Warp Speed to Nonsense

Warp Speed to Nonsense

Monday, March 9, 2015

Season 3, Episode 70 "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"

"Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"
Production Order: 70
Air Order: 70
Stardate: 5730.2
Original Air Date: January 10, 1969

Y'all, I'm laughing so hard right now. So, the Westboro Baptist Church (aka, the Assholes of the Universe) tried to picket Leonard Nimoy's funeral... but they couldn't find it. Not even with both hands. They decided to do an online protest instead, but what the fuck is that worth? You know the only people who follow them online do it ironically. When they announced that they were going to do the picket in the first place, my friend posted this to Facebook:

The service was held privately and quietly, so no one knew where it was, but imagine that: a Pon Farr arena. Bells are shaken. Warriors in Vulcan and Klingon cosplays enter carrying sharpened lirpa and bat'leths. The challengers: WBC members, armed with signs. T'Pau gives the signal to begin. And thus did the WBC learn that it is not wise to fuck with Trek fans.


I really like this shot of Kirk's chair, as seen from next to the helm. 

Kirk's Log 5730.2: "Going to the planet Ariannus. They all have the plague or something, so we're going to disinfect it. Probably with spray bottles or some shit. I don't know why we're even doing this. We're not a med ship."

(According to the stardates, this episode takes place almost a week after the next one. Heh. Way to pay attention, Star Trek.)

Kirk is making last-minute prep checks with his bridge crew when Sulu reports a vessel up ahead on an erratic course. They put it on screen. It turns out to be a Federation shuttlecraft. I'm pretty sure that's the Zombie Galileo, you guys. It does, in fact, have the Enterprise's call numbers on the side.

So it turns out that the call numbers on the side are there because they re-used footage from "The Galileo Seven". Points to you, Budget. But it makes no sense to have those call numbers on there indicating that the craft belongs to that specific ship. I guess they couldn't get rid of them then, though in the remastered editions, they gave the shuttle call numbers from nearby Starbase 4. 

Uhura tries hailing on all frequencies, but there is no response, as Spock reports that the one humanoid on board is most likely suffering from some kind of leakage. They tractor the shuttle into the hangar. Looklooklook! Models! I wanna kiddie-clap at this shot where the shuttlecraft enters the hangar. Fuck CGI. Models and puppets 5ever, y'all!

There's a short scene where Kirk and Spock are traveling down to the hangar in the lift and Sulu calls in to say that the shuttle has successfully docked. Maybe the episode was five seconds too short? That scene was really not necessary. Especially considering that they get out of the lift and travel down the corridor leading to the hangar. Obviously, we knew where they were going. They meet two Reds at the door, unaware of what they might find when it opens. So what happens? A dude whose face is half white and half black stumbles through the door and passes out without saying anything.
Dramatic music! Commercial break!

When we return, our boys are down in sick bay talking to Bones about this new guy. No one knows of a planet where the people might be two-toned. Spock and Bones reach the conclusion that this dude is a genetic anomaly, one of a kind.
"So if he's one of a kind, how come you're pumping him full of those medical chemicals that you always use?" Spock asks.
"Bitch, I don't know his specific anatomy, but the same shit is basically there, so I'm treating him like any other humanoid," barks Bones. 
He's annoyed, but Spock has a point. We know this guy probably comes from a Class M planet, as he seems to survive in this atmosphere, but how do we know that he hasn't evolved to the point where he only drinks Jagermeister? I guess you gotta make some guesses based on commonalities, and just hedge your bets.
Bones makes a note that this guy has good recuperative powers, and Majel Barrett says her line: "He's coming around, Doctor."
Dude kind of sits up, and Kirk tells him that he's on the Federation starship Enterprise. They get into a brief argument where Kirk states that the shuttlecraft was stolen from Starbase 4, and the black and white guy yells back that he had a need for the shuttle, and he was only using it, and he doesn't appreciate Kirk yelling at him.
"Beeteedubs," says Kirk. "We're gonna take you and the shuttle back there so you can talk to Starfleet about taking it."
"Cool," says the alien begrudgingly. "I'm Lokai, from the planet Cheron."
Kirk is surprised, and says that Cheron is in "the southern-most part of the galaxy." Gonna call bullshit there: can one have a southernmost part of the galaxy? It's a vast, open space with no center, according to scientists. Now, there's most-likely a southern-most part of Cheron, as the ninth Doctor was kind enough to point out that "lots of planets have a North," but I don't think you can have directional location like that in space.
Anyway, we get some light dramatic music here, probably because we're supposed to take note that Kirk can't seem to pilot for shit. We'll get more of this dramatic music throughout this convo. Lokai angrily calls Kirk "monochromatic," and says they're all alike in that they accuse him of things. Bones insensitively calls Lokai "a specimen" twice. Lokai refuses to give more info and insists that he's tired.
"Whatever," shrugs Kirk. He has Uhura inform Starbase 4 that they have their shuttle. But then Chekov pages him to the bridge because they've encountered an alien ship.
On the bridge, the viewscreen shows nothing but the starscape.
"Um, where is it?" asks Kirk.
There's this funny shot where Chekov looks back at him and shrugs in confusion.

