Season 2, Episode 42 "The Trouble With Tribbles"

"The Trouble With Tribbles"
Production Number: 42
Air Order: 44
Stardate: 4523.3
Original Air Date: December 29, 1967


Happy Memorial Day to all of the servicemen and women, whose sacrifice and service have oddly allowed me to write this ridiculous blog. Thank you.

*******

As I sit here typing this on Towel Day, I am reflecting on the fact that the production number on this episode is 42. Sweeeet.

This week we begin with a briefing between Kirk, Spock, and Chekov. They're discussing the circumstances of a space station nearby, K-7. It seems that the planet nearby is in dispute, being claimed by both the Klingons and the Federation. Chekov makes a little joke about being close enough to the Klingons to smell them, and Spock dickishly points out that scent does not transfer through space. Dude, we know. It's a joke. Build a bridge. I feel like Spock has lived among humans long enough to be used to their dumb little amusements, and should have already been just internalizing his annoyance at it.
The other part of this scene which bugs me is that the planet in question is called "Sherman's Planet", which is just awful. If you're going to name a location after someone, just use their name, and drop the possessive. "Sherman's Planet" sounds like a food cart with the food part missing: "Sherman's Falafel Planet".
 "Sherman's Kombucha Planet".
"Sherman's Gluten-Free Paleo Planet."
Just call the planet Sherman, okay?
Anyway, Uhura calls the briefing room to inform Kirk that K-7 has made a priority one distress call to them, and the E goes to Red Alert.

Kirk's Log 4523.3:  "Priority one is an emergency call. It pretty much means that your ship or station is FUBAR, so we're rushing over there."

When they get to the station, it's fine. Also, check it out - the production guys went to the trouble to build a space station. That's pretty awesome, even if it does look like an ugly late-60's Christmas ornament.

Kirk calls the station. "Hey, K-7. WTH? Why did you yell "fire!"? There's nothing wrong with you."
The manager, Mr Lurry, apologizes in a way that makes him sound as though he accidentally butt-dialed 911, and is hoping that he won't get fined. He asks Kirk to beam over so he can explain.
So Kirk and Spock beam over, and Kirk starts yelling at Lurry for issuing a scary alert when some little bureaucrat asshole steps forward and says he made the call.  This guy is Nilz Baris and apparently we all better recognize, because don't you know who he is? He's the Federation Undersecretary in charge of Agricultural Affairs in the quadrant, according to the snivelly little PA at Baris' elbow.

You know, I'm sure most PAs are nice people, and are just trying to do their jobs. So why are they always portrayed as weasels, kind of on the small side, heads up their boss' ass, and nasty to people they consider beneath them?
Kirk asks why Baris called them, and dude replies that he wants a contingent of Reds to hop over to the station to guard this super-awesome grain called quadrotriticale. When Kirk asks what that is, Baris snidely remarks that he wouldn't expect Kirk to know, but Spock heads him off by giving a thorough history of it. It seems that this hybrid grain is the only thing that will grow on Sherman's Pleasure Planet, which is important, because in order to secure their claim on the planet over the Klingons, they have to show that they can make the space more productive than the other race.
Pissed off that they were called in by some inflated douchebag to watch over some wheat, Kirk starts to go off on Baris and his underling. Spock points out that there are Klingons nearby, and the Sherman's Pizza Planet thing is important to the Federation, so Kirk resignedly calls Uhura and orders a pair of Reds to beam down and report to Lurry, then gives the command to give the rest of the off-duty crew shore leave.
"The fuck?" yells Baris. "This is important! MOAR REDS!"
"Bite me," says Kirk. "I already have half a mind to report your ass for abusing Priority One."

Check that out: it's the E out the window, orbiting the station.
I don't know who thought to add that detail, but good on ya,
buddy.

Kirk and Spock go to the station bar -- what in gay hell is that? The waitresses are wearing short plastic backless romper things...with wings. This leaves me to imagine all of the situations that might have lead to this outcome, including:
- the costumers found wings at the Dollar Store, and thought, "Boy, I'm sure I can put these to good use!"
- somebody on the crew was in charge of making their kids' costumes for the school play, A Midsummer Night's Dream. They then donated these items to the low-budget television show they worked on.
- someone in the costume department is on drugs.
- everyone in the costume department is on drugs.

