ST:TNG Season Four, Episode Nine "Final Mission"

ST:TNG Season Four, Episode Nine "Final Mission"
Production Order: 9
Air Order: 9
Stardate: 44307.3
Original Air Date: November 19, 1990

Picard's Log 44307.3: "Going to Pentarus V. There's this mining dispute and they want me to mediate. Gonna get there by shuttle."

Wes rushes onto the bridge and reports to Picard.
"I called you ten minutes ago," says an annoyed Picard.
"I know, I'm sorry," says Wes. "I was in the middle of an experiment, with these volatile chemicals, and I couldn't just walk away from it -"
Um, so when they call you to the bridge, how about maybe saying, "Be right there, I need to make sure the ship doesn't blow up from this experiment?" It's not like you can be expected to report in the second they call you, every time - sometimes you're called to the bridge when you're taking a crap. Or when you're asleep. Or when you're in sick bay having blood drawn. There's gotta be some leeway.
But Picard accuses Wes of giving him excuses, which is unfair. Kid just told you why it took him a few minutes to get himself to the top of the ship.
"This kind of crap won't be tolerated at the Academy," he lectures.
"I know," says Wes apologetically. Then his face lights up, and we don't know why. Because they talk about the Academy all the time, and what kinds of things to expect.
But then Picard happily clues in the audience: they have an opening at the Academy now, and Wes will start in two weeks.

I am excited for Wes, but briefly sad for whoever dropped out/ got expelled/ died/ect and left an opening.
"You're gonna have to work hella hard to catch up," Picard warns. "Told the admiral in charge that you could do it. Don't prove that my pants are flammable."
Everybody is all smiles.
"Riker says you've been studying Federation law and how it affects far-flung outposts, so I'm gonna take you with me to this miner thing so you can see firsthand what it looks like."
So there's our A-plot: Wes will go with Picard for one "final mission."
Now for the B-plot:
"Getting a message from a system nearby," says Worf.
They put up the call on the viewscreen, and... you ever look at an Alien of the Week, and think, "the producers probably gave Hair and Make-up an actor and told them to just go wild"?
Yeah.

"I'm Chairman Songi of Gamelan V," says the alien. "There's this weird ship in orbit, and they're not answering hails, and they're throwing off some insane radiation. The assumption is that we're under attack. Can you help us out?"
The E isn't close enough to do a scan, and there are no other ships nearby, so Picard tells Songi that they'll head over to check it out.
"Riker, you're in charge of B-plot while Wes and I are gone," says Picard.
Wes and Picard go down to the shuttle bay to board the shuttle the miners have sent, and damn. Shit should have been turned into the Cash for Clunkers program in 2009. I'm surprised one of the doors isn't a completely different color.

Geordi climbs out of the shuttle. "Hey," he says to the pilot. "So I've noticed that your thrusters are held on with bread bag twist-ties?"
"Yeah, it worked better than Elmer's glitter glue," responds the pilot. "More efficient."
Geordi seems stunned. Like, mildly impressed that this dude MacGuyvered his ship, but also concerned because maybe the seatbelts are actually bungee cords.
"You can study it if you want," says Captain Jury-Rig.
Geordi seems grateful when Picard and Wes enter, and he isn't forced to come up with some reason why he isn't remotely interested in poking around under the hood of this janky Honda. He tells Picard that he gave the ship a once-over, and while the ride might be rough, it's safe enough.

The pilot comes over and introduces himself to Picard as Captain Dirgo of the shuttle Nenebec.
There's a weird awkward moment where Dirgo claps Picard on the shoulder by way of greeting, but then Picard holds out his hand. They shake. I think Dirgo is pleasantly surprised that Picard elevated him to handshake status.
"Captain?" Wes incredulously asks Geordi. "Of a mining shuttle?"
And he's about as discreet as an old lady whose hearing aid isn't working properly.
Don't be classist, Wes.
Dirgo is salty. "Yes, ENSIGN. Captain. It's not pretty, but we've logged more than 10,000 hours together."
Picard smooths things over by groping for an adjective to describe the shuttle and settles on "sturdy."
Yeah... he's being nice.
Dirgo offers to let Picard ride shotgun, but Picard says he has to study up on the law regarding the mining situation, and says Wes will takes Ops instead. Dirgo looks so pleased.
They climb in the shuttle and take off.

