ST:TNG Season Five, Episode Seven "Unification"

ST:TNG Season Five, Episode Seven "Unification"
Production Order: 7
Air Order: 7
Stardate: 45233.1
Original Air Date: November 4, 1991

I realized this week that we are stuck in the world's longest bottle show.

No guests stars, existing sets only.

Just in case that's not depressing enough for you, TNG wants to remind you that Gene Rod is dead.

This isn't the first episode following his death, as The Game was aired four days after that, but it's probably better that it landed here: they may not have had the time to add the card onto The Game, and the first of a two-parter story arc where a major character from his first show is featured in a political plot enmeshed with his final show was probably more meaningful.

Picard's Log 45233.1: "We were scheduled to do a thing, but we've been recalled to a starbase instead, and Admiral Brackett wouldn't say why over subspace channels."

Brackett, now in the ready room, tells Picard that one of the Federation's most trusted ambassadors has gone missing, and nobody knew where he went. Then two days ago, he was spotted on Romulus.
"Do you think he defected?" asks Picard in surprise.
"We'd be fucked if he did," Brackett replies. "He has hella secrets."
She shows him some crappy video stills from Romulus, and then tells the computer to zoom and enhance, because this is the future, where you can do that.

Dramatic-Ass Music! Opening credits break!

Picard's Log 45236.4: "This is... kind of tough. Like, I mind-melded with Sarek a year ago or so, and now I have to use what I learned through him to find his son."

Riker joins Picard in the Obs Lounge to tell him that they're coming up on Vulcan, that Perrin has been told of their plans, and that she'll be beaming up to the ship to talk to them.
"What about Sarek?" asks Picard.
"Too sick to travel, she says."
"Fuck me," sighs Picard. "He's dying, and I get to be the one to tell him that his son may have betrayed the Federation."
"Have you met Spock?" asks Riker.
"Just the one time."
(Ugh, he's talking about when he mentioned that he had met Spock at his wedding. Remember that little slice of not-canon that Spock married Saavik, because she was pregnant with the kid that teenage Spock had squirted into her while going through pon farr on the Genesis planet from movie 3? For some reason, they left that crap in TNG even though they decided against making that the eventual outcome. Spock is listed on Memory Alpha as being divorced... from T'Pring.)
"Do you know a lot about him from the mind-meld?" Riker continues.
"Not a lot," Picard admits. "They had kind of a strained relationship..."
"Yeah, I get that," replies Riker.
Because he does.
"Oh, hey," says Picard. "Got a B-plot for you. Starfleet found metal fragments in a box marked "medical supplies" on a Ferengi ship. Looks like they're Vulcan. Starfleet wants us to look into it."

Later in the ready room, Picard gets himself and Perrin a couple cuppas of mint tea. She seems pleased until Picard asks about Spock.
"He didn't even say goodbye to Sarek," she says.
"Do you think he was kidnapped?"
"No, he left on purpose. He wrapped up all of his affairs before going."
Picard is struggling a bit. He feels the need to tiptoe, and knows he doesn't have the time.
"Okay, look: can I ask what happened between you and Spock?"
"Nothing between us," she insists. But it's crap. "Between Spock and Sarek. They always argued, and that was fine, but then when there was the question of the Cardassians, Spock came out in opposition of Sarek publicly."
"And Sarek was offended?" asks Picard.
"No, I was offended," she corrects.
So it is between you and Spock. Quit playing games, lady.
"I'm really protective of my husband," she replies. "Nobody sees him like I do. He's wasting away in his bed, whispering to himself. He wants to see Spock, and make amends."
"Can I see him?" asks Picard cautiously.
She pauses. "If anyone else asked, no way. But you're a part of each other."

Riker goes down to one of the cargo holds to see La Forge about those possibly-Vulcan metal fragments, and holy shit, didn't Picard say these were found in "a box"? WTF kind of box was it that could hold these huge metal fragments? Also, those are not fragments, those are ship parts. You say "fragments," and it conjures up archaeologists digging up pottery the size of your pinky nail.

So the Vulcans don't know what this was, but they've figured out that it was definitely theirs and definitely made for space travel, based on the kind of metal it's made from. Sounds like it was on the Ferengi cargo ship, then that ship went down in an asteroid belt.

Down on Vulcan, Perrin has brought Picard to Sarek's chambers, where the elder Vulcan is tossing and turning on an uncomfortable-looking bed.
Picard's face is very "well, shit."

"He's like this most of the time," she tells Picard. "All emotions, all the time. I'll see if I can get him to acknowledge you." She grabs Sarek's shoulder and shakes him, yelling his name. "Sarek! Picard is here!"
"Go the fuck away," he growls back.
"Okay, I'll leave you to it," says Perrin almost cheerfully to Picard. "He'll either talk to you or ignore you."
I want to like Perrin because Sarek liked her well enough to choose her, but I don't. Fuck off, Perrin.
She leaves, and now Picard is shouting at Sarek.
The guy is having emotional health problems. Nobody said that Bendii Syndrome leads to deafness.
"Sarek! It's Picard! I need to talk to you! About Spock!"
Sarek starts telling Picard to go away at first, but the magic word here is Spock.

He rolls over. "Picard? That you? On Vulcan?"
"Yeah." Fortunately, no one is shouting now. "I need to talk about Spock. He's been seen on Romulus. Do you know why?"
"No."
"Was he going to meet someone? Did he know someone on Romulus?"
Sarek wracks his emotion-addled brain. "Um, Pardek?"
"Who is that?"
"A Romulan senator? I think they met at the Khitomer Conference? He came home all excited because he thought maybe we could open and maintain communications with the Romulans, but that's nonsense. Pardek didn't have any support in the senate, and Spock was always impressionable. He never listened."
Picard is stoked. This is pretty good info. "You think he went to meet Pardek?"
But Sarek is no longer clear-headed. "Pardek? The Romulan senator? How do you know him?"
"I've... heard of him," says Picard. "What do you think they met about?"
Sarek starts rambling. "I dunno. He never tells me anything... he used to go into the mountains as a boy and be gone for long periods of time, and I'd ask him what he was doing, but he refused to tell me. I would forbid him to go, and he would ignore me. Then I would punish him, and he would just take it. Secretly, I admired him. Very stubborn."
Sarek lays back down, and Picard realizes that that's probably all he's getting.

"Hey," says Picard quietly. "I know you struggle with him, but I also know that you love him."
"Tell him," says Sarek quietly.
He tries to make the ta'al sign, but cannot. Picard helps him to shape his fingers the right way, and makes the sign back.
"Peace, and long life."
"Live long, and... and..." Sarek turns over and begins sobbing. "Spock... my son..."
"... and prosper," Picard finishes quietly.

This show hates me

Picard's Log 45240.1: "Okay, so I gotta go to Romulus, and to get across the Neutral Zone, I need a ship that can cloak. Gonna ask my buddy Gowron. I did him a bunch of favors in the Klingon civil war, so he owes me, right?"

The E has been hailing Qo'nos for three days without an answer. Gowron is ignoring them.
"Um, speak candidly?" asks Worf. "Gowron is rewriting Klingon history, claiming that his courage and prowess won the war, and that he pretty much did it singlehandedly."
"So us showing up would be a reminder that he had help," says Riker.
"Ugh, I don't give a shit," says Picard. "I just need a fucking ship. If he won't answer, Worf, get me someone who can, like someone from the High Council?"
Worf agrees, and goes back to his station to see if he can find Picard a ride.
Data calls Picard over to the science station: he has found video footage of Pardek, the senator that Sarek mentioned. Together, they do the zoom-and-enhance on the blurry photo of Spock and another person, and discovers that the other guy in the photo with Spock is definitely Pardek.
"Do we have info on this guy?" asks Picard.
"Yeah, he's been in the Senate for about 90 years." (Holy fuck, how about some term limits, Romulus?) "He's considered to be kind of a radical by the leadership because he advocates for peace. He's thought of as a man of the people."
Picard nods. Sounds on brand for someone Spock would be friends with.
"Where can we find him when the Senate is not in session?" asks Picard.
"He represents the Krockton Segment, and has a house there," replies Data. "Also, I did some extra credit homework: He has relatives in that sector, and the Senate does not meet on the third day of the Romulan week, so he'll probably be there on that day."