They scan it some more, and they talk about it, but it isn't like anything else. Kirk asks if it's a cloaked Romulan, but Spock says no. It's a little scout, totally invisible, with no weaponry.
"Crap! Collision course!" yells Chekov. They try to dodge the invisible ship, but it seems determined to hit them.
Kirk yells for red alert. The red lights flash, the klaxons sound... and some dumbass  decided that it would be a good idea to set off my vertigo by zooming in and out quickly on the flashing light.
Don't... don't do that, Star Trek. It's terrible.

Everyone braces for impact, but then it doesn't come.
"The other ship disintegrated," reports Spock. "But it deposited someone on the E."
"Where?" asks Kirk.
"Here," says a voice, and everyone turns to the back of the bridge. It's another Cheron, only the black and white sides of his face are reversed from that of Lokai.
Dramatic music! Only it's there because Kirk is now challenging Spock's opinion that Lokai was a fluke, rather than the fact that some dude just crashed his invisible ship into the E and forcibly transported his way onto the bridge. Priorities, Kirk.

Real quick, let's look at Cheron fashion: gloves, boots, pants and shirt are all dove grey. Boots and pants seem almost seamless. There are silver embellishments at the waist, collar and glove cuffs. Very simple and understated. I'm giving it a nine out of ten this week because there isn't anything overly ridiculous about it. They only miss that last point because those pants are tight enough to remind me of David Bowie in "Labyrinth." You know what I'm talking about.
Fun fact: the script didn't call for gloves, and they aren't discussed in conjunction with character anywhere. They were added by wardrobe because painting the actor's hands would have meant getting paint on everything they touched. Looks like Star Trek learned a few lessons from those crappy painted-on tans in "Day of the Dove".

Anyway, this new guy says his name is Bele, and that his ship was made of materials that rendered it invisible, and that it served him well, but it disintegrated, and it's lucky that he was able to beam onboard the E, or he would have disintegrated as well. 
I'm torn. Should I make fun of Star Trek for coming up with lame excuses for not having to make new models of alien ships, or should I praise the Budget coming up with creative ways to avoid spending money on models that they'll never use again? I feel like the answer is "both." It happens more often than I thought it would, when I want to both mock and praise ST for the same thing.
Kirk asks why Bele is there. Bele replies that he's here to claim Lokai.
"Bitch, we're evolved on this ship. Nobody gets to claim anyone else," snarls Kirk.
Bele backtracks and says that he's the Chief Officer for the Commission on Political Traitors. Oh, okay. Bounty hunter and government lackey. Got it. He says that Lokai was convicted of treason and escaped. He asks to see Lokai.
"Yeah, I guess," says Kirk. "But remember that I'm in charge, and we operate by Federation rules."
He and Spock take Bele to sick bay.

So, both Bele and Lokai looked familiar to me, and while it turns out that I hadn't seen Lokai (Lou Antonio) anywhere else, guess who Bele is? Under all that make-up is Frank Gorshin, AKA, The Riddler. I'm seriously starting to wonder if the casting agents for Star Trek started saying, "We need a guest star for an upcoming episode - who was on Batman last week?"

