ST:TNG Season Four, Episode Twenty-Five "In Theory"

ST:TNG Season Four. Episode Twenty-Five "In Theory"
Production Order: 25
Air Order: 25
Stardate: 44932.3
Original Air Date: June 3, 1991

Picard's Log 44932.3: "We're going into this dark matter nebula - should be fun and not dangerous at all! Data is modifying a few photon torpedoes so we can shoot the nebula and get more info. Again, should be fun and not dangerous!"

Data and a Security Gold, Jenna D'Sora, are modifying a torpedo.
"You seem distracted today," Data notes. "Are you alright?"
Jenna admits that she ran into her ex in the lift, and he asked her to dinner. She relays that she told him she would consider it.
Data pauses, then reminds her that she asked him to tell her all of the reasons why she ended the relationship with this guy.
She rolls her eyes, but smiles. She did indeed ask Data to remind her about this shit, and he's being a good friend.
"He seemed unable to set aside time for you, never did "the little things," was unresponsive, you dislike the noises he makes when he eats soup -"
She cuts him off, thinking that she probably should have told her ex no.
Data states that this is the third time he has had to remind Jenna about why she shouldn't date this guy, and asks if she wants him to stop. She responds no, that's for her own good.

While they are working, he starts telling her about famous lovers in history. It's not uninteresting, but she asks how he was drawn to the subject.
"Six weeks ago, when you broke up with your boyfriend, I decided to look into romance as a form of human interaction."
Basically, he saw his friend was having a specific problem and researched the topic so he could help her.
Jenna is taken aback. She's probably used to her friends supporting her break-ups with sweatpants and pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and declarations that the ex doesn't deserve her, anyway. Researching the history of romance is kind of out of left field.
"That was... sweet of you?"
Data calls the bridge to tell them the torpedoes are ready, enabling the show to go upstairs to the bridge.

Meanwhile, Riker is acting like a little kid with ten fingers and a box of fireworks. "Gonna light up a nebula!"
Worf fires off the torpedoes.
They land, and the nebula flickers a bit.
Downstairs, Jenna is impressed. "It's like watching fireworks when I was a kid."

Wonder-filled music! Opening credits break!

Jenna, Data, Keiko O'Brien. and two others are giving a woodwind concert in Ten Forward. Jenna seems kind of distracted when they take their bows, and when Data asks if she's okay, she worries that her tempo was off. He assures her that this is not the case. He cheers her up by telling her that the piece is hard, and they can work on timing next rehearsal, but he's pretty sure no one in the audience noticed.

Later, they share a table with the O'Briens. Keiko tells a story about her husband leaving his socks on the floor, and Miles seems less than thrilled that she's teasing him like this.
(Though seriously, you're an adult sharing a living space with another adult, Miles. If you don't want to be teased, pick up your fucking socks.)
Jenna breaks in to this "happy couple" story by telling her own awkward "happy couple" story with Data. Basically, he came over to her quarters to practice music and remarked about her sloppy housekeeping that she "seem(s) to have an aversion to orderliness." They all laugh. In the meantime, Jenna has moved in close to him, and keeps touching his arm.

Picard and Riker approach Data at the science station on the bridge. He tells them that he's gone over the info they got from their illumination tests of the nebula, and he thinks life may have developed there in ways they've never seen. There are also several M-class planets in the area, and Picard says they should check them out while working on the survey.

There's a weird little scene here that doesn't make a lot of sense unless you watch the episode a few times. Crusher is walking through sick bay, and stops to look at the floor behind her after hearing a clink sound. A piece of handheld equipment is on the floor. She picks it up and puts it back on the table with the others.
End of scene.

 Down in the torpedo bay, Data is working while Jenna sits reminiscing. Why she's not working is beyond me. Anyway, she's telling Data about hanging out with her mother and brother after her father died.
"I wish we could go back there, just you and me," she says.
"Yeah, time doesn't work that way?" he reminds her.
She laughs and starts talking about how she needs to find a higher-quality man, and why can't she get a guy like him, because he's perfect?
"That is not true. I have no human feelings."
She describes how he is a supportive friend (spends time with her when she's lonely, encourages her when she's down, notes that he's kind to her), then gets up to leave. After a moment's thought, she leans down and kisses him on the cheek.
"You're very handsome."
He considers this, then goes back to work. He's not picking up on her hints, so she kisses him full on the mouth.
"See you tomorrow." She's trying to be just the tiniest bit coy, without realizing that it's totally wasted here. She leaves.
Data pauses, considering, then returns to the task at hand.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Guinan is in an empty Ten Forward, making what looks like green milk. Data enters, and she asks for his opinion on this new drink. He gives her a breakdown of the contents, and she notes that he seems distracted.
"Lt D'Sora just kissed me pretty passionately in the torpedo bay," he admits.
He's piqued her interest. This is some good-ass tea.
Guinan asks what Data thinks of her.
He gives a performance review of her work ethic.
"Yeah, no," says Guinan. "How about personally?"
Data admits that he looks forward to their time together.
"Ball's in your court, then."
"Oh. I need advice on what to do."
She demurs. "You can't really give advice on a first romance. You have to figure it out for yourself."
"Hmm. Not really capable of love," he points out.
"Then I guess it'll get interesting."

Data is headed for his quarters when La Forge catches up with him, carrying Data's cat, Spot.
"Did the door on your quarters not close properly?" asks La Forge.
"No, it's closed," says Data. "And the doors are programmed to not open unless there's a humanoid in front of them. The door wouldn't have opened for Spot."
They go into Data's quarters and look around.
"Was anyone in here while you were out?" asks La Forge.
But nothing is out of place, and when asked, Majel says that no one has entered Data's quarters while he was gone.
La Forge suggests making a report with Security about a possible unauthorized entry and starts to leave, but Data calls him back.
"Should I start a relationship with Lt D'Sora?" he asks.
La Forge pauses. He asks about Jenna's ex, and Data confirms that that coupling is kaput. La Forge fumbles for a moment, then advises Data to asks someone who gives better advice.

What follows is a series of Data receiving advice from various crew members/friends. Troi counsels him to proceed with care, as Jenna is a person with feelings, rather than an experiment that Data is running. He decides that maybe he should study more, then write himself a program on how to act.
Worf does the whole, "Lt D'Sora is under my command, and if you were to hurt her feelings, I would be very... displeased." Then he remembers that Data outranks him, and adds, "sir" to the end of his threat.
Riker, being Riker, tells him to go for it.
Data tries to get some advice from Picard but

Data's Personal Log 44935.6: "Okay. Have decided to do the thing."

