ST:TNG Season Five, Episode Six "The Game"

ST:TNG Season Five, Episode Six "The Game"
Production Order: 6
Air Order: 6
Stardate: 45208.2
Original Air Date: October 28, 1991

We start out on Risa, where Riker is hanging out in his jammies with some chick who is wearing the kind of jammies that you want to be seen in. They're goofing off and playing, and you're supposed to get the feeling that Riker is on vacation and having a good time, and even though we don't have any inkling that the girl, Etana, is evil af, there's something... that makes you wary of her? Maybe it's because the chase game that they're playing is Riker trying to get his communicator back from her, and she chucks it out the window. Seems like he's gonna get mad, but then he doesn't. They tumble onto the bed instead, and I guess he's just... never going back to work? Then she produces this little headset and puts it on him.

"It's a game," she tells him. "Everyone on Risa is playing it."
FUCK ME, THIS BITCH HAS GOAT EYES.

A thousand previous viewings of this episode: "this girl is a jerk."
One viewing on a laptop, where the screen is close enough that I can see the creepy-ass contacts they put her in: nightmares.

GoatGirl turns on the headset, and Riker can see a holographic playing field in front of him. There's a cone and a disc, and she tells him to concentrate, and put the disc in the cone. He does, and has a tiny orgasm.
"That's your reward," she giggles.

Dramatic music! Opening credits break!

Picard's Log 45208.2: "Lots of housekeeping; Riker is coming back on board from Risa, and we're going to the Phoenix Cluster. It's unexplored, so everybody and their dog is transferring to this ship temporarily to do Science."

Riker enters the bridge, and Picard lays out how hella busy they are: their five weeks in the Phoenix Cluster has been cut to two, because now Starfleet wants them to do a diplomatic mission to Oceanus IV. Picard is putting Riker in charge of scheduling all of these science teams in various labs and with specific equipment.
"Oh, also," he adds, "Wesley Crusher is on vacation from the Academy, and we'll be meeting up with his shuttle soon."
"Cool," says Riker. "We could use another hand around here, seeing as how we're super busy."
Y'all... Picard just said Wes is on vacation, and you're already putting him to work?
(Okay: I asked my Navy hook-up Agent K abut this, and she confirmed that, as a recruit, Riker can absolutely order Wes around if he wants, and Wes has to say yes. Everybody outranks him. It's the military. I guess his choices are: hang out in San Francisco on break, or go see his friends and risk shoveling coal in Engineering.)

Riker goes down to Engineering, which is bustling with Golds trying to get things ready for the Black Friday Sale of Science: too many bodies fighting for the few gadgets on the shelf. La Forge is all over it, but still feeling the burn. He pulls in Ensign Robin Lefler, and talks her up to Riker: she's such a superstar that La Forge has made her a mission specialist.
Riker asks her about sensor arrays, and how many people can use them, and can they have it up and running by the time they get to the Phoenix Cluster? He's impressed by her answers, and she goes back to the task at hand.
Alone-ish, Riker pitches his new MLM to La Forge: he's brought something back from Risa that La Forge just has to try.
"Sounds good," says La Forge. "Can it wait, though? I'm real busy right now."
They agree to catch up later, and Riker leaves.

He goes up to Ten Forward, where Troi is having a moment with a chocolate sundae. It's not even subtle. The sundae is in a dish on a pedestal. They start talking about chocolate, and Troi outlines each step in her sundae-eating ritual.
Time for Riker to pull out his MLM again: "I brought something back from Risa that's better than chocolate."
Troi has interest and time right now, which is good news for Riker.

Y'all, this is the weirdest little ship I've ever seen.
It's the USS Cochrane, an Oberth-class ship, and apparently, we've seen this class before, not only in the third movie, but several times in TNG.
I guess I've just... never noticed it before?
Anyway, that's the ship that brought Wes out here for a visit.

He beams on board with help from O'Brien, and they greet each other warmly before Wes congratulates O'Brien on the birth of his daughter.
It seems that Wes was expecting to be met in the transporter room by his mother, and maybe some others, because he asks where everyone is.
"Senior staff meeting," says O'Brien. "You're supposed to go to your mom's quarters."
Disappointed, Wes asks if it would be okay for him to drop into the Obs Lounge to say hello to the senior staff. That seems like a big ole breach of protocol, but O'Brien checks to see if that would be okay.
"Yeah, I guess," Worf agrees when O'Brien calls.

But when Wes walks into the Obs Lounge, the lights are off. He wanders in, confused, before they all yell "surprise!" and turn the lights on. They do a quick catch-up, and Worf offers cake that he made himself. Data researches whether or not Wes found the surprise fun. Picard talks to him in Latin. Riker asks if Wes wouldn't mind lending a hand with their tight scheduling while he's on board. (At least he asked.) Wes says this is fine, and La Forge tells him to come down to Engineering once he's settled.
Crusher asks Troi what kind of game she was talking about, and Troi tells her to come by her quarters, and the counselor will show her. The MLM is spreading.

There's kind of a fun exchange here where Data walks Wes to his quarters, and Data asks how Wes' first year at the Academy is going. Both admit to struggling with pranks: Data doesn't really get them, and Wes isn't really the type. But Wes admits to getting someone back after they programmed a sonic shower to dump mud on him, and Data gives him a forced "good for you." Then they discuss the sheer awkwardness of Sadie Hawkins dances, which are just kind of awful no matter which century you live in.
"I can't dance," Wes admits.
"Really?" asks Data. "Your mother taught me a while ago. I can teach you, if you want. I have a shit-ton of holodeck programs about dancing."
Yeah, I seem to recall that you also had an agreement with Crusher to not tell anybody about your dance lessons, Data.

A bit later, Wes goes down to Engineering and La Forge sets him up to help out. But then Wes hits a snag: he can't get the computer to do what he wants. Lefler walks by and tells him that the computer gets weird sometimes about that, but he can calibrate it by hand. When he objects that the computer will still have to do it, she walks over with her degree from the School of Hard Knocks and shows him how.
"Law 17," she quotes, "When all else fails, do it yourself."
Wes is amazed when it starts working and he jumps up to introduce himself. He gets a bit starry-eyed, and she laughs, confirming that she knows who he is, then tells him that his neutrinos are drifting, and he better get back to his console. On her way out of Engineering, Lefler checks him out.