So Kirk and Spock are drinking in the drug lounge on the space station, and Kirk is bitching about Baris. As they leave, they meet Uhura and Chekov coming in, and they have a brief exchange about the quadrotriticale. Chekov takes the bottle of it from Kirk before he leaves. As Uhura and Chekov approach the bar, the bartender tells a guy wearing a coat with too many pockets that he's not buying any more of his crap. Too Many Pockets displays a few things on the bar, then pulls out a ball of lint.
"Hey, that's cute!" says Uhura. "Can I hold it?"
The lint ball purrs in her hand. The bartender and Pockets argue about how much the bartender will pay for the lintball, which Pockets refers to as a tribble. At one point, Uhura puts the tribble down, and it eats some of the quadrotriticale that Chekov spilled on the bar. Pockets gives Uhura the tribble, figuring it'll make good advertising for people to see a cute girl with a ball of living lint.

Lookin' creepy there, Pavel.

Kirk and Spock are back in the briefing room on the E when Uhura calls from her station (wow, that was some short shore leave). Starfleet admiral Fitzpatrick tells Kirk the same thing that Spock said before, about how the grain and Sherman's Freaking Planet are important, and he is to make himself Baris' bitch for a while. Kirk is annoyed as hell, but has to do it because it's orders. OR, he could just do like he always does, and ignore orders.
Okay, I have to interject here: if this situation is so damn important, why was Baris not simply given a bunch of Reds of his own from the get-go? Why the hell is he harvesting them from the E at the last minute? That makes no sense.
Uhura calls again to tell Kirk that there are Klingon ships in the vicinity, and they go to red alert again. When Kirk and Spock arrive on the bridge, they call Lurry.
"They won't attack," says Lurry. "Their captain is sitting here with me."
We zoom out and see it's true. Dramatic music!

The E is still visible outside the window. E-ception!

Kirk's Log 4524.2: "Oh, fuck me. First I have to deal with that prick Baris, now I've got Klingons on my ass. Calgon, take me away."

Kirk and Spock beam down, and Kirk greets the Klingon captain, Koloth, by name. Koloth greets him back, and my inner Grumpy Cat says NO. Koloth is played by William Campbell, the guy who played Trelane, the Squire of Gothos. Campbell was perfect as Trelane. He was selfish, impetuous, and had a child-like enthusiasm for everything, as well as a shit-eating grin that he employed often. My brain immediately rejects him as a Klingon. He's too smiley, too fun, too dorky. He is not gritty enough to be a Klingon.

"We're here for shore leave," Koloth says brightly.

"That's up to Lurry," says Kirk.

Lurry pulls Kirk aside to tell him that he doesn't want Klingons on his station, but that he isn't really allowed to say no. Kirk turns back to Koloth, and replies that his men may have shore leave here, but that only 12 can come on board at a time, and that he's posting one Red on board for each of Koloth's men.

"That's cool. We're totes peaceful," says Koloth. The one or two lines that his companion has had in this scene mark the lesser-ranked Klingon as the better example of the race. Kirk and Koloth exchange some bullshit diplomacy that neither actually means, and the Klingons depart.

Back in the E breakroom, Kirk and Spock find Scotty relaxing with technical manuals. The way Scotty talks about those manuals makes it sound like they have a diagram of the E's engines as a centerfold. Ooh, baby. Check out the couplings on her!

Uhura has a table full of tribbles. Apparently, it had babies overnight. Spock picks one up and observes that the purring of the tribble has a calming effect on the human nervous system, and notes that he is lucky because it does not affect him. They all turn to find him snuggling the tribble.

Uhura gives one to Bones to study back in sick bay, and then gives the others away to crew members. You guys are going to spay and neuter those, right? RIGHT?

Out in the corridor, Baris calls Kirk to bitch about the Klingons.

"All of my Reds are either guarding grain or the Klingons," replies Kirk. "What the hell else do you want?"

He signs off and goes to sick bay to get headache meds.

Bones now has 11 tribbles. "Their metabolism is 50% reproduction," he tells Kirk. "Know what you get when you feed a tribble too much?"

"A fat tribble?" guesses Kirk.