Bele goes in to see Lokai, and they are immediately like two dogs who randomly meet on a trail and their owners have to keep yanking the leashes back while they bark furiously at one another. Bele accuses Lokai of being sneaky and underhanded. Lokai accuses Bele's people of selling his own people into slavery. As the argument goes on, we get some semblance of a background story: thousands of years earlier, Bele's people (black on the right side) enslaved Lokai's people (white on the right side). Later, they were freed, but the Black on the Right Side people didn't treat them equally. Lokai and others like him started a revolt and fucked up all of the shit, burning property and demanding equal treatment. Remember how Kirk made that ridiculous statement earlier about how Cheron was in "the southernmost part of the galaxy"? Yeah.
Star Trek likes to use itself to talk about topical or political subjects that you weren't allowed to talk about on television in the late sixties. Sometimes, they do it subtly and beautifully, and you walk away from it quietly wondering about your own stance in the matter. And sometimes, they paint people half black and half white, and talk about slavery and racial hatred, and hit you over the head with the Lesson Hammer.

Bele loses his shit and screams at Lokai. Lokai demands political asylum on the E. Bele demands that Kirk hand Lokai over to him. Kirk calmly informs them that they're both fucked. Lokai is going to Starbase 4 to be tried for stealing a shuttlecraft, so he gets no asylum. And Cheron is not part of the Federation, so there's no extradition for Bele to claim. Bele says he wants Kirk to take them directly back to Cheron, as he no longer has a ship.
"Did you not hear me?" Kirk asks. "I have a plague planet to decontaminate. We're going there first to save lives. Then we're going to Starbase 4, where I'm dumping both of your demanding asses. If you wanna cooperate, Lokai can stay here in sick bay and rest, and you can have some quarters on deck six, Bele. Otherwise, you ain't getting shit."
Kirk and Bele leave, and Bones comes back into the room, where he stares at an angry Lokai for no reason. I have no idea where the fuck Spock went. 

Kirk and Spock get off the lift at the bridge - was Spock in the lift this whole time? So the E has gone off course, and no one has any idea why. Kirk calls Scotty to find out what the malfunction is, but Scotty can't find an issue. He switches to auxiliary power so they can get shit under control, but it doesn't work. Scotty then transfers engineering over to the bridge and heads up. Kirk puts the ship on red alert. This time, there are two instances of that zooming in and out on the flashing red alert lights. And because the zooming, flashing lights and klaxon aren't enough, Kirk gets on the PA and announces that they have lost control of the ship and are on red alert.
NO. FUCKING. SHIT. SHERLOCK. The whole motherfucking universe knows that you're on red alert. Unborn, VISOR-less Geordi LaForge knows you're at red alert.
Spock determines that they are on a course for Cheron, and here comes Bele out of the lift.
"Haha, fuckers! I took your ship by sheer willpower, and we're going back to Cheron, because I don't give a shit about your medical errands, and all of those sick people can go to hell. I've been chasing Lokai for 50,000 of your years, and I won't be deterred now."
Wait, what? Are you fucking kidding me, Star Trek? This guy is more than 50,000 years old? You couldn't make it 50 years? Five? You had to go and make it 50,000? And in the same breath you have this guy declare that he's taken over the ship through willpower?
Scotty reports in that the ship is at warp ten and increasing, headed for Cheron. Bele has Disabled the Ship. The lift opens, and here comes Lokai, screaming that he won't be taken back to Cheron. They take turns yelling at each other how the other is horrible, and why he himself is right, and then Lokai grabs Kirk's arm and insists that the captain kill Bele.

Unexpectedly awesome screencapture of Kirk's WTF face.

Kirk has had enough. He orders both Cheronians into the brig, but when two security Reds step forward to grab them, they are knocked back by personal shields. Kirk then orders phasers set on stun, but again, more shield animation.

"You guys are weak," says Lokai. "I can't believe I asked you for help."
"Alright, you guys are both douchebags, and you've taken my ship. Totes blowing it up," says Kirk.
"You're full of shit," says Bele.
"Computer, gonna blow up the ship," Kirk announces.
The computer does some computing to set the program up, then Kirk gives his code. The cinematography is broken down into a series of shots... the computer panel... Kirk's eyes... Bele's eyes... Spock's eyes as he gives his code... Bele again... Scotty's eyes... Bele... Scotty's mouth as he gives his code. Reaction shots of Lokai, Bele, Chekov, Sulu and Uhura. They're seriously drawing out the anticipation here. It's interesting in that they haven't used this before, but it's only so interesting for so long... then I get tired of it and start comparing it to reality and competition shows where they're about to announce an elimination, and take twenty minutes and four commercial breaks to do so.