Up on the bridge, Data informs a flustered La Forge that two science groups are bickering over who gets to use the thermal imaging array first.
"Like I give a shit," says an impatient La Forge. "Tell them to flip a coin."
"Huh, I'll replicate one."
Which... yeah, I guess you'd have to, as they don't have those anymore. Interesting what phrases seem to have lasted into the 24th century, when the physical object that's attached has not. I like stuff like that.
Crusher pages Data to sick bay.
When he arrives, Crusher tells him that she needs her tricorder reprogrammed a specific way, and that he does it so much faster than she could, and she needs it right away, so he's completely distracted with the tricorder when she shuts him off.
Riker and Troi come in from a lab in the back, and together, they move Data's prone body onto a table. Crusher pops open a panel on the back of his head and shoots a beam into the circuitry.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Wes and Picard are having some Earl Grey (with a nice-ass tea set, too) and having a nice catch-up. Wes admits that he took Picard's advice and met Boothby the gardener at the Academy, and that Boothby gave him a tour of the grounds.
"Who is A.F.?" asks Wes. "Boothby said he caught you carving those initials into his prized elm tree?"
Picard does a series of facial expressions that include wistful smiling and minor cringes. "Someone I knew. But if you meet someone whose initials you want to carve into that tree, tread carefully. I failed organic chemistry because of A.F."
Thank you. More Adventures of Young Dumbass Picard, please.
But now Picard is being paged into sick bay as well, so he gets up and walks into the lair of the Murderous MLM.

Crusher is there, along with La Forge and Riker, and Crusher pulls some BS out of her ass about how Data came in complaining about a servo malfunction, and that honestly makes no sense, because Crusher only deals with meatbags. When Data has a problem, he talks to La Forge. But nobody calls her on it.
(I know, I know. When they were putting Lore together, she was supervising the process in sick bay. She's not completely ignorant of Data's systems and stuff, but honestly, how often does he come to her? Never, he goes to La Forge.)
La Forge pokes around in Data's circuits, and determines that everything is working okay, but the signals are not reaching Data's brain at all. "Like he's in a coma."
Riker, who is in on this MLM crap, protests that Data runs self-diagnostics all the time, so maybe they should check his logs. Oh, and also his quarters.

La Forge and Riker check out Data's quarters, but a frustrated La Forge says there's nothing to indicate what this problem might be.
Sassy Riker Moment: "We could ask his cat."
"You seem stressed," says Riker. "You've been so busy, you could stand to relax a little. I have this game..."
(Unanswered question: how does La Forge play this game? Does it fit over the VISOR? Or would he need to take it off?)

Down in Engineering, Wes compliments Lefler on her knowledge of conduits.
"Law 36: go with what works."
When he presses her about the law thing, she admits that when she learns something new, she makes up a law so she won't forget it. She has 102 so far. She then compliments his own skill level with "they said you were good..."
"How come I think you know more about me than you're letting on?"
"I have friends at the Academy. Sometimes your name comes up." Then she brings up the kid who used the sonic shower to spray Wes with mud: "How did you get the anti-matter regulator to spray chili sauce?"
He seems embarrassed. "There's like... more to that story."
"Uh-huh. And what about your birth mark?"
Damn. Pulling out the big guns.
Law 46: Life isn't always fair.
"Okay: you know a bunch of stuff about me, and I want to know some stuff about you," he proposes. "Ten Forward, 1900 hours. Join me for coffee?"
Smooth, Ex-Lax.
"Nope," she replies. "But I will have dinner with you."

Picard's Log, supplemental: "We finally made it to the Phoenix Cluster. Data still down for the count."

Wes heads back to his mom's quarters and finds Beverly playing that stupid game. She pulls in a sharp intake of breath each time she's rewarded, so her breathing is super uneven.
She's caught off-guard, and takes it off, admitting that the game was for him, but that she couldn't resist.
"Put it on? Try it out?" she insists, pushing it at him.
"Yeah, I'm busy right now. How is Data?"
"Geordi's working on it. He should be fine, though."
"Maybe I should help..."
"No," she says quickly. "You're on vacation. You're already helping."
"Okay. I'm actually late for a dinner date with Robin Lefler from Engineering." He goes to the clothes closet to check out his choices.
"Oh, I know! You could invite her back here, I could replicate some more games, and we can all play together!"
Oof. Her MLM game is not as slick as Riker's. She wants it too bad.
He turns and gives her a look. "Are you fucking kidding me? A date with my mom?"
She tries to cover it by saying she just really wants to spend some time with him while he's here, but how can anything make up for the awkwardness of "bring your date here, and play a game with your mom"? Ugh.
She appears to back off, then tries one more desperate time to put the game on him ("just one quick game!") before moving away and setting the headset down on a table.
He turns back to the closet with a WTF was that? face.

Wes and Lefler meet up in Ten Forward and Wes gets his wish for info: Lefler's parents were specialists in high demand, so she got dragged all over the sector a lot, and learned to depend on herself. After a few minutes, talk turns to the weird game that's going around Engineering. Lefler says pretty much everyone but herself has tried it, and Wes says that his mom has one for him, and has been pushing it hard on him.
"It's just a fad," Lefler reckons. "Some thing from Risa that'll be gone next week. You gonna try it?"
They look over at a Gold at another table that looks like she's dying or something. She's clearly playing the game and ignoring the drink the waiter sets down in front of her.
"I think I want to look at it first," he admits.

They're both immediately down for the sheer nerdiness of this activity, and jump up to rush to an open lab. Which I'm surprised they find, because isn't the ship currently crawling with scientists champing at the bit to get their hands on scientific equipment? Maybe the equipment they're using doesn't have any overlap with the equipment that the others want.
Anyway, they get a copy of the game and hook it up to the equipment and turn it on. Somehow, said equipment acts like eyeballs and an attached brain. And the results are not good.
Each time the player gets the disc into the cone, they get a reward from the pleasure center of the brain. The game is psychotropic. Addicting. And interferes with the higher reasoning functions of the brain.
"Fuck," says Wes. "We have to tell Picard."