"Nope," says Bones. "Lots of little hungry tribbles."

Kirk then heads down to the transporter room to see off some crew members. Scotty doesn't want to take shore leave, but Kirk pulls rank, and Scotty resignedly gets on the pad.

Oh, vot dammit. This episode offers pop-up trivia balloons, which are clearly not working right, as I'm 19 minutes in, and this is the first pop-up we've had. It appears to be the second of a two-parter, and it gives a reason for Kirk to sometimes wear that Casual Friday wrap-around blouse, only it doesn't give the whole thing, so I'm stuck with the world's most uninteresting mystery.

Scotty, Chekov, and some random Gold enter the station bar, followed shortly by Too Many Pockets. He offers to sell them a tribble, but they politely refuse, so he turns to a table of Klingons. Koloth's companion bristles at the sight of it, and barks at Pockets to get it the hell away from him. The tribble sort of growls or something. Pockets then tries to sell another tribble to the bartender, who pulls a good dozen tribbles from behind the bar.

At the table, Scotty and Chekov make fun of each other's choice of drinks. The Klingon makes his way to the bar and loudly starts some shit about "Earthers". (Seriously? Earthers? I guess it's supposed to be a slur or something.) Chekov's hackles go up. He wants to beat the crap out of the Klingon, but Scotty stops him, recognizing that the Klingon would snap Chekov like a dry twig. Scotty keeps his cool... until the Klingon starts talking smack about his woman, the Enterprise. Then he starts a knock-down drag-out brawl with the whole fucking bar. Scotterprise: he ships it.

With the bartender gone, Pockets helps himself to free drinks behind the bar. There's some physical comedy that's just kind of okay as he makes his way through the brawl to the door while trying not to spill his drink. It was really not necessary to add that, though I suppose it meant not having to watch a boring-ass fight scene, so I'll call that a draw.

Kirk's Log 4525.6: "A big-ass fight went down on the station, so I canceled shore leave. I can't believe I missed the fight. That super-sucks."

Kirk lines up the shore-leavers in the briefing room to drill them about the fight, but everyone is like "I dunno, it wasn't me!" Everyone is grounded, and he keeps Scotty back in the hopes that he'll rat out one of his fellow crewmen.

"Dude, I started it," admits Scotty. He has the worst black eye make-up ever. It looks like he's turning into a pink dalmatian. "Chekov wanted to come out swinging when they started talking shit about you, but I told him to sit his ass down. But then they started in on our girl E, so I had to put the smack-down on them."

Kirk seems put-out. Maybe he's upset because Scotty picked the E over him. Or maybe he realizes that they're both in love with the same woman. Either way, Scotty is now grounded too. He seems ecstatic, as this will allow him to stay locked in his quarters with his engine porn.

There's kind of a throw-away scene next where Bones and Spock use the tribbles to insult one another, and the only way that the story is forwarded at all by this scene is that it shows them utilizing sick bay equipment to study the tribbles.

Entering the bridge, Kirk fails to notice that nearly every surface is covered in tribbles, until he sits on one. Bones comes in and reports that the tribbles appear to be bisexual, and seem to be born pregnant.

"Saves time!" he says cheerfully.

"They're eating the supplies, and giving nothing in return, the freeloaders," remarks Spock.

"No way," protests Uhura. "They give love!"

"Dude, get these lintballs off my bridge," Kirk tells Uhura. "Then call Lurry and have him hold Pockets." He, Bones and Spock leave in the lift.

Okay, so it wasn't until the previous scene that we actually learn Pockets' name, and it turns out to be even more ridiculous than Too Many Pockets: it's Cyrano Jones. However, I kind of like "Pockets", so we'll stick with that.

Kirk, Spock, and Lurry interrogate Pockets in Lurry's office. Spock, in typical Vulcan-speak, tells Pockets that, by removing the tribbles from their natural habitat and predators, that he has brought about an overpopulation on the station. Pockets actually looks at him and says "Huh?"

Baris and the weasley PA enter just as Pockets exists. Baris accuses Pockets of being a Klingon agent. Kirk laughs in his face.

"We checked him out," insists the brown-nose PA. "He was there for the barfight, and he has been in Klingon space within the last four months."

"Yeah, I checked him out, too," says Spock. "Dude is just a peddler of crap."