"I got someone on the phone?" says Worf.
"Gowron? Someone from the High Council?"
"Nope. He's the junior adjutant to the diplomatic delegation. His name is B'ijak."
Ah. An assistant with a title, an over-inflated sense of self-importance, and little to no salary. A gatekeeper.
And that he is.
"Hey, so, the Council and Gowron are both super busy right now."

"Yeah, we've been calling for three days," says Picard, irked.
"Still busy," says B'ijak. "If you want, I can give Gowron a message for you?"
You little shit.
"Cooool," says Picard. "So this is the message to take to Gowron, leader of the High Council of the Klingon Empire: Jean-Luc Picard, his Arbiter of Succession, needs a favor."
B'ijak is now curious, in spite of himself. "What kind of favor?"
"I need a cloaked ship."
And now B'ijak is laughing and being an asshole. "Uh-huh. And how would this benefit the Klingon Empire? Cuz you know he's gonna ask."
Whatever, B'ijak.
"He would earn our gratitude," says Picard smoothly. "And if he isn't able to do us this favor, then I can find... others in the Klingon Empire who would help out the Federation here, and then they would have our gratitude instead."
B'ijak looks uncomfortable.
"Also, please tell Gowron that I'm pleased to hear how well he's doing. Clearly, he's a great leader." And Picard smiles a "fuck that guy" smile.
B'ijak hangs up with signing off.

Down in sick bay, Crusher is taking scans of Picard and Data, to fit them with prosthetics so they'll look Romulan. She says altering Data's skin to be the right color shouldn't be a problem, as long as they can make him gold again later.
Riker comes in to ask Picard if he can spare a moment to see the progress that La Forge has made on those metal pieces, but Crusher tells him that it'll have to wait, because he and Data have appointments with Mott the barber to be fitted for Romulan hairpieces.
I really like this weird little scene of Crusher cheerfully measuring their heads and facial features while referring to herself as a tailor. We get to see the behind-the-scenes parts of Starfleet officers becoming spies.

It also segues nicely into Riker and Picard going back to the cargo hold.
"What we have here is what's left of a Vulcan deflector array," La Forge tells them. "It came from a ship called the T'Pau, which was decommissioned years ago, and has been sitting in a starship junkyard at Qualor II."
Worf calls: "There's a decloaked Klingon ship off our portside, compliments of Gowron."
"Oh, wow, how nice of him," says Picard. "Thank the captain of that ship and tell him that Data and I will be over shortly."
Riker says that he wants to take the E over to Qualor II to check out that B-plot, and that's how we part ways.

Picard and Data transfer over to the Klingon ship (no ship name given cuz they want to make my job harder), to meet with the captain, K'Vada. K'Vada is pissed off because he doesn't want this assignment, but would any Klingon? Really? They all appear to be pissed off to be helping the Federation, regardless of the assignment or timeframe.
"I wanna know what this mission is about!" K'Vada roars.
"Classified," says Picard cheerfully.
"You going after the defector?" he demands. "Ambassador Spock? Everybody knows he defected to Romulus."
"The mission is to take us to coordinates near Romulus," says Picard. "Can't say anything else."
"If the Romulans catch us, we could all be killed."
"Yep."
K'Vada gives the orders to start for Romulus, and I can't tell if he's still grouchy about the whole thing, or if he's been placated by the idea that they might all die playing spy games with the Romulans.
The Klingon ship and the E part ways in different directions.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

K'Vada shows Picard and Data around the ship, clearly intending for them to complain about the lack of amenities: they will be sharing quarters, as there is a lack of space.
"Cool," says Picard.
Picard's bed is just a metal slab, because Klingons don't "soften" their bodies with a pad.
"I like it that way," Picard replies cheerfully.
K'Vada seems disappointed. Clearly, he's never met Picard.
"You're gonna eat with us," he tries one last time.
"Sweet, fresh gagh! Been a long time," he smiles at Data.
Someone from the bridge calls to tell K'Vada that they're at the Neutral Zone, and K'Vada asks if Picard intends to follow through with this plan.
"Yep."
K'Vada cloaks the ship and tells them to head in. He seems confused as to how he feels about this little bald guy.

Picard would smile and tell anyone that their crappy accommodations are
presidential suite-level, because he's a diplomat. But here, he's straight-up
fucking with K'Vada.

Riker's Log 45240.6: "On our way to the junkyard at Qualor II. It's run by the Zakdorn. Trying to find out why the Ferengi had parts off a decommissioned Vulcan ship from this yard."

Worf tosses up an open line on the viewscreen, and it looks like they caught a guy off-guard, because he wasn't even looking at the screen when the line opened.
"Hi, I'm William Riker from the starship Enterprise," says Riker in a friendly voice. "I'm looking for info on a Vulcan ship, the T'pau, and I'm told it's here."
The guy turns to the camera. "Klim Dokachin, quartermaster of this surplus yard. Do you have an appointment?"

"Um, no?"
"Then you need to talk to scheduling." And Dokachin just closes out the chat.
Wow, this episode is gatekeeper-heavy.
Riker is taken aback. "Who does he think he is?" he asks Troi in surprise.
Troi is amused as hell: "The quartermaster of the supply yard with information you need."

Riker has Worf open the channel back up, and immediately mispronounces the Zakdorn's name. Good start, buddy.
"The reason I'm here is of the utmost importance to the Federation. We need access to your files and computers and things. My people can do it."
"Yeah, I don't let others into my computer system," says Dokachin stubbornly.
That's fair, I guess. If you hand your phone to your friend to show them a funny meme, and they start scrolling through your nudies, you'd be pissed too.
"Okay, your people."
"Oh. I really don't have people to spare for that activity. Wish I did."
Riker is annoyed. "Then what do you suggest?"
"Dunno. Call me back when you're in orbit." He closes out the chat again.
"Come the fuck on," sighs Riker.
Troi is still heavily amused. "He's king of his hill. You're gonna have to treat him like that."

....yaaaaay.

They hit orbit, and Dokachin comes on board.
He looks around and starts waxing poetic about how he doesn't usually get to see starships in condition this good, and they're always falling apart by the time he gets them.
"We really do need this info on the T'Pau," says Troi earnestly.
He turns and asks who she is, and she gives him her name and position on the ship.
He addresses no one in particular, and talks about Riker as though he isn't standing right there: "He probably thinks we don't get a lot of handsome women out this way, and that I'd cooperate more with someone like you... he's right."
Grins between Troi and Riker as Dokachin sits at the science station, where the E has been tied into the junkyard's computers. He locates where the T'pau is docked, and tells the helm where to go. Then suddenly he's all smiles, and asking Troi if this is her first visit to a junkyard, and how she'd be surprised at what one might find on old ships.

He starts telling her that he found a 14-foot eel in someone's locker in a freighter, and if she wants, and there's time, he'll show it to her, because he nursed it back to health, and is keeping it as a pet.
I like this guy. He's a little too full of himself, and a little too into Troi just cuz she's cute, but he did rescue an ailing animal and seems to be keeping it as a companion. Like, would I want to deal with him in real life? Hell no. But he makes for someone interesting to watch on television.
So they roll up on the coordinates, and... empty space.
"It's missing?" asks Riker.
"The fuck?" Dokachin starts frantically typing at the science station, telling them that he's never lost a ship. Also, he has each of his ships cross-categorized four ways, and he'll find that fucking ship if it kills him.
"Okay, think," says La Forge. "Was stuff stripped from the T'Pau when it came in? Things that could be used on other ships?"
Dokachin replies in the affirmative, and says that those things would be on the Tripoli.
"Great, because we have the T'Pau's deflector array laid out in pieces on our cargo hold floor," snaps La Forge.
Dokachin was not expecting this answer. He insists that he's never lost anything in the junkyard as they rush to where the Tripoli is docked.
Empty space again.
He's about to lose his mind. Up in here, up in here.
"But... we beam things to the Tripoli on a regular basis!" he splutters. "We beamed stuff here yesterday! We're supposed to beam stuff here today!"
"'kay, when are you beaming stuff to the Tripoli spot today?" asks Riker.
"Two hours?"
"Yeah, I bet someone will park themselves right there and pick up that shipment of stuff that you're beaming," guesses Riker. "Let's move into a spot nearby and shut down everything but sensors and life support so we look like a derelict."
Y'all're a pretty shiny derelict, but go on then.