Kirk gives the code for the countdown, and wouldn't you know it, shit gets dragged out until like seven seconds to destruction, when Bele says he'll let go of the ship. Everyone relaxes as Kirk calls it off. But Bele just lets the E spin in space.
"Well?" asks Kirk.
"So you can go on your little mercy mission," says Bele, "cuz it would be asshole-ish of me to kill all those people for my own gain, but you're gonna drop us off at Cheron right after, yeah?"
"I said no, muthafucka," replies Kirk. "We're going to Ariannus, then Starbase 4. Quit screwing with my itinerary."
Bele pouts for a moment, then releases the ship. Kirk has Uhura cancel red alert, even though the klaxons had stopped a while ago, and then picked back up again once Bele had let go of the E.
"I should toss you in the brig," says Kirk. "But I'm not gonna, because you're kind of guests and you don't know how we do in the Federation."
Bele leaves, and Lokai tells Kirk that he speaks well, but he's holding out judgment on Kirk until after Ariannus. Then he skulks off as well. Spock and Scotty talk shit about Bele and Lokai.

Later, we see Sulu and three crewmen in the rec room, listening to Lokai orate how much he struggles. Lokai is clearly practiced at this, with a little "everyone thinks me a madman" kind of spiel. It's interesting how the shot is lined up, backing slowly out of the room through a slightly open door or an opening in the wall. You see Lokai pacing in the room while the crewmen watch him like tennis spectators. Finally, we pull far enough out that you can only see his shadow on the wall. Spock stops to eavesdrop. Chekov tells Lokai that there used to be oppression of that kind on Earth, that he read about it in history books. Lokai says he lived it rather than reading it. He is obviously trying to stir up sympathy for his cause, even though Kirk declared that the E was going to be neutral in this fight. The best part of this scene? Chekov's voice is heard, but he wasn't actually in the room. None of the guys at that table was Chekov.

You are one fine specimen, Mr Spock.

Later, Kirk and Spock sit down for drinks with Bele, who is suddenly cheerful and cooperative about having to go through the proper Starfleet channels. He and Kirk toast to swift decisions by the Federation.
"Um, you may not get what you want from Starfleet," says Spock. "They'll probably try Lokai for stealing the shuttlecraft, and you may go home empty-handed."
"No way," says Bele. "Murdering millions of people is worse than stealing a shuttle."
"We don't know that he did that," snorts Spock derisively. "It's all he said-he said here."
Uhura calls with Starfleet's answer: a flowery message that basically says what Kirk told Bele: no one is extraditing anyone anywhere. Everyone goes to Starbase 4 after Ariannus, and shit will be decided there.
"Told you," says Spock.
Bele talks some eloquent shit about Lokai. "He's an inferior race," he finishes.
"Bitch, y'all are the same race," says Spock.
Bele is confused. "No, we're totally different. I'm black on the right side. Lokai is white on the right side. Are you like blind or something?"
Kirk and Spock look nonplussed.
"So, Vulcan used to have this problem," says Spock. "We managed to mend our differences, and it saved us from extinction."
"That's nice," Bele brushes him off.
Kirk suggests that Bele hear out Lokai's story, but Bele shrugs that off as well.
"Once upon a time, you guys were probably all the same color," suggests Kirk.
Now Bele looks nonplussed. He decides to slip in an underhanded comment: "I heard you guys were descended from monkeys."
Like the dry smartass that he is, Spock gives him a brief, one-sentence explanation of the theory of evolution, implying that they are possibly more fully evolved than Bele.

Scotty calls to report that they have reached Ariannus. Apparently, this part is easy enough that Kirk doesn't need to be there. There are tanks and sprayers mentioned, but the E is positioned in orbit and not attached to the planet in any way, so maybe they're operating things remotely? I dunno. All I can say is that they get the go-ahead, and then we see the ship in orbit, and the planet suddenly changes from bluish to gold, only your friends see it as blue and black and can't figure out why you're seeing white and gold. The gold clouds disappear again as the E flies past. They do a second run for good measure.

Kirk's Log 5730.7: "So, now that we're done with Ariannus, we're heading back to Starbase 4 with our Cheronian friends. I invited that asshole Bele up onto the bridge as a show of good faith, even though he totally took over my ship before and tried to force us to go to his planet. I bet it won't happen again, though."