"You're a peddler of crap, too," Kirk tells Baris, and he and Spock leave.

"You tell 'em, boss! You tell 'em!"

Kirk and Spock enter the breakroom, which is covered in tribbles, and they go to the food replicators. They pull out trays of tribbles for lunch. Scotty comes in with an armload.

"They're in the machinery, and probably traveling through the air vents," he says.

"Fuck!" says Kirk, making a realization.

"Fuck indeed," replies Spock, knowing what he means. They call the station, and ask for a meeting with Baris and Lurry.

Beaming down, Spock and Kirk rush to the storage compartments with Baris and Lurry. Kirk opens an overhead compartment and it rains tribbles (as opposed to men). Kirk is now wearing a lovely hoop skirt of furry purries.

The WTF Faces here on Baris and Lurry are the best. 

"Kirk, you bitch! This is your fault! They ate my grain," huffs Baris.

"Baris, shut the fuck up," says Kirk.

Bones comes running in, all excited. "They stop reproducing if you don't feed them!"

Wow, really? So if feeding them too much produces little tribbles, then not feeding them produces none? You're a genius, Bones. Tell us now what happens when you get them wet. Will the babies be evil if you feed them after midnight?

"So... most of these tribbles are dead," says Spock. "I think there's something wrong with the grain."

Bones takes some dead tribbles and some grain samples back to the E to study them.

Everybody heads back to Lurry's office to interrogate Pockets again. The Klingons come rushing in, and Koloth demands that Kirk apologize to his men for treating them like crap.

"Don't do it!" says Baris. "They'll use that as leverage to get Sherman's Gluten-Free Paleo Planet!"

You know, they really should give the planet to the Klingons. They'd probably give it a better fucking name.

"We'll talk to you civilly if you get those tribbles out of here," Koloth tells Kirk.

The Reds carry the tribbles past the Klingons, and the furries make that squeaky-growl again. The door opens, and it's the slimy PA. When the Reds try to carry the tribbles past him, they freak out again. Bones comes in with his results, but before he can give them, Kirk runs a test. He holds the tribbles up to Spock, and they purr. He holds the tribbles up to Baris, and they purr. He holds them up to the PA, and they squeak-growl. 

Bones scans the PA. "Dude is a Klingon."

Because in TOS, all you have to do to be human is shave off your fu man chu.

"So the grain is poisoned," Bones continues.

The PA confesses in the same voice as an unmasked old man in costume. "I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids."

The PA is arrested, and Baris follows them out.

Kirk turns to Koloth. "So that apology... go fuck yourself, dude."

The Klingons rush out.

Kirk and Spock take Pockets back to the bar, where the bartender is buried in tribbles.

"Guess what?" says Kirk. "We won't turn you in for shady business practices if you pick up all of these tribbles."

"Um, there are more than one million tribbles on this station," says Pockets. "That will take years!"

"Yeah, 17," replies Spock.

(Really? Seventeen? That seems iffy to me, Star Trek. By that math, he only has to pick up about 160 tribbles a day to reach his goal within 17 years. He could really pick up more than that and be done much sooner. Plus, you're not taking into account the fact that some of those tribbles will reproduce in the meantime. Also, where is he going to store them? In the poisoned grain lockers? I think you choose an arbitrary number of years. Knock it off.)

Back on the E bridge, Kirk checks his chair before sitting down. He asks where the tribbles went. Bones passes the buck to Scotty, who passes it to Spock, who bounces it back to Scotty again.

"Um..." says Scotty. "Beamed 'em off."

"Into space?" demands Kirk. "You asshole!"

"No... I beamed them onto the Klingon ship," admits Scotty.

And the idea of the Klingons warping away with all of those screaming tribbles on board makes them all laugh, despite the fact that the Klingons probably will end up beaming them out into the depths of space to get rid of them.

The back and forth of this episode kind of annoys me. In one scene, Kirk is on the Enterprise. In the next scene, he's on the station. Then he's on the E again. In the course of six hours, Kirk and Spock beam back and forth 8 times. That's one beam each, every 45 minutes or so. Seems like a giant waste of energy to me. Like, how much energy does it take to run the transporter? Probably quite a bit - it has to disassemble someone in one place, and reassemble them elsewhere. And you can't tell me that shit doesn't give some people motion sickness. I'd have barfed on the transporter pad by beam four. Clearly, Kirk and Spock have heartier constitutions than I.