Data takes flowers to Jenna's quarters, which are just as messy as mentioned previously. She thanks him for the flowers, and he tells her that Riker had recommended them, as "they had worked for him in the past." He holds out his arms for a hug, but in a stiff, Data way.
Startled, she asks if he talked to the entire ship about them.
Data: "No. In actuality, less than one percent of the Enterprise crew was involved."
He then goes on to explain that a program like this required not only study, but consulting those who had experience with romantic relationships. He then sits on her couch, has Majel dim the lights, and holds out his arm without even doing the fake yawn-and-stretch.

"Um, this is a program?" Jenna has clearly never dated an android before.
"More than that." He explains that he has carefully created a program-within-a-program, a subroutine, just for her, into which he has put considerable care and time.
She sits and tells him that that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to her, and I don't know if that's lovely, or really, really sad. He swings his arm up to embrace her within the other (really, it's like a roller coaster bar locking her into place so she won't fall out), then cocks his head to the side so he can kiss her.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Up on the bridge later, Data tells Picard and Riker that they'll be at that first class-M planet in 11 hours, and Picard is like "cool" before putting Riker in charge and going to his ready room. Because when you're captain, you can wait out 11 hours in your private office, playing Candy Crush on your phone while your second in command stares out the window from the Big Chair.
But there's a problem. All of Picard's desk tchotchkes are on the floor. He pages Worf into the ready room and asks that he bring a tricorder. So now they're both on the floor.
Worf relays that the tricorder isn't picking up any traces of anyone but Picard on this stuff, and Picard suggests that they have a poltergeist. Worf is confused by this word.
Do Russians not know the word "poltergeist"?
Picard explains it, and Worf gives him a raised Vulcan eyebrow. A mischievous ghost? As head of security, this is not a thing he can take seriously. He offers to go to red alert.
"Eh, too soon. It's just a bunch of crap on the floor."
"Post a security guard outside the door?" He's convinced that someone broke in.
"No, it's fine."

Data is painting in his quarters when Jenna comes over. He's surprised to see her because their date isn't until later, but she was too excited to wait, because she has a gift for him: a Lucite sculpture.
He asks if she's giving him this gift because she had said his quarters were too spartan. She admits that she is.
So you gave him a Lucite sculpture?
"I thought it might brighten things up."
It's... it's Lucite.
She asks what he thinks of it, and Data, being Data, gives a thorough run-down by art specifications.
Honey, have you not met your boyfriend?
Unsure of what to do, she sees that he was painting, and comments, "oh, don't let me interrupt."
"Cool," he replies, and picks up his palette.
She starts to leave, but then turns and tells him that the truth is, when your girlfriend comes by to give you a gift, you stop what you're doing and give her your attention.

Okay, that's on you, lady. You told him to go back to his painting. Which Data then spells back out for her: she's using human-isms to date someone who is not human. And while Data notes that he "has much to learn," the fact of the matter is, that Jenna could also bridge that gap by recognizing that not everyone will pick up on her clues. She could also alter her perspective so that Data isn't doing all of the heavy lifting here.
They decide to deal with the gift, and she tells Data that the best response here isn't a critical analysis of the piece itself.
"I should look for a place to display it?" he suggests.
He finds a corner when the light is good for "accentuating contours."
She makes a maybe not face.
He places it on a table, talking about how a centralizing location indicates how much the giver is appreciated.
"What's important is that you're trying," she says. "That means a lot to me."
Girl, you could be trying, too.
She suggests that he return to his painting and - yes, she really means it this time - then turns to leave. She blows him a kiss. He stiffly returns a blown kiss.
After exiting, she pauses in the corridor to consider the encounter she just had, then decides it was a good one and smiles, walking away.
Oh hey, it's the B-plot.

After 11 hours have elapsed, Riker calls Picard out of the ready room and back onto the bridge. (How... how long are those shifts?)
"So we reached the coordinates for that M-class planet," explains Riker, "but it isn't there."

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

They discuss it for a few minutes, and Data says he doesn't know why the planet isn't there, but all the info they got earlier said it would be there, so there was no reason for it not to be.
And then it reappears.
"WTF?" asks Picard.
"Hey," says Majel, "there's no air pressure in the Obs Lounge."
"Whut?" asks Picard.
"There's no hull breach or life-forms in the Obs Lounge," Worf reports.
"Everything is now fine in the Obs Lounge," says Data.
"WTF again?" Picard demands. "Okay, let's go look and see what this is about."
So Picard, Riker, Data and Worf all pile into the Obs Lounge with tricorders and find the furniture and plants of the room all in a jumble against a window.
"There's a weird electrical current in the transparent aluminum of this window," says Data. "Like, there was a subspace occurrence, but the scans show none."
"Well, that's fucking annoying," says Picard. "Okay, we're gonna stay here until we figure out what's going on."

So in this next scene, Data is running his romance program, and he's not acting like himself. I've never met Brent Spiner, or seen many videos of how he acts when he's just being himself, but the best way for me to describe Romance Program Data is to say that it's Brent Spiner playing Data playing Brent Spiner. He uses contractions and his speech is more fluid and filled with different tones.
It starts out with Data walking into Jenna's quarters with a toolbox that I guess is a stand-in for a briefcase, and he calls out "Honey, I'm home!"
Do they live together? He didn't ring the bell. Did she program the door to recognize him and just open on command?
She comes into frame and says "Hi." He matches her tone in a goofy way and also says "hi." He kisses her on the cheek. She asks in a casual way how his diagnostic went, and he tells her in Regular Data Voice that nothing turned up. She replies that security's sweep of the ship turned up nothing as well.

She sits and takes off her boots. Romance Program Data asks if he can get her a drink. Then he compliments her choice in an oily manner. RPD is not my favorite. He gets drinks for them both and she gives him a White People Smile. Why is Data acting like this? He asks her in a regular voice if he can get her some dinner, and when she declines, he reverts back to RPD and says "Whatever you wish, dear."
Then he toasts her in a weird combination of RPD voice, but Regular Data wording: "Darling, you remain as aesthetically pleasing as the first day we met. I believe I am the most fortunate sentient in this sector of the galaxy."
Then he tells her to relax while he takes care of everything. He kisses his fingertip and pushes it to her lips, which she kisses with some hesitation. The whole time, she's like

He then starts cleaning her quarters while singing opera. He goes into her room, and drops RPD altogether.
"Do you want me to organize your closet for you?" he asks in his regular voice. He starts an explanation about grouping together like colors.
She tells him that he doesn't have to clean her quarters, and still in Regular Mode, asks what she would like him to do (slipping in an awkward "dear"), and asks if he has not been complimenting her enough. He sits next to her and, switching to RPD, tells her that her hair is silky.
She tells him that he's being kind of... weird.
Regular Data Voice: "Am I not acting like a solicitous mate?"