The E takes off for Gamelan V.
In the Nenebec cockpit, Dirgo seems surprised that Wes is so proficient at Ops. But he gets in a dig at Picard instead.
"If your captain isn't tougher than that, the miners will eat him alive," he says.
Yeah, yeah. We get it. You studied at the School of Hard Knocks.
Feeling challenged, Wes tells him that Picard is tougher than he looks.
Unfortunately, no one is going to Pentarus V. The Millennium Falcon's cardboard cousin loses one of those thrusters, and they tailspin into a random moon.

Dramatic music! Opening credits break!

Picard comes flying out of the back and takes Wes' space at Ops, while Wes goes to some other panel. Dirgo tries to raise the E, but the Nenebec's Ship Disabling device is that the ship is totally disabled, and the E flew away.
Communication goes down. No way to raise Pentarus. Gonna have to crash-land somewhere on manual. Wes scans for class-M planets nearby and says that one of the Pentaran moons is, but it's hot AF. No life forms.
Good enough for government.
Picard orders him to switch the remaining thruster to manual, so they can use the impulse engines to coast in.
"I'm trying," says Wes, at a loss. "But this equipment is about a hundred years old."
Yeah, I get that feeling. It's like when my friends loan me their electric car, and I can't figure out how to get the damn thing to reverse. My car is a 15-year-old base model. Things are the same, but... not.
"I don't have the Federation's resources!" Dirgo yells back.
I think he's feeling attacked, but Wes is not attacking him. Wes is struggling to do a thing with equipment that is unfamiliar to him.
And when your shuttle is falling like blue ice from the sky, it is not the right time to call someone on their privilege. Shut up and land the shuttle, Dirgo.

They all swap seats. Picard reaches out to grab a pipe overhead to steady himself as he takes the helm, and that shit snaps off in his hand. How reassuring.
They brace for impact.
We skip over the actual crash but see then interior of the ship shaking and a flash of bright light, then we go to Picard opening the emergency hatch on top of the shuttle a moment later.

Ooh, promising.

They climb out of the shuttle and Picard drops into CO mode. They need shelter from the sun, because they can't hang out in a metal ship in full sunlight. It's like 130 degrees outside (55 degrees Celsius). Also, they need something to cover their heads and eyes, medical supplies, and food and water rations.
"Well... the medical supplies are undamaged," offers Dirgo.
Picard knows what he means. "You... you don't have rations on your ship?"
"The replicator is busted."
"RAH-SHUNS."
"This isn't a fancy starship like the Enterprise. I have to choose what I carry."
Oh, for the love of -
WHEN YOUR SHIP IS MADE OF LEGOS AND YOUR THRUSTERS ARE ACTUALLY DECALS THAT ARE PEELING OFF THE SIDE YOU CARRY EMERGENCY SUPPLIES YOU UNTREATED DONOVANOSIS.

Wil Wheaton gazes into the distance in a dramatic shot.

The E has reached Gamelan V and scanned the ship in orbit.
"It's unnmanned," says Data. "The engines haven't been turned on for about 300 years."
"The radiation coming from it is ridiculous," says Geordi.
"It's full of unstable waste material," Data supplies.
"A fucking garbage scow," Geordi guesses.
"Yeah, probably," Data agrees.
Riker calls Songi. "So you're not under attack. Somebody loaded up a ship with hazardous waste material and set it adrift. It was pulled into your planet's gravitational well."
"Do any of your people have radiation sickness?" Crusher asks.
"Not yet," says Songi. "But the levels we're detecting are crazy-high. Kind of just a matter of time."
"We'll take care of it," Riker tells her. He signs off.

"We're gonna huck it into the sun," Riker tells the bridge crew. "Objections?"
"Yeah," says Data. "There's an asteroid belt between here and the sun."
"Meh. We'll tow it through the asteroid belt."
"Oh, hell no," puts in Geordi. "We'll all get radiation poisoning being that close. I think we should send construction modules over to put thrusters on it, then control them from a distance."
"Incoming message," announces Worf. "Pentarus V says the shuttle with Picard on it has not arrived. They want to know if we've sent out a search party."
"Craaaap," says Riker. "Tell them we have an emergency, and we'll get on it as soon as it's resolved."
He turns to Geordi. "Do the thing, and make it quick."
Dramatic close-up on Dr Crusher!

