ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Twenty-Two "The Most Toys"

ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Twenty-Two "The Most Toys"
Production Order: 22
Air Order: 22
Stardate: 43872.2
Original Air Date: May 7, 1990

Picard's Log 43872.2: "The Federation colony on Beta Agni 2 is having a water supply contamination problem, and because we're not like the dick government of Flint, Michigan, we're going to do something about it immediately. To do this, we need to get a bunch of hytritium. It's hella unstable and can't go through the transporters, so we've sent Commander Data over to shuttle the chemicals back and forth between our ship and that of the trader, Kivas Fajo."

Data calls the E to say that they're loading the last shipment, and Picard then tells Worf to tell Beta Agni 2 that they'll be there in 16 hours, because water contamination should be taken care of as soon as fucking possible.

On the trader ship, the lady in charge asks Data to give a thumbprint saying that he received the shipment, and its rather a lot like when the UPS guy delivers something and asks for a digital signature, so good job for copying, UPS. I like it when real-life imitates Star Trek tech. Only when he pushes his thumb to the padd, it electrocutes him and he shuts down. That is not like UPS. Once he's down, the HBIC scans him and starts telling her little minion guys how much of each kind of material Data's frame contains.

The shuttle leaves the Jovis, the trader ship, and heads back to the E. The bridge monitors the transfer of the chemicals from their end, and everything is fine. But then the shuttle blows. Like completely. Everyone stares stunned.
"Data," says Worf.

Dramatic music! Opening credits break!

Picard's Log, supplemental: "We can't figure out what happened, but Data has been lost in a shuttle accident."

On the bridge, the crew has skipped straight to the manic anger stage of grief. They're trying to figure out what went wrong, but are angry AF.
Picard starts to bark that he wants to talk to the trader, Fajo, but Worf reports that Fajo is already calling.
Fajo goes up on the viewscreen, and there's something inherently asshole-ish about him. He asks, concerned, what happened, and when Picard barks back that he doesn't know, Fajo asks if Data made it.
"NO," says Picard angrily.
Fajo offers his condolences, and Picard requests the Jovis' sensor records.
"They're not great compared to yours," replies Fajo.
"Just fucking give them to me."
"Sure, no problem." Fajo snaps his fingers at someone off-screen, then makes a sort of "get it done" gesture, like douchebags make at waiters.
Worf reports that they got the records, and Picard asks how much hytritium they got.
"Like... just enough, but there won't be extra if there's a mistake," says Geordi.
"Where can we get more?" Picard demands of Fajo.
"Man, I dunno. I think they have some at (place) three weeks away. Pretty much nobody sells it anymore, because it's dangerous. I'll probably stop, too."
Picard sighs, thanks Fajo, and hangs up.

Because they can't afford the delay, they decide to go straight to Beta Agni. Riker tells Picard that there's a Federation ship near the hytritium site, and he'll let them know the E may need some help if they don't have enough of the chemical to clear the water. Picard is annoyed that they have to leave the place where Data was killed, but he still has to clean up that water supply, so they take off.

Meanwhile, Data wakes up in some weird room filled with vases and a cool couch. He's still in the same position - pressing his thumb to a padd that is no longer there - and I'm mostly finding myself asking how many of those minion dudes it took to move Data. He's not a light guy.
He's also missing his com badge.

Fajo and that HBIC, Varria, come in. Fajo is dancing around Data and can hardly contain himself.
"Why am I here?" asks Data normally.
Fajo starts talking to Data as though he's not only deaf, but also doesn't speak his language: loudly, with wild gestures, and simplified language. "It. Took. Great. Effort, effort. To bring you here."
"Okay, and why am I here?" Data repeats.
"For my enjoyment."
"So I'm a captive?"
Pretty much, yeah.
"That's such an inappropriate word," purrs Fajo.
It's really not.
"May I call you Data?"
"That is my name, asshole."
"You'll totally be catered to, and all of your wishes will be fulfilled."
So he's still your slave, but you're going to cover up for the abuse and captivity by pretending to spoil him. Sounds like Data just got himself a 1950's husband. Yaaaay.
"I can't stay here," Data points out. "Even if I wanted to, I'm still in Starfleet which means I just can't walk away."
"It's so polite!" Fajo gushes to Varria.
Bitches, we have been over this before: Data is not an it.

Realizing that Fajo is not going to relent and let him go, Data announces that he intends to escape. He tries to force the door, and Fajo reveals that it's designed to only accept certain DNA patterns as a key. Which means that if there's a fire and you're inside without that person, you will probably be fried to a crisp. Seems safe.
Next, he tries to force Fajo to open the door for him, but Fajo is wearing some kind of personal forcefield, and Data gets thrown across the room.
"Why do you want me so bad?" demands Data.
Fajo, it seems, is a collector: he collects rare stuff from across the galaxy, and he starts to show Data different stuff in the room. Art, vases, alien tech, a Roger Maris baseball card.
He opens the little case, and Data sniffs.
"The scent is bubble gum. I've had it preserved."
Fajo looks like he's about to cum at thoughts of himself and how clever he is.
I have to admit, I'm impressed by his archival efforts. Still an asshole, though.
He also shows Data this little animal that people think is extinct. He owns the last one, and instead of giving it to science to see if they can resurrect the species, he's keeping it for himself in a little glass case on his ship.
He shows Data a chair. "This is your place of honor. Sit there!"
"No thanks."
Fajo starts gushing to Varria how his frenemy is going to be super jealous because now he has Data. Figures. All these douchecanoes have are frenemies.

Data starts to point out what kinds of laws Fajo is breaking, and the trader admits that he knows exactly how evil he is, but he doesn't care.
"Get over it. I did."
Varria picks up a message and reports to Fajo that some group has gotten back to him about some spices he offered, and he's suddenly explosively pissed that he's being interrupted right the fuck now.
But he and Varria leave. On their way out, Varria turns and gives Data a "Lol, fuck you" smirk.

Wes and Geordi go to Data's quarters to look at his stuff and feel sad. I don't think they're actually doing anything like cleaning them out for a future crew member or anything like that, I think they're just wandering around in his space. They talk about his hobbies and who should get his personal effects. They take out the hologram of Tasha Yar and turn it on. They admire his medals from Starfleet.
"I just keep thinking about the accident," admits Geordi. "What did I miss?"

In the slave room, Data is examining some artifacts. Varria comes in with a set of clothes for him.
"Fajo says to wear this and sit in your chair," she commands.
"Yeah, no," he replies. "Sounds like Fajo has no moral qualms about any of this?"
"Fajo has no moral qualms, period. And he'll give you some really bad reasons to obey him."
"I don't need to," Data answers. "My friends will find me."
"They aren't even looking." She details how they scanned Data and added his component elements to the shuttle in the same amounts, so that scanning the debris will show them that Data is completely destroyed.
"Do you have moral qualms about this?" he asks.
She's pretty pissed at this. "Is it part of your programming to seek out vulnerabilities in your enemies?"
"Yes. Are you my enemy?"
She's annoyed, but tells Data that no one on the ship will help him escape, because they all obey Fajo. "His rewards for loyalty are lavish. His punishments are equally... lavish."
She touches her face in a way that makes clear that the weird make-up on her face is actually supposed to be scarring and reconstruction rather than to indicate that she's an alien. Or maybe she's an alien with a reconstructed face. I dunno. Either way, Fajo fucked her up, and she "learned her lesson."
Lovely.
And suddenly, she's back to being Head Bitch in Charge. "Face it, android. He has you."
She throws the clothes on the couch and storms out.
"Looks like he has us both," remarks Data.
She gives him a look before the door closes.

