannot go through.

On the Yamato, Worf gets close enough to the door they came through, that it opens to reveal that other bridge... only this time, the view is that of the bridge from the other turbolift, near the ready room. And he sees Riker, despite the fact that Riker is standing behind him, at the opposite end of the bridge.

Worf loses his shit. "A ship should have ONE bridge! One! One bridge, and one Riker!'

He goes through the door, and Riker, appearing to be the same Riker, asks what the hell is going on. Unfortunately, the camera moves in such a way to block the turbolift door behind him, through which we might have seen another Worf.

Worf is over this shit. He goes to the door and tries to go through it, but it attempts to close. He tries to pry it open, losing his mind as he goes.

Heeeeere's Worfy!

When Riker pulls him back, Worf growls at him for a moment, then barks "At ease, lieutenant!" at himself.

On the E, the opening to the starfield is closing. They cannot establish a lock on the away team.

"But we can go through!" gripes Haskell.

"Can't do it," replies Picard.

When it closes, Haskell gives Picard some major side-eye.

Riker and Worf beam back over.

Worf and Riker storm back onto the bridge. When Picard asks if they're okay, Riker yells at him that they need to get the fuck out of here, because he's so done now.

Introspective music! Commercial break!

When we return, Riker rants briefly about the Yamato, and Data adds in that weird thing with the Romulan warbird. They all have cabin fever, Riker most of all.

Haskell says the starfield is back. He inputs the coordinates, but then Data loses the signal, and the starfield hole closes. Another starfield opens nearby, but the same thing happens. Haskell is mildly bitchy. When it happens a third time, Picard gets annoyed and tells them to just stay there.

He asks Troi if she senses anything. "Maybe an intelligence so vast that you had trouble sensing it?"

She thinks for a moment, then confirms that it feels that way.

"Like rats in a maze," suggests Pulaski.

"Ugh, yes," agrees Troi. When Picard is confused, she and Pulaski describe being tested by some higher form of life... a form of life that's mostly just fucking with them.

"Let's just hang out then," decides Picard.

Annnd, here we go -

"Why are you all so alarmed when I've gone to so much trouble to look like you?" demands the thing in space.

Yeah, no.

Data reports there's actually nothing out there.

Geordi Sassy Moment: "Sure is a damned-ugly nothing."

Picard, not knowing what else to do, follows protocol, and introduces himself. "Sooo, who are you?"

"Nagilum," answers the monster.

Picard tries to get Nagilum to answer who he's with, or what he represents - you know small-talk - but instead, Nagilum ponders why Data is different than everyone else. Then he goes around the bridge, naming off the people there. When he reaches Pulaski, he notes that she is also different, and then she spins and twists, ending up at the bottom of the ramp, against the wall. Worf checks to see if she is okay, and she haltingly tells Nagilum that she's a female.

"That's how we propagate our species," Picard explains.

"Show me," says Nagilum.

"Go fuck yourself," replies Pulaski.

Worf looks like he's gonna cut a space monster bitch.

Nagilum is unfazed by this answer. "Is it true you only have a limited existence?" he (it?) asks.
"Huh?" asks Picard.
"Death," replies Nagilum.
And Haskell starts shaking like crazy, grabbing his head and screaming. He falls to the floor shaking, then dies in the fetal position. Pulaski rushes forward to hypo him, to no avail. Dude is dead.
"That's really interesting," says Nagilum.

"Hey, fuck you!" yells Picard. "You can't do that!"

"Look," says Nagilum, as though he's being logical, "if I'm gonna understand death, then I need to see every kind. I should really only need to kill a third of your crew. Okay, maybe half - tops."

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard's Log, 42194.7: "Well, we're fucked. This thing sees us like ants on a sidewalk, and it's a sadistic kid with a magnifying glass."

Picard calls a meeting of the senior officers.

"Thirty to fifty percent casualties is acceptable in a battle," offers Worf.

"Maybe, but not here," answers Picard. "And we're not going to stand around watching fifty percent of our colleagues die around us. Were gonna blow up the Enterprise."