Back on the Pentaran moon, our refugees have acquired doorags. Wes plays with a tricorder, and says he can get a few scans here on the surface, but not a whole lot, because this rock has a really high magnetic field around it. Dirgo exits the ship with scraps of fabric meant to be used as belts, and a trio of working, ancient phasers. Picard tells Dirgo that he is creating a metal arrow out of debris, so if anyone comes looking for them, they'll know that the group has headed for the mountains in the distance.
"We can't make that!" protests Dirgo. "It'll take forever to get there!"
"Mountains offer shelter," says Picard sensibly.
"Fuck that! Who said you were in charge?"
Hold up there, Gilligan. Your tin-foil ship and lack of foresight regarding provisions has landed you here. No one is letting you make the decisions.
Wes jumps up from his spot on the ground. He came out to learn about some boring-ass space laws, and he's honestly feeling so attacked right now. "Hey, fuck you, too! If anyone is getting us out of this, it's Captain Picard!"
"Okay, thank you, #TeamJean-Luc," says Picard calmly. He gives Wes the phaser. "Captain Dirgo, you're an able pilot. I welcome your input."
Smooth like a fresh jar of Skippy.
Dirgo has nothing, and concedes to Picard's plan. He grabs the medical supplies, and they head off... though kind of not in the direction of the arrow?

We see some shots of them walking in the hot sun with parched lips. Dirgo, bringing up the rear, trips. Wes gives him a hand up while Picard keeps going.
"And you were worried about Picard not being tough enough," he says.
Dude, not the time to be snide.
He turns and follows Picard, and Dirgo pulls this crap:

Motherfucker has a flask on him. Is anybody surprised?
Also, what's in that case? Because he says it's medical provisions, but based on his trustworthiness so far, I'm willing to bet that it's bootleg copies of Ocarina of Time.

Wes has his tricorder open again.
"You see water?" asks Picard.
"No..." says Wes. "I see energy readings. Like, regular repeating ones. Not naturally-occurring. And it gets stronger as we head for the mountains."
"Like a life-form?" asks Picard.
"Dunno."
"Something may be waiting for us," says Dirgo.
"Yeah, maybe," Picard agrees. "But we won't make it back, and we can't stay here, so I guess we walk to whatever is waiting."

The trio enters a cave. Dirgo insists that there must be water here, because caves are formed by water, but Picard points out that caves are also formed by lava, and the walls are dry. Wes' scans indicate no water, but the energy readings are stronger and slightly different. Dirgo fluffs his shirt and the flask falls out.
"WTF?" demands Wes. "You had water this whole time? You asshole!"
"No, it's not water!" says Dirgo quickly. "It's dresci, from my planet. I wouldn't hide water. I was gonna share. It's medicinal, for emergencies."
Picard sniffs it. "It's alcohol. That wouldn't have quenched your thirst. Shit dehydrates you."
Duh. That's Booze-ahol 101.
Picard puts it with the medical stuff. "We're gonna keep it for sterilizing stuff."
Dirgo protests because he was getting White Girl Wasted, but Picard gives Wes the medical case, and makes Dirgo lead the way through the cave. He can't trust him to bring up the rear again.

Back at the E, Crusher is mobilizing her army of medical staff to treat the radiation sickness she anticipates the Gamelans getting. She tells her little medlings to start replicating medicine so they can send it down when need be. Troi comes in as the staff are dispersing.
"So we called the Federation for search ships, they said they'd do it, but they're a week out."
"Okay," says Crusher robotically.
"We asked the miners to send ships, so maybe they will." A pause. "You know, there could be lots of reasons why the shuttle hasn't gotten there..."
"I appreciate it," Crusher interrupts her. "I know you're trying to be all supportive and shit, but I'm really busy doing my job right now, and saving people's lives, so maybe don't, okay?"
And Troi looks concerned because her friend is worried, but is not reacting to that worry, and maybe I'm super wrong here, but I really think it's okay for people to soldier on for a bit when the shit is hitting the fan. As long as you don't try to swallow it and never deal with it, it's fine to set things aside. She doesn't need to be a puddle of worry this instant, Troi.