Geordi goes to the ready room to complain to Riker and Picard that he should be finding something weird going on with the shuttle accident, but can't find anything.
"It can't be pilot error, because, well, it's Data. If he were here, he'd tell us those astronomical odds."
Riker suggests that Geordi needs to get some sleep and come back at it with fresh eyes.
"The data from the sensors won't be different when I get up again," Geordi argues.
"Okay, look," says Picard. "You can keep going with your investigation, but we'll be at Beta Agni soon, and I'm gonna need you to be rested and ready to go on that when we get there. And I know how much we all need an explanation here, but if there isn't one, then we need to accept that."
Geordi nods, leaves the copy of Hamlet that Picard gave Data, and walks out of the ready room.
"You know," says Riker. "For an android with no feelings, guy sure seemed to bring them out in others."
"Yeah," agrees Picard quietly. "We need someone to replace Data at Ops."
"Worf," murmurs Riker.
"My thought, too," nods Picard.
Riker leaves, and Picard opens Hamlet to a place where Data was using a torn piece of ribbon as a bookmark.
"He was a man. Take him for all in all. I shall not look upon his like again."

Quietly dramatic music... commercial break.

I'm completely thrown off watching this scene because we're looking
at the corner that they usually film from.

On the Jovis, Data is feeding the lapling, the creature that Fajo wants everyone to think is extinct. Data is making this weird noise at the lapling, saying loo-loo-loo-loo in a monotone voice.
Fajo comes in, annoyed that Data is not wearing the outfit he provided. When Data protests that he is wearing his Starfleet uniform, Fajo snaps back that he is not in Starfleet anymore.
"Just change your programming," he says dismissively.
"Yeah, not possible," replies Data. "Anyway, I have pretty much no respect for anyone who harms anyone else."
"WTF kind of programming is that?" asks Fajo. "You're a militaristic pacifist? Who the hell thought it was a good idea to put you in Starfleet, anyway?"
"My skills were suited for it."
"Have you killed anyone?"
"No, but I'm programmed for that if need be, for defensive purposes."
"How can you participate in a murder?"
"Uh, I'm not. It wouldn't be murder if I had to defend myself to that point."
"Naw," says Fajo. "You're better off here. I'm not at war with anyone. We just travel the galaxy. I'm your liberator."
BITCH YOU THINK YOU OWN HIM. THAT IS NOT LIBERATION.

Sassy Data Moment: "You are a fine debater, sir. It is a shame that you have used your verbal skills for mere hucksterism and the advancement of your own greed."
Fajo starts to spin a tale of growing up rough on his planet, trying to get some pity out of Data, but it doesn't work. Data flat-out tells him that his past is no excuse for acting like a complete asshole now.
"Lol, it isn't even true," laughs Fajo. "My father was rich. He was a thief."
I'm shocked.
He tries again to get Data to put on the new clothes, and when Data refuses, he goes to the replicator and orders up a vial of some liquid, throwing it at Data's chest.
"You'll be fine," he assures Data, as holes begin melting in his uniform. "That won't actually harm your skin, just shred the uniform." He gets up to leave. "Decide which alternative you hate the least. Also, I invited someone to dinner tonight. I hope you'll be as entertaining with him as you have been with me."
Dick.

We get a short scene were Geordi is trying to sleep, but it's restless, and you know what he's dreaming about, because you can hear Data's voice giving out the perfunctory response before taking off in the shuttle.
He sits up. "I did miss something."

Worf is walking through the corridor when he walks past Troi talking to someone else. She finishes her convo and follows him, asking if it's his first shift at Ops. He reminds her that he's worked that station before, and she replies that she is worried about him.
"I would feel bad replacing Data, too," she says.
They get in the lift.
"Replacing a crew member who has died is commonplace on a Klingon ship," he points out.
"Yeah, but this isn't a Klingon ship. And this is the second time you've replaced someone who has died."
"I'm honoring Data like I honored Lt Yar," he says stoically. "By attempting to do their jobs as well as they did."
That's valid.
"In true Klingon fashion," she sighs.
Girl, don't be culturally insensitive.
The door opens.
"I appreciate your concern," he says quietly.

Down in Engineering, Geordi is playing some recordings for Wes. For the first two recordings, Data tells the E that the loading is complete, and the shuttle will be taking off now. Then he lets them know that he's cleared the shuttle bay doors of the Jovis.
"I don't hear anything weird," says Wes. "That stuff is all protocol."
"Exactly,"says Geordi. "Now listen to the last one."
Data tells the E that the loading is complete, and this will be the last load, and the shuttle is taking off now.
"That's the last thing he said," says Geordi.
"He didn't talk about clearing the doors," exclaims Wes.
"Yeah. And any other pilot, they might have skipped something. But not Data, because he doesn't get lax about protocol." Geordi is frustrated. "Maybe there was something wrong with the shuttle."
"Yeah, but he would have communicated that."
"So maybe there was something wrong with him.Wish I could talk to those people who last saw him alive."

Back in the collection room, Data has changed into the non-tattered clothes that Fajo has left him. He opens the baseball card case to smell the bubble gum, but when the doors whoosh open, he turns and faces it, standing stock still.
Fajo comes in with Varria and another dude.
Yikes.

Fajo and his frenemy are talking about some kind of sex idol, and Fajo tells the friend that he got taken, because the Ferengi add pearls to those things to up the price. The friend spies Data and chides Fajo for getting something new and not telling him. Fajo introduces him to Data as Palor Toff.
"It's a mannequin," says Toff of the rock-like Data.
"No, it's a famous android," insists Fajo. "Say something!" he yells at Data.
"I think you got taken," laughs Toff.
Frustrated, Fajo yells and pushes Data over. Data hits the edge of the couch, stiff as a board, and bounces off.
Sassy Guest Star Moment: "Well, he falls well!"
Toff takes Varria's arm and leads her out of the room, saying she's more fun than Fajo's new toy.
"You'll regret this," Fajo hisses at Data.
Fuck off, Fajo.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

The E has arrived at Beta Agni 2.
"Mr Data, scan the surface," says Picard automatically.
Everyone freezes.
"Um, sorry Mr Worf. I mean you."
Worf does his scan and reports that he found the source of the contamination. They ready a probe with hytritium, and Geordi calls from Engineering to say that he's pretty sure the amount they got from Fajo should be just enough. The probe is fired at the coordinates.
"Something's weird," says Worf. "Scans show too much contamination at the source for it to be naturally-occurring."
"Hey, Majel," says Picard, "has there been any geological activity on this planet lately?"
"Nope," replies Majel.
Picard sends Riker down to check on it with Crusher and Worf.

Data is in the slave-collection room trying to imitate the pose and facial expression of the Mona Lisa, which is hanging on the wall. It's both adorable and infuriating, because why does Fajo think he deserves a Leonardo? Or the Dali on the opposite wall? Fucker.