Jenna: "No, you are. You're just acting strangely."
Romance Program Data: (angrily) "Perhaps there is something wrong with you!"
Jenna is surprised. "I've never seen you behave so foolishly. Why are you doing this?"
RPD:

Jenna: "What?"
Regular Data: "You are not my mother. That is the appropriate response for your statement that I am behaving foolishly."
Jenna asks him to leave, and he asks if she wants to continue their lovers' quarrel. In his research, he found that couples argue, and the aftermath brings them closer together.
"Oh," says Jenna, because what the hell else do you say to that? "It was kind of artificial though, not like the real you."
"I'm not capable of emotion," he reminds her. "In this case, there is no real me."
Jenna seems to decide to conduct her own experiment, and asks him to kiss her. Afterward, she asks what he was thinking. Along with rattling off a list of unrelated thing, he says "... the amount of pressure I could safely apply to your lips..."
"Glad I was in there somewhere?" she laughs nervously.

Up on the bridge, Picard meets with Data, Worf and Riker to go over what they've found: a bunch more weird incidents, but no damage or injury, and Data thinks he might be able to adjust the sensors to tell where these subspace anomalies are.
In the meantime, it's kind of like they're swimming in a pool of jellyfish, and Riker recommends that they move, and check out the nebula from outside of the danger zone.
Picard agrees and they make plans to leave, but an anomaly appears on Data's science station, and there's an explosive compression issue down near Engineering.

La Forge says the problem is between decks, and they're looking into it, but then there's an anomaly at a nearby station, and an electrical shock causes a Ops Gold to fly backward from the console. He's okay, but La Forge tells the bridge it was close. He's gonna take some people to check out the between-decks anomaly.
In the corridor, La Forge has the guy who almost bit the dust just now (Thorne), and another Gold (Van Mayter). He tells Van Mayter to go check out some ship part, and he begins assigning tasks to himself and Thorne as they walk away.
Van Mayter screams, and they go running back to her.
Y'ALL.

Dramatic music because WTF?! Commercial break!

Picard's Supplemental Log: "This weirdness has now caused the super fucked-up death of a crewmember. Data thinks he knows what's going on."

In the Obs Lounge, Data explains some hypotheses to Picard, Riker, La Forge and Worf. Basically, the jellyfish analogy is correct: the anomalies are phasing in and out of regular space, but they're all around, and also in motion. So when they come into contact with the Enterprise, that part of the ship phases in and out of space.
Data says he can reconfigure the sensors to detect when they're coming up on one. But only at super-close range. "The E isn't that maneuverable."
"A shuttle is," says Worf.
"Yeah, someone could pilot a shuttle in front of the E," suggests Riker.
"We could hook it up so the ship mirrors the controls of the shuttle, and we may be able to steer around them," La Forge offers.
"Make that shit so," says Picard.

They all go out onto the bridge (where Lt D'Sora is at Worf's station), and Riker and Picard briefly argue about who is going to pilot the shuttle: Picard says he's going to, Riker argues that it's his duty to protect Picard. In the end, Picard wins because he's the CO.

So they get everything set up: the shuttle controls the E's movements, the helm has sent over a nav course to the shuttle, and O'Brien has a lock on Picard in case things go pear-shaped. Picard starts out, and is able to dance around an anomaly. They're doing okay for a bit, but one of the anomalies brushes a nacelle on the shuttle, causing Picard to lose maneuverability. The nacelle is damaged, and Picard will have to steer manually, calling out the corrections, because they lost the link.
Not doing as well, and an anomaly appears on deck 15, with minimal damage. Picard is sweating now, and La Forge tells him that the damage to the shuttle is going to make things increasingly difficult.

 The shuttle is now spinning out of control. The immediate choice to beam Picard off is made by everyone simultaneously, but because he's spinning, O'Brien struggles to keep the lock.

Riker calls O'Brien, demanding to know if he got Picard. For the sake of building tension, it is a few moments before O'Brien answers in the affirmative. Data reports that they're pretty close to the edge of the nebula, and Riker tells the helm to gun it.
Picard enters the bridge.
"We're out of the nebula," Riker tells him.
"Great, let's get the fuck out of here," Picard answers.

And now, to wrap up the A-plot...
Data sets the table in his quarters for a quiet, romantic dinner. The lights are low, and he's lit a candle. Jenna comes in and makes note of the fact that he's decorated. She says "it looks great," a few too many times.
Data asks if she's distracted.
"Yeeeeaaahhh..."
She sits down to break up with him. She tells him that sometimes people make the same mistake over and over again, and she only recognized today that she had done it again: she got out of a relationship with someone she calls "unemotional," then jumped into a new relationship with someone who is literally incapable of having emotions. She figured Data being "kind and attentive" would be enough to make up for it.
"I don't really matter to you," she says.
That's not... true, though. Data's friends do matter to him.
"Nothing I can say or do can cause you to be happy or sad."
That one is true, and Data admits as much:

He notes that he isn't quite as human as he wants to be... yet. He still doesn't quite get it, and asks if she's ready to eat. She says no thank you and gets up to leave. Before she reaches the door, it clicks with him, and he asks if they are still a couple.
"No, sorry," she answers, clearly upset.
"Then I will delete the program," he says.
She sort of half-nods, tells him she'll see him around, then leaves.

Spot hops in Data's lap for some scritches, and Data blows out the candle. And hopefully moves that Lucite sculpture back to the corner with the better lighting.

This is a pretty good episode. Not the best ever, but pretty good. Data, in trying to learn more about something that has to do with humans, sets out to study it further, but his usual tried and true methods fall flat because it involves emotion, something that he just isn't capable of. They've tried this kind of story for Data before in "The Outrageous Okona," where Data attempts to understand comedy, and thank fuck this episode turned out better. It's not that he didn't try hard. It's that love and relationships are completely illogical, and you can't use the scientific method to get there. In the end, while Jenna seemed very upset that he could not make the leap to where he needed to be, Data didn't seem terribly bothered by it. He simply filed it away under "requires further study." This really sums up Data nicely - his life and thought processes are fairly simple because he does not have to think about how he feels about things. No shower thoughts to ruminate over, because he neither feels, nor showers. His programming is not yet up to the challenge.