On the bridge, Geordi reports that the thrusters have been set up on the garbage scow, and they're ready to direct that thing to its doom. But thirty seconds after the thrusters are turned on, one of them flies off into the ether, weakening the hull structure of the scow, which is already threatening to fall the hell apart.
"Well, fuck me," says Riker. "Looks like we get to tow that shit. Throw our shields up around it to keep it in tact, and attach a tractor beam."
"Hey," says Majel. "You're gonna die soon from radiation poisoning. You might want to do something about that."
"Monitor the crew's radiation levels," Riker tells Data.
"Tell the miners we won't be there for a while," he instructs Worf.
"Also, I need Dr Crusher up here pretty quick."

Down on the Pentaran moon, the trio has been winding their way through the cave systems, and find themselves in a big room with a water fountain.
"I knew there was water here!" yells Dirgo.
He rushes forward, but is cockblocked by a force field, which lowers down over the fountain.

"What was that?" asks Picard.
"The energy reading I was getting before," answers Wes.
"I bet the force field is protecting the water," guesses Picard. "I wonder how we turn it off?"
"With a gun!" says Dirgo, and he starts shooting at the force field with his phaser.
"That's a dumb plan," cautions Picard. "You should probably knock that off."

"Energy levels are spiking," warns Wes.
Then this thing made of energy swoops into the room, causing minor rock falls around the room. It succeeds in knocking the phaser from Dirgo's hand, and loosens more rocks as it does so.

"WES!" yells Picard.
He pushes Wes put of the way, and the rocks fall onto him instead.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Dirgo and Wes provide first aid to Picard, with Wes taking the lead. He tells Picard that he has a broken arm, a broken leg, and a head wound.
"Cool," wheezes Picard. "I mean that sucks, but I can live through that."
"Not cool," interrupts Dirgo. "I can see the hints that you're bleeding internally and will die."
"Kindly fuck off," says Picard pleasantly.
Dirgo wanders off to sulk.
"So this will be unfun," Picard tells Wes, "but I'm probably gonna get worse rather than better, and you're gonna have to keep a tight rein on Dirgo. By yourself. Sorry."
"Well, shit," says Wes.

Riker's Log 44307.6: "Slowly dying from radiation poisoning. The ship has started pumping meds into the ventilation system to keep it in check."

On the bridge, Data reports that the medicated air will only provide a stop-gap of 38 minutes.
Crusher pages her team to tell them to evacuate certain areas.
"How long until we get through the asteroid belt?" Riker asks Data.
"51 minutes," comes the reply.
Geordi says they're pretty much at limit for how fast they can go when towing something via tractor beam, but as per the usual, he's asked to squeeze out a bit more. He figures out that they can go to half-impulse, but not three-quarter, because the tractor beam starts breaking down.
"Geordi, can you (science)?" asks Riker.
"I can (science)," says Geordi, "but probably not (other science) because (science). However, I can try (science)."
"Yeah, (science)," replies Riker.
"You're all gonna die in 35 minutes," announces Majel.

Wes goes back to the fountain room with his tricorder. Dirgo has been in there having a (very dry) Pity Party. Dirgo shows him the phaser that the ball of energy knocked from his hand earlier. It's encased in crystal or clear plastic or something.

"So the energy readings stay way low when we're not near the fountain," says Wes. He asks Dirgo to approach the fountain. "It just went way up. I bet that ball of energy only appears when we get too close to the fountain, like a guard or something."
"Less talk, more action," replies Dirgo. "You set this phaser to overload on maximum, and put it on a ledge. The energy ball will go for that while I blast the force field with this other phaser, which will be set on low."
"That's... bad science," argues Wes. "It's all sketchy, unproved theories based on your guesses. You have no idea how that plan will turn out."
"STFU," says Dirgo. "I'm the adultiest adult here right now, and I say we're doing it. While we're arguing, your captain is dying without water."
Oh, hell no. You do not gaslight the teenager because you're salty he took your drank.
Wes begrudgingly agrees, probably with the thought that this will fail miserably, and he can tell Dirgo off.
So he sets the phaser to overload on a ledge nearby, and Dirgo goes to the other side of the chamber and shoots the fountain. The energy ball comes back and goes briefly for Wes' phaser, just as Dirgo suggested it would. Wes steps behind a rocky outcrop, because he isn't stupid. Unfortunately, the energy ball fiddles with Wes' phaser, gets bored, and goes for Dirgo. Wes hears him scream, and when he ducks back around the rock -
oops.