Fajo comes in and says that he'd like their relationship to change. He's being all diplomatic, but what he really wants is for Data to sit in the chair and talk to his visitors and comply. Fajo is what you become when you're Augustus Gloop as a kid. Nobody tells this guy no, so he asks why Data is so argumentative.
"I'm not gonna comply," Data says. "I'm just not."
Fajo opens a wall safe, telling Data that he's going to get him to change his mind. He pulls out a gun.
"This is a prototype for a Varon-T disruptor. They only made five, and I have four."
Geez, even when this guy is threatening someone, he still can't shut up about the shit he's got.
"That's banned in the Federation," Data points out.
"Yep. I sleep with one under my pillow. It's really hideous to be shot by one. It rips the body apart, inside-out. It's a very painful death, and I've always wanted to try it out."
"You're not shooting me," Data calls his bluff. "I'm too valuable."
"That's true," Fajo replies. He goes to the comm and calls someone to come inside.
It's Varria. He's gonna shoot Varria. But first he's gonna talk about how they've been together for 14 years, and how great those years were.
"I'm gonna miss you." He aims the disruptor at her and does this kiss-and-wink thing that's creepy.
"Fajo."
Fajo looks up. Data is sitting in the chair.

Worf, Riker and Crusher beam down to the water source on Beta Agni 2. It looks a lot like the set where Picard and Vash dug for the Tox Uthat, only painted blue.
They start their scans and decide that the chemical that is contaminating the water supply was manufactured rather than occurring naturally.
"The hell?" asks Crusher. "Who would poison the water supply on purpose with that stuff? It's hard to replicate and hard to transport, and would basically be a huge pain in the ass."
"Why would someone choose this?" asks Riker.
She shrugs. "Could look like a natural disaster. And it could only be treated with hytritium, which is hard to find. Maybe someone thought we wouldn't find any."
"How fucking convenient that Kivas Fajo had just enough at just the right time," says Riker disgustedly.

In the Obs Lounge, Riker tells Picard that he thinks Fajo poisoned the water supply.
"You think he did it to sell us hytritium?" asks Picard. "To make a profit?"
"No, he'd lose hella money making the other chemical," says Crusher.
"What does he want, then?" muses Picard. "Hey, Majel, we have biographical info on Kivas Fajo?"
"Sure," says Majel. "He's a trader who collects rare and valuable objects, like Starry Night by Van Gogh, and (other assorted cool shit)."
Dammit, why does this infected peen hole own so much awesome Terran art?
But everyone in the Obs Lounge has caught on that Fajo likes stuff. Stuff that no one else has.
"What if Data wasn't on the shuttle?" asks Geordi.
"Aw, hell naw!" says Picard, hitting his comm badge. "Wes, get us the fuck back to the site of the shuttle accident!"

Riker, Wes and Picard do some sleuthing to figure out how far Fajo might have gotten, or where he'd be. Wes thinks he might be hiding, but Picard reasons that, as a trader, he'd need to be easy to find. He also probably wouldn't be hiding from the E, as he doesn't know that they know that he might have Data.
"Put out the all-call to Federation colonies in those areas?" asks Riker.
"Make that shit so," nods Picard.

Data is in the slave room trying to open the wall safe when Varria comes in.
"If I show you how to escape, will you take me with you?" she asks.
"There are some bad consequences if we fail," he replies.
"Don't I know it." She inputs the right code into the wall safe and takes out the disruptor.
They leave the room.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

On the bridge, Worf tells Picard that they got a hit from their APB, and that Fajo spent half a day in orbit at a planet nearby, then left seven hours ago. Wes switches course to go to that planet. They'll easily overtake the Jovis because its top speed is warp three, and again, Fajo has no idea that he should be running or hiding.

In the shuttle bay of the Jovis, Varria tells Data that he can't communicate with the E, because Fajo has communication restricted to the bridge. She also tells him that once they open the shuttle bay doors, there will be an alarm, and they'll have to high-tail it out of there, especially because the escape pod they'll be taking will emit an emergency signal. He nods and gets in the pod. She opens the doors. The alarm goes off.
One of the minions scurries into the bay, but she aims the disruptor at him. He figures out quickly that it's not just a phaser, and holds his hands up in surrender. She's almost to the pod when the other minion grabs her from behind.
She drops the disruptor. The first minion closes the bay door. Data comes out of the pod and extracts Minion #2 from Varria, tossing him across the bay. Minion #1 also gets tossed. Varria runs for the controls to open the door again. Data gets back in the pod.

The door opens again, but this time it isn't minions. It's Fajo, here to remind everyone that he sleeps with a disruptor under his pillow. Varria looks at the disruptor she dropped, on the floor between herself and Fajo. She takes a running leap for it, but it's just out of her reach. For some reason, she doesn't crawl quickly enough for it, despite the fact that there doesn't seem to be anything holding her back. He forces her to stand up. She does so, despite the fact that that disruptor is mere inches from her fingers.
There's a kind of stand-off here, where Varria looks at him, and silently dares him to shoot her. He backs down, his eyes saying that he can't. Her expression is slightly triumphant. She holds the power. He starts to drop the disruptor to his side, but at the last moment pulls it up and shoots.
Data hears Varria screaming and runs to the door of the pod.
The disruptor beam appears to burn slowly through a person before burning them up quickly. Fajo is shaken by what he just did and watched, and throws the disruptor away from him.

Recovering slightly and gathering his moxy, he sort of half-smiles at Data.
"It's your fault. You knew the price and so did she. Oh, well. There's always another Varria."
YOU GASLIGHTING FUCK.
He walks away behind the escape pod. Data picks up the disruptor and follows him.
Fajo realizes that there is a disruptor pointed at his back, and turns. "You won't shoot me. You said you respected living beings, and I am one. Empty threat."
"You're gonna turn yourself in to the authorities."
"Yeah, no. You're not gonna do it. You're gonna sit in the chair and entertain me and my guests, or I'll kill someone else."
The minion on the floor stirs and starts to get up.
"Like him. I could kill him, and his blood would be on your hands, just like Varria."
Gaslighter gaslighter gaslighter gaslighter.
The minion runs away.

Fajo stupidly decides to taunt Data.
"See, your only choices here are to shoot me or get back in the chair. Entertain or murder. Too bad you can't feel rage over Varria's death, rage to fuel revenge. Then you could do it. But you're just an android and can't feel anything. It's just another intellectual curiosity to you."
Data ponders on that, then raises the disruptor again. "I cannot permit this to continue."
Fajo starts to panic, spouting off about how Data's program won't allow him to fire.
At the last moment, Data is beamed out of the cargo bay.

In the transporter room on the E, O'Brien is surprised to report to Riker that there's a weapon in transport with Data, and that it's been discharged.
"Don't worry, I deactivated it," says O'Brien.
Data is astonished to find himself on the E. He lowers the disruptor.
"You okay?" asks Riker.
"Yep," says Data. "Please have Kivas Fajo arrested for murder, theft, kidnapping..."
"We already alerted the authorities," says Riker.
Data hands him the weapon. "This is a Varon-T disruptor."
"Yeah, O'Brien said it was being discharged during transport."
Data considers this. "Huh, maybe something weird happened in the transporter."
He leaves the transporter room, leaving Riker and O'Brien to exchange a look.

Sometime later, Data goes to the brig, where Fajo is trapped in their fist cell.
"Did you come to gloat?" asks Fajo, manically. "Now the roles are reversed, with you as the collector, and me in a cage. You were in my collection once, I can have you there again."
"Not gonna happen," says Data. "The authorities have confiscated your collection, broken it up, and sent the stolen items back to their owners."
Fajo seems shaken and angry again. "Oh, yeah? That make you feel pretty good, huh?"
"No, sir," says Data. "I cannot feel pleasure. I am only an android."
And he drops the fucking mic and walks away.