And I hate to even give it to her, but... Sassy Pulaski Moment: "Why do I get the feeling like this was the wrong time to join this ship?"

They all kind of sit there open-mouthed, staring at him, but he's the captain, and it's his decision.
"I guess it's better than standing around, seeing if we survive," offers Riker.

Picard and Riker go to Engineering, which is oddly empty. I guess maybe the announcement has already been made to the crew, and they're with their families? Anyway, they're giving the order to the ship to self-destruct, and when they go to set it, the computer does something it hasn't done before: it asks for a time-frame. We haven't gotten that before on Star Trek. It typically gives a few minutes and begins a count-down.

Picard now has a conundrum - how much time to give people who know they are going to die? He and Riker go back and forth before settling on twenty minutes, feeling like this is adequate time to give people to say goodbye to their families and loved ones.

Picard, having no loved ones on board, goes back to his quarters to listen to some music and chill. Chimes at the door, and he tells Troi to come in.
She tells him that Nagilum won't change his mind if they kill themselves.
That brings up a question - is Nagilum just watching what they do? Why hasn't he decided to just start killing them off while he has the chance? Has this decision caught his attention to the point where he would watch eagerly like some kind of live-action reality show?
Picard asks why she's so sure now, and why didn't she tell him that before he set the self-destruct program?
She replies that it was wrong not to tell him.
Door chimes again. It is Data.
"I have a question, sir. What is death?"

Picard gives Data a minor philosophical talk about the descriptions of heaven and how some believe that death means moving into non-existence. When pressed, he admits that he personally thinks death must be bigger than either of these ideas.

There is a pause, then Troi says "We should not let ourselves die, Jean-Luc."

He gives her a weird look - why is she questioning the captain, and did she seriously just call him by his first name?

"It is wrong of you to force us," adds Data, "...Jean-Luc."

"This is weird," says Picard, "Heeey, computer. Where's Data?"

"On the bridge, yo," replies Majel Barrett.

"Busted, you freakish space monster!" says Picard.

Fake-ass Data and Troi disappear.

The Real Data calls from the bridge to say that they are clear of the blob-thing, almost immediately followed by Riker.

"So, hey - we can cancel self-destruct, right?"

Picard s wary. "No, not yet."

"Um, but -"

"I said not yet!"

Picard enters the bridge just as the computer announces one minute left to go.

Data repeats that they've left the void, but Picard ignores him to tell Wes to go to warp six, any direction, right the fuck now.

Everybody is on edge, badgering for him to shut off the auto-destruct. He checks with Data - on course at warp six. He checks with Troi - nope, she doesn't feel Nagilum nearby anymore.

With ten seconds to go, Picard finally calls it off. But Riker has to also agree, because you gotta have two to run the thing.

"Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur wholeheartedly," he replies.

The self-destruct cancels.

"A simple yes would have sufficed, Number One."

"I didn't want there to be any chance of misunderstanding."

"Of course." You can practically hear him add "smart-ass."

Picard, so sick of this shit, retreats to his ready room.
Hey look, you guys! Nagilum Skypes! Isn't 24th century technology amazing?

"Thanks, fam. You gave me a lot there. It's been real."

Picard considers Nagilum. "Why'd you let us go?" he asks suspiciously. "You could have seen us deal with death."

"Didn't need to. You taught me a lot just by your reactions beforehand. You wanna know what I learned?"

"No. Get the fuck off my ship."

"Sure, you do," answers Nagilum. "You're curious, so I'm gonna tell you. Also because I'm not human, I don't know that proverb about guests and fish, so I'll hang out for a bit."

Here's his run-down for humans:

-selfish

-value loyalty

-can't find tranquility in anything

-struggle against the inevitable

-thrive on conflict

-rash

-quick to judge

-slow to change

Interesting. Usually, when "superior" species are on Star Trek, they'll simply dickishly state that they are superior. This one came with a list of complaints, then is amazed that humans have survived.