RIP, Dirgo. You were a dumb asshole, but I suppose you didn't deserve to die.

Riker's Log: "Geordi is doing a thing so that we can try to tow the garbage scow through the asteroid belt. This is pretty much our last shot to get rid of this thing while not dying from radiation poisoning."

And so here's the question: if they can't get rid of it without dying, what's to stop them from contacting Starfleet and tagging it as a Superfund Clean-Up Site so people with more accurate equipment can clean this up instead? Like, are they really expected to die horribly if their time runs out? Will the ship break down and spill everywhere? My guess is yes, based on the fact that they're trying to take care of this before looking for Wes and Picard, but is there no way to contain the damage after the fact? I suppose we should assume the worst is the case so that the tension builds properly in the story, but I have a few more questions about this B-plot.

Geordi enters the bridge and tells Riker that they can safely speed up without compromising the tractor beam, so they take it to full impulse.
"Hey," says Majel. "Y'all are gonna die in about a minute."
They roll up on the asteroid belt.

The second they clear the belt, they shut off the tractor beam and fling that shit into the sun.

Bye, Felicia.

Wes goes back to Picard, who remarks that he's cold.
"Yeah, the sun went down, and high desert, and all that crap," says Wes.
He does that neat trick that Sulu did forever ago with the phaser and the rocks.

Wes haltingly tells Picard that Dirgo is dead, and that he should have tried harder to stop him, and he feels bad about that.
Picard starts to slip off, and Wes panics. Picard assures Wes that he is not dead yet.
Time for some confessions and a few verses of Kumbaya.
"You know when we took that shuttle ride to Starbase 515, and it was going to be six hours of hardcore awkward? I was super dreading it. But then we chatted, and I got to know you a little, and it turns out that you're a super cool person," says Wes.
"It's my fault you're here," moans Picard in response. "I wanted to do one last thing with you before you left, because I thought I might not see you again. Sorry."
"I'm super lucky," says Wes. "Not a lot of people get to serve with Jean-Luc Picard. And I... well, when ever I pushed myself really hard to achieve, it was because I wanted you to be proud of me. I promise to keep you alive and not give up, and get the water. I'll take care of you until they come find us."

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

 Riker's Log, supplemental: "Flying back to the last place we knew the Nenebec was."

"Found a bunch of debris," announces Data. "But not enough to comprise a whole ship."
"Yeah, Dirgo's shuttle was held together with zip ties and duct tape," adds Geordi. "If one of his engines freaking fell off, that could explain a small amount of debris."
"If he still had one engine," says Riker, "then they could probably land somewhere."
Data says that the only class-M planets in the system are Pentarus II and V, which the miners already searched. "But," he points out, because Data is smarter than your average bear, "there are also four moons that are class-M."
"Miners search those?" asks Riker.
"Nope," says Worf.
The closest moon to this location is called Lambda Paz, and they make for that one.

Picard sings that one song that he sang with his brother while Wes does science on his tricorder.
"Where are we?" asks Picard, which is worrisome.
"We crashed? There was a fountain, and this idiot shuttle captain named Dirgo?"
Picard seems to retrieve the information based on the mention of Dirgo. "Oh, yeah. I need water."
"There isn't any. I'm using my comm badge parts to alter my tricorder, and I think I can get the energy-guard-thing to let us near the water -"
"Okay, hey," interrupts Picard. "I might not make it, but you should do a thing when you get to the Academy. I know this guy, he's crazy smart, and he helped me when I was there. His name is Boothby, and you should tell him you and I were friends so he'll help you too."
"I will," promises Wes. "What does he teach?"
Picard almost smiles at the thought that he's about to throw Wes for a loop. "He's the groundskeeper."
Wes agrees to find Boothby, and Picard admits that he envies Wes because Wes is just "starting the adventure."
"Go do your thing and get the water," Picard croaks. "Stay alive."
Wes gets up with the med kit and heads for the exit before Picard calls him back.