Death Toll:
Red deaths this episode: 0
Red deaths this season: 12
Gold deaths this episode: 0
Gold deaths this season: 6
Blue deaths this episode: 0
Blue deaths this season: 1
Total crew deaths this season: 19
Total crew deaths thus far: 35

*******

This week's tea is Blackberry Sage by The Republic of Tea. It's good and fruity, with a snap of sage. The black leaf base gives it a slightly bitter aftertaste, but not in a bad way. I think I underestimated how sweet this tea would be on it's own, because it seemed a bit too sweet for me after I added my regular amount of rock sugar. I bought the loose leaf tea, but it also comes in bags and bottles (though those bottles are a whopping 5 bucks for one - ouch!).

http://www.republicoftea.com/blackberry-sage-black-full-leaf/p/V00559/

Season 1 Overview

This show isn't awful. In fact, there are times when it's great. But there are a hell of a lot of times when it's just okay or downright lousy, and those parts are the most fun to mock. I can see where the show is appealing - if you like action, you have the Adventures of Ripped-Shirt Kirk. If you like philosophical ideas that spark discussions between yourself and the Trek fandom, you're in luck there, too. If you like cheap sets and cheesy costumes, hooray! This your show!

I was hesitant to watch TOS initially. It was in syndication, and it would play sometimes in reruns, and I'd watch a few minutes, hoping that it would grow on me. But it didn't until this past summer, when I was facing months of unemployment, fresh art degree in hand, and I needed something to do. I had also been reading Full House Reviewed for years, and it seemed like a creative, straight-forward project that I could duplicate. It forced me to stretch my over-worked creativity muscles, and provided on-going deadlines to keep me on track. What's more, many other readers of that now-famous blog had set up their own reviews of tv shows, and it seemed like a do-able project (unlike Drawing A Day, which I keep starting and stopping). Eventually, I realized that I liked this show best when I could mock it a bit. Examination in that way meant that I could mull over the philosophical elements, but still laugh at Kirk for being a dipshit.

Characters

It took me a while to realize to figure out why I don't hate Kirk. Really, I should. Dude drives me nuts. He leaps without looking, he walks all over protocol meant to keep everyone safe, and I'm fairly certain that he likes to jack it in the engine room while talking to the computer. (Mmmm, Kikerprise. Sex-ay.) I finally determined that he's a lovable doofus. Not like a goofy sidekick "lovable doofus", but the kind of friend who posts drunk photos of himself on Facebook when he's supposed to be working. Despite the fact that he constantly breaks rules and receives pats on the back for it, I feel like he's got a good heart, and that he's a good and loyal friend.
Kirk is connected to two other fictional captains: Horatio Hornblower (from the book series and subsequent films), and Zapp Brannigan from the show Futurama. James T Kirk is based on the Napoleonic sailor Hornblower. In wanting to be as Hermione as possible about this project, I actually read part of the first Hornblower novel. Within the first 25 pages, the 17-year-old Hornblower has been assigned to a ship where he doesn't have any friends and doesn't enjoy his job. He is suicidal in a casual, Holden Caulfield kind of way, and when he is accused of cheating at cards by an older, drunk sailor, he demands a duel to restore his name. He figures he will be pleased with either outcome, as the man he has challenged is a dick, and if that man dies, then Hornblower won't have to deal with him. If Hornblower dies, that's okay too, as the dickish CO will have done the job for him, and he won't have to kill himself. The twist is that their captain has ordered the quartermaster to not load either gun, so everybody just goes back to work. Okay, I see it. Kirk is the Horatio Hornblower of the stars.

Kirk actually inspired the character of Zapp Brannigan, who wears no pants, orders around a hapless underling, and screws everything that moves. Zapp thinks he's a suave motherfucker, and though he's a caricature, and we haven't seen too much of Kirk's bedroom eyes this season, we still have two more seasons to go (plus possibly that animated series and a crapton of terrible films).

Let's go with "sometimes"...