Wes rushes up to the bridge, where he finds Picard in the ready room.
After a moment of small talk, he gets to the point: that game floating around the ship? He's run some tests, and he thinks it's addictive, and messing with the higher reasoning functions of the players.
Picard looks disturbed. "Well, that sucks. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I'll start an investigation into it."
He tells Wes that it's good to have him back on board, and Wes leaves.
As soon as the kid is gone, Picard picks up and puts on the game.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

We're taken back into Ten Forward by someone wearing/playing the game. They approach Lefler, who is sitting unnerved at a table by herself. It's no surprise why. Ten Forward was empty at 1900 hours, but now it's full of people who are all sitting around playing the game. The person whose POV we're following turns out to be O'Brien, who asks if Lefler has played this great new game. She fakes a smile and replies that she has.
I'm a little worried here: if O'Brien has one, then Keiko probably does too, and who is watching their kid? Some people seem to be able to play a few levels and put it down, but others appear to be doing nothing but playing. Please, please, please, let the O'Briens be "play a few levels" people.
Wes shows up and hurriedly tells her that he talked to the captain, who is looking into it.
Some random Gold shows up, and asks where their games are.
"We left them in our quarters," Lefler lies.
"You can use mine!"
Shit, these people are pushers. We've officially left the polite side of the MLM now, and rushed forward into "you WILL buy my products!" territory.
They get up to move away from the Gold.
"You wanna know the extra creepy part in all of this?" asks Wes. "There's one person on board that wouldn't have been affected by this thing, and he suddenly became catatonic right before the thing exploded."
"Data," nods Lefler.
They get the hell out of Dodge.

In sick bay, they set up the tricorder to scan Data and get the output up on the readouts. They're able to find a tiny amount of damage that keeps his brain from sending signals to the rest of his body. The cuts in the wiring are really, really precise.
"Only two people on this ship would know where to cut and how in order to do this," says Wes worriedly. "Commander La Forge, and my mother."
"Why would they do that?" asks Lefler.
"Dunno," says Wes. "But with Data out of the way, it leaves everyone open on the ship to get addicted. Which they have. You think this is worse than just "playing for pleasure"? Like there's something bigger going on?"
"Data would be a threat to that," Lefler points out.
"And I think we're the only people left on the ship who are not addicted."

There's a tiny scene here on the bridge with the senior crew. Worf alerts Picard that they're at some rendezvous coordinates and that there's another ship that's on course to meet them. Picard tells the others to go and replicate what they need, and adds that they need to make sure that Wes gets one, too.

Crusher shows up at her quarters with multiple games in her hand, and reinforcements: Worf has followed her in, also armed with games. But what they find makes them smile and leave: Wes and Lefler are on the bed, wearing games, and breathing unevenly. Mission accomplished.
Once they're gone, the games come off, and Lefler excitedly tells Wes that the fake games they made worked. He suggests that they keep them close, just in case.
Lefler has duty in Engineering now (were... were they up all night? Like, 16 hours?), and Wes tells her to get some security code or something. They can't trust anyone now, including Picard.

Upstairs, the E has met up with the approaching ship, and Picard calls the senior staff to the bridge. Worf flips on the viewscreen.
Oh, yay. It's GoatGirl.
"Welcome, Etana," says Picard. (He knows her name?) "The Enterprise has been secured. We await your further instructions."
Has he been in contact with her? How does he know her plans? Did Riker give them to him once he was onboard with the game?
Anyway

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

When we return, Etana lays out her "further instructions:" Riker is to take a shuttle to another system, and start handing out games there. La Forge and Troi are going to a nearby starbase to start this MLM shit.
"We can also get the game into Starfleet Academy," Picard tells her.
She is pleased, and her people, the Ktarians, commend him.
And now comes the part of the episode where I always seem to zone out. Because I never remember how things go with Etana. I know how it ends-ends, but not the part with Etana. Maybe it's something exciting that I just keep missing!

Wes dodges people in the corridor, standing around, blissed out on game vibes. He escapes into the lift, but then there's Nurse Ogawa, breathing heavily in an uncomfortable way while the game plays her.
"What level are you on?" she asks in a dreamy voice.
"Only ten," he laments. He's not a terrible liar. He does sound genuinely sad about that.
"I'm level 47," she says proudly. "Don't fight it, just let the game play itself."
"Cool," he replies distractedly.

He exits into Engineering. Lefler's at a pool table table console, and as he walks to the other side, he asks if she got those codes.
No answer.
She gives him a blissed-out look, then stands and holds out a game. "It's your turn."
Oops.
Here come Riker and Worf, also armed with games, and Wes is forced to make a quick get-away, dashing into the corridors.
Riker has the computer throw up a forcefield across the corridor ahead of Wes, and he skids to a halt. But Wes has something else up his sleeve, and fixes a personal site-to-site transporter for himself, beaming into the transporter room. Once he hops off the pad, he scrambles something in his communicator, then drops it in another corridor.
This has made things difficult for La Forge on the bridge, who can't track him, because Wes did something to the security trackers. Picard orders that transporters and shuttle bays be sealed.
"He transported to Transported Room 3," says La Forge. "Deck six."
Picard has deck six corridors closed off with forcefields.
Wes hits a junction with a forcefield, and pauses. Then he pulls out a phaser (was he issued that, or did he loot the armory before going to meet Lefler in Engineering?), and sets it on a ledge along the corridor wall, programming it to shoot at the forcefield at intervals. He takes off down another corridor.

Security Golds discover and report the phaser trick.
There's a cool shot in Engineering of Riker and Worf attempting the find Wes over a pool table console.

"Ooh, unidentified heat source!" yells Worf.
Yep, ya boy is in the Jeffies tubes.
He's not doing too badly, but then the next section he opens reveals Worf!
Crap!
Back into the junction! Close the tube off!
But Worf is too strong, and pries the door open. Go! Just go!
Nope, here comes Riker.
Trapped like a rat.

They haul him onto the bridge and force him into the Big Chair. He knows what's coming next, and isn't giving up without a fight. Riker holds his head still while Picard delicately places the game on his head, like an Olympic official of old placing a crown of laurel leaves on a victor's head.
Wes has his eyes squeezed shut, so they pry them open.
WTF? That's some 1984 shit right there.

Picard turns it on, and the playing field appears, but Wes refuses to play.
Fuck yo disc.
When he won't put the disc into the cone, a newer, bigger cone appears and swallows the disc for him. Here's your shot of endorphins, motherfucker. Play the game right, and you can have more.
Wes relaxes, and more cones and discs appear.
"That's right," say the senior staff soothingly. "Play the game."

The lights dim.
The lift opens.
Fuck yeah, android!

Data has a hand-held flashlight, which flickers bright-ass light into the faces of each crew member, and Wes, who rips the game off his head.
"Lights!" Data yells.
The lights come back up, and everyone looks dazed as hell.
"Worf, there's a little alien ship nearby," barks Data. "Tractor it, and raise the shields."
There's a moment after he does so, then Worf says the alien ship wants to know why they're being tractored.
"What the hell?" demands Etana, bursting onto the viewscreen.
"Your plan was bad," says Picard. "And you should feel bad."
"Fuck you all!" yells Etana. "Let me go, or I'll fire on you and destroy your ship!"
Picard looks at Worf, who types some things.
"Ooh, yeah," says Worf. "We have big guns, and she has like... a slingshot? But like, a Nerf slingshot."