*******

This is one of those episodes that I never remember. It's not that it's bad or particularly forgettable, I just never recall it. (A lot of season three is turning out that way, which is strange, because season three is actually pretty good. I think it's mostly that my favorite episodes are clustered in season five, so they tend to stand out more.) When I do recall this episode, I mostly recall visuals: Palor Toff and his weird gold ribbon accessory, and the fact that during his interaction with Fajo and Data, he picks that middle nostril; and Varria touching her face, which was the first confirmation that you get that her face was mutilated and rebuilt, rather than the actor just having alien make-up on. Or maybe she's an alien with a mutilated face. She is, but we have no idea what species she is. The point is, you can't really do a mutilated alien face on a sci-fi series where the audience doesn't know what the original species is supposed to look like. It doesn't read clearly.

So this episode offers a strange outside-world dilemma: people outside of Starfleet are aware of Data, the Soong-type android, but are possibly not aware of his rights. Fajo and Varria refer to data as "it," which stopped in Starfleet during season two. If you were in Starfleet and still used that term when talking about Data, you were a robophobic asshole. In "Measure of a Man" Data's rights as a sentient being with the freedom to choose his own path were established, as well as the fact that Starfleet did not own him. It's possible that Fajo, not being a member of Starfleet, was unaware of this. Does this make him less evil? Not even remotely. It does mean that he might have thought that he was stealing an object from Starfleet rather than kidnapping a person, and also that he didn't realizing that he was engaging in slavery. Maybe he was surprised to hear that the charges against him included human trafficking, but as any lawyer will tell you, not being aware of the law doesn't mean you're immune to the consequences if you get caught breaking it.

This was a pretty solid episode. Not a lot of sci-fi elements, as the sabotage of the water included science elements, but could have been written for a non-sci-fi show just as easily. The acting for Fajo and Varria were both pretty good, and Brent Spiner did a nice job conveying Data's inner conflict about shooting Fajo, and in the end, that's kind of what the whole episode was about - Data's inner turmoil about whether or not to kill someone.

The thing that ultimately trips me up about this episode is Fajo's kidnapping plot. They traveled out a ways to Beta Agni, took the time and resources to replicate a chemical that's hard to work with, traveled back to another part of space, and waited for the colonists at Beta Agni to report to the Federation that the water was contaminated. So far, so good. Then he had to have hytritium, just a little more than the E would need to fix the water supply, and be just far enough away from another supply of it that it would not be worth the E's time to fly out there to get more. There are two wild cards in this plan: 

A) that the E would be assigned to this job, or be near enough and not have a job at the time (or have an unimportant job) so that they could drop what they were doing to take care of the water supply situation.

B) that the Enterprise would send Data as their shuttle pilot.

If neither of these conditions were met, then Fajo would be screwed. He would not have another chance himself to get that close to data, and would have had to acquire him a different way, as too many interactions with the E would have seemed suspect.

Unknown is how the Enterprise knew to contact him about the hytritium. Did he let them know that he had some to sell, not too long after they went looking for it? "Hey, guys. Heard you were looking for this stuff I have to sell"? Seems more likely that he approached up other traders and bought it off them so that he could be the only trader in the area to have it. Otherwise, it seems too open to chance. The whole plan seems kind of shaky where it counts, so I'm deducting points.

Fun Facts:

- The title for this episode comes from the phrase "he who dies with the most toys, wins," concerning greedy people. I kind of wish now that Fajo had collected at least one memento mori painting, for the lovely irony it would have brought.
- David Rappaport was initially cast as Fajo, but attempted suicide a few days into filming. It was decided that they could not continue with him in the role, and they cast Saul Rubinek instead. The scenes featuring Rappaport were re-filmed with Rubinek, even though promotional photos of Rappaport as Fajo had already gone out. Sadly, Rappaport's depression did not get better, and his next attempt at suicide was successful a few months later.

- Director Timothy Bond had initially thought up some interesting ways in which to film Fajo's scenes, as he was supposed to come off as intimidating, but Rappaport was very small. His favorite idea was to film in a set where the ceilings were all very short, making most people duck. But the show runners wouldn't let him do it, which is fortunate, as it would have been difficult to film, especially after the actors were changed.
- Saul Rubinek typically did not do guest spots on television, but he was a Trek fan, and old friends with Timothy Bond. He asked to see the sets while he was in town for a few days, and Bond talked him into taking the role of Fajo.
- There was a scene in the final script which would have had Fajo sending Varria to Data to test his sexual abilities, but when data learns of this, he sends a humiliated Varria away, fueling her need to escape. This scene dd not make the final episode.
- The scenes filmed with David Rappaport can be seen as extras on the season three Blu-ray set.
- Writer Shari Goodman asked Brent Spiner if he thought Data had shot the weapon that would have killed Fajo. Spiner said yes, and Goodman agreed. She wished it had been less ambiguous. Supposedly, the original ending was clearer on that matter, that Data had meant to shoot Fajo, but the higher-ups wanted it to be murky. Director Timothy Bond loved that it was left unknown.
- We'll see Palor Toff's outfit in later episodes: his robes will be seen on someone else next season, and the gold "ribbon" will be used as a sculpture in season six.
- The shuttle craft in this episode is named Pike for Captain Christopher Pike from TOS.
- Michael Piller began collecting baseball cards after this episode.
- Fajo is a Zibalian, but Saul Rubinek flubs a line and refers to Fajo's home planet as Zimbalia.
- The Dali painting in Fajo's collection ("Persistence of Memory") was painted by Elaine Sokoloff. Sokoloff was a graphic and scenic painter for the show, and did all of the paintings in Picard's art class in "A Matter of Perspective."

Red deaths: 0
To date: 1

Gold deaths: 0
To date: 1

Blue deaths: 0
To date: 1
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 127

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0
To date: 1

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Geordi moments: 0
To date: 11

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 7

Sassy Riker Moments: 0
To date: 13

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date: 11

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Data Moments: 1
To date: 6
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date: 2
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 5
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 1
To date: 1

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 6
To date: 28

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
To date: 25

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date: 5
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 0
To date: 3
Picard Maneuvers: 2
To date: 31
Tea, Earl Grey: 0
To date: 4

Lovely dilute calico Gretle

ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Twenty-One "Hollow Pursuits"

ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Twenty-One "Hollow Pursuits"
Production Order: 21
Air Order: 21
Stardate: 43807.4
Original Air Date: April 30, 1990

We start out this week by following Deanna Troi into Ten Forward. She's wearing a different dress than usual and looks like a million bars of gold-pressed latinum. The camera moves from her to the bar where we see Guinan try to cut off a Gold. She tells him that she doesn't want any trouble and covers his glass with her hand. He rips the glass away, and for some reason he has his own bottle of hooch? Did he get that from behind the bar, or bring his own? I mean, I don't know how much things have changed in bars by the 24th century, but pretty sure bringing your own booze in is frowned upon. She tells him that he's trouble.

Geordi stomps in.
"Lt Barclay, you're on duty! Get the fuck back to your post!"
Our rude-ass Gold is rude to Geordi as well. "Go the hell away."
And he shoves the blind guy backward into a bunch of furniture. Damn.
Riker, who was sitting further down the bar, approaches Barclay. "That's insubordination!"
Barclay grabs Riker and twists the commander's arm behind his back. He calls Riker a "pretty mannequin in a uniform" and tells him that if Picard has a problem with him, the captain can tell him that himself.