Spock. Spock is the fucking shit. I am also a logically-based creature, and nine times out of ten, his suggestions to Kirk are the ones that I would go with because they typically make more fucking sense than whatever crap Kirk comes up with to fix a bad situation. He seems to actually enjoy the company of his friends, and I don't think he could ever be driven to be disloyal to them. The only times I have a problem with Spock is when some alien with a more-advanced culture tells the humans that they are inferior creatures, and Spock agrees sanctimoniously. Then I'd like to bitch-slap him through the screen. I mean, come on. If humans are so inferior, then why does he spend so much time in their company? Does he consider himself to be the only scientist on a ship full of white mice? Get over yourself, dude.

I love Bones McCoy. I do, in fact, love the aging curmudgeon (Lemon-Matthau FTW, y'all). Bones is a good doctor, with a bit of an ego, but he's funny as hell. A little unprofessional at times (why does he keep Saurian brandy in his office?), he often trades racist remarks with Spock. I know, it's a bro thing. They're busting each other's chops. Still, I get a bit irritated when Kirk is off doing some dumbshit thing and gets lost or captured or something, and something else on the ship takes precedence, and he yells at whoever is in charge, because they're not saving Kirk. I'm waiting for the moment when one of those people turns to him and yells "OMFG, McCoy! I have other shit to do, and dumbass got himself into this mess! I know you're in love with him, but sit your ass down!"

Uhura the Ship Goddess. She's competent, does her job, and only flirts on her downtime. Plus, she's talented and she always looks good. I hope to see more of her in seasons two and three. She only got to go on one away mission, and you don't get to see her do much there. More than that, Nichelle Nichols helped pave the way for People of Color on television. And through her, we learned that MLK was a Trekkie! Yes!

Dude, who doesn't love Sulu? He and Uhura are the most competent bridge officers, plus bonus points: he's played by George Fucking Takei. He doesn't get very many lines or scenes, but when he does, he makes that shit memorable.

Next season we get Chekov, and I'm hoping that means more screen time for my boy Sulu, because who doesn't need more Sulu in their lives?

I almost forgot to add in Scotty, because frankly, he got very little screen time. Most of his scenes consist of assuring Kirk that he can get a job done, but that it'll take far longer to complete then they have time. A lot of his appearances ended up being in conjunction with the drama-creating "Disable the Ship" convention.

Rand. Motherfucking Yeoman Janice Rand. I hate her so much... so fucking, fucking much. It started with the hair. She came onscreen with that hair, and I think I said out loud, "What the hell is that?" It's a half-up, half-down beehive with a basket weave on the front. That hair is inconceivable. It defies gravity, and it makes you wonder, when the hell does she get up in the morning? If her shift starts at nine, does she start weaving at 3 am? It feels like Starfleet would put the kibosh on that because it's so ridiculously unrealistic to do that to one's hair every day. The problem was, it didn't stop with the hair. She was bitchy, too. And whiny. And she shipped herself with Kirk, who couldn't decide if he actually liked her or not. I kept hoping that the scene would come along where she would move awkwardly, and tracker jackers would swarm from her hair and sting her to death. At least she's gone after this season. From what I've encountered online, I'll be seeing her again in TOS films, though thankfully not with that hair. Because the wig was stolen from the set.

And now it's time for some awards:

Worst Dressed: Lenore Karidian from "Conscience of the King"

Girlfriend changed like 6 times over the course of a 50-minute show. Only one dress didn't suck. The others were awful, but nothing tops this fur muff dress with kid gloves, sparkly tights, and Lucite stripper heels. This is fugly. Don't dress like this unless you want random strangers on the internet to mock you.

This is Rand's WTF Face. If  Rand thinks you look ridiculous, you do.

Runners Up: Ruth (Kirk's old love interest) and those Playboy Bunny things, both from "Shore Leave".

Bottom Line: Most of the costumes for this show consist of a weird conglomeration of sixties psychedelia and "futuristic". Definitely not to be considered timeless by any stretch of the imagination, the men were mostly clothed in jumpsuits, and the women were frequently wearing something that showed sideboob, or were oddly shapeless. Plus, with few exceptions, the women all had the same hairstyle:

Funniest Villain: Trelane from "The Squire of Gothos"

An over-enthusiastic collector turns out to be a kid playing with his "toys". Awesome.