There's less than two minutes left in the show, so they have to do some mad exposition and wrapping up here: at some point before going back to Engineering, Wes managed to reconnect Data, who then reconfigured the flashlight to flash. It seems that Wes' shenanigans of parkouring all over the ship were mostly to buy Data time to get that figured out. He also set all of the consoles on the ship to flash the same pattern at people to try to catch everyone. It won't though, so they're going to take medical teams around, looking for people to flash in person.
And they're gonna tow Etana's ship to the nearest starbase.
So that's it. That's why I can't ever remember what happens to Etana. Because the answer is... nothing. They figure out that she's trying to take over the ship, then they haul her off to the nearest starbase. No explanation as to why she was trying to take over the Federation, or who she might have been working for. She just goes away.
And that's it for the Ktarians. This was their introduction to the Star Trek universe, and it was... quiet? It was a shrug. Less annoying than the Ferengi, so at least there's that.

Picard's Log 45212.1: "We dropped Etana's ship off, and now we're going to rendezvous with the ship that'll take Wes home."

Wait, what happened to all of that Science they were supposed to be doing? They were only at the Phoenix Cluster for a few hours before this shit went down - are they ditching Wes and going back? Did he really only get a few days off? Time to travel to the E, one day there, plus travel time back?
(Math: begin time for starting out for the Phoenix Cluster is 45208.2, or March 17, 2368 at 4:49 AM. They are going to rendezvous with the USS Merrimac, which will take Wes home, and the current time is 45212.1, or March 18, 2368 at 3:05 PM. Wes was on board for less than 35 hours. He didn't even get to stay for the weekend.)

Wes is packing his things while Lefler playfully pesters him. She pulls out some shiny shorty-shorts that he had in his pack and says she never saw him wearing those - was he afraid someone would see his birthmark?
"I wonder who started that birthmark rumor?" he asks jokingly.
They share a kiss, and it's a pretty long one.
Then they agree to write, and proclaim that they'll miss one another, and then Riker pages him to announce that the Merrimac is there to get him. The hug they share is long too. On his way out, she gives him a book of her laws, so he'll remember.
"Law 103," he suggests. "A couple of lightyears can't keep good friends apart."
Friends? Good FRIENDS? Crusher, did you just cockblock yourself? Cuz you seem real into her, and she to you, but you just called her a friend after a fairly heavy kiss. Then he kisses her again, but on the cheek, and those are some mixed-ass signals.
He leaves, and the E goes... I dunno, back to the Phoenix Cluster maybe.

This episode is a mixed bag for me.
I like Wes and Robin Lefler, and I like how well they play off of each other. I like the conspiracy theory thing, and that this episode was a one-off, and they're like "Wes is back for this episode!" It's another lighter episode, which is helpful, because the next two are heavy. I like Troi's weird sundae-eating ritual, and Wes' cadet uniform with the department color on the top, and the black on the bottom. I love how varied and interesting the shots were. I'm always appreciative of when a director asks "Can we show it from another angle we haven't used before?"

I don't love Etana. She's a gorgeous girl, and her hair is amazing, but holy fuck, THOSE EYES. Nightmare-inducing. I know we'll see Ktarians in DS9 and Voyager, but will they have those eyes? Maybe if they were on a character that I liked.... but man, I'd have to like that character a lot. A LOT. I'm really annoyed that all we see of Etana's great plan is where it falls flat at the end. She probably spent years perfecting that dumb game, and trying to figure out when she could give it to any Starfleet officer, let alone the XO of the fucking flagship, and then... nothing. She has the whole damn ship ready to spread that game among the stars, and someone wakes up the android. Was she working with or for someone, or was she working by herself? What was the endgame? Were the Ktarians ready to go to war with the Federation? Were they looking to run the quadrant? What if they encountered a race whose brains did not work in a fashion similar enough to humans, where the game would not work? I know this show only gets an average of 44 minutes in which to tell a story, but they kind of pulled a Shakespearean comedy here in terms of villains: for a Shakespearean comedy, you can plop a villain on the stage for a few acts, and then thumb your nose at him at the end, because he isn't meant to do anything more that fuck up all of the shit for a while. But, despite being lighter than some other Star Trek fare, this was not a comedy. Her arc ended badly, and we don't even learn about her plan, let alone how she was punished for it. Irritating.
I do not love Wes and Lefler's date night clothes.
His pants were puffy at the top, and fitted down below, and his shoulder pads were too big. Architectural, but in all the wrong ways.
Her outfit was... several pieces all dyed the same orange and layered on top of each other. The top and dress were too dissimilar to go together, and maybe buying different pieces and dying them was a  way to get around a budget constraint, but I would have hated it less had they just created one piece. Also, her shoes and tights were dyed to match her outfit. So matchy. And I hate colored tights. I hate when Troi wears her teal dress and they put those dyed-to-match tights and shoes on her too. Why are they monochromatic blobs? Go through Lwaxana Troi's trunks and steal her shoes. At least they'll be interesting.

So that's "The Game." Some fun stuff, some what-the-hell-was-that, some Wes ruining a good thing for himself and Robin Lefler.


Fun Facts:

- This was the third iteration of this script, which had been kicked around the writers' room since season four. It was finally given to Brannon Braga as a first assignment. Michael Piller felt that Braga's efforts here showed promise.
- The episode was pitched by Susan Sackett and Fred Bronson. Bronson based it on Tetris, which he had on his computer, and which he found mildly addicting.
- Brannon Braga made the story a bit darker than it had originally been, giving it a "Wes comes home, and his family's out to get him" twist.
- The main theme for this episode is "kids addicted to video games," which makes me roll my eyes, especially when you consider that Fred Bronson based it on his own addiction to Tetris. Brannon Braga like the irony that here, the child comes to find the adults addicted.
- This is the second and last time we see Robin Lefler. They were looking to add her to another episode after her work on "Darmok", and decided that it worked nicely to give Wes a girlfriend. Attempts were made to bring Lefler back in other episodes, but scripts were rewritten, or things weren't able to be worked out. On an episode of Late Night, Judd told David Letterman that she was making a cameo as Wesley Crusher's wife in Star Trek: Nemesis, but Wil Wheaton admitted no knowledge of this: "Somehow, I'm not surprised Wesley doesn't know he's married." Wheaton's part was later cut from Nemesis.
- Braga also liked the idea that Wes would have loosened up a bit at the Academy, pulling a couple of pranks.
- Some audience members had trouble with the concept that all of these very smart people - including Picard - would become addicted to this game, but the whole issue there is that each person got the game from someone they trusted.
- When Crusher knocks Data out, Brent Spiner hit the bed so hard that he injured his chin and had to go to the hospital. Upon his return, he was immediately asked to film the scene again.