Back on... K'Vada's ship, Picard and Data have reached a rest period, and Picard remarks that the Klingons probably thought it would be funny to put them both in the same quarters. Data responds that he doesn't need to sleep, so Picard should take the... shelf.
Picard lies down and turns on his side, but Data is just... standing there. The captain turns back over.
"What are you doing?"
"Going over the files I need to prepare to impersonate a Romulan."
"Oh."
But Data had turned to speak to him, so when Picard rolls back over, Data now appears to be staring at him.
"That's unnerving, Data."
"Should I stop going over the files?"

Picard simply gets up and tells Data that he doesn't need to rest, and they should just go over those files together.
K'Vada pages Picard to the bridge. When they arrive, he hands them a padd and says that they intercepted a message that might be of interest to Picard.
Picard reads off the padd to Data that Sarek has died.

Back on the E, the time has arrived for the transfer to the Tripoli.
"I see a ship on sensors," says Worf. "But they're riding without license plates. No way to tell who the hell that is."
It's fancy, too.

"It's hella loaded up with cargo," says La Forge. "Looks like weapons?"
The ship slides into the Triploi's spot, and the depot prepares to transfer stuff.
"Let's power up," announces Riker.
Lights and engines come back online, and the other ship powers up weapons, turning to the E.
"Hey," says Riker to the open channel, "this is Commander Riker of the Enterprise. You stealing Federation shit or what?"
No response. Instead, the other ship powers up phasers.
Normally, when another ship starts posturing, there's a certain sense of LOL involved, because the Enterprise packs bigger weapons, but here La Forge is like, "Um, they match us?"
Shields go up, and the E takes a few hits.
"Hit 'em with a phaser," Riker tells Worf, "but aim for their weapons systems. I don't want to do anything but knock the gun from their hands?"
Worf does as he's told, and La Forge reports that they've taken down the forward shields on the mystery ship, and one of their phaser arrays.
Then:
"Shit," says La Forge. "There's a bunch of little internal explosions, and with as much weaponry as they're carrying -"

Riker makes his best "fuck, who was that?" face, and because Picard is elsewhere, the camera does that swoop-in close-up shot of Riker instead.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard has put the Romulan prosthetics on himself and Data, and they sit to check out their handiwork. Picard has a little box of tools he used to do it, and I thought at first that prosthetics were done surgically, but maybe not? Is the surgery so simple that Picard was taught how to do it? Or are they glued on?
"You seem lost in thought since we got that message about Sarek," Data remarks.
"Yeah, the mission has kind of changed for me," says Picard. "I was just going to Romulus to ask Spock what the hell he was doing there, but now I also have to carry the message that his father has died. It's a weird position to be in. I know a lot about Sarek because of the mind-meld connection, and their relationship was tenuous at best."
"Won't it be easier for him, being Vulcan? I mean, won't he see it as the logical conclusion to life?"
"Not necessarily," Picard answers. "It's complicated, even for Vulcans, and recall that Spock is half-human. He's spent a lot of time wrestling with that kind of thing."

They're ready to go, but K'Vada has decided to fling some shit, telling them sarcastically that they look "sweet."
"Do you know what they'll do to you if they find out who you are?" he asks. He actually, literally hisses at Data.
"Yeah, we do," states Picard.
"Whatever. Just so you know, this assignment doesn't include rescue missions!"
They roll their eyes and follow him to the transporter room.

Hellooo, pretty matte painting!

Meanwhile, back on Vulcan...

Pardek walks into the pro-consul's office, and Neral (said pro-consul) shows him a pic of Captain Picard of the Federation and asks if Pardek knows him.

"No? I've never seen that guy before."

"I got word that he was coming here, and might be here already," says Neral. "I want you to circulate his picture around, and let the security forces know. He's probably disguised as a Romulan if he's here."

"I'm right on top of that, Rose."

Data and Picard are in the city, looking around at the buildings, and Data uses their surroundings to figure out where Pardek and Spock were photographed,the doorway to a legal intercessor's office. The name on the wall is close to Pardek's, and Data guesses that it's a relative. After knocking, then trying the door handle, Picard guesses that the office isn't open for business this early. Data's pretty sure that he knows Pardek's schedule well enough that Pardek will be there within a few hours, so they elect to go to the restaurant across the way to get something to eat.

So they go into the restaurant, and wouldn't you know it, Romulus has a Soup Nazi. She serves them some slop in a bowl and interrogates them, after Picard asks if she knows when the intercessor's office opens.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I need his services. He was recommended."

"I haven't seen you here before."

Holy shit, lady. He just told you he was in the neighborhood because he wanted to talk to the guy across the way. Like, I know Data and Picard are technically spies, but she seems overly suspicious for someone serving soup at a restaurant.

"We traveled here from Rateg," Data offers.

"You don't have a Rateg accent," she insists.

Data being Data, he starts telling her that it's a myth that people from Rateg speak with a specific inflection, blah blah blah, and Picard jumps in to stop him by saying they come from just outside that city.

"Or maybe you're from security forces, come to pick up that intercessor. Is he in trouble?"

Crap, what a vulture. She seems pretty excited about the idea that she might see some action.

"Yeah, we're not security forces," says Picard.
She switches tactics so fast I get whiplash.
"Doesn't matter to me. I don't know when he opens. Eat your soup, courtesy of a loyal establishment. Jolan tru."
Ugh. I want to ask wtf is wrong with her, but I know what's wrong with her: Romulans tend to be shitty, suspicious people who churn out more shitty, suspicious people. Remember Jarok, the Romulan who defected to the Enterprise to prevent a war that was never going to happen, because his own people had been feeding him false information the whole time?
Also, jolan tru is a greeting/exit term, like "aloha." It means "find peace" or "may your day be filled with peace," but the way she spit it out, clearly she didn't mean either of those things.

As soon as she leaves, our boys notice that there are a pair of Romulans watching them in military uniforms. Are they security forces? I don't know. Those are starship uniforms, and maybe they all wear the same thing.
"I don't think we can stay here for very long," says Picard quietly.
"It's cool," says Data. "Isn't that Pardek over there?"
It is indeed. They ditch the soup, and turn to leave, but now those uniformed assholes are all up in their faces with guns. I bet that Soup Nazi is just wetting herself with excitement, preparing to gossip to all of her friends and neighbors about how she saw two spies, who were claiming to be from Rateg, hauled off at gun-point, and didn't that just serve them right?

Our boys have no choice but to go with the gun guys, who lead them into a cave.
Pardek follows them in. "We had to get you off the street quickly, Captain Picard. Romulan security  knows that you're here. You're okay, we're friends."
The two gun guys start stripping the uniforms off, and it's clear that they must have nicked those uniform coats from actual security to pull off the ruse of taking Picard and Data off the street.
"I'm on an important mission for Starfleet," says Picard. "I have to find Ambassador Spock."
"You have found him, Captain Picard."
And this magnificent mofo steps from the shadows.