Buuuut that brings me to other things. When I view each episode first to get a feel for it, I often have one overall feeling that tends to shift as I go over it again bit by bit. My first feeling toward this episode involved the idea that it was no one's fault that it didn't work out. And that's still kind of true. There were some underlying issues, of course - Jenna not realizing that she tended to repeat bad dating habits, and Data not fully understanding the depth of emotions involved in romantic relationships, and that they cannot just be copy-pasted in artificially. But when I went back and combed through it all, I noticed that Jenna took it for granted that Data needed to do all of the learning and adjustments to her. She did not adjust how she did things or how she spoke in order to communicate with him. She used idioms that he didn't catch, and body language he didn't pick up on, and she played tiny games that humans sometimes know, but which androids would not. (How many people know that when a person says "don't let me interrupt," that you should stop what you're doing and focus on them? They've told you, point-blank, not to stop.) If Jenna isn't adjusting to her partner, is she really giving her fair share? Data checks in with her (in weird ways), but he most definitely checks in. Janna only does once - she asks if he found the solution behind the weird occurrences. Work stuff, only mildly personal. Not even "how was your day?"

The thing that really gets me here is that Data completely changed himself for the relationship - a giant red flag. He had no way of knowing that unless he went back to Troi, but the flags existed nonetheless. Janna noticed in a roundabout way, because the person Data became with the Romance Program was completely different to the guy she asked out. But had his program made him far more subtle, would she have noticed? I don't know.
I don't mean to get down on Janna here. She seems like a perfectly lovely human who has flaws and needs to examine what she needs from a relationship and how to give back to a partner. But I'm not sure she knew what to expect from an android boyfriend. Probably not what she got.

One thing I've never thought about before this episode - do Data's friends and coworkers ever treat him like a smart phone (lol, Android)? Jenna asked Data to remind her of why she broke up with her ex, which he does repeatedly in the service of being a better friend. We all ask friends to do this sort of thing for us from time to time, but here we have a walking, talking reminder machine, and I have to wonder... do people in Data's life take advantage of this, for better or worse? Could some forgetful person ask tell Data their to-do list, and then ask him to recall it later? Like, that could get rude. And Data, being a good guy, wouldn't think twice about it. He would never realize that he was being taken advantage of, until some well-meaning person pointed it out.

And now, a weird continuity complaint: Data tells Riker and Picard that it will be eleven hours until they reach the coordinates for that class-M planet. Picard goes to his ready room and leaves Riker in charge. The Enterprise-D runs on three 8-hour duty shifts for a 24-hour Earth day, so they should arrive at the planet three hours after the duty shift has ended, right? But when eleven hours have elapsed, they are all still on duty. You could say that Picard and Riker, being the CO and XO, could be called onto the bridge when they arrived post-duty shift, but Data was still on the bridge, Worf was still at his station, and Ensign McKnight was still at the conn. Why were they still on shift? Writer oversight? They could have chosen a much shorter length of time between their starting point and those coordinates to make it so the start point and arrival fell in the same shift. Bonus continuity weirdness: Data is shown painting in his quarters between the starting point and arrival. Was he on lunch break? It seems like at first his shift had ended, and he was painting after work, but then he's shown on the bridge at his station again at the end of that eleven-hour stretch, so a lunch break seems like the only logical answer here. Memory Alpha states that the scene where he goes to Jenna's quarters and acts weird is post-shift for him, and not enough time had elapsed for him to have worked another shift entirely. (I know that technically, he has stated that he wouldn't ever need to leave his station, as he has no biological needs like eating or sleeping or using the facilities, but McKnight and Worf both have those needs, so it's not a case of Data just working every shift.)

- Fun Facts:

- The writers wanted this episode just to be a straight character study of Data, but the formula for TNG is A Plot + B Plot, which means that they needed a B Plot. They came up with the subspace anomaly, but they all hated it, and felt that it didn't really need to be there. The idea behind A Plot + B Plot was that, even when you were with one plot, you would be wondering what else was going on inside this huge ship. While this device works well for some episodes, such as "The Mind's Eye" where the B Plot turned out to be an extension of the A Plot, with "In Theory," it really only served to hamstring the A plot.
- This episode marks Patrick Stewart's directorial debut. The directors get assigned episodes in lots, and Stewart was glad that this was a nice, simple story without a lot of large Klingon sets or political intrigue. He spent time talking to Jonathan Frakes and Edward R Brown, the show's original cinematographer, in preparation.

- Frakes felt that it was lucky that Stewart's first directing job featured Brent Spiner in the leading role, as he considers Spiner an excellent actor. Three of Stewart's first five episodes directed featured Spiner as the lead.
- Stewart: "I was a virgin then. Those seven days that I worked on "In Theory" were seven of the most exciting days of my career. They were so intense."
- Data uses several contractions when talking to Jenna after their relationship has begun, suggesting that he purposefully wrote them into the Relationship program, possibly as a kind of script. When arguing with Jenna, he yells, "You're not my mother!" When she is confused, he seems to drop out of the Lovers' Quarrel program and restates in his normal voice, "You are not my mother."
- This is the last episode where Spot is a Somali cat. Going forward, Spot will be an orange tabby.

- Data mentions that the windows in the Obs Lounge are made of transparent aluminum. This is the same material that Montgomery Scott used as a bargaining chip in The One With The Whales.
- This is the only time we see the inside of the Enterprise-D torpedo bay.
- Stewart named this episode as his favorite of the series.
- Writer Ronald D Moore felt that the A plot of this episode didn't get enough credit.
- The woodwind quintet that Data and Jenna perform in is Anton Reicha's Wind Quintet in E-Flat Major.
- The song Data sings while cleaning Jenna's quarters is from La Boheme.



Red deaths: 0
To date: 0
Gold deaths: 1
To date: 1

Blue deaths: 0
To date: 1
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 11,000

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0
To date: 1

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Geordi moments: 1
To date: 9

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Worf Moment: 1
To date: 5

Sassy Riker Moments: 0
To date: 7

Sassy Picard Moments: 3
To date: 15

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 2
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date: 3
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 7
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 0
To date: 5

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 10
To date: 33

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
To date: 19

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date: 10
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 1
To date: 2
Picard Maneuvers: 3
To date: 22
Tea, Earl Grey: 0
To date: 11

Baby girl Ange got adopted!