Director Cory Allen with Spiner and Wheaton

- Wil Wheaton noted that he was Ashley Judd's first kiss.
- The game prop was made from telephone headsets.
- The engineering lab is a reuse of the sick bay lab.
- The Ktarian ship is a reuse of the Zalkonian warship... which was a redress of the Tallarian plague ship.

- First appearance of the Starfleet cadet uniform.
- A matte painting is used to extend a Jeffries tube in this episode.

- Joe Menosky first began including the number 47 in the fourth season, and the writers would slip it in as an in-joke, adding it to LCARS readouts and into dialogue, which I guess I haven't been paying much attention to. Here, it is mentioned when Wes gets in the lift with Nurse Ogawa, who blissfully tells him that she is on level 47 of the game.
- Jonathan Frakes thought the episode was fun, but was disappointed with the final graphics for the game. Apparently, they had been talked up quite a bit, and Frakes was expecting something more sophisticated.
- Writer Marc Scott Zicree was unimpressed with this episode, and Wes in particular: "He falls in love with a girl and they share a chocolate mousse - give me a break." (Is he talking about the sundae scene? Wes and Lefler don't eat chocolate mousse.)



Red deaths: 0
To date: 1
Gold deaths: 0
To date:

Blue deaths: 0
To date:
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 

Sassy Geordi moments: 0

To date:
Sassy Ro Moments: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 

Sassy Riker Moments: 1
To date: 3

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date: 1 

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date:
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date:
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Keiko Moments: 0
To date: 3
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date:
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Guinan Moments:
To Date: 1
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 1
To date: 2

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 8
To date: 14

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
To date: 7

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date:
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 0
To date:
Picard Maneuvers: 0
To date: 1
Tea, Earl Grey: 2
To date: 2
Mentions of the number 47: 1
To date: 1

Sorry, were you writing this blog?

ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Nineteen "Captain's Holiday"

ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Nineteen "Captain's Holiday"
Production Order: 19
Air Order: 19
Stardate: 43745.2
Original Air Date: April 2, 1990

So we're not on the ship for the opening this week. We're someplace else where apparently, clear plastic counts as a shirt?

Two humanoids beam down and -

No.

NO.

I'm sorry, is this 1950's sci-fi? Very old Doctor Who? These aliens are cheesy AF. And they're costumed in left-overs from last week. And they're wearing fucking oven mitts.

They go to a computer nearby, which turns out to be some kind of automated concierge, and it welcomes them to Risa. (You remember Risa, right? It's a fuck planet.)
"I wanna know the room for Captain Jean-Luc Picard," says the female alien.
Excuse much, rude or anything? That's private information.
"Picard isn't here, and hasn't ever been here," replies the computer.
She asks when he'll arrive, which again, isn't any of her business.
"Not scheduled to arrive," the computer answers.
"He will, though," the female assures the male.

Riker's Log 43745.2: "So for the past two weeks, the captain has been mediating a dispute between two alien races. We're leaving now."

Troi enters the bridge, where she tells Riker that she's kind of surprised that Picard was able to get through the negotiations, because the whole thing kind of sucked. Picard then enters.
"Dude, get us the fuck out of here," he tells the conn.
He asks Riker how things went while he and Troi were gone, then barely waits for an answer before saying he's going to chill in the ready room.
Riker: "Sir? Congratulations."
Picard (turns): "About what?'
Riker: "The trade agreement."

You know what? I'm really into this thing where the crew members have a crappy day. No one enjoys their job so much that they're a basket of puppies every day, not even members of Starfleet. I'm reminded of Troi's crappy day in "The Price". It's good. It's relatable.

Picard disappears into the ready room.
Riker asks Troi if there's something wrong with Picard, and she replies that he was super stressed during this trade agreement thing.
"I think he needs a vacation, but I doubt he'll agree to go."

Oddly upbeat music! Opening credits break!

Picard is still in the ready room when Dr Crusher comes in.
"I have this problem with a crew member," she says. "It's classic overwork. He's totally stressed out, and it's affecting his health."
"Cut the shit," replies Picard. "I know you're talking about me. What do you want?"
"Take a vacation."
"Jump up your own ass. I hate vacations."
Yeah, I know that feel.
"Naw, there was that one vacation you liked," she protests.
"I lied." He puts away his padd. "Okay, look. We have some kind of retrofit or something coming up, and I promise to just hang out for the week we'll be doing that, okay?"
"Nope. I could order you to take a vacation," she reminds him.
"Don't you fucking dare." He pauses. "There's this conference on stars I wanted to check out..."
"No way. No serious thought."
  WTH, Beverly? You told him to go away for a week and stress less, and when he suggests something he'd like to do, you shoot him down? You don't get to choose how he spends his off time.
"Go someplace pretty, where you can be pampered."
Okay, that's what you'd want.
Sassy Picard Moment: "I'll give it serious thought."

Picard and Riker get into the lift at the same time and Riker starts cheerfully hassling Picard about taking a vacation.
"Not going," says Picard firmly.
"You should go to Risa," Riker ignores him. "It's great, and the girls are pretty. I'm sure you'd enjoy their sybaritic lifestyle."
And now, Riker's Word of the Day:

"Hey, boss! You should have some sexy times on a fuck planet! Very relaxing!"
Inappropriate workplace topic.
Also, that's clearly your idea of a great vacation, Riker. Don't force your interests on others.
They get out of the lift at the bridge, with Riker all disappointed that Picard doesn't want to go to Risa, and Troi decides to take matters into her own hands, by lying through her teeth.
"Will, great news! My mother is coming to visit the ship!"
"Really?" asks Picard. He asks Riker to join him in the ready room.
 Troi looks hella pleased with herself.

In the ready room, Picard asks Riker if everyone on the ship knows about the scheme to send him on vacation.
Sassy Riker Moment: "I think there are two ensigns on deck 39 who know absolutely nothing about it."
Picard realizes that people are going to be hassling him for the next week, and gives in.
"Fine, fuck it. I'm tired, and I don't have time for this shit."