Wes makes his way back to the chamber with the fountain, and shoots at the water with his phaser. The force field goes up, and the energy guard returns. Wes spins around and starts working his tricorder furiously. The guard seems confused, then suddenly flies through Wes' torso, and hits the force field, which melts. Wes takes one more scan, determines that the water is safe to drink, then fills the empty med kit, which I guess must be water-proof.
He rushes back to Picard and carefully pours handfuls of water into the captain's mouth.

The E rolls up on Lambda Paz.
Shortly afterward, Crusher wakes up her sleeping kid. Medical Blues put Picard on a stretcher and start to carry him out. Crusher does a quick scan on him to determine that he's essentially fine, then asks the Blues for a stretcher for Wes as well. He declines.
Don't be stupid, Wes. You're dehydrated, exhausted, and probably on the verge of collapsing. Allow them to carry you out.
Picard calls for Crusher, who assures him that they've stabilized him and that he'll be fine, so he calls over Wes.
Sassy Picard Moment: "What are you doing in such a filthy uniform?"
Wes Sassy Moment:

They shake hands, and Picard tells Wes that he will be missed. They continue to hold hands as Picard is carried out of the cave.

*******

This is another one of those episodes where outside influences figure heavily into the forming of the story. Wil Wheaton told the production crew of his intention to leave the show to focus on films, and everyone was still on good terms. Unsatisfied with Yar's exit, they decided to simply (finally) ship Wes off to the Academy, freeing Wheaton up to pursue other career avenues, but still leaving things open should they want to have Wes back for the occasional future episode. This was definitely one of the better decisions for this series. Denise Crosby's exit was an abysmal failure, and every time they've had her back on, it's required to include alternate timelines or dream sequences or whatever sorts of non-death consequences the writers can come up with. Simply sending Wes off to the Academy was easier and left the door propped open. What's more, we all knew it would happen eventually, as it was put forward from the get-go that this was Wes' goal, and he could only hang out in legitimate/illegitimate Ensignland for so long before Starfleet officially asked him to pee or get off the potty.

Director Corey Allen with Wil Wheaton

So now onto the actual story.
It was decided right away to write a Wes-Picard story for Wheaton's last regular appearance to give Will the opportunity for a juicy part. And he gets a lot more lines and screen-time here than in other episodes where he just kind of shows up sometimes. This was a good idea. Wil gets to stretch his acting muscles, Wes gets a good exit, everyone is still friends. (Also, some good dramatic shots in this episode.)
One thing that makes me sigh: Wes cites the shuttle ride from "Samaritan Snare" as a changing point in their relationship, and that he did what he did in order to impress Picard. That much is rather evident. Picard is an alternate father figure for Wes, and has been for quite some time, despite the fact that he admitted to once being very angry with Picard for living when his father died. These things were partially unspoken, but still obvious. But then Picard admits that he wanted Wes along on this mission because he was being "selfish," that he thought he wouldn't see Wes again, and wanted one last adventure with him. That... doesn't ring as quite true to me as the writers want me to believe. They made Wes ambitious, and set out to give him a minor hero-worship attitude involving Picard, but beyond those nice scenes from "Samaritan Snare" where they're friendly, we don't really see Picard taking on any kind of mentor role. Truth be told, I saw a tiny bit more of that in the Riker-Wes relationship than in Picard-Wes. I have no problem with them going in that direction for this episode, but I wish they had built it up a bit more in the episodes previous. It's possible that that fell on a nice to-do list of character development, but Wil Wheaton announced his departure before it could be added in. Building up the relationship would have given them more bang for their buck in this episode, and I'm sad it didn't happen that way.

Wheaton and Stewart film "Final Mission"