ST:TNG Season Four, Episode Twenty "Qpid"

ST:TNG Season Four, Episode "Qpid"
Production Order: 20
Air Order: 20
Stardate: 44741.9
Original Air Date: April 22, 1991

So I'm doing one of those food delivery app things, and my GPS (I call her Majel, because why not?) has been fucking with me lately.
Majel: "You're here."
Me: "No, I'm really not. None of these addresses match the one I gave you."
Majel: "Oh. That address is on the other side of that tall fence ahead, at the end of the cul-de-sac."
Me: "I can't hop the fence, Majel. How the hell do I get to that neighborhood on the other side of the fence?"
Majel: "Get on the freeway, then make a U-turn in traffic."
Me: "Are you kidding me right now?"
Majel: "Let's take a scenic drive through this labyrinthine apartment complex."
Me: "Fuck you! Tell me where to take this guy's Panda Express!"
Majel: "You were supposed to turn back there. I'm going to send you a mile in the wrong direction before having you make four rights."
Me: *throws phone out the window and rage-eats some stranger's cream cheese rangoons*

What is the point of this story? I would rather spend an afternoon sight-seeing with a shorted-out GPS unit than watch and review this, the shittiest of TNG episodes.

*******

Picard's Log: 44741.9: "We're hosting this archaeology symposium thing on the E and they asked me to give the keynote, and I'm so fucking excited I could just wet myself like a puppy at the front door."

Picard is in his ready room, pounding the tea and rewriting his speech fifty times. Troi comes in to chide him about going to bed. They briefly talk about being in orbit over Tagus III, and how awesome the archaeological sites are, and how sad it is that the Taguans no longer want strangers rooting around in their cultural sites.

He makes his way back to his quarters, turning down the lights to go to sleep, but there's something on his coffee table.

Ugh, it's a fucking hor'gon. Remember that shit? Riker make him buy one on Risa as a shitty joke. You carry it around and it's like wearing a sandwich board that says "Fuckbuddy Wanted, Inquire Within."

But it wasn't Riker this time.

Oh cool, it's Vash! One wonders how the fuck she managed to get into the captain's quarters without being detained by a security Gold, but she's also a thief, so she probably has good lock-picking skills. Or like, whatever the 24-century sliding door version of a lock would be.

When questioned, she has a pretty funny answer: "I came in through the window."

They make out.

Some kind of music. Opening credits break.

The next morning -

- Picard has breakfast with Vash, and they discuss whether or not she's a member of the archaeology council, and what she's doing on Tagus III.

"Oh, I'm here to see you."

"Yeah, cuz that's not complete bullshit."

There's still a banana in his pocket, though.

The door chimes and Picard makes an "Oh, shit!" face.

He forgot that he was having breakfast with Crusher this morning. Picard bumblingly introduces them.

"This is a thief I sometimes do, and the doctor I'd like to be doing."

Crusher and Vash are all buddy-buddy in that way that girls get in rom-coms when they know they're meeting a love interest of a guy they both know. And Picard is nervous, because the rom-coms say he should be. Vash says Picard told her about Crusher. Crusher is surprised because Picard did not tell her about Vash. Vash is surprised too. Remember this. It's a terrible running joke in this episode. 

Vash asks Crusher for a tour of the ship, and Crusher agrees. They leave together, which makes Picard nervous again, because what if they talk about the size of his peen while they're gone?

God, I hate this shit. Who writes this crap?

The two go to Ten Forward. They mostly talk about how Picard is "a very private man." That will also be a recurring joke. Vash looks out the front window while Crusher gets her a drink. Riker approaches Vash and uses a line on her.

"You must be Riker. Jean-Luc does an accurate impression of you."

Crusher brings Vash's drink, tells Riker that the pair met on Risa, and Riker admits surprise that Picard never mentioned Vash.

Crusher is called to sick bay. Riker will finish the tour.

They go to the bridge, where Riker introduces her to the senior bridge crew, but Worf objects, because as Head of Security, he was not informed that council members weer getting bridge privileges.

Valid.

"She's a guest of the captain," explains Riker.

Worf accepts this begrudgingly, but I share his frustration. It sucks when you're just trying to do your damn job, and someone sidesteps you. And doesn't say anything. And then corrects you in front of others like it's your fucking fault for not having been informed.

Vash sits in Picard's chair. He comes out of the ready room. They have a halting convo about how they're both going to the reception later, and will see each other there. I get bored and drive a short dagger through my right ear. 

In Ten Forward, Vash has met Troi and is now interrogating her about why Picard never talked about her.

Running Joke #1: the captain never told his subordinates that he got freaky with a stranger on Risa.

Followed swiftly by Running Joke #2: the captain is a very private man.

Vash is starting to come off less than the fun thief that Picard met in an earlier episode, and more like Overly Attached Girlfriend.

Vash walks past Worf, La Forge and Data. Worf unnecessarily compliments Vash's legs.

Why is...

You know what?

Fuck it, I don't even care.

It's probably filler. "Funny" filler that only rates a "heh" at best.

Vash interrupts a conversation between Picard and a Vulcan. 

Oh, God.

It's a DTR talk, Picard! Run!

He explains that telling his crew about their sexy romp on Risa would be inappropriate, which is true. Can you imagine him gathering the senior staff in the Obs Lounge to tell them about a woman he met on a pleasure planet, and what a glorious ass she has?

And if you're thinking that that would make for some hilarious tv, imagine your own boss telling you that. Like, you don't even have to. Just watch that episode of The Office, "Back From Vacation."

Anyway, Vash throws a fit, sarcastically saying that she's sorry she embarrasses him.

I roll my eyes.

Picard, who is not sure how he could have pissed off Vash by being himself, walks through the bridge on his way to his ready room.

Riker asks how the reception went.

Sassy Picard Moment: "Splendid." 

But once in his ready room -

Yay, it's Q! Here to save us from the dumpster fire that this episode has become!

He asks for a big hug.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Q admits to Picard that he owes him a favor: Q would not have made it out of their last encounter alive. Picard basically saved his ass, kept him from killing himself.

Sassy Picard Moment: "We all make mistakes."

"Okay, just tell me what you fucking want from Target, and then I'll leave."