This is a great episode.
Maybe you're a fan of the old show but not the new, and you find out that a beloved character from the old show is going to be on the new one, so you tune in. Maybe you weren't a fan of the new show, but decide to give it another view after this episode.
Or maybe you're a fan of the new show but not the old, but still have some respect for those older characters. Maybe based on this arc, you decide to check out the old show.
It's a nice passing of the baton, even if it didn't completely make the fandom into a melting pot. They'll do it again with the films, in 1993. It won't create that fandom harmony there, either. There will probably always be divides in the Trek fandom, based on personal tastes. TOS and TNG have very different tones, and attract different audiences, though like Doctor Who, will always encourage fans of one or the other to give a fair shake to other parts.
But let's take a look at this episode: we jump right in, feet first, by announcing that Spock will be appearing. No doubt Star Trek probably announced this to the fans ahead of the episode coming out, either telling them that a TOS character would be appearing, or that it was Spock specifically. So right away, the audience is excited. But now the writers are tasked with maintaining that excitement, especially knowing that Spock will not appear on camera. What to do? Have Picard formulate a plan to go to Romulus, a place where the audience has never actually been, to play spy games. And have him check in with another beloved old TOS character, Sarek. We've already seen Sarek on this new show, and he's developed a horrible Vulcan disease. That episode was powerfully driven by Mark Lenard, and while he doesn't star in this episode, Lenard turns in another magnificent performance as the dying Vulcan struggling with Bandii Syndrome.
The similarities between Bandii and Alzheimer's are striking, with Sarek vividly recalling his son't childhood, 100 years or more ago, but failing to realize one breath after the fact that he had told Picard about Pardek. he shakes and mumbles to himself, at times incoherent, and his trembling on his bed, in his pajamas and bare feet, give him an air of a strong man crumbling. That Picard must help him form the ta'al is not only heartbreaking, but speaks volumes about Picard, aiding an old man in preserving some dignity. You know that Sarek must perish soon, but you want his outcome to be different.
You mutter "dammit" when he dies.
Picard's story continues to be interesting after this encounter: he must still find Spock, but must now also tell him that Sarek has passed. But what of Spock? Has he defected? What is he doing? Does this spell doom for the Federation?
What is Romulus like? Will he and Data be able to pass as Romulans?
When they arrive, it seems as though the common person is just as suspicious in general as the military members that the Federation has encountered over the years. Their whole culture is based on these ideas of "trust no one."
(Something that I really like: Memory Alpha states that one of the first things that the Romulans did when splitting from the Vulcans, was to ditch the Vulcan language and develop their own. Yet, both groups have a greeting/departure term that is the same whether one is coming or going, and both means "peace" essentially. Yes, yes - you're very different.)

Another part of this episode that I love is the B-plot.
Not all B-plots are created equal, but I feel this one is pretty strong. First, the mystery of the decommissioned Vulcan ship parts on the Ferengi cruiser, in a box marked "medical supplies." Then, the mystery of the missing decommissioned ship, followed by another missing decommissioned ship: where are these ships, and who is that taking their place? And why? When the new battleship goes up in flames, it kills the leads the E crew had of finding out what happened to the T'Pau. These are all compelling reasons to tune in for the second part, and while I'm not sure this B-plot was strong enough to stand on its own as an A-plot, it does make for a solid B. I'm glad they didn't wrap this plot up with this episode, and simply have another B-plot with the second half of this episode. I'm also glad they didn't skimp on the B-plot. There have been plenty of episodes where the A-plot was interesting, but I couldn't have cared less about "what everyone else was doing." A strong Star Trek episode is made stronger with a solid B-plot.
Writer Jeri Taylor was afraid that this episode would not be successful, as people would have to wait the entire episode for one shot of Spock at the end, but I think she hit it out of the park. Qa'pla, Jeri.





Fun Facts:

- Frank Mancuso Sr, who was chairman of Paramount Pictures, suggested the idea for this arc. 1991 was the 25th anniversary of Star Trek, and it was thought that a crossover would tie the two series together nicely. Rick Berman and Nicholas Meyer worked with Leonard Nimoy to insert TNG references into Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, and Nimoy agreed to appear on TNG. Berman: "We structured a deal with him: he got very little, a little more than scale [union salary minimum]. But with Leonard as executive of Star Trek VI, what you had in essence was a cross-promotion. It made everybody happy."
- This was not the first Spock-on-TNG story pitched to Leonard Nimoy. In the second season, a two-parter was pitched to him called "Return to Forever," and would have been written by Tracy Torme. It fell through.
- Leonard Nimoy didn't like the idea for the first story pitched to him, and the idea of a Romulus and Vulcan reunification came up in talks between Nimoy, Berman, and Michael Piller. Nimoy liked the idea of a peaceful story arc rather than a warlike one.
- The inspiration for this episode came from the reunification of East and West Germany in 1990.

- To Michael Piller, the title also meant a unification of TNG and TOS, which he felt were separated in the minds of the fans. Rick Berman agreed: he felt that the fans saw TOS and TNG as competing entities.
- Once the story was in place, it was determined that it was too expensive to try to film as one episode, and split it, having Spock appear at the end of the first episode.
- Michael Piller wanted to write both episodes, but found that he couldn't. He gave her the first part to Jeri Taylor to write, and she remembered that part of the tough aspect of that first episode was keeping the audience's interest going when the reason they were tuning in was to see Spock, and he doesn't appear until the last moment of that first episode.
- Ronald D Moore, as a fan of TOS, gave Taylor insight into Spock, and especially the relationship between Spock and Sarek.
- A plot to kill Jeri Taylor via exhaustion: Pocket Books approached her about doing a novelization of "Unification." Wanting to break into novel-writing, she agreed. They gave her a 30-day deadline (WTF?), so she wound up writing the novelization at the same time as she was writing the script. All Unification, all the time. "It was like an endless finals week."

- Because of Leonard Nimoy's schedule, "Unification II" was filmed first.
- This was the first time that a recurring original series cast member died... permanently. Lots of main characters from TOS died, but were then brought back to life through weird sci-fi crap or life-saving measures. Here, Sarek just dies.
- Mark Lenard only read the part of the script where he had lines, and had no idea his character had died off-screen until he saw a viewing at a convention later. He wasn't thrilled, but Jimmy Doohan joked that, because it was off-screen, they could bring him back at a later date.
- Fran Bennett (Fleet Admiral Shanthi) was scheduled to reappear in this episode, but for reasons unknown, was replaced by Karen Hansel as Admiral Brackett.

- Though Brackett is labelled as a Fleet Admiral in the script, her pips seem to denote that she is a Vice Admiral instead. It is suggested that she is indeed a Vice Admiral, but calling her Fleet Admiral is about a position instead of her rank - she might actually be in charge of a fleet of ships.
- This is the first time a Star Trek episode visits Romulus.
- Sarek tells Picard that Spock would disobey him as a kid, and run off to the mountains on Vulcan. He's talking about "Yesteryear." And now I really want to binge TAS again.
- The Unification arc were the highest-rated episodes of TNG since "Encounter at Farpoint."
- Berman and Piller both thought that Part I was better than Part II. Jeri Taylor was pleased with how it turned out, saying that she thought that it might have gone sideways, as the audience was waiting "for the good stuff to happen [in part 2]." Moore thought the scenes with Sarek turned out well.
- Jonathan Frakes seems to be the dissenter here: he felt the audience was cheated, expecting Spock to show up the whole episode, and only getting that one shot at the end. He did, however, enjoy the comedic aspect of Data unintentionally staring at Picard while the captain tries to sleep.
- One of the shots of the Enterprise-D flying through a field of derelict ships is a recycled shot from "The Best of Both Worlds."
- This episode was nominated for an Emmy for Dramatic Underscore.
- The novelization of this episode by Jeri Taylor expanded on K'Vada's backstory: he was grouchy during this mission because he got into a nasty argument with his wife prior to leaving, and she had dislocated his shoulder. His ships' doctor had not done a good job healing the injury, and it was bothering him. He was also impressed enough by Data's abilities to consider mentioning to the Klingon fleet that they should think about adding androids to their ships.
- Malachi Throne (Pardek) played in three episodes of TOS, and was with Leonard Nimoy for both his first and last appearances on Star Trek television episodes: he played the voice of The Keeper on the unaired pilot "The Cage," and played Pardek in both parts of "Unification." Throne was originally offered the part of the doctor on that pilot, but turned it down because "he didn't want to play the third to the hero and his sidekick." He wanted to try out for Spock, but the part had already gone to Nimoy. He was finally offered the part of the voice of the Talosian Keeper. Later, when filming for the "envelope" portion of "The Menagerie" began, he was cast as Commodore Mendez. His voice-over work on "The Cage" was pitch-altered so that it was not obvious that Throne was playing both parts.