On the bridge, Chekov and Uhura explain to Kirk that certain instrument panels have gone dead.
"Which ones?" asks Kirk.
"Navigation and self-destruct," replies Bele from behind them. Then that braggy douche says, "I did it like this," and he holds out his hands over the controls, and they flash red, blue and green. Like, forever. Really milking this flashing special effect thing.
The camera pans across Kirk, Spock, Chekov and Uhura, showing them gnawing their lower lips in  nervousness.

Kirk's Inner Monologue 5730.7: "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck."

Kirk's Log 5730.6: "Somehow, I've either forgotten what time it is, or we've gone back in time an hour... anyway, that dick Bele took over my ship again! How'd he do that? Damn!"

Lokai steps off the lift onto the bridge, and overhears how Bele has taken over again, and how they're heading for Cheron. He starts yelling about justice, and I know that some other words are in there, but over the course of about three sentences, he yells the word justice like six times. Then he finishes by pointing dramatically at Bele and screaming, "Kill him!"
Lokai and Bele start another argument. Apparently, whatever color is on the right side of your face is the color that you are associated with - Bele is "half-black,"  Lokai is "half-white," and I am 100% done with this shit. There's an altercation where they grab each other and those electrical powers light up.

Kirk manages to talk them down for a moment, pointing out to each that they'll never get to see the results they want if they die in space. Lokai makes a statement, and Kirk agrees with him to get him to shut up. He does the same to Bele. You can tell that he's just trying to get them to knock it off.
Bele agrees to give control of the E back to Kirk, and Spock announces that they are within visual and scanning range of Cheron.

This is also a pretty sweet shot.

Kirk asks Spock what kind of scans he's getting. Spock reports no life forms, but vast numbers of corpses scattered around abandoned cities, and plant-life taking over.
"Everyone is dead?" asks Kirk. "They killed each other? That's fucked up."
"I agree that it is fucked up," Spock replies.
Bele and Lokai kind of stand there whimpering for a moment, and I wonder briefly if Spock just made that shit up. It doesn't matter, but the realization of what their hatred has wrought is totally lost on the two remaining Cherons. Bele loses his shit again, and attacks Lokai, because "this is your fault." Way to extend that olive branch, Bele.
Kirk talks them down again, telling him that this is where their hatred has brought them, that they are the last two in existence, and that if they give up this futile fight, they can join the Federation and start new lives in peace.
Lokai yells that Kirk is an unrealistic dreamer, and he takes off in the lift.
Bele turns to the lift also. There's magically a new, empty lift there when the doors open.
"Don't go!" says Kirk.
"He must not escape me!" says Bele.
"Where can he go?" asks Spock sensibly.
Bele's eyes flicker to the viewscreen, and he also disappears into the lift.
Oh, for fuck's sake! Did that planet - that blue and black planet from the last screencap - turn up as gold in this shot?


Lokai jumps out of the lift on deck three and runs at top speed around the corner. A moment later, Bele hops out on the exact same deck, even though he really has no idea where Lokai may have gotten off the lift. Hella lucky guess, I suppose. We switch back to Lokai, who had tons of energy a second ago, but now looks like he hit the last leg of his 5K and is severely dehydrated. You can see a rope in the actor's hand that's attached to the camera, and which guides him in how close to stick to the camera. There's a bit of that in the next shot with Bele as well. Only, what's this? Now they've overlaid footage of London buildings burning during WWII. This is Bele being reminded that his planet is dead, that they've all killed each other.

Lucky remastered-episode viewers do not have to deal with this
London burning overlay shit, as it was removed in the later editions.

Star Trek takes a step back on one leg and uses both hands to swing that Lesson Hammer extra hard. Two colors, black and white. The Hammer whistles through the air. Tensions in the south part of the galaxy. The Hammer makes contact with your temple, and you briefly register cold metal on your skin. Half of the race considers itself to be superior to the other half, and enslaves them. A crack in the skull, and a gush of blood. The enslaved rise up and revolt! Skull fragments lodging in your brain! Everyone is dead! Hatred killed the Cherons! Back by the craft services table, a stagehand waits next to a deceased equine, taking practice swings with his baseball bat, just in case.