Later, Picard is packing, and even though he's said he's going, Riker and Troi have decided to continue bugging him.
"You're gonna super love it on Risa."
"I'll have your bags beamed to your room."
"Hey, are you taking all these books?"
"In case I guess bored," Picard shrugs.
He packed Ulysses by James Joyce. Guess what he thinks of Risa and their sybaritic lifestyle?
"Have I mentioned how awesome Risian women are?" asks Riker in protest.
Sassy Troi Moment: "... too often, Commander."

Walking through the corridor, Riker requests a souvenir: a horga'hn. For those of you reading at home, that word is pronounced "whore gone."
Picard agrees. They reach the transporter room, where Worf really wants to give Picard a gold shirt for safety, but Picard refuses. He beams down, and Riker smiles about how Picard is going to have an awesome time.
Again Riker, quit assuming.

A calypso shirt and khakis, Picard?

Picard beams down to Risa. A woman bumps into him, then spots...
...ugh, a TNG Ferengi.

Why is he dressed like some recent retiree on a cruise? I'd place money on his
ensemble being completed by socks with sandals. 

Clearly, she wants to avoid this dude, so she kisses Picard.
"I think I'm not who you think I am," frowns Picard.
"Yeah, you're probably right. Welcome to Risa." And she takes off.
"...could have shaken my hand," mutters Picard.

He walks past those old-school aliens who can't seem to mind their own beeswax.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

When we come back, we get a camera shot that I can only describe as a "sexy sweep." We pan down some chick's supple body

then another woman in one of those plastic raincoats replaces the sexy woman's drink, then we see some couple sucking face in a chair

then the camera disappears into a raincoat girl's nipple.

Stop searching. They're wearing pasties.

Picard is trying to read his book, but he keeps getting interrupted because this area (presuming a pool nearby that's unseen) is pretty busy. He gets sprayed with water, and then this hovering ball keeps buzzing around him like a big freaking bug.
A Raincoat Girl named Joval is controlling the hoverball, and she apologizes before asking him if he needs anything.
"No!" snaps Picard. "And five other girls have asked me that this morning. I just wanna fucking read my book and be left alone."
"Okay, but... you have a horga'hn."
Then, of course, he cottons on. "Does it mean something?"
"Yeah, it means that you're looking for jamaharon which is nasty sex."
He realizes that Riker has been inappropriate again, and hides the horga'hn under a towel. "It's for a friend."
"Someone you love?"
Sassy Picard Moment: "I wouldn't go that far."

...is Joval pagan?

When she leaves, that freaking TNG Ferengi walks up to him, and does that thing where someone suspicious acts like they aren't talking to a person when they actually are, and it's really obvious that they're secretly talking to someone.
The Ferengi tells Picard that he knows that Picard is working with some mysterious "her" and you know from earlier that he's talking about the chick that kissed Picard when he first arrived. The Ferengi also demands to know where some disc is.
"Go the fuck away. I'm trying to read."
"You should not trifle with the Ferengi!"
Despite that threat, dude jumps when Picard impatiently snaps his book shut.
"What the hell did I just say? G...T...F...O."
"Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna get the disc. And also the girl!"

Picard settles back on his chair to take a nap in the suns (sunblock? hello?), and then a shadow falls over him. It's that chick who kissed him, who was sitting nearby getting a massage, but I guess not close enough that the Ferengi could see her right there?
Picard assumes this chick is here to help him find nasty whore gone sex and tells her to go away, but she tells him to find said sex on his own time. Instead, she's here to apologize for macking on him earlier. She introduces herself as Vash (Vawsh, but she'll never pronounce it like that again), and he tries to go back to his book, and Dear God, is she still talking? Asking him about himself? It should be legal to punch people who interrupt you when you're reading. Books should come with giant soundproof shields that spray knock-out gas. Bitch actually pulls his book down to make small talk. Fucking small talk!

He tells her grudgingly that he's a Starfleet captain, and she says that explains the giant stick up his ass. He guesses that she's the woman the Ferengi was talking about.
Picard gets up and walks away, but Vash follows him. Rude.
They immediately run into the Ferengi, who Vash calls Sovak. They all bicker. Sovak wants Vash and the disc. Vash tells Sovak she doesn't have the disc, then she's close enough to Picard to slip a tiny-ass CD into his robe pocket. Picard wants both of them to go the hell away.

For some reason, all of Picard's downtime clothes are unexpectedly sensual.

Picard finally escapes and goes back to his room, presumably to read without people trying to talk to him all the damn time. But who's that in his room, scanning shit? It's those terrible alien-things in the bad outfits.
"Oh, come the fuck on!"
That's a perfectly valid response, IMHO.
"We're Vorgons," says the nosy female. "I'm Ajur, and this is Boratus."
How polite. Maybe more burglars should introduce themselves.
"We're a security team from 300 years into the future."

Dramatic music for some reason! Commercial break!

Why does Risa look like the set of Golden Girls?

Picard will never get through his book. Accepting this, he encourages the Vorgons to explain themselves. It seems that, in the 27th century, some dude invented some thing that does something to a star. Criminals want it. It's called the Tox Uthat (tawks oo-tat), and supposedly, it ended up in the 24th century somehow. Picard knows the legend, because thieves tookthe thing back to the 22nd century and hid it. The Vorgons (not to be confused with poetry-reading bureaucrats) went back to their own time, looked through historical documents for clues, and figured out that Picard would have it in the next few days on Risa.
"And if I find it?" he asks.
"You will. It's part of history," they assure him. "And when you do, please give it to us so we can take it back."
"Yeah, okay," he shrugs.
They teleport away.
Picard puts his hands in his pockets and finds the disc Vash put there.

Picard somehow magically finds Vash's room (maybe that stupid concierge computer gave up the goods). It's pretty trashed, and she explains that Sovak keeps searching through her stuff.
Is there no fucking security on this planet? No privacy? You can just find someone, and destroy their hotel room?
Picard pulls out the disc. "He looking for this?"
"Yeah, sorry about that." She holds out her hand, but he doesn't offer her the disc.
"Does it have shit on it about the Tox Uthat?"
"Yeah, actually."
Vash reveals that the professor who spent half his life looking for the artifact was her boss of the last five years, and that she helped him look for it. Just before he died, he found evidence that it was on Risa, and she is continuing his work. Sovak was sometimes hired by her boss to help them, especially if what they needed was shady or illegal. But Vash and Sovak are not working together.
Picard threatens to use the disc to find the Uthat himself, but she tells him the discs are encoded, so they better go together. Then she'll give the artifact to the Daystrom Institute for study.
They flirt, then decide to look for the Uthat, about 27 km away in some caves, together.