- Neral was described in the script as "a Romulan Bobby Kennedy." He was played by Norman Large, who will show up again as a different character in season 7, then as others in DS9 and Voyager.
- On DS9, Neral appears in a wanted poster in Odo's office, and it was made canon that he was now a wanted man. Why? Because they used his make-up continuity photo for a wanted poster.

- Neral will later be played by a different actor (Hal Landon Jr) on DS9, for reasons unknown.
- Erick Avari (B'iJik, the guy who can "give Gowron a message from Picard") has been in everything, but it's hard to recognize him under all of that Klingon make-up:

- Erick Avari will appear later as different characters on DS9 and Enterprise.


Red deaths: 0
To date: 1
Gold deaths: 0
To date:

Blue deaths: 0
To date:
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 

Sassy Geordi moments: 0

To date:
Sassy Ro Moments: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
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Sassy Worf Moment: 0
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Sassy Riker Moments: 1
To date: 4

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date:  

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
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Sassy Data Moments: 0
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Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Keiko Moments:
To date: 3
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
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Sassy Troi Moments: 1
To date: 2
Sassy Guinan Moments:
To Date: 1
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 0
To date: 2

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 3
To date: 17

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 1
To date: 8

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date:
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 1
To date: 1
Picard Maneuvers: 1
To date: 2
Tea, Earl Grey:
To date: 2
Mentions of the number 47:
To date: 1

That's just rude, Pie

ST:TNG Season Two, Episode Twenty-One "Peak Performance"

ST:TNG Season Two, Episode Twenty-One "Peak Performance"
Production Order: 47
Air Order: 47
Stardate: 42923.4
Original Air Date: July 10, 1989

Picard's Log 42923.4: "After some hemming and hawing, I gave in to Starfleet and agreed to do some war games. We're going out to some remote corner of space to do it. Starfleet sent this guy out to oversee the games. He's a Zakdorn named Sirna Kolrami."

Riker leads Kolrami onto the bridge. Kolrami walks at a manic pace, slightly hunched over, and motherfucker looks like a naked mole rat in clothing. Or a macro photo of a testicle with teeth. A few of the bridge crew glance in his direction as they cross the bridge, and just before he and Riker duck into the Obs Lounge, he pauses to shoot a look back that says for no reason, "Fuck everyone on the bridge!"
Riker introduces him to Picard, and then offers to show him his quarters, but Kolrami refuses, wanting to get down to brass tacks. Then he helps himself to a chair and glances around suspiciously.
Riker and Picard share a glance that asks, "Can you believe this guy?"

On the bridge, Worf and Data give some exposition as to why Kolrami has been sent by Starfleet.
"What makes that guy so great?" demands Worf. "Supposedly, these people are fierce. But that guy looks like a personification of an elephant's ass."
"The Zakdorn have been considered the greatest military strategists for like, 9000 years," says Data. "Basically, you want to think about the species as a whole, instead of one dude, in this case."
"Nobody's challenged their authority in that?" asks Worf.
"Not really," shrugs Data.
"Maybe they should," growls Worf.
Data's reply face says "yeah, maybe."

I really like that little scene. We kind of needed it to explain Kolrami's presence, but it also says a bit about who they selected to have that conversation - Data gives just the facts, but also a bit of understanding into how people think as a whole, which is something he likes to study. Worf suggests that maybe the Zakdorn need to be challenged for their title. He's a Klingon, and thinks along these lines all the time, but he's also thinking along the lines of not becoming complacent, which speaks to his overall personality.

Getting back to the Obs Lounge...
Kolrami gives a PowerPoint about the part of space where they're going to do their little war games. They've scrounged up an 80-year-old derelict ship called the Hathaway  for this exercise (a Constellation-class, like the Stargazer that Picard commanded). Then Kolrami leans forward to Picard and stage-whispers like some fucking Mean Girl, "You sure you still want him commanding the other ship?"
Picard gives him side-eye. "Yes, of course. We already discussed this. Commander Riker will run the Hathaway."
Kolrami then straightens up and says that they'll modify the ships so that none of their weapons will actually work, they'll just be simulated by laser beams, but if one ship's beams hit the other, it will trigger a shut-down in the area where the beam hit, for the amount of time it would take to repair that section.
So, hella fake but as close to realistic as they can get. That's actually kind of cool.
There are no questions from Riker or Picard, so Kolrami brings up the fact that Picard initially told Starfleet to go soak their heads when they suggested war games, and he wants to know why Picard has changed his mind.
"Starfleet isn't military, it's exploratory," Picard explains. "Having pissing contests out in space seems pointless. But we just got into it with the Borg (he's referring to "Q Who"), and I want to make sure our tactical is up to spec if it happens again."
"Yeah, I agree," says Riker. "We're explorers, not soldiers."
"You gonna back out, you little pussy?" demands Kolrami.
Riker smiles. "Go fuck yourself. I said do it, so I'm gonna do it."
He turns to Picard, joking. "You wanna surrender to me now?"

Music to set to Kolrami acting like a petulant child! Opening credits break!

When we return, they're all on the bridge, and Picard tells Riker that he can have his pick of anyone on the ship for his crew of 40, except for Data, who will serve as the E's first officer.
"I think you should pick the crew," oozes Kolrami.
"Oozes" is accurate. His voice is oily, and he looks like a melted peach-scented candle.
Picard turns and gives him a look.
"On my ship, the person who leads the away team is in full control. Riker picks his own crew."

"I already find you annoying. Shut your pie hole."

Kolrami rolls his fucking eyes. "Whatever." He gets in the lift.
Sassy Pulaski Moment: "What a charmer!"
He starts to chastise her, but she tells him firmly that Kolrami "needs an attitude adjustment."
The audience agrees. Technically, that's just me, but I agree too. He not only looks like an actual dick, he talks like one, too. Dick dick dick dick dick.
Like before, Data breaks in to say that the Zakdorns have a totally deserved confidence, and that Kolrami in particular is a third-level grand master at the game Strategema.
Picard points at her like "that's right!" but she isn't convinced.

Geordi is down in Engineering doing his thing when Riker approaches.
"Dude, you've got a rough road ahead of you, with those old Avidyne engines," says Geordi, who has clearly taken the time to study up on them.
"Can I get them working in 48 hours?" asks Riker.
Geordi picks up his case. "I'm on top of it," he smiles.

Worf is in his quarters, painstakingly putting together a model of a ship. The door chime goes off, and  startled, he snaps a little plastic piece. He stares at it, looking like he wants to break a glass-topped table, or have rough sex with someone in the holodeck, but he calls out to the person to come in.

Riker enters and asks if he is disturbing Worf.
Worf opens a drawer, and sweeps the broken ship into it.
Worf Sassy Moment: "Just finished."
"What do you think of the war games?" asks Riker.
Smart. He's walking around, asking the opinion of the people he wants on his crew, so they feel like he really respects what they think.
"I think it's dumb," admits Worf. "There's nothing to lose, so you don't actually gain anything."
"Eh, it's just a game," shrugs Riker, checking out a statue of Kah'less and his brother. "I mean, I'm commanding the other ship, and it's pretty hopeless. I'm outgunned and outmanned, so there's no way I'll win, anyway."
"That's a shitty attitude," says Worf. "There's always a way to win."
Last week, K'Ehleyr sarcastically asked "Whatever happened to that wonderful Klingon fatalism of yours?"
He replied, "Being on this ship has taught me that there are always other options."
This is what sets Worf apart from other Klingons: fatalism tempered with Starfleet optimism. (Or maybe not optimism per se, but the action of considering other options when none seem available to you.) Worf is smart, and despite being overly cautious at times, frequently comes up with alternate plans that work well.
Riker grins at Worf. "Join my crew."
"I'm honored," says Worf.

Also, who made that Kah'less statue? It's fucking rad.