While this is a pretty solid episode, there are a few things that I'm ambivalent, or just annoyed, about. Michael Piller admitted that the story of "two guys trapped on a planet" was not very original, and I have to agree. Fortunately, they bumped up the emotional parts, or it would have just been survival mode story start to finish, and frankly, that's boring.
Piller also did not think very much of the garbage scow B-plot. It was added in really because they needed a B-plot, and that's about it. A reason for the E not to run to their rescue right away. I actually really liked that B-plot. I like the idea that some jerks chucked their trash into space and set it adrift, only to have it become someone else's problem. But getting back to that question of whether or not it had to be the E that took care of it: sometimes the show needs us to assume the worst to keep the tension up, and instead all I see are plot-holes. Was it really necessary that they do it? Sometimes the Enterprise, flag ship of the Federation, comes off as a weird combination of benevolent space cop and janitor. Seems like they could have called in someone better-equipped to handle that scow. Haul it out of orbit, yes, but then call someone to take care of it.
I'm a touch miffed that we never find out who the garbage scow belonged to, nor who the fountain was built by. Have these people died out? Surely the miners did not put the fountain and its security system on Lambda Paz? The set-up appears to be religious or spiritual, yet the miners seem to be ignorant of its presence. And the garbage scow is only a little older than 300 years old. Did no information exist in the E's databanks to identify which people might have made it? Was this episode filmed and put out into the world, then a writer sat up in bed one night years later and muttered, "crap, I forgot to explain that fountain"? I guess I really just dislike unexplained mysteries.

Stand-ins Dennis Tracy and Randy Pflug on location

There's a weirdness in this episode that's not often addressed on this show: that of privilege. When you're in Starfleet, you belong to the Haves. Your life is probably pretty good, you know where your meals are coming from and that you'll have a warm bed to sleep in. But every now and again, you realize that the protagonists of this show have it fairly easy in comparison to others. Could Dirgo have chosen a life in Starfleet? Yep. Did he? Maybe. We don't know his backstory. But we do know that he seems to be kind of bitter about the fact that his shuttle ended up in the bay of a huge, new starship, and that Wes gave him some shit about that. I'm glad Wes got the smack down for it as well. Picard's reaction was showcased nicely here - Wes was not used to seeing a Have-Not, and reacted by making fun of Dirgo. He is young and ignorant. Picard, who is older and wiser and more diplomatic, assesses the situation and realizes that Dirgo reacts favorably to being treated as an equal to himself, and that his complaints go out the window when his opinions are requested.

It's a strange sort of departure for me when I think about it. My favorite protagonists are typically underdogs. They start out at the bottom and work their way to the top. But every now and again, the audience is reminded that the crew of the Enterprise (for the most part) did not start out that way. They are currently at the top of the food chain, and operating there. They do not seem to look down on the Have-Nots generally, but it does come up from time to time.

The cast at Wil's going away party

Overall, I think I'd give this episode a B. Maybe a B+. Not the best episode I've ever seen, but pretty solid and a good departure for Wil Wheaton.


- Fun Facts:

- Holy crap, this is what actor Kim Hamilton looks like under the Chairman Songi make-up:

- Jury-rigged means something was made with materials on hand. Jerry-rigged means something was built cheaply. Both apply to that busted-ass shuttle.
- In the original story, the moon that the shuttle crash-lands on is an ice planet. It was thought that a desert planet would be easier to create.
- The original title for this episode was "Turnabout."
- The Nenebec shuttle was named after Star Trek reference writer Larry Nemecek.
- The Lambda Paz outdoor scenes were filmed on location at El Mirage Dry Lake Bed near Los Angeles.
- The fountain was created on a stage, but Rick Berman reported that the whole thing was a headache, start to finish. They build the fountain, but it didn't work properly. So they planned to do the whole thing optically, but that didn't go according to plan, either.
- Wil Wheaton will appear in four more episodes, and Star Trek: Nemesis.
- Nick Tate (Dirgo) will appear again, in season six of DS9.
- The phasers that Dirgo finds on his shuttle are props from Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (taking place about 80 years earlier). This is keeping with the idea that everything on the Nenebec is old and outdated.
- First mention of Boothby, who we'll meet in the next season.


Red deaths: 0
To date: 0
Gold deaths: 0
To date: 0

Blue deaths: 0
To date: 0
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 11,000

Obnoxious Wes moments: 1
To date: 1

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Wes Moments: 1
To date: 1

Sassy Geordi moments: 0
To date: 1

Sassy Wes Moments: 1
To date:1

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 2

Sassy Riker Moments: 0
To date: 3

Sassy Picard Moments: 1
To date: 5

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date: 1
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 2
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 0
To date: 2

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 0
To date: 8

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 1
To date: 9

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date: 0
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 0
To date: 0
Picard Maneuvers: 0
To date: 12
Tea, Earl Grey: 0
To date: 2

I did the thing.