Geordi sneaks out of Ten Forward, and Barclay approaches Troi, who has been watching nearby.
"I feel your confidence, your arrogant resolve," she purrs. "It excites me."
Ugh, who wrote this dialogue?
They're about to kiss when Barclay gets paged to one of the docks.
Barclay: "It'll have to wait until later, darling."
Troi: *makes noise like she was about to get off, but was robbed of an orgasm*

Barclay starts to leave Ten Forward, then turns and says "Save program."
Everyone disappears, including Troi. Then Ten Forward disappears.
It's the holodeck.

Down on a dock, Riker and Geordi are talking about Reginald Barclay. Geordi complains that Barclay is often late, a bit of a space case, never seems to give his all.
"I think I'll have to talk to the captain about Broccoli. That's a nickname Wes thought up," adds Riker. "Please don't spread it around."
Yeah, mostly because it sucks. Sure, Barclay sounds like Broccoli, but comparing him to a vegetable makes no sense. A good nickname comments on the person somehow. Broccoli comments on nothing. Get your shit together, Wes. And stop encouraging that crap, Riker.
Another Gold (Duffy) interrupts their convo to tell Geordi and Riker that some container of some stuff has a broken seal. The container is leaking mist, and Geordi tells him to throw it out, as it's contaminating other stuff.
Barclay enters the dock, sees Geordi and Riker, and tries to duck behind some containers. Oops, caught.
"You're late!" Geordi barks at him.
The Barclay who left Ten Forward is very different from the one who entered the dock. He stammers an apology and a fake excuse about an urgent communique that needed his attention.
"STFU," says Geordi. "Seriously. Do your job, get here on time. Come look at this antigrav unit."
Riker grabs Barclay's arm as he tries to pass, and Riker tells Barclay that he's tired of seeing his name on the naughty list. "Get your shit together, Barclay. This is the Enterprise."

Dramatic music! Opening credits break!

Picard's Log 43807.4: "We're taking a bunch of samples from one planet to another. Hopefully, the shipment will help prevent disease on Planet #2."

Barclay is working on the antigrav unit. He tells Geordi that it looks perfectly fine, and they test it out. The unit does fine, then wobbles and dumps another canister. O'Brien and Duffy clean it up.
Poor Barclay. This dude has some serious anxiety. He's nervous and stutters. And Geordi is coming off as intimidating.
"I'm...I'm so sorry," he tells Geordi. "It, um, it shouldn't do that. I'll take it apart later and check it out."
Geordi sighs, calls to Engineering for more Golds, and asks Barclay to help clean up the canister.

Later in the ready room, Picard is surprised that Riker has requested that Barclay be transferred off the E. He isn't used to seeing bad reports from his crew.
"I'm not sure he's Enterprise material," admits Riker.
Geordi says he thought he could work with anybody, but that he doesn't understand Broccoli.
"Broccoli?" asks Picard.
"Yeaaahhh, Wes started that," smiles Riker. "Looks like it caught on."
"Let's get it uncaught," says Picard. "His records show that he does good work, and his last CO gave him a glowing review."
"I'm wondering now if maybe that CO gave him a good review so that we would take him off of their hands," suggests Riker.
Oh, yay. Dumping your iffy employee on another department and claiming that they're awesome is my very favorite. Also, that's a shitty suggestion, Riker.
"Also, I looked at his psych evals," Riker pushes on. "He has a history of doing solitary stuff, not being social at all."
Picard isn't having any of this shit. Remember last week when he struggled to relate to Tam Elbrun and just kept getting angry and frustrated? This week, he's on Barclay's side.
"You guys need to try harder to find how to make this work. You're fucking managers, so figure out how to bring out the best in him."
"I don't know how," complains Geordi.
"Make him your best friend," Picard says.
(Have done this. It actually kind of works. Recommend.)
"Dude, I can barely stand being in the same room with him," says Geordi.
Picard shoos them out the door with their new instructions.

Geordi goes back down to Engineering. To indicate that it's late and no one else is working, the dock is slightly darkened. Barclay is sitting cross-legged on the floor, diligently working on the antigrav unit.
This time, Geordi tries Picard's advice. He speaks nicely to Barclay, and calls him "Reg." Barclay says he's still trying to find what's wrong with the unit, and he'll get Geordi a report by the end of the day.
"That's fine," says Geordi. "No rush." He starts to walk away, then a thought occurs to him, and he turns around. "Hey, how about you join me and some of the others in the morning for a mission briefing?"
Barclay starts to panic. "Oh, crap. Do I need to give a presentation?"
"No, it's cool," Geordi assures him. He smiles and is friendly. "Just come and participate."
 Barclay promises to be on time.

At 0800, Geordi meets several Golds around the pool table console in Engineering, including Wes and Duffy. Barclay is not there, and everyone starts to roll their eyes, but then Barclay comes running up at 0800:15. They start the meeting.
"This mission is super routine, so we should (maintenance)," says Geordi.
Duffy breaks in to say that, at the same time, they should also (other maintenance on anti-matter injectors). Geordi agrees. He says that Wes will be working with them this week as part of his training, which is why he's in this meeting. Then Geordi announces that Reg is here because he's working on the malfunctioning antigrav unit, and that his prelim report had some good theories as to what was happening, and could Reg explain some of them?
Pays compliment, goes out of way to include him: good job, Geordi.
Unfortunately, Barclay is caught off-guard. He can't find his voice, and when he does, he stutters.
Duffy rolls his eyes like an asshole.
Have you ever encountered someone rolling their eyes in such a obnoxious way that you wanted to slap them hard enough to knock their eyes out, and you hope the floor is kind of dirty so that after said eyeballs have rolled across the floor and under some heavy fixture, they have to be washed off before being placed back into the sockets? That.
I... I don't like Duffy, you guys.

Barclay tries to explain his way of thinking about the problem, but Wes butts in to mansplain antigrav units to him, and how Barclay's guess couldn't possibly be correct. Barclay gets flustered and says that he knows that it isn't, but it should be checked anyway, and also (science and crap).
I know that Wes is just trying to be a helpful team player, but he interrupted Barclay and then fucking mansplained this guy's job to him. Wunderkind or not, mansplaining should be punishable by death, so I have to ding Wes for that. Shut up, Wesley.
Geordi rushes to Barclay's defense, telling Wes diplomatically that they need to explore all avenues to get the answer. Points to Geordi again.
The meeting adjourns to the warp core area, where they discuss the aforementioned maintenance. Barclay follows at a distance.

Barclay meets with Troi in her office.
"I didn't know what to say."
He tells her that he knew the answers he should have given at the meeting, and it was mortifying that some kid was telling him how to do his job. Gone is the stuttering Reg. Back again is the Reg from the first scene, where he speaks firmly and with confidence.
She tells him that he's being too hard on himself, and that he needs to let some things go.
Up until now, she seemed to be giving even-handed advice, acting like Counselor Troi. But now she starts giving him a backrub and talking to him in a sultry manner. This time they kiss.

Barclay decides that he doesn't like this setting, and asks Majel for something more unusual. He tells her to run a certain number Barclay program, and a kind of idyllic scene appears instead. Ahead, Troi is draped in a green toga. She holds out her arms.
"I am the Goddess of Empathy," she announces. "Cast off your inhibitions and embrace love, truth, joy."
He goes to her, and they kiss again.