Riker enters the bridge. "Got my crew," he tells Picard. "But I want to add Wes on, for educational purposes."
Nice. Dide is overseeing this kid's education, so yeah, he's gonna give him bonus opportunities to learn shit. If Wes does well in Starfleet it'll reflect well on Riker, too.
Wes looks stoked, and Picard approves the choice.
Riker approaches Kolrami. "Hey, we have some down time before the games start. Wanna play me in Strategema?"
Kolrami pretty much laughs in his face. "What are you, new here? I'm a third-level grand master."
"Sounds like fun," shrugs Riker.
"Suuuure," replies Kolrami. "Sometimes it's fun to beat the ass of random noobs. I'll play you."

This guy thinks an "insult sandwich" goes insult, backhanded compliment, insult.

Geordi and Riker walk to Ten Forward, on their way to the match.
Riker admits that he's got no chance playing against Kolrami, but that it's a privilege just to play someone of that level.
Sassy Geordi Moment: "So other than you being privileged, is there anything I get to look forward to at this match?"
"Not really," admits Riker.

We go immediately to the match. Troi puts Kolrami's finger-thingies on him while Worf puts on Riker's. Riker says he's put money down on Riker taking Kolrami "past the sixth plateau." Riker isn't feeling that's possible, so he asks what will happen if he doesn't.
Worf: "I will be... irritated."
Riker looks alarmed.
Off to the side, the others discuss with a baffled Data why humans like competition so much.
"It's a way of gauging your abilities without fooling yourself into believing they're better than they are," says Pulaski.
Funny how, when she mansplains things to Data, they come out the same way as before, but without the blatant robophobia backing it, she doesn't sound like a pompous asshole.
"Oh!" she says suddenly. "You should challenge Kolrami!"
"Why?"
"Because he's a dick with a huge ego," she explains, "and it would be so satisfying to see him get taken down by a computer."
Wait a minute, Kate. Using your friend's abilities to deflate someone else's ego is kind of a d-bag move. Challenge Kolrami yourself.
Unfortunately, the others agree with her.
The match starts. How should I describe Strategema? I have no idea how it's played. You wiggle your fingers while wearing these small grey finger condoms that are attached to wires. The board is vertical and virtual, and looks like 3-D Connect Four. It looks like each player's moves are counted separately. Pulaski tells Data that well-matched players can hit 1000 moves apiece. I have no idea what the points mean, what the sixth plateau is, or how you win.
What I do know is that Riker's game is short, and he loses quickly, 23-100.

"That's it?" demands Pulaski.
"Yep," says Riker.
He looks disappointed that he didn't get very far, but also that he knew he wasn't going to. He congratulates Kolrami, who just makes this waving gesture like "All bow to Queen Kolrami, who was obviously going to win."

Worried music! Commercial break!

The E approaches the Hathaway. Picard switches over to calling Riker "captain" and wishes him luck before they beam over.

The Hathaway is in iffy shape.
Remember the last time we saw war games played, and it was Kirk's Enterprise, run by a computer, versus actual, up-to-date ships? Like, this is the E, flying in peak condition, against an 80-year-old ship that they just of found somewhere and towed into place. How are the E's crew supposed to pretend that the Hathaway and it's skeleton crew of 40 are any kind of match? What will the E crew learn about coming up against someone they outgun? If Riker isn't as crafty a bastard as he needs to be here, then the Enterprise will win easily, and then what was the point?
Geordi gets the bridge's emergency lights up, and Worf remarks that this ship is kind of crappy.
"Nah, it's great!" says Riker enthusiastically.
He offers Worf the first officer's chair, but the Klingon balks.
"Geordi is a better officer."
"Nope, I talked to Geordi. He needs to be in Engineering. For tactical, you're my boy."
Worf quietly and graciously accepts this temporary promotion, and Riker calls the ship, telling his crew over the PA that they may lose a lot of sleep in the next 48, but he thinks they can do it.

Geordi and Wes go to Engineering with a few other Golds. One of the Golds looks vaguely like Sonia Gomez, but the show dropped Lycia Naff after her second episode, so we know it isn't her. Anyway, Geordi tinkers with some things, and gets the electrical up and running.
Then he and Wes look at the dilithium crystal chamber.
Riker calls. "Any chance of warp?"
"Noop," says Geordi. "All we have are bits of crystals, and no anti-matter. This ship is a nova - she no go."
"This shit's hopeless," mutters Wes.
But Geordi's comm is still open.
"You wanna transfer back to the E?" demands Riker.
"No, sir!"
"Our job is to improvise," Riker says, a little angry. "Do it."

The composition in this shot is yummy.

Picard does a video conference with Riker and Kolrami via the bridges.
They all agree they know the rules, and the tactical officer for the E confirms that the weapons systems have been adjusted.
"Man, this ship is stripped down," sighs Riker. "What's the Zakdornian word for mismatch?"
"Challenge!" snaps Kolrami. "One does not whine about the inequities of life."
What a bitch. Is he challenging Bem for most punchable guy in the universe?
"Anyway, Starfleet wants to know how you will do in a battle simulation where one ship is outgunned."
Okay, so that answers my question - but that means only the 40-some-odd people on the Hathaway will learn how to cope with that mismatch.
"One expects the superior ship to win," Kolrami adds snottily, giving a side-long glance to Picard.
Picard is fucking done. "Screen off," he says, stomping to the ready room. I kind of hope he's going in there to talk shit to Riker about Kolrami.
Kolrami approaches Data. "I'm kind of interested in your proposal to play me at Strategema."
"Um, I never asked to play you?" Data looks baffled.
Pulaski jumps out of her chair. "He means he would never ask directly. But he totally wants to play you."
"No, I -" Data begins.
But she turns to him and mouths the word "please," so he finishes with, "guess I really do want to play you."
"Cool, that could be a fun challenge, playing a computer," says Kolrami.

We go back to the Hathaway, where Riker and Worf are talking on the bridge while a self-satisfied Gold looks around the bridge in the background.
"Okay," says Worf. "I know about the E's systems. I can hack into the computer remotely and dick around so that we can distract them with fake attacks from an enemy ship. The sensors will read it as being there, the viewscreen will show it as being there, but it really won't be."
"They're going to fall for it!" says the extra Gold excitedly.

Geordi and Wes are checking out the dilithium chamber, and talking about their low odds for success here. Suddenly, Wes says he needs to go back to the E, because he left some experiment running.
"The hell, Wes?" demands Geordi, as the kid runs out.
On the bridge, Worf is explaining to that Gold (Nagel) how he intends to operate his fake ship ruse.
"Okay, but... where will I get the opti-cable?" she asks.
Sassy Worf Moment as he basically punches a hole in the ceiling, rips out a clump of cables, and thrusts it at her. "Anywhere."
Wes runs up to the bridge, explains his situation to Riker, and Riker calls Picard.
"He can come back to take care of his thing, but he needs an escort, and shouldn't talk to anyone over here," says Kolrami curtly. As he walks away, he notes, "That was a stupid choice, anyway. He's just some dumb non-comm kid."
Picard turns to Burke, the ginger who is at Worf's place at tactical, and asks if he will escort Wes to get his experiment.
Burke agrees, but is not happy.
He takes Wes to Engineering, where Wes checks out his experiment, happily chatting about how it took six weeks to set up, and is very delicate, blah, blah blah.
"Oh, it's ruined," he laments. "I'll need to beam it out into space to dispose of it properly."
"Fine, whatever,"sighs Burke. "Hurry it up. Can you do it without me babysitting you?"
"No problem," says Wes cheerfully.
Burke is an asshole. He leaves.

We jump back over to the Hathaway's Engineering section, and Geordi turns around to see Wes' experiment materialize on a counter.

Light-hearted music that turns to maybe-worrisome? Commercial break!


Back to Ten Forward, where Data and Kolrami are getting ready for their match.
Pulaski whispers something in Data's ear.
"What does "bust him up" mean?" Data asks Troi.
"She means, take the shortest path to victory," Troi smiles.
I guess making it to 100 wins the game, because Data misses it by 19 points.
"How could you lose?" laments Pulaski.
Kolrami actually fucking hisses at her.
"I'm at your disposal for a rematch," says Kolrami haughtily, before leaving.
"You're supposed to be infallible!" says Pulaski.
"Guess I'm not," says Data quietly.