"Whatever," he concludes. "We don't actually have anything in common."

Oh, damn. He wasn't finished.

-hostile

-aggressive

-militant

Then Picard gets a bit Sassy. He's checking out paperwork to signify how many fucks he gives right now, and casually mentions that he's been evaluating Nagilum as well.

"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah. And I think the thing we have in common is curiosity."
Dammit, I was really hoping for for more of a Fuck You moment there instead of a poignant one ("we all have things in common - yay!"), but I'll take it.
Nagilum chuckles and agrees.
But then Picard finishes a bit stronger with a "don't trap my ship in your dumbass maze again" and Nagilum leaves.

Picard goes back to the bridge. "Let's get the hell out of here. I'm so done."
Riker pats Wes on the shoulder, and advises him to steer clear of holes.

Man, I don't know about this one. There wasn't a lot of science, but quite a bit of philosophy. Philosophy I like, and I found the conversations about dimensions and death to be interesting. But two things kept this episode in the realm of Meh for me.
First: Pulaski trotted out the robophobia in spades this episode, referring to Data as "it," and sighing because she'll just "have to" accept that Data is a living being. Awww, poor you, Pulaski. Go eat a decroded piece of crap.
The second was Nagilum himself (itself? I dunno. He didn't seem to know much about gender). Now, this guy is a villain, so we're supposed to be afraid of him a bit. Or at least cautious. But frankly, I see him as a slightly less annoying Bem. And I never took him seriously as a frightening force to be reckoned with because of this character:

For the uninitiated, that is Tasha, a short, bipedal, anthropomorphic dinosaur mascot-thing from the 1990's reboot of the show "Land of the Lost." Tasha appears to be a puppet head on top of a full costume, which either housed a little person or a child. Tasha, much like Nibbler from Futurama, talks in squeaks and burbles. Do you know how much "Land of the Lost" I watched as a kid? Even though chronologically Star Trek: TNG came first, I did not watch it until years later, meaning that Nagilum's appearance on-screen made me laugh nostalgically.

Red deaths: 1
To date: 1

Gold deaths: 0

Blue deaths: 0

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0

Sassy Geordi moments: 2
To date: 2

Sassy Wes Moments: 0

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 2

Sassy Riker Moments: 0
To date: 2

Sassy Picard Moments:2

To date: 4

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
Sassy Data Moments: 1
To date: 3
Sassy Pulaski Moments: 1
To date: 1

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 2
To date: 4

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 1
To date: 3

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 1
To date: 1

How Many Episodes Until We Get Rid of Pulaski?

Fun Facts:

- Riker mistakenly calls O'Brien "lieutenant." I guess his non-com canon had not been established yet. He also still does not have a name.

- The music that Picard is listening to in his quarters while waiting to die is Gymnopedie No 1. Lent et Douloureux, which translates roughly into "Slow and Painful." Seems appropriate.

- The title of this episode comes from a line from the poem The Spell of the Yukon by Robert Service.

- Nagilum is "Mulligan" spelled backward. Richard Mulligan was originally supposed to play Nagilum.

- A nice bit of continuity here - they are visiting the Morgana quadrant, and at the end of The Child, Picard mentions the Morgana quadrant as being their new destination.

- Parts of the musical score from TOS' "Amok Time" fight scene between Kirk and Spock are reused for the calisthenics fight scene with Worf and Riker.

- Patrick Stewart used quotes from Picard's talk with Data about death when he spoke at Gene Roddenberry's memorial service.

- This episode is a bottle show. A bottle show is one where few new guest stars or sets need to be made to shoot the episode. There are typically one or two of these per season, and they are done to save money on special effects and other costly items needed for the rest of the season. Other bottle shows include TOS' "The Naked Time" and "The Doomsday Machine" and TNG's "Lonely Among Us."

- Worf's scary mythical Klingon blob-monster thing may have been the space amoeba from The Immunity Syndrome. It'll come up again in DS9.

Dear Curie, I can't push the ottoman and chair together when

you sleep between them. This isn't 128 hours.