"How about you just leave? That'll work for me."

"Naw, I have to do something. How about I help you rewrite your boring-ass speech?"
Picard looks annoyed that Q read the thing, but I don't know why he's surprised. Q has less fucks to give about privacy than Mark Zuckerberg.
When this offer falls flat, he offers to take Picard to the ruins of Tagus III, because how can he write about something he's never seen? Picard pauses. This is something he actually wants.
But then he thinks better: "No, that would break Taguan law."
Q chides him for taking the moral high-ground, offers to take him back in time to chill with the Taguans two billion years ago, then disappears when Picard turns him down again.
Picard calls Riker in to let him know that Q is back and "wants to do something nice for me."
Riker says he'll alert the crew.

You can pull a Jeff Goldbloom, but the Sexiest Guy in Khaki Award still goes to
Steve Irwin.

Picard goes to Vash's quarters, but makes sure no one sees him go in first.
He tries to explain to her (again) that it's inappropriate for him to talk about his personal life with the crew. (And it would be out of character, frankly.)
Then he stops talking, because he's just noticed that she has a map of the Taguan ruins out.
"You came here to see me, huh?"
"You're the most important part, but yeah." She sighs and frets over being such a well-known liar that no one believes her when she tells the truth.
Yeah, that's all on you, honey.
He walks into the next room and pulls out excavation equipment. "Dude. Come on. The Taguans would do some terrible shit to you if they caught you."
"So what? I dig up artifacts and sell them for a hefty price. That's what I do!"
"You can't do that shit on my ship," he says firmly.
"You can't change me," she protests.
"I noticed."
He leaves.

Vash huffily sits in a chair, and then this creepy shit happens.

Q goes to hassle Picard as he's trying to fall asleep.
"Get the fuck out of my bed, please," says Picard wearily.
"Man, I saw your little spat with Vash," says Q. "I think she'll be the ruin of you yet. I'm kind of sad about it, actually. I looked for a vulnerability in you for years, turns out all I had to do was appear as female. Either way, I'll get rid of her for you."
"Leave Vash alone," answers Picard.
"What if she's the ruin of you?"
"Then so be it."
Q takes off. Picard maybe gets some sleep, though who knows? An omnipotent being just pulled some kind of Houdini-esque B&E in his quarters, so maybe Picard was up all night waiting for Q to come back to hassle him again.

We go to the conference the next morning, and it's a parade of past costume pieces on new NPC characters, and I love it when they do that crap. The costume department has an entire (quasi-fictional) galaxy of clothing to choose from, so why not recycle? It's fun to figure out where I've seen those pieces before.

Picard comes in and starts his speech, which isn't terrible. He starts talking about the mysteries of Tagus III, and then says he wants to tell them about "my detective story." This isn't going to become some Dixon Hill thing, is it?
Nope.

A hat magically appears on Crusher.
Troi: "WTF?"
A hat appears on Troi. A staff appears in Riker's hand.
This shit happens to Data:

The conference starts to notice that everyone in the back row is suddenly dressed weird, though I'm not sure why they care. Can they hear the whoosh and ding noises that come up when something new appears?
Picard is suddenly wearing an entirely new wardrobe, and then he appears someplace else.

The others join him.

"Aw, fuck me," sighs Picard. "This is some straight Q shit."

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

When we come back, the others are trying to figure out where they are. Troi guesses Tagus III. But Picard knows that they're supposed to be in Sherwood Forest, and he's supposed to be Robin Hood.
Sassy Worf Moment: "Sir, I protest. I am NOT a Merry Man!"
Worf is already 1000% done. So when some asshole rides up on a horse and starts doing some male posturing, Worf loses it, and runs at the guy when his sword drawn. They duel for a few seconds, but then archers show up and start shooting at the senior officers, so Picard calls for Boldly Retreating, and they run off.
The asshole does not send his men after them.

Later, the crew is chilling in the forest, chatting amiably in their cosplays, while Crusher bandages Worf's bleeding arm.
Q shows up on a white horse and declares himself to be Sheriff of Nottingham. "Oh. Beeteedubs, I've made Vash Maid Marian, and that guy that Worf dueled earlier? He's Sir Guy of Gisbourne, and he's going to behead Vash-Marian tomorrow at noon. Also, I don't control this real-life holodeck thing I've put you in. Turned off the safeties and everything. So, it'll play out however it plays out. I could send you guys back to your ship, but then Vash would die. Toodles."
He disappears again.
"Seriously - fuck me," mutters Picard.

So we go to Nottingham Castle, where Vash is wearing some pink period costume and they gave her long-ass braids, and a handmaid who is sweet, but annoying her. She can't figure out why the hell she's there, and the maid seems to think she's slightly out of her mind. Vash requests alcohol. The maid offers leeches.
That dude Sir Guy comes in and aggressively tells Vash that she needs to marry him or he'll execute her. Realizing that she may be dead soon, Vash switches gears from irate and confused to sweet and beguiling. Bargaining for her safety is at least on brand for Vash, so there's that. Had Crusher or Troi been made Marian, they would have stubbornly refused, and then just waited it out until the time of execution. (Or maybe I'm not giving them enough credit. They probably would have spent the time trying to escape. Neither of them are damsel types.) But Vash is a bit more Ferengi in facing the prospects of forced marriage.

La Forge, who has been cast as Alan-a-Dale and has nothing better to do, is teaching himself to play the lute he appeared with. Worf, who is pissed at being here in the first place, stomps over and breaks it.
It's Worf, you guys. Worf is the reason why we can't have nice things.
Sassy Worf Moment: "Sorry."
Troi practices archery. Her grip is weird. She shoots Data by mistake. He compliments her aim unironically.
I just noticed that Data's bald pate is made up of plates, and I love that they included those when considering what a bald android's head might look like.

Picard and Riker argue over whether or not Picard is going to save Vash on his own. Picard orders the others to stay behind, then stomps off into the forest.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Back at the castle, the executioner has been busy sharpening his ax. Q comes in, tests the edge, and tells him to make it a little sharper.
Oh STFU, Q. You don't actually know anything about beheading people.
He sees Vash-Marian come down the stairs on the arm of Sir Guy and is aghast when they inform him that they're getting married. Vash has put a monkey wrench in his plans.
"What about Robin Hood?" he demands.
Vash verbally trips for a second, then realizes that as Marian, she's supposed to be into Robin.
"Oh, um. That's been over for a long time. Plus, it wasn't real. He bewitched me."
Guy is all taken with her, and calls her "my child."
I vomit on the keyboard.
Don't do that.
If you're gonna marry a much younger person, don't infantilize them. That's fucking gross.
Everybody exits so that some dude way in the background can step forward and we can see it's Picard-Hood in disguise.