Later, he is missing on the bridge.
"He's removed himself from bridge duty temporarily," says Burke to Picard.
"Oh well, it's not like that's going to stop you," says Kolrami. "I honestly don't think Riker will be much of a challenge."
Now, I hate Burke, but I hate Kolrami more, and the side-eye that Burke gives him after he says this is awesome.

Kolrami gets called into the principal's office  ready room.
"WTF is your problem?" demands Picard once the door swishes closed. "Why do you keep talking shit about my first officer?"
"I looked at his service record before coming on board and I think he's... not good," says Kolrami. "Like, his work ethic seems to produce results, but he's too familiar, and not serious enough, with the crew. He's not captain material."
Picard snorts in derision. "Are you fucking kidding me? His style produces loyalty in the crew. They follow him to hell and back because of that familiarity. You think he's not a good officer? I'll bet on him over your stats any day."
I want Picard to add "Now get the hell out of my ready room!" but he doesn't.

Data is at the computer bank in his quarters when Troi rings the chimes and is beckoned in.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
He correctly interprets her intentions. "I expected to do better against a humanoid," he says simply.
"Yes, a loss can be hard," she says, "but you can either wallow in it, or learn from your mistakes."
"But I didn't make any mistakes," he points out. "I think something may be malfunctioning. I ran a self-diagnostic, and now I'm checking myself against the ship's computers."
"That feels like overkill," she suggests.
"I don't think so," Data answers. "If I give Captain Picard some bad advice based on malfunction systems in myself, it could be disastrous."
"That's why you took yourself off the roster," she guesses.
He confirms that it is, and he isn't willing to listen to her glass-half-full assurances that he's fine, so she leaves.

Riker enters the Hathaway's Engineering department to find Wes and Geordi installing the experiment in the drive section equipment.
"The fuck is that?" he demands.
"My experiment," says Wes. "It does some scientific nonsense that no viewer will understand, but which will possibly make the ship go."
"That's cheating," says Riker.
"Improvising," corrects Wes.
Riker is happy with them and okay with this plan once he realizes that he can probably get warp out of it.

Pulaski storms into Data's quarters.
"You can't sell me the same story you told Troi," she barks. "You're gonna be done with this. Quit feeling sorry for yourself."
"It's not possible for me to feel sorry for myself," he insists. "I am concerned that I will give unsound advice because I am damaged."
Ouch. Who among us has not felt depressed or anxious and used that same term - damaged - to describe themselves? It's a shitty feeling, and more and more it becomes obvious that Data is an Everyman.
"I wish I had never talked you into playing that game!"
Pulaski, not knowing what else to say, gives up in frustration and leaves.

Back in the Hathaway's Engineering, Riker has come to check on the warp drive and is given bad news.
"We're only gonna get, like two seconds of warp," says Geordi.
"Okay," says Riker, playing glass-half-full. "So we can't use it to get away, but can we use it for a surprise?"
"It's gonna stall," says Geordi.
"And then the E will beat the shit out of us," adds Wes.

Worried music! Commercial break!

Troi and Pulaski go to Picard.
He stares at them. "So Data lost his confidence?"
"We both tried to talk to him," says Pulaski. "But he's pretty insistent that he can't be on the bridge anymore, or at least until the problem is fixed. But there isn't any damage to his actual parts, so he won't be back on the bridge."
"You want me to fix it?" he demands. "We have war games in less than an hour, and I have to handhold an android."
Sassy Pulaski Moment: "The burdens of command."

Data is still in his quarters, running self-diagnostics.
Picard storms in like some kind of French hurricane. "Get your shiny metal ass to the bridge."
"But I might make a mistake," objects Data.
"So what?" demands Picard. "That doesn't change the fact that you have a duty to this ship. You know how to formulate a premise?"
"Yes."
"Then formulate this: how do I deal with Riker and the Hathaway? Get me an answer, then come to the bridge."
He turns to leave, then pauses in the doorway to give Data one of the hardest truths that has ever existed.
Picard: "And commander, it is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."
"I understand," says Data quietly.

We cut to the Obs Lounge, where Data is thinking out loud to Troi. He recalls two stories about Riker In Charge from the past:
- In one during Academy days, Riker found a blind spot on a Tholian ship and hid his own ship in that spot until he could get away;
- In the second story from his Potemkin run, he parked the ship over a planet's magnetic pole and shut off the ship, confusing his opponent's sensors.
"So what does that mean?" asks Troi.
"Based on evidence, he only relies on traditional tactics 21% of the time," says Data. "He'll probably do something we won't expect. But he knows that we'll be analyzing his shit like this, so he might change it up. But he knows that we know -"
He starts to unravel in a "he knows that we know that he knows that they know" cycle, and she reins him in.
"You're over-analyzing. Human nature says that he'll probably be who he always is."
"Cool."

On the bridge, Picard calls Riker.
"Ready?"
"Totes. And remember - Captain Riker has never lost."
They grin at one another. (Riker is referring to the only other time he was a captain, in "A Matter of Honor," when he briefly took over the IKS Pagh.)
Picard shuts off the screen and gives the helm a direction to go in. He's choosing the Kumeh formation.
"Bye-bye, Hathaway," murmurs Burke.
STFU, Burke.

"Why would they pick something as obvious as Kumeh?" asks Geordi on the Hathaway.
"He wants us to give up our tactics," smiles Riker. "Prepare the surprise, Worf."

On the E, Picard is giving directions for his next maneuver when Burke calls out about a Romulan warbird, firing on them.
"Fire back!" yells Picard.

Everybody panics, then -

PEW PEW PEW

And Kolrami cackles like a Zakdornian hag. "He's really good."
"Ohhh, looks who's on fucking Team Riker now!" says Picard.
He seems simultaneously amused and annoyed by Riker.
Burke has figured out that it's a ruse, and Picard guesses that Worf hacked the system. He instructs Data to change the code so that Worf can't slip in another fake-ass enemy ship like that. Burke reports that the damage the Hathaway just dealt them would cost them three and a half days to repair.
I'm really not sad that part of the plan to kick the E's ass will be accomplished because Burke had better things to do than supervise Wes in the plasma physics lab while he was getting his experiment. Kind of hope he gets a dressing-down for that later.

Riker has Geordi prepare their warp-speed jump-and-stall.
"I don't know if it's going to work," warns Geordi.
"No one ever knows if anything is going to work," replies Riker. "You try anyway."

"Ferengi ship approaching!" yells Burke.
Picard double-checks that Data changed the code, then laughingly says that he didn't give Worf enough credit.
"It's another fake ship."
Instead of little pew pew pew sounds, the ship is rocked with fire from the Ferengi.

The crew of the Hathaway is watching the Ferengi ship firing on the E.
"That's not mine!" says Worf. "That's a real fucking ship!"

"Oh shit!" yells Burke. "It's a real fucking ship!"
"Fire back!" yells Picard.
"No weapons!" responds Burke. "We just have frickin' laser beams - no sharks even!"
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" says Picard.
"Run away!" Kolrami tells him.
"Hell no," says Picard. "We have 40 crew members on the Hathaway!"
"That's an acceptable loss!" says Kolrami. "As the Starfleet rep, I order you to turn tail!"
"STFU, and sit the fuck down," Picard barks at him. "I'm the captain, I give the orders."
Kolrami huffs, all insulted and crap.

"Transporters?" Picard asks Burke.
"Down," Burke responds.
Picard has the conn move the E between the Ferengi and the Hathaway.
Hailing frequencies are opened.
It's Armin Shimmerman again, probably because his face fits those ears.
"I'm Bractor," he says. "You saw us coming and did nothing - why? Also, you were fighting with another Federation ship that's an old POS, and now you act protective of it - why?"
"Is it valuable?" demands the other Ferengi. "If so, give it to us, and we'll let you go. We see you have no weapons, and we can blow you up."
Picard looks at Data.
"Shields are down," says Data. "We can't take another hit."
"You have ten Earth minutes to give us an answer," says Bractor.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard's Log, supplemental: "Fucking war games. Fucking Ferengi."