They're walking through the lobby a little later, dressed like 24th century Indiana Jones fans. It's clear they're going off on an archaeology adventure. (Maybe they will get to punch some Nazi aliens. You can laugh, but remember - we've seen that shit before.)
But oops, here comes Sovak. He comes up behind them and shoves a phaser in Picard's back.
He demands the disc, and Picard and Vash turn to face him. Sovak tells Picard that he paid Vash to steal the disc. Vash throws her heavy-ass backpack at Sovak, and he drops the phaser. Picard picks it up and punches Sovak in the face, dropping him. (Not quite a Nazi, but TNG Ferengi are irritating, so Russian judge allows partial points.)
Picard and Vash grab the backpack, Picard pitches the phaser over the fence, and they take off.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard and Vash are now in the caves, chilling and reading the digital map. They decide to crash there for the night, and they flirt some more.
"We're making good time," Picard remarks.
"I'll take that as a compliment," she smiles.
I... that's not a compliment? It's a comment on how fast they're traveling.
"I intended that as a compliment," he confirms.
Still not a compliment.
Vash: "I haven't been completely honest with you."
Sassy Picard Moment: "Forgive me if I don't act surprised."
"So I totally took Sovak's money. Like, I didn't steal the disc per se, because the professor had already died, but I took the money. It was the only way I could get to Risa."
Picard is impressed. "You beat a Ferengi at his own game."
They decide to go to sleep, and she teases him while setting up their bed roll.
"You would still be lying in the sun if you hadn't met me."
"I came here to relax."
"Sounds boring. You're not that kind of guy."
She gets him to admit that this intrigue and archaeology is a much better vacation for him.
They lay down under the blanket, and mofo rolls over, taking the whole damn thing with him.
I would not have expected Picard to pull a dick move like that.

She pulls the blanket back, forcing him to lay on his back, then she teases him about the fact that he initially thought at their second meeting that she was offering him a Risian sex rite.
He protests that that was a misunderstanding, they bicker, then he kisses her.
You knew that was coming.
They probably proceed with the sex rite.
Brown chicken, brown cow.

In the next scene, they reach another cavern that looks like an old cistern or well. Vash scans the cavern, gives an approximate location, and they go there. But then her equipment starts beeping in a weird way, and she tells him that she thinks there's some kind of specific ore in the rocks, which is messing up her reading. He takes two collapsible shovels from the backpack and they begin digging.
There's a wide-angle shot here, and you know what that means: visitors in the upper right corner.
Surprise.

"The hell?" demands Vash.
"Yeah, they're from the future, and they're here to take the Uthat back when we find it," Picard admits.
"Dude, are you kidding me? You knew about this?"
"Would you have brought me here if I told you?"
She considers this. "Yeah, probably not."
"Surprise, motherfuckers!"
They all look toward the entrance. Of course it's Sovak.
"I found the disc in your room, and used it to follow you here!"
Picard looks at Vash.
"I made a copy of the disc," she explains, "but then I burned it before we left."
Dude... why did you not take it with you?
"Only the outer casing was burned," crows Sovak. "Keep digging!"
He's got a new gun, bigger and shinier, which he's brandishing it at them. And the Vorgons are egging them on, so Picard and Vash carry on digging, now with a weird audience.

Dramatic music mixed with Sovak's creepy laughter! Commercial break!

When we return, it's clear that Vash and Picard have been digging for a while, because now they're standing in a big-ass hole.
Picard puts down his shovel. "It's not here."
Vash is disappointed, but has to agree. "We should have reached it hours ago, according to the disc."
The Vorgons say this is not possible, because the historical documents say that Picard should have found it, but they beam out anyway.
Sovak is livid. He keeps dancing around with his gun, insisting that they keep digging, but they're 100% done. They climb out of the hole, and Sovak climbs in, certain that if he digs a bit more, he'll find the Uthat.

Picard and Vash go back to her room at the resort. She's disappointed that she wasted all that time, and even though he tries to console her, she asks to be alone. He leaves.

Picard is in his own room when Riker calls to say they've finished their repairs and are in orbit, ready to pick him up.
"Cool," Picard replies. "Could you guys stand by, and initiate Transporter Code 14 when say so?"
Riker is nonplussed, but agrees.

Vash is walking through the lobby of the resort with her bag when she's surprised by Picard, sitting at a table.
"I was just coming to say goodbye."
Bullshit.
"Sure," he agrees.
"I want to put this behind me, move on."
"Okay. Can I ask a favor?" He leans in to whisper in her ear. "Tell me where you hid the artifact."
She protests, but he makes several guesses: that she found the Uthat right away after arrival, that she's been leading Sovak on a wild goose chase, that she staged not finding it so he would go away, that she didn't fully burn the second disc on purpose, so Sovak would show up in the cave and see her finding nothing.
She smiles, picks up a nearby horga'hn statue, and opens the top. There's a big-ass crystal inside. He takes it out, and she marvels at the fact that they have a piece of the future. When he asks if she really intended to give it to the Daystrom Institute, she admits that she was probably going to sell it to them.

Guess who beams in.
"Awesome, you found it. Give it to us."
Vash objects, asking how Picard can trust them. "Where's the proof that they are who they say they are?"
"The fact that we're here is all the proof you need," replies Ajur.
No... that's not how that works. Can some teen show up at a nightclub and say, "I must be 21, because I'm here"? Hell no. Demand to see some ID.
"I was gonna ask the Vorgons for ID," Picard tells her.
"Hold the motherfucking comm badge," says Vash. "The professor's notes said that two Vorgons, one male and one female, tried to steal the Uthat in the first place. Maybe this is them!"
That puts a damper on Picard's enthusiasm. "Yeah, maybe. Seriously, you guys got ID?"
Ajur is still holding out her hand. "You said the Uthat belongs to our time."
"Yeah, but maybe not to you specifically," he points out.
Boratus points a weapon at Vash and shoots her. It mostly just stops her in her tracks.
"Riker, Code 14 with a two-second delay where I'm standing!" Picard yells over the comm.
He drops the Uthat, then dashes to Vash's side.
There's a flash, and the Uthat blows up.

Picard checks on Vash, then turns to the Vorgans. "GTFO."
Then they drop a truth-bomb: apparently, Picard was always supposed to destroy the Uthat. I guess they figured they could talk him into giving it to them before he did so. They beam out.