Vash-Marian is locked in her room again. Someone starts to come through the window and she calls out that if they come in, she'll scream.
"Dude, it's me!" stage-whispers Picard.
While he's climbing through, she bitches about how first she was being executed, now she has to marry some disgusting asshole, and everyone keeps calling her Marian.
"I know," he says, standing up.
"You do? How?"
Sassy Picard Moment:

He tries to convince her to leave with him, but she doesn't agree with his plan of sneaking in the castle and then sneaking back out with her. She wanted him to come rushing into the castle with his crew in tow.
This seems a little out of character for Vash, honestly. The last time we saw her, she was all about sneaking into places, then sneaking back out while avoiding detection.
She tells him to go, and that she'll escape on her own at a later time.
Which again, seems weird.
He picks her up in a fireman's carry. Unfortunately, while they were bickering over the right plan to aid in her escape, Sir Guy has rushed in with reinforcements. Picard puts Vash down, and she grabs his sword and points it at him.
"Should have left when you had the chance," she hisses at Picard. "Look!" she calls to Sir Guy. "I got you a wedding present, darling."
Security Metal Britches haul off Picard.

A few minutes later, Q is sitting on a stair landing with no railing when the guards take Picard down the stairs with Sir Guy. Amazingly, Picard does not pause to push Q off the landing. He just mad-dogs the back of the omnipotent being's head and follows the guards.
Q congratulates Sir Guy on his catch.
Guy gives the credit to Marian, which seems out of character for both himself, and a dude during this time period, but it had to happen somehow, so that Q would be impressed by Vash.

Q goes to Vash's room to congratulate her on being ruthless, and she figures out that he's Q. Unfortunately, he's not impressed enough to stop this dumb Sherwood Forest crap, and instead has her arrested so he can put both her and Picard on the chopping block. It's that whole "there's not enough drama for my liking so I'm going to stir the shit pot" schtick. He's found a letter she's written to Riker to come save Picard, and now he can have her declared a traitor.
I like Q as a character, but I bet in person his mere presence is enough to sap you of all your spoons.
Security Metal Britches haul her off.

Later, Sir Guy and Q sit down to a banquet in front of the chopping block, and Picard and Vash are brought out. They're still arguing over whether or not Picard's original plan of "sneak in-sneak out" would have worked.
"OMG, don't you guys ever stop arguing?" demands Q.
"Pretty much no," says Picard. "Can you stop this stupid shit? You were trying to teach me a lesson or something, and we've reached the end of the story or whatever, but Vash had nothing to do with this. At least let her go."

What ho! Who is in those Handmaid's Tale robes behind Q? It's our boys! Shocker!

Data fishes a thing out of his arm and tosses it into a brazier just as the executioner is about to take off Picard's head. The brazier explodes, everyone screams, Picard punches the executioner, and Q yells for Marian to be hauled back to her room and locked up. Sword fights break out. Crusher and Troi show up, but they have no swords, so they're relegated to "girl fighting": smashing pots over bad guys' heads. (Boring.)

Vash pushes a guard off the landing, (nice!) so the other one bodily picks her up while she kicks in her long pink dress. (Cliche.)

Picard sword-fights Sir Guy. Sir Guy declares himself to be the best swordsman in Nottingham.
Sassy Picard Moment: "Very impressive!"
They fight some more.
Picard: "There's something you should know."
Sir Guy: "And what is that?"
That this dialogue is lifted from The Princess Bride, and I half-expect Picard to declare that he is not left-handed?
But no, he tells Guy that he is not from Nottingham. Then he runs him through, and Guy falls from the landing.

Picard bursts into Vash's room, and they kiss, because that's what you expect. Then Picard yells that the game is over, and Q should come out and end this crap.
Q appears and claps sarcastically, and asks Picard if he's learned that being in love with a woman has made him a worse person, and weak. Vash dramatically declares that it makes him a better person, and more noble and selfless.
Q doesn't buy it, and I don't either. Apparently, he considers this whole thing a repayment of his debt to Picard. Then he waves his hand and Picard and the crew members return to the conference room.

But I guess the conference is over, because the room no longer contains the audience?
How long were they actually gone?
Who was in charge of the E during that time?
"Everybody here and okay?" Picard asks.
They all nod.
"Where is Vash?"
Nowhere to be seen.

A sad Picard goes back to his ready room. Vash appears on the couch courtesy of the flash-and-ding of Q's powers. She's dressed the way Q was previously when he suggested a trip to Tagus III: khakis and a pith helmet. (Only her helmet has a long white chiffon ribbon on it, because Vash is a girl.)
Picard is relieved to see her and tells her as much.
"Q's little game at least taught me that you still care," she says.
"I may not show my feelings to my crew, but that doesn't mean they aren't there," he replies.
Which is exactly the same fucking thing he tried telling her before they were kidnapped.
Q appears on the other side of Picard, dressed like Vash (minus the chiffon ribbon).
"We were talking," says Vash. "Q is my new partner. We're gonna see some cool shit that I wouldn't be able to see otherwise."
"No way!" protests Picard. "Dude is unreliable and untrustworthy."
"Uh, yeah," agrees Vash. "Just like me."

Picard admits that Vash and Q are indeed two peas from the same pod, and makes Q promises that if Q watches out for Vash and makes sure no harm comes to her, then he will consider the debt repaid. Q agrees. Then he leaves.
Picard and Vash share one last kiss, then Vash disappears.

The end.

Reasons I should like this episode:
- Vash
- Q
- Robin Hood

Reasons why this episode do not work for me:
- Vash
- Q
- Robin Hood

So it's not that I didn't like Q in this episode (John de Lancie turns in a pretty solid Q performance), it's that I didn't like enough to make me like this episode. And I want to like this episode. I just can't.
Surely, others dislike this episode as well, I thought. I looked up other reviews. Nope, everyone else thinks it's pretty great. Once again, I dislike an episode that others love. What's my deal?
I like period episodes. I like light-hearted episodes. This episode is both. I kind of like Robin Hood and Q.
But...
It's the romance factor that sticks in my craw. I'm fine with Picard's half. I am NOT fine with Vash's. Nothing irks me more than a romance plot where the characters fall in love and magically grow new personalities where they act completely out of character. In the original Vash episode, we see that Vash is basically a professional liar and a thief, but she's fun and exciting, and Picard falls in with her because he's interested in the archaeological intrigue. They end up enjoying one another's company.  We see the lighter, more casual side of Picard and accept it, because we've seen it before. We know it exists. And we've established Vash as the sort of woman who probably has casual encounters with men (maybe women as well, who knows?) without too much concern as to whether or not she'll see them again.