"I have photon torpedo capability back," says Burke. "But like, four."
"Give them the Hathaway," insists Kolrami again.
"You could do that," says Riker on viewscreen. "We could get away via warp drive."
"Say fucking what?" demands Picard.
"We have two seconds of warp... maybe," admits Riker.
"That ship was rendered warp-inactive!" splutters Kolrami.
"Maybe you should stop underestimating Riker," suggests Picard.
They gather in the Obs Lounge to talk amongst themselves, with the Hathaway's bridge crew on comm.
"Here's the deal," Data sums up. "The Ferengi think the Hathaway is valuable, and they know we have no weapons. The Hathaway doesn't either. But we do have four torpedoes, and you have two-second warp. So we're going to fire the torpedoes at the Hathaway, and one millisecond afterward, you're going to engage your warp to make it look like you blew up."

"That plan is shit," says Geordi. "We don't even know if the warp works."
Poor Geordi. He has a thing that maybe works - maybe - but now everyone is banking on it performing flawlessly.
"So if we don't do it, the Ferengi will take the Hathaway, and probably kill us when they find out we have nothing. We're dead," reasons Riker. "If we do the torpedo plan and the warp fails, we're dead. If we do the torpedo plan and the warp engages engages, then we're sitting at maybe dead. I say, let's go with "maybe dead." This plan isn't fabulous, but there's a chance we're still alive at the end."
Riker turns to Worf. "Make us another surprise?"

Their ten minutes up, Picard opens hailing frequencies.
"Hey, Bractor? Suck my comm badge."
And Picard has Burke fire the torpedoes.
BAM. No more Hathaway.

"That ship wasn't yours to take, so we blew it up."
Bractor eyes Picard. "You have more balls than I thought."
Suddenly, Bractor's first officer starts yelling about another Federation ship, coming this way.
"Retreat!" yells Bractor.
They turn tail.

"Ummmm... there's no other ship?" asks Burke.
Riker pops up on the viewscreen. "There isn't on your sensors, no."
"Lol, how was the ride?" Picard laughs.
"Kinda crappy. I wouldn't sell tickets." Riker grins.
"Cool. We'll pick you up."
The viewscreen shuts off, and Picard turns to Kolrami, who blunders his way through a not-apology about Riker and his initial snap-judgment.
"My report to Starfleet will be good, as far as both of you go." Kolrami fidgets, tries to figure out what to do with his hands, then ends up patting Burke on the back. Burke gives him a look of pure death.
"Thank you very much," says Picard sarcastically.

"Don't fucking touch me, you walking dick-sack."

Riker and Pulaski make their way to Ten Forward, where Data's rematch with Kolrami is taking place. Pulaski's earlier assertion that good players can go to 1000 or more has been blown out of the water, as both players have amassed amounts of 32,000 plus. Data is cool and collected as he flies through the game, while Kolrami is becoming more and more agitated. The Zakdornian suddenly rips the finger condoms off.
"Why did you stop?" asks Data.
"This is not a real rematch!" Kolrami yells, and he stalks from the room.
"You beat him!" shouts Pulaski.
"Not really," says Data, taking off the finger condoms. "I changed the premise."
"Explain," says Riker.
"I didn't beat him before, when we were both playing to win," says Data. "So this time, instead of playing to win, I played to stalemate. I passed up places where I could get ahead, all so we could stay level. As long as he was playing to win, and I was playing to stay at an impasse, the game could have lasted forever."
"So you beat him," suggests Pulaski.
"Naw," says Data. "I busted him up."
Everybody laughs.
The end.

Not too shabby on this episode. The premise is simple enough - war games with a surprise twist - and it's different enough from the last war games episode of Star Trek ("The Ultimate Computer") that I can't say that we had another instance of TNG redoing TOS. This one was far more light-hearted than the first, though I appreciate both for their individual characteristics. We did have one TOS trope with this episode, but it was one I didn't mind too much - that of the overbearing Starfleet official who questions everything the captain does, tries to interfere with ship's business, and then eats crow at the end of the episode.  That's not terrible, as long as it isn't done too badly or too often. I liked the fun little unusual tactics the crew of the Hathaway used to get around the fact that they were completely at a loss, and I liked the backstories of Riker, which make his character a little richer. "He has a history of doing things unconventionally - here are some examples."
Also excellent: Data's struggle. I'm not gonna call it a B-plot, because it didn't come in until later in the episode, and was resolved quickly. But it's not unimportant by any means. Many people have had this problem and face it in everyday life, this loss of confidence. And, many of us have felt the sting of making no mistakes and still losing. It is not as likely to happen with an android, so when it comes along, he is naturally confused. The thing is, no matter how much we try to say that things are different for Data because he is a machine, he had the same kinds of reactions, and used similar language ("I am damaged"). This is one of life's toughest lessons to learn, and it doesn't seem to hurt less with repeat instances. No matter how you slice it, doing everything right and still failing sucks. A lot.
Something that did not impress me: Pulaski and the Strategema thing. Now, Pulaski has been growing on me. I don't necessarily like her as much as some of the other characters, but I don't hate her as much as I used to, and it was entirely because some smart writer decided that they should drop the robophobia. Suddenly, she seemed sassy instead of contrarian and prejudiced. But she backslid here in a serious way, and the funny thing is, I never noticed it before I started writing this blog post.
There's nothing wrong with encouraging a friend to take part in an activity. "Hey, I think you'll like this activity" is fine. Even asking someone to do an activity with you is okay, so long as you don't move from the realm of "talked me into this, but it's okay" to "quit hassling me, you fucking psycho!" What Pulaski did here was sign up her friend for the activity without his consent or knowledge, after he said he wasn't interested. Then, when he was all, "I didn't sign up for that," he ended up agreeing to do it anyway, all because she had begged him. And why did she beg him? Not so they could enjoy the activity together, but because she felt like him besting some asshole would be satisfying. That's pretty fucking selfish. She used the talents of her friend and colleague to try to show someone up. Then, not only did it not work, but she gave said friend a complex. Yes, he learned something important, but the whole thing started because she met someone distasteful and thought he should get some comeuppance. Not a great addition to her character, honestly. And maybe I'm making too big a deal out of a little thing (she never seems to be chastised for what she did), but having been in Data's uncomfortable situation of being signed up for something I didn't want to do, all I can say is that it sucks, and makes you question the friendship. I feel like that needed to be addressed and wasn't. It was swept under the rug in an "all's well that ends well," because Data did the rematch, and finished the game on his own terms. I mean, bully for him, and it worked out because he not only needed to learn that lesson, but because it needed to happen that way for the story, but its a ding against her character, one that was already tarnished.

Fun Facts:

- The dilithium crystal pieces in the Hathaway's engines were actually pieces of blue wax from a candle.
- The footage at the end off this episode of the Enterprise towing the Hathaway are recycled from "The Battle," when the E tows the Stargazer.
-  The Hathaway bridge is a redress of the battle bridge, which was a redress of the Enterprise bridge from the first three TOS films, and which was also a redress of the Stargazer bridge.
- Roy Brocksmith, who plays talking testicle Kolrami, will show up again in DS9.
- The material used in Kolrami's clothing adornment is used as a background material for the insignia on Worf's sash, and was used heavily in the Klingon clothing worn last week in Worf and K'Ehleyr. It pops up in different places on different costumes.

- This is the series' only look at the inside of a Constellation-class starship's engineering section.
- The Ferengi use the term "lightspeed drive" to talk about the Hathaway's engines, but no one ever refers to it like that again.
- This is the first appearance of the Zakdorn species.
- The chair in Worf's quarters was the commander's chair from the Tarellian ship in the first-season episode "Haven." We'll see it again... quite a bit.

Red deaths: 0
To date: 2

Gold deaths: 0

Blue deaths: 0
Unknown color crew member deaths: 18

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Geordi moments: 1
To date: 7

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Worf Moment: 2
To date: 7

Sassy Riker Moments: 0
To date: 7

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date: 14

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 13
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 7
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 3
Sassy Pulaski Moments: 2
To date: 5
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 0
To date: 5

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 3
To date: 24

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 0
To date: 25

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date: 2
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 1
To date: 14

Episodes Left Until We Get Rid of Pulaski:

Boris seeks his own Natasha, da.