Holo-Troi's Goddess of Empathy costume mirrors the color scheme of her teal
dress, and the medical/science uniforms of Starfleet.

Geordi is having a drink with Duffy, Data and Wes in Ten Forward. This is where Wes kind of redeems himself from earlier. He says he thought that those meetings were for an exchange of ideas. Geordi replies that they are, but that Barclay gets nervous.
Duffy makes some forgettable comment and uses the name Broccoli.
"Oh, I shut him down," Wes realizes. He seems to feel genuinely bad about this. "Poor Broccoli."
Data then asks about the Broccoli thing, and when the others tell him it's a nickname, he points out that nicknames are often given to a person by their friends, and they're not supposed to be a shitty mocking thing but a term of endearment, and also this nickname makes no sense, because they're calling him a piece of produce.

Geordi remembers that Picard told him to quit it with the Broccoli thing, and he points out that Data has a point, and they're going to stop calling Barclay that.
Duffy takes a sip of his drink, but the glass is leaking.
"The fuck?" asks Duffy.
Data holds it up to show that the Duffy has made indentations in the exact shapes of his fingers in the glass.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Down in Engineering, Data and Geordi are examining Duffy's glass with a tricorder.
"The glass has been changed at the atomic level," says Data.
Geordi suggests that there might have been a problem with the replicator, but Data points out that it would have changed Duffy's synthehol as well, which it didn't.
Geordi takes a look with his VISOR and says he doesn't see anything weird going on with the glass.
"I think it came into contact with an open power source," says Data.
"Oh, fuck me," sighs Geordi. "That means checking all 4000 of the E's power sources. Ooh, wait! This is a good job for Reg!"
Barclay is near the warp core, checking out stuff for his antigrav mystery. Geordi asks if he will also look into the glass thing.
"I need you to check for leaking power sources."
"Oh, um... that was on my agenda already."
"It was?"
"Yeah, because, um.... because of the antigrav thing, which I still can't figure out. I wonder if these two things were caused by the same problem."
"It's possible," says Data.

Later, all three are at the science station on the bridge discussing the problem with Riker.
"Lt Barclay suggested that the two incidents - the glass and the antigrav unit - might be linked," Data tells Riker.
Barclay, who was drifting, realizes that Data is talking about him and gets flustered. "What? No, that wasn't me. Not me."
Picard approaches, and as per his instructions to Riker and Geordi earlier, is being super friendly and polite to Barclay. "Will your investigation into these things affect how much power we have for our mission?" he asks cheerfully.
"Noooo..." says Barclay. "No... we'll shut them down a few at a time, and your power that you're using shouldn't be affected at all..."
Picard continues to smile, but it falters a little, because Barclay could have said "No, it should be fine," in a more efficient manner, but it gets drawn out because he's nervous.
"Cool. I look forward to reading your report, Mr Broccoli."

Instantly, everything changes. Picard is a deer in the headlights. Barclay takes the glass and mutters about needing to start his investigation before scampering onto the lift and disappearing. And Riker and Geordi are amused that Picard fucked up. Data makes this face:

Bahaha, holy shit, Data

"Mixing up letters in a word is very common," he reports. "Barc to broc, one could see how you would -"
Data quickly reads the group and decides that a "shut up, Data" moment is needed here. He clamps his mouth shut and immediately does a thing that humans do, which is to instantly find fascinating something that is inherently dull or uninteresting.
I would like to point out how astute that is, picking up on the fact that his own explanation is unnecessary and unwanted, stopping mid-sentence, and pretending that he said nothing. It's actually a pretty subtle nuance in human behavior, knowing that that is an appropriate response, and when to employ it. Good job, Data.

Geordi is down in Ten Forward, asking Guinan about Barclay.
"He comes in sometimes, stands at the bar, orders warm milk."
He snorts. "Figures."
Hey. Fuck you, Geordi. Milk is delicious.
Guinan also defends Barclay. "Warm milk helps you sleep. You should try it sometime."
He tells her that he's trying to understand Barclay better, and she says that she usually just serves him his milk and just lets him be.
"I know he's imaginative," she adds.
"How do you know that?"asks Geordi.
"I just do."
"Maybe he needs to find a new job, then."
"Engineers don't appreciate imagination?" she asks.
"Naw, not that. He just doesn't fit in."
"So what? That reminds me of this relative of mine. Everybody told me to stay away from him, that he didn't fit in and was a bad influence," she replies.
"Did you?" asks Geordi.
"Fuck no. He was the only one of my family members who had a sense of humor. Only nobody knew that but me, because nobody would hang out with him. Supposedly, I'm just like him. I hate the idea of fitting in."
But Geordi is just not getting it. "No, no. Dude is late all the time. And he's super nervous, and nobody wants to spend time with him."
"Uh-huh. If nobody wanted to hang out with me, I'd be late and nervous, too."

I love this outfit on Guinan. That color is gorgeous on her, and the texture
reminds me of flowers.

Geordi asks Majel where Barclay is now, and you can guess where she directs him based on the fact that he's seen heading into the holodeck.
Seriously? You shouldn't be able to just walk into a program like that. What if someone is running a porno program in there? The doors should remain locked until you ask that person over the comm system if they can let you in. They should only open like that for an emergency override, and only if you don't respond.
Anyway, he walks into that idyllic landscape, so you know how this is going to go. A few feet in, and he gets this:

A+ set design

A+ costume design

All the A-pluses

Oh, God. Crusher is on a swing, and she chastises Wes for forgetting his manners while Wes stuffs his face with pie. Crusher tells Wes that if he doesn't get his manner straightened out "Master Barclay will spank you."

Noooooooooooooooo.
Geordi demands to know where "Master" Barclay is, and she tells him that "the boys" got into another scrap.
I... yeah, they're fencing. Like, with foils. But not like the sport that Picard indulges in with the masks. Like, they're dressed as the Three Musketeers. Data and Picard and Geordi. And they're all battling it out against Barclay, who has two swords, because in his own holodeck fantasy, he's ambidextrous and can work both of those swords independently. Barclay is his own Mary Sue.

Obvious Barclay stand-in with a different hairline

Holo-Picard asks Barclay where he learned to fight, and Barclay rakishly declares himself to be self-taught.
"Shall I give you a few lessons?" he asks, and I wonder if he knows that Picard actually fences IRL.
I hope not. How mortified would he be when he found out.
Holo-Picard notices IRL Geordi watching, and asks if that's one of Barclay's friends.
"Oh, Jean-Luc," declares Barclay in an affected British accent. "Not that old trick! I'm very disappointed in you."
But Geordi clears his throat, and Barclay realizes that he's completely boned.

Geordi and Barclay go to Ten Forward for a chat. Barclay tells Geordi he will request a transfer, because he knows he doesn't fit in here.
"Not necessary," says Geordi. "Look, it's cool to use the holodeck, and what you do in there is none of my beeswax, but you can't let it affect your work."
"Are you going to tell anyone what you saw?" asks Barclay.
"No, I don't think many other people appreciate your imagination like I do."
Guinan sets two glasses of warm milk in front of them.