Later, Picard is packing up his stuff in his room while Vash watches.
"You got any openings on the Enterprise for an archaeologist?" she asks.
Girl, no. The last woman we saw who fulfilled a role like that was this chick, and you do not want that shit.

"Eh," Picard replies. "There's not enough adventure on starship for someone like you. You'd get bored."

And he saves her from a fate worse than ceti eels.

"You're probably right," she agrees. "Think I'll go explore the ruins on Sarthong V instead."

He's kind of pissed hearing this. "You'll get yourself killed! Those people are nasty to trespassers!"

Yeah, she's just teasing. "Awww, you like me."

They flirt some more, and kiss some more. They say their goodbyes.

Back on the bridge, Riker reports that all went well with the repairs to the ship.

"Did you have a nice, relaxing vacation?" Troi asks Picard.

Picard smiles. "Uh-huh."

He disappears into the ready room.

"I knew he'd have a great time," Riker says to Troi.

Keep it in your pants, Riker.

And the ship warps away from Risa.

*******

I actually really like this episode. It's kind of goofy and light, and we get some good Picard moments. I'm kind of biased, though:
- I like Indiana Jones, and this episode is similar to movies like that series and "Romancing the Stone."
- I like archaeology. I liked this episode better than "Contagion," which also involves archaeology, but which fell a bit flat for me.
- Vash feels like a better match for Picard than others we've seen. They have an interest in common, and both call each other on their shit.
- It feels natural that some of these people on this ship would be shown to have a bad day, or to love their jobs less at time.
- I absolutely relate to Picard just trying to fucking read, and being continually interrupted. I beat the shit out of my little brother years ago with a paperback copy of "Slaughterhouse Five" because he wouldn't stop bugging me. It should be legal to punch people who can clearly see you reading, and still interrupt you with non-emergency chit-chat.

Things that I liked less:
- The design of the Vorgons. In the script they're described simply as "sleek and well-dressed." I don't know where they went sideways, but the inspiration for their design was based on shells. And I was really unimpressed with their costumes. Tights and oven mitts? Really?

- We got two Picard-heavy episodes in a row. Wish they had spaced them out a bit. Even putting one episode between the two might have made both stronger, in my opinion.
- Riker and Crusher's insistence that he take their kind of vacation was less than awesome. Not everyone wants "a swim and a massage." Some people view a relaxing vacation the way Picard did, reading by the pool, or going on an adventure. I'd get so bored with massages and swims and sipping drinks and crap. Not everyone vacations the same.
- A personal pet peeve of mine is when someone who is less emotive or receptive to romantic overtones is pushed into those situations by well-meaning friends who are not only clueless, but kind of jerks. Sometimes these things are done for the amusement of that person's friends. Often, it's written into shows because that person being in those awkward kids of situations is funny to viewers. (Please see: pretty much every fucking Spock romance, with the exception of "The Enterprise Incident," which was actually well done.) Riker setting up Picard with the horga'hn was probably viewed by Riker as a funny joke, but in truth, it comes close to being sexual harassment. And it tells viewers that treating your friends like that is not only okay, it's funny. Just a heads up: that shit is not funny when you're the person it's being perpetuated against.

Good stuff and bad stuff:
- Ugh, TNG Ferengi. Very annoying. HOWEVER, Ferengi was definitely the right species to be hassling Vash in this situation. It would have been a waste to invent another species for this episode, and it only kind of builds on the story of the Ferengi to make Sovak that particular species.
- I kept using the term "archaeology" but that term specifically refers to history. But the Tox Uthat came from the future, so... truthfully, I don't think there's a word that means "study of artifacts from the future."


Fun Facts:

- While Risa was always a part of the story for this episode, in the original script, Picard goes to the planet and stumbles upon a kind of creepy sideshow that tells the future. In this future view, Picard is a boring admiral, and Riker captains the Enterprise. It was a story about aging, and Gene Rod vetoed it because he felt humans in the 24th century wouldn't fear aging. He did like the idea of going to Risa, though, so that stayed. small elements of the fear of aging would be used in an episode in the fourth season.
- Patrick Stewart requested more "sex and shooting" for Picard, and this episode came from that request.
- Originally, the Tox Uthat was just a valuable object from the past, but Roy Moore suggested that it be from the future. The Vorgons were then created to be from the future as well.
- In an early version of the script, the Vorgons were shown to have possibly succeeded in getting the Tox Uthat, but it was pulled because it was felt that this might be too confusing for viewers.
- Gene Rod originally wanted a bunch of couples doing sexy things in the background on Risa... especially same-sex couples. The producers felt like they would never be able to float that by the censors, and were trying to figure out how to break it to Gene, but Rick Berman pointed it out to him that they couldn't afford to hire all those extras. Star Trek was trying to be cool... 
- Director Chip Chalmers was hella sick during the filming of this episode. They would shoot for a bit, he'd lay down on a cot for 20 minutes or so while they were setting up the next shot, then he'd get up and direct some more.
- The dude who plays Sovak seemed really familiar to me, especially his mouth (why I always recognize mouths, I couldn't tell you). Turns out he's played by Max Grodenchik, who will play Rom in DS9.

- Deirdre L Imershein, who plays Joval the Raincoat Girl, will later appear in DS9.
- This is the first appearance of Vash. She'll show up twice more, once on TNG and once on DS9, and both episodes will suck, leaving me disappointed.
- Wes and Geordi do not appear in this episode. Data does, but he has no lines.
- Jennifer Hetrick, who plays Vash, really liked the look of Sovak, but realized what a pain it was to sit in that make-up chair: "Thank God, I was human."
- The land mass seen on the planet's surface from orbit is actually Australia.

- There's a hard-to-see Andorian in the opening shot on Risa. This is the second and last time an Andorian will be seen on this show.

- Though it appears as though the Risians are not wearing anything on top under their raincoats, they're actually wearing pasties.

Makeup artist Jerry Quist makes pasties.
Another makeup artist, Doug Drexler, takes his photo.

Red deaths: 0
To date: 1

Gold deaths: 0
To date: 1

Blue deaths: 0
To date: 1
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 127

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Geordi moments: 0
To date: 9

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 6

Sassy Riker Moments: 1
To date: 12

Sassy Picard Moments: 3
To date: 11

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 5
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date: 2
Sassy Troi Moments: 1
To date: 5
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 0
To date: 2

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 0
To date: 21

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
To date: 23

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date: 4
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 0
To date: 2
Picard Maneuvers: 1
To date: 24
Tea, Earl Grey: 0
To date: 4

Collie and Bratty