So this is how this shit comes to a head: Bele and Lokai end up running aimlessly through the corridors of the Enterprise, feeling sorry for themselves because their people are gone, and each one is certain that it's the fault of the other. Also, London is burning, because it takes two big, strong heavy hands to swing that Lesson Hammer.
On the bridge, Spock is watching their progress and announcing it to the crew like he's commentating on the world's least interesting horse race.
Oh, the burning! Oh, the running! Bele seems half-asleep, running everywhere with his eyes closed, for God only knows what reason. Lokai reaches the transporter room, and even though he's never been on this ship before and never seen how the transporter works, he manages to figure it out in one second, then set the controls, and beam himself down. Spock reports him to now be on the surface of Cheron. A moment later, Uhura reports that Bele has activated the transporter. Kirk basically responds "meh." Why the fuck should he care? Now he only has to drop off that shuttle at Starbase 4, and he can get on his way without a bunch of red tape. He can probably file the shuttle-incident paperwork on his way to the Starbase. Those dipshit Cheronians just made his job easier.

First time we see the transporter room from the alcove. Nice!

On the bridge, the crew members discuss how illogical it is that both men would transport down to the surface of a dead planet to chase each other through mountains of corpses.
"Do you suppose that hatred was all they ever had?" asks Uhura.
"No," says Kirk, "but that's all they have now."
And Chekov looks determinedly forward as the Lesson Hammer comes down harder and harder. He hopes there won't be too many of these episodes left, because he's tired of cleaning blood off the floor.

Why this episode is annoying as fuck: there's no one to root for. We're sort of presented with Jean val Jean and Javert characters, but they aren't really rounded out well. And neither is sympathetic. Normally, I'd be a little more moved by the oppressed guy, who is tired of the inequality, and maybe gets carried away because he's been kicked so often while he's down. But I'm not moved at all. Far from being a val Jean, Lokai is a total dick to everyone. And Bele isn't remotely interested in mending fences or even considering Lokai's position. All either of them wants to do is spew angry speeches at one another. Gimme a break. Here's a summary of this episode: The E encounters some assholes in space. They continue to be assholes to each other and everyone around them until the E takes them back to their planet. Then they beam down to be assholes to each other for the rest of their lives. Everyone on the bridge considers how stupid that is.
Also why this episode is stupid: I think a better direction to take this in, one that isn't quite so Hammer-heavy, is the ponderance that two groups of people must now live together peacefully, where one enslaved the other. This type of situation never comes out cleanly. Each group has formed its own culture, typically based upon the ideas of haves and have-nots, and the pieces don't fit together very well afterward. Rather than go round and round about how much each group hates the other, I feel like a better use of this episode would be to show a struggle for unity while still illustrating how each group had diverged from the original race. This is covered a bit in the TNG episode "The Vengeance Factor," though not completely, as there's espionage involved. A better example are the "Unification" episodes, where Spock and several Romulan politicians suggest closing the rift between their divided cultures. The divide in the US during the sixties was based on the racial tension between the ancestors of the freed African-American slaves, and the ancestors of the Caucasians (Yes, Star Trek. Black and white *sigh*). The Emancipation Proclamation had been signed more than 100 years earlier by 1969, and the country was still dealing with that divide. Hell, we're still trying to deal with it now. It's not going away magically because someone watched this episode and thought, "My God! This is a metaphor! I should be nicer to my neighbors!" I know Star Trek has a hard-on for Hmmm Moments, but they're far more effective when handled subtly.
Seriously, we could do without the Lesson Hammer, Star Trek. Put that shit away.

Death Toll:
Red deaths this episode: 0
Red deaths this season: 6
Gold deaths this episode: 0
Gold deaths this season: 0
Blue deaths this episode: 0
Blue deaths this season: 1
Total crew deaths this season: 7
Total crew deaths thus far: 49


Following last week's brewing fiasco, I opted to look up this week's blend online for brewing suggestions, and it was the same: three minutes. This one, however, did not come with review warnings that the aftertaste would be bitter if over-brewed, so it wasn't as big a deal. I went for the Ten blend this time around, which comes with glowing reviews and polite confusion that the flavor combo sounds funny, but the taste is amazing. The base is an Irish Breakfast (black leaf), with marigold petals, and - I shit you not - the tiniest chocolate chips you've ever seen. It's pretty damn good. There's a hint of banana as well, which sounds weird, but isn't. Lots of reviewers advocated for adding milk, which really isn't my thing, but just might be with this blend, which tastes like a combination of black tea and hot chocolate.

You iz need to watch less Sherlock.

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