So we know who these people are. We know what to expect of them. When Vash shows up on the E, Picard is glad to see her, and presumably they sleep together casually again. Neither appears to be looking for something permanent. Picard is a bit cautious about exposing too much of his personal life to the crew, but this is to be expected. It's not only in his nature, it's just good practice to keep things separate from one's subordinates. Otherwise, you become like Zapp Brannigan from Futurama, and nobody wants that.

Vash is initially her usual self... but all that changes when she finds out that Picard has not told any of the crew about her. The crew... are not Picard's buddies. They're his crew. And Vash was/is a casual fling. She suddenly becomes a new person, wanting to know why Picard doesn't keep a framed photo of her on his night stand, so he can kiss it before he goes to bed each night. Maybe I'm wrong here, but this doesn't seem like a part of Vash's personality that was always there, but we just didn't see. Seems like a different personality altogether. And Picard being super nervous about Vash and Crusher spending time together seems a bit out of character as well. It felt as though it were being played up for laughs, which is unnecessary. Plenty of things can be done for laughs that do not include altering the way a character would normally react.
Why does this bother me so much? Because I am that character. That stoic character that never gets involved romantically with others. And when they do, they do not react with a completely new personality that gushes over hand-holding and kissing in the rain. But others want us to do so, for their own amusement.
"Wouldn't it be funny if Spock fell in love and got all mushy with a girl? So awkward and hilarious! Good entertainment!"
No. Fucking lazy writing is what that is. Write for the character you've already established, and don't alter them for your own amusement or that of the audience. You lose credibility for shit like that. This is why I hate Spock romances. It's as though the writers are his shitty friends, setting him up with someone on a dare.
For the most part, Picard remains the same person he's always been in this episode. He attempts to explain to Vash multiple times that telling his crew about their casual thing on Risa would be inappropriate. But she won't hear of it because she wants them all to know how much he's in love with her. This episode rings more true to me when they begin bickering again, despite the fact that Vash is wrong, wrong, wrong about Picard's plan. Bickering is what they did in the last episode, and it's something their relationship is built on. You know they care for one another, but it comes out in the bickering, and it fits both personalities.
Please don't make Picard jump on Oprah's couch or have Vash become the clingy girlfriend just because you think the audience will find it funny. It's really not.

Fun Facts:

- The smashing of the lute was an homage to National Lampoon's Animal House.

- Once the love triangle of Picard-Vash-Q was suggested, it then became a question of which classic love story to drop them into. Camelot was suggested and rejected, but Robin Hood was proposed to capitalize on the Robin Hood craze at the time. (Where they got the idea of a love triangle, I will never know. Q is not interested in Vash. Or are they suggesting that Q is interested in Picard...? Now THAT I believe.)
- Somehow, Ira Steven Behr both suggested the Camelot thing, and then rejected it, saying it would be boring.
- Behr was a big fan of Robin Hood and Errol Flynn. (Probably why Picard sports Flynn's signature Robin Hood facial hair in this episode.)
- The Sherwood Forest scenes were filmed in Descanso Gardens, northeast of Los Angeles.
- Jonathan Frakes was injured when his quarterstaff broke during a fight scene, cutting his eye. Merri Howard rushed him to the hospital, but because there was no time to change beforehand, he strolled in dressed as John Little.
- Jennifer Hetrick (Vash) trips over her dress in the scene where we first see Vash as Marian. It was an accident, but made the final cut because producers felt that Vash would not be comfortable in period clothing.
- Jennifer Hetrick and Patrick Stewart were engaged during the filming of this episode.

- Irony abounds: Marina Sirtis and Gates McFadden were the only cast members who had previous experience with sword fighting, yet they were they only crew members who did not fight with swords during the episode. Director Cliff Bole said that he got letters from women asking why McFadden and Sirtis were the only ones not fighting with swords, and he stated that in the 12th century, women would not have fought with swords, and he can't change history. I call shenanigans. Neither of them were playing women characters. They were dressed as Merry Men. I think he could get away with saying Vash couldn't use a sword, as Maid Marian would not be allowed one, but neither Sirtis or McFadden was dressed in typically female clothing. Why make the distinction? They already have the skills. Just let them use swords.
- In the script, Picard is significantly less nervous introducing Crusher and Vash to one another.
- Clive Revill (Sir Guy of Gisbourne) is on the very short list of actors who have been in both Star Trek and Star Wars. He was the voice of Emperor Palpatine in Empire Strikes Back (1980), but unless you own a VHS copy, you won't find him there. His lines were redubbed by Ian McDiarmid for the 2004 DVD release.

- Patrick Stewart later played King Richard in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, as a satirical play on Sean Connery's King Richard from the Robin Hood that was in theaters during the filming of this episode.

- Background character actor John Copage would appear as a archaeology council member in this episode twenty-five years after playing a background Gold on TOS' Windsock Episode  "The Doomsday Machine." Copage would go on to play a recurring background Blue 20 more times on TNG, then get lost in the Delta Quadrant as another recurring Blue on Voyager. (At least, I think they're supposed to be different Blues. Maybe they're not.)

- The theme of this episode seems to be "fun:" Cliff Bole remarked that the whole process was fun. Patrick Stewart said that the crew had a lot of fun working on this episode. And Marina Sirtis described the process as "having a blast."

Red deaths: 0
To date: 0
Gold deaths: 0
To date: 0

Blue deaths: 0
To date: 1
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 11,000

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0
To date: 1

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Geordi moments: 0
To date: 3

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Worf Moments: 2
To date: 4

Sassy Riker Moments: 0
To date: 7

Sassy Picard Moments: 5
To date: 12

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 2
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date: 2
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 6
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 1
To date: 4

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 1
To date: 23

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
To date: 17

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date: 1
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 0
To date: 1
Picard Maneuvers: 0
To date: 18
Tea, Earl Grey: 2
To date: 8

Gordon takes a post-lunch nap