"It's unusual that you recreate people you know," remarks Geordi.
"Yeah... I, uh... I needed to blow off some steam. One of the officers had been getting on my case -" he pauses and smiles "- okay, yeah, it was you... and I couldn't bring myself to say what I needed to say. So... I have more control in there."
"I can see how that could work for you," says Geordi. "But maybe you should see Counselor Troi."
"Nooooooooooo."
Barclay shakes his head and launches into the most relatable speech ever:
"You don't know what a struggle this has been for me, Commander... Being afraid all of the time of forgetting somebody's name... not... not knowing what to do with your hands. I mean, I am the guy who writes down things to remember to say when there's a party. And then when he finally gets there he winds up alone, in the corner trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant."
And Geordi says the most tone-deaf thing ever:

"Just shy - sounds like nothing serious, right?" asks Barclay.
Nope, sounds like hard-core anxiety.
O'Brien pages Geordi to one of the transporter rooms, and on his way out, Geordi insists that Barclay go see Troi. Barclay tries to back out, and Geordi does all but order him as his CO.

Down in the transporter room, O'Brien sets up something he's working on: (transporter science).
"I'm using these canisters, and I haven't done anything new. But look."
O'Brien energizes the canister. It disappears and reappears one pad over. He energizes again, but when it reappears on another pad, it's a twisted mess.
Sassy Geordi Moment: "Glad I don't have anywhere to go."

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Geordi's Log 43808.2: "We don't know why this transporter room seems to have lost its mind."

Geordi, Picard and Riker examine the busted canister. It seems similar to the other shit that Barclay is working on. This is the only transporter room where this is happening. Picard is annoyed that they're about 24 hours away from the planet where they need to deliver the tissue samples, and they need all of the transporters working.
Riker asks Geordi for a meeting between them and Barclay on the bridge, but Geordi asks to push it back a bit because he has Barclay working on something.

Barclay has a disastrous appointment with Troi. She asks if he's ever been with a counselor before, and he almost tells her that he's been hooking up with her digital doppelganger on the holodeck.
He's manic and stutters.
She decides to try a relaxation technique and turns down the lights somewhat. He practically hyperventilates. She teaches him to breathe deeply through his nose, then exhale out through his mouth.
"Oh, that's great!" he says, suddenly standing up and breathing too fast through his nose and out through his mouth. "I'm gonna go practice it right now!"
He hits the door button and disappears into the corridor.

Troi goes to the bridge and tells Geordi she had a weird appointment with Barclay. She isn't able to tell him about it, though, as Riker bellows that it's past time for their meeting, and where the hell is Barclay? Geordi pages him. No answer.
"Majel, where's Lt Barclay?" he asks.
"Holodeck two," she replies.
Knowing what's probably going on, Geordi tries to help Barclay save face by offering to go get him, but nope. Riker insists on getting him.
"Um, you should come too," Geordi tells Troi.

When they get to the holodeck, Geordi tries to warn Riker that Barclay likes some unusual programs, but Riker is pissed and doesn't care. The doors open onto the idyllic setting. And the sword-fighting trio lounging on those old ruins. And Blue Boy Wes with his pie.
Troi looks mildly amused. Riker looks like being confused has just made him angrier.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

"This is a violation of protocol," snarls Riker. "Crew members should not be simulated on the holodeck."
"That's... not a thing," says Geordi.
"Should be."
Yeah, you're not gonna like what happens next, Riker. Also, I agree.
The Holo-trio, who are having a snack, decide to challenge Riker to a sword fight.
"Fuck off," says Riker.
They call him a coward, and suggest that he fight someone a little more his speed.
 "Number one!" yells Holo-Picard.
Holo-Riker stumbles, bumbling, onto the scene, asking excitedly if he missed the fight.

"Oh, hell no!" yells Riker.
He starts to cancel the program, but Troi stops him.
"Hey, you can't do that. If Barclay is struggling to face reality, canceling his fantasy could be detrimental to his mental health."
Truth.
Instead, Riker demands to know where Barclay is. Holo-Riker advises him to make his final arrangements first, as Barclay is the finest swordsman -
Sassy Riker Moment: "In all the holodeck?"
Troi and Geordi stifle a laugh, and Troi points out that Riker can be intimidating, and presenting him in this way makes him less so.
All the same, he has Majel turn off Holo-Riker.
The Three Musketeers refuse to tell them where Barclay is, so they decide to look themselves. Troi starts to tell Riker and Geordi about how having a fantasy life can be a healthy thing, as long as you don't let it take over your life. At least, she keeps that line until they stumble across the Goddess of Empathy. Now it's Riker's turn to be amused.
She tries to delete the Goddess, but Riker stops her, citing healthy fantasy lives.

There's a weird lurching moment on the bridge, and Picard steps out of his ready room to find out what that was. Both Data and Worf confirm that their speed just increased a bit for no reason.
"Why?" demands Picard.
"Um, matter/anti-matter injectors locked for a split second," replies Data.
They fix the problem, and Picard calls Geordi to find out what the deal is.
"I'm on the holodeck, so it's news to me," Geordi replies.
"You can hang out there later. Get your ass back to Engineering. And talk to Barclay about this shit."
"Yeah, love to," mutters Geordi after signing off. "We need to find him now," he tells the others.
"Cast aside your masks and let me slip into your minds," replies Holo-Troi.

They round a corner and find Barclay snoring in the lap of Holo-Crusher.
A moment later, they escort him from the holodeck. Troi coldly tells Barclay that they have a lot to talk about at their next appointment. Riker dismisses both Geordi and Barclay to go back to Engineering.
In the corridor, Geordi chastises Barclay for falling asleep in the holodeck. Barclay apologizes. He has been putting in a lot of time on this antigrav-glass-transporter thing, and couldn't stay awake.
"Dude, you had the opportunity to talk to the real Counselor Troi, and instead you went back into the holodeck."
"I tried to avoid it," Barclay says, "but the people in there seem more real to me than the people out here. Except for maybe you, Commander."
"Man, you got some serious holodiction," says Geordi, not unsympathetic. "I've had my share of that shit. I fell in love in there once."
*cough, cough*

"But I had to decide when to put the brakes on and walk away. And I really need you present right now. Please, please, please, stay out of the holodeck for now."

Down in Engineering, Barclay and Geordi look at the engine problem.
"We should drop out of warp," recommends Barclay.
Geordi calls the bridge to tell them to slow down, but Data says the computer isn't responding.
"I think it's not a computer problem," says Barclay. "The injector is physically stuck."
Unfortunately, the ship ramps up the speed and won't slow down.

Dramatic music and zoom-in on Picard's face! Commercial break!

The Ship is Disabled.
Going too fast already, and pushing the limits more with every second.
On the bridge, Riker asks how long until the ship physically breaks apart.
"Fifteen minutes," replies Data.
Down in Engineering, Geordi has called a meeting to determine what the hell is wrong. The Golds all toss out suggestions for what the problem might be, and how to fix it. In each case, Geordi tells them why that suggestion isn't the solution.
Twelve minutes.
Barclay starts thinking quickly. "An antigrav unit, a glass, a transporter, and now the injectors. What if the problem isn't systemic, what if it's one of us? Like we touched something, and spread it around? You guys touched the injectors when you did (maintenance)," he tells Duffy. "And you touched the glass."
"But he didn't touch the transporters," points out Wes. "O'Brien did."
"Yeah, but both O'Brien and Duffy were there when that canister broke open when it fell off the antigrav unit," says Barclay. "And the stuff in those canisters was not considered dangerous by the computer, so it didn't set off any alarms."
Through some trial and error, they figure out that Planet #1 uses invidium in their medical containment, which was probably in that broken canister. Invidium could alter the molecular structure of all of those things they touched.