Lamest Villain: Dr Adams from "Dagger of the Mind"

Dude was erasing the minds of prisoners for no reason. What the hell was this guy's motivation? Was he trying to impress his super-creepy assistant? Points for dying by his own contraption, though.

Most WTF Episode: "This Side of Paradise"

Spock gets high and bangs a blonde. No. Just no. I guess maybe they wanted to show how drugs can change your personality, but he instantly became this... anti-Spock. I'd like to slap the writer of this episode.

Alien That Looks Most Like a Live-Action Ninja Turtle: The Gorn from Arena

He just does.

Best Use of Budget: The Menagerie, parts 1 and 2

You don't need me to write another paragraph on how I ship myself with this double-parter. We all know it was genius.

Episodes I'd Be Okay With Never Watching Again:

Shore Leave: *waits for episode to get interesting*

*still waiting*

*credits roll*

*sigh*

Space Seed: Khan was the creepiest creep who ever creeped, and I'm grossed out by the fact that they devoted an entire film to this abusive fuck. Not looking forward to seeing him again. Also, slightly weirded out that they picked Dumbledore Cabbagepatch to play him in the new film. I like Dumbledore Cabbagepatch. Khan makes my skin crawl.

The City on the Edge of Forever: All the feels. All of them.

First appearances of enemy races:

Though the Gorn doesn't appear in TOS outside of the episode "Arena", they continue to play a part in the Star Trek universe.

We got to see not only the Romulans, but also the inside of their ship in "Balance of Power".

Klingons, man. Klingons are fucking awesome. They played alien of the week in "Errand of Mercy".

He's dead, Jim: A Death Toll

Total number of Reds killed this season: 4 (Seriously?)

Total number of Blues killed this season: 4

Total number of Golds killed this season: 5

Total number of Mystery-Colors killed this season (no way to tell color): 3

Total number of Enterprise crewmen killed: 16

Total number of civilians killed: 16

(Technically, Gary Mitchell was Lackey Tan, but further research revealed that had they been going with the gold-blue-red combo of the later episodes, dude would have been dressed in Command Gold. We also lost two ships this season: the Antares from "Charlie X", and the Romulan war bird from "Balance of Terror". I didn't include those in the numbers, because I couldn't be sure of the head count. I also omitted civilian numbers where we didn't see those deaths, ie the deaths on the starbase in "Arena", and the "war casualties" in "A Taste of Armageddon". Basically, I only counted civilians when we see their deaths specifically.)

Bottom Line:

There were far fewer Red deaths than I assumed there would be, and far more civvie deaths than I anticipated. Also, Kirk did not attempt to seduce as many women as I'd heard. There were more awesome philosophical ideas discussed, and which were not always concluded by episode's end, making for nice post-episode discussions with other viewers. However, much to my glee, there was also plenty of crap, fake science and God-awful costumes for me to mock.

I may actually miss Rand a tiny bit.

...though probably not.

*******

My friend posted a link to his Facebook page that gave instructions for cereal tea. It sounded horrendous. I decided to try out for you, friends. In the name of science. So you won't have to. You're welcome.

Basically, you crush cereal bits and put them in a tea bag, then steep it in steamed milk. I thought about using a tea strainer, but there's no way in fucking hell that I'm clogging my brand-new TARDIS tea strainer with soggy cereal bits. 

http://www.instructables.com/id/Cereal-Tea/?ALLSTEPS

Not gonna lie. This is not my idea of a tasty beverage. I'm not the sort to drink cereal milk. I selected Fruity Pebbles because Raisin Bran tea sounded vomit-inducing.

I think it's kind of fun/funny that part of the project was to use the cereal box to make a new tag. According to my tag, my tea is gluten-free and also contains 11 essential vitamins and minerals, though sadly, I am not certain how my tea is part of a balanced breakfast.

It tasted about how I expected, like warm cereal milk. Or a Fruity Pebble latte. But the taste was very faint, because you aren't supposed to use too much of the crushed cereal in the bag. I imagine that using Cocoa Pebbles or the like would give you something akin to a subtle hot chocolate.

If you get all nostalgic over cereal milk, go for it. The project is kind of a cute one. But I'm switching back to actual tea, thanks.