Geordi and Barclay rush to the cargo bay to confirm it, calling Riker along the way.
"Working theory!" yells Geordi over the warning klaxons. "Going to confirm!"
"Those are great," points out Riker, "but without a solution in five minutes, it won't really matter."
They make plans to separate the ship, but Data points out that they're going too fast, and both parts of the ship would explode.
In the cargo bay, they are finally able to confirm the elusive invidium. For some reason, Barclay knows off the top of his head how to suppress this really obscure stuff that hasn't been used in the Federation for hundreds of years, but okay. Geordi calls the bridge and recommends that they freeze the injectors to minus 200 Celsius. He can't guarantee that they'll be able to get control, but they have no choice at this point, so they give it a shot.
Thirty seconds.
Finally, the injectors cool off enough to reset them, and the ship begins to slow and stop.

Riker calls to congratulate Geordi, who shares the credit with Barclay. Riker begrudgingly acknowledges Barclay. Geordi thanks Barclay as well, and says hes glad that the engineer was fully present to help them.

Barclay enters the bridge and walks to the front to address everyone.
"So, hey. I have to leave. I don't want to go, but after talking to Counselor Troi, seems like the right thing to do."
"You'll always be welcome here," says Geordi.
"Yeeeaahhh, that's why it sucks so much."
They wish him luck.
He takes a deep breath, then says, "Computer, end program."
Oops, bridge was a lie.
"Also," he tells the empty holodeck, "erase all programs under the name Reginald Barclay." A pause. "Okay, maybe not program nine."
He smiles.

*******

We seem to be getting several episodes in a row that have connections lately. First we have a pair of Picard episodes, one right another,  which are both thought of as lighter fare; then two episodes that deal with someone that the crew has a problem relating to, and in both episodes Riker is an angry jerk. Interestingly, Picard's frustration at having to deal with Tam Elbrun was not repeated here, despite the fact that others had trouble working with Barclay. perhaps because he was working with Tam directly, but not Barclay for the most part?

Both this episode and the last also feature people with disorder-like challenges. Tam's telepathic experiences translated (for me, at least) into Autism Spectrum Disorder. And Barclay's problem was not so much that he was shy, but that he has some rather severe anxiety. I'm rather surprised that Star Trek chose to call it shyness, as it was fairly obvious to me that it went far beyond that. Frustratingly enough, Netflix even chose to label Barclay as "shy" in their description of this episode. Barclay was right on the money when he told Geordi that "you couldn't possibly know."

Despite this, I really like this episode. The idea was to put an Everyman on the Enterprise, someone who might be thought of less that The Best of the Best, as most people on the Enterprise might be thought of. And it paid off. Fans liked Barclay. They themselves would probably not be "special" enough to join this crew, and were interested in seeing someone more like themselves on the ship. But however sympathetic Barclay might appear, he is still Enterprise-worthy: he is smart beyond belief, and is really only tripped up by his anxiety and antisocial behavior. These are often personality characteristics that accompany being highly intelligent.

I also love the fact that Barclay's anxiety leads him to create rich fantasy worlds on the holodeck. The guy pretty much lives out his shower thoughts, winning arguments and being his own confident hero. Of course, the safest way to engage in fantasy is to keep it locked in one's head, but I imagine that, as Geordi mentioned, it is pretty therapeutic to actually act it out, and I imagine that doing so on the holodeck adds a layer of excitement.

This leads naturally to a discussion on holodiction. So far, we've seen two crew members fall in love with holograms (Riker and Geordi), and one crew member (Geordi) create a hologram based on a real person. One could easily end up full-time on the holodeck, living out fantasies when reality becomes too much. "It's easier for me in there," Barclay tells Geordi. It's easier for him to speak his mind, easier to be confident, easier when his own brain isn't moving so fast as to cause his mouth to trip over his words. People on the holodeck are more ridiculous that he is, are less intelligent, and they look up to him. In the real world, people find him frustrating and off-putting. It's not hard to see why he views the holodeck as a means of escape. However, while using holograms of real people can be therapeutic, it also lead to some creepiness. While Holo-Riker was ridiculous, and the others merely amusing, Holo-Troi was a horse of a different color. He seems to make out with her regularly, which seems like an invasion of privacy. He didn't just make a hologram of her likeness, he gave her the same personality, possibly in the same way that Geordi used Leah Brahms' service record to inject her hologram with a personality. Not gonna lie. I agree with Riker about there needing to be a regulation against recreating crew members on the holodeck. A person could get angry with a fellow crew member and go into the holodeck to act out violent fantasies about that person, which seems particularly unhealthy.

That being said, I really like Barclay. I relate to him in a lot of ways, and I'm glad we'll be seeing him again.

Fun facts:

- It seems that quite a few people thought that Reg Barclay represented obsessive Star Trek fans, but producers were quick to point out that this was not the case. Michael Pillar identifies with Barclay because he also makes frequent use of fantasy in his life, and his own wife pointed out their similarities. In fact, Ira Steven Behr added the line to the script where Barclay mentions trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant based on something Michael Pillar said word for word about himself.
- Regardless of the initial inspiration, the part of Barclay was written specifically for actor Dwight Schultz. Schultz, a friend of Whoopi Goldberg, had followed her footsteps in getting onto the show: a long time Trek fan, he told Whoopi that he'd like to play a part on the show. Unbeknownst to him, she approached producers, who wrote the part of Barclay for him.
- The look for Holo-Wes was based on the Thomas Gainsborough painting "The Blue Boy." Effort was made to copy his clothes as carefully as possible.

- The test cylinders used in the transporter room are actually US Navy sonar buoy transport cases.
Test cylinders were made specifically to test transporters.

- When speaking with Holo-Troi, Barclay complains about flux capacitors. According to Wes' lines in the meeting scene, the term is 'flow capacitor' but it seems that rather than an actor flub, this was an intentional nod to Back to the Future.
- The song that plays when Barclay leaves the holodeck at the end of the episode is "The Minstrel Boy." This is a popular choice for Star Trek, and will turn up a number of times over the course of the franchise.
- Dr Crusher only appears in this episode as a hologram.
- This is the first episode in which Barclay appears. He'll show up four more times in TNG, in Star Trek: First Contact, and in six episodes of Voyager.
- At 43, Dwight Schultz is the oldest actor to have portrayed a lieutenant junior grade. In the US Navy, lieutenants are typically in their early twenties, and are usually promoted long before they reach Barclay's age.
- There were two action figures produced of Barclay. One featured him as he appeared in TNG, the other as he appeared in Voyager.

Totally want a Lt Barclay action figure now

Red deaths: 0
To date: 1

Gold deaths: 0
To date: 1

Blue deaths: 0
To date: 1
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 127

Obnoxious Wes moments: 1
To date: 1

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Geordi moments: 1
To date: 11

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 7

Sassy Riker Moments: 1
To date: 13

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date: 11

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 5
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date: 2
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 5
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 0
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Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 0
To date: 22

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
To date: 25

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 1
To date: 5
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 1
To date: 3
Picard Maneuver: 1
To date: 29
Tea, Earl Grey: 0
To date: 4

Bobby, Master of Head Boops and Kneading