ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Twenty-Five "Transfigurations"

ST:TNG Season Three, Episode Twenty-Five "Transfigurations"
Production Order: 25
Air Order: 25
Stardate: 43957.2
Original Air Date: June 4, 1990

Picard's Log 43957.2: "Gonna map an uncharted star system. Should be awesome, mostly because the actual mapping is boring, and we can all sit in our quarters and catch up on our shows."

Worf and Geordi are sitting at the bar in Ten Forward. Geordi's crushing on some girl at a table behind them. He tells Worf which one, and Worf turns to check her out. Good to know that in the 24th century they still have "don't look, don't look, don't look!"
It leads to a good comical set-up:
Geordi: "Don't stare!"
Worf: "Why not?"
Geordi: "Because she'll see."
Worf: "Good."

And the blind man turns and looks at his friend through the VISOR that covers his aforementioned eyes. He lets it go. They're in Ten Forward because of the ol' Geordi-is-awkward-with-girls trope. He's decided to start being coached by a dude who lacks subtlety. Geordi asks Worf what he should say.
"Forget words. Scent is more important."
NO. NO AXE BODYSPRAY.
Sassy Geordi Moment: "...thanks, Worf. That helps a lot."
The girl in question comes to the bar to drop off her empty glass and greets Geordi.
He awkwardly stammers through some small talk.
Worf, in the background, looks like he's going to phaser himself so he doesn't have to witness Geordi's slow murder by conversation.
"Okay, see you around." She turns to go back to her table, touching him on the arm briefly as she passes.
She touched your arm, Geordi.
She touched your arm, Geordi.
Shit, I'm aro-ace, and even I know that means she likes you.
Worf drowns his sorrows by downing his drink in one fell swoop.
Geordi gets pages to the transporter room.

Geordi runs into Riker, Dr Crusher and Data in the corridor. Apparently, they're all on an away team, which is beaming down to the surface of some planet. They've found a little one-person spaceship crash-landed there, and the humanoid survivor is quickly becoming a humanoid casualty.
They hit surface-side and find the guy, and holy shit, is he a wreck.

Not only is he missing the lower half of his left arm, but also the left half of his face. He looks like Mazikeen from The Sandman, without her mask.
Crusher does her scans and announces that this guy is ready to kick the bucket any moment now, but she thinks she might be able to help him, if she can get him to sick bay. But she can't just transport him, because he's too delicate right now.
"Okay, who volunteers as tribute?"
Geordi jumps in before she even says what she wants from him.
She sticks a do-hickey to this guy's brain (no, really: right to it. Is that okay? Seems like it wouldn't be). Then she slaps one on Geordi's forehead.
"I'm gonna splice your nervous systems together."
Okay, maybe lead with that next time. Like, before you stick that thing on your volunteer's head.
"I can unhook you if something goes sideways," she assures him.
He agrees, though he looks wary.
She switches it on, and there's an energy surge, and a little ball of light jumps from the wounded guy into Geordi's forehead device.
He gasps, but says he's okay.
She has them beamed to sick bay.

Dramatic music! Opening credits!

When we come back, we're in some kind of sick bay mega-lab.
Crusher and some Blue shirts are working diligently to get this dude up and running again. They talk a lot of 24th-century medical science, like introducing a man-made helpful virus to get some shit done on the inside, and prepping him for surgery. Crusher tells a lesser Blue to give Geordi a full bio-scan to make sure he's okay after that energy surge.

On the bridge, Riker and Data tell Picard about the ship, which seemed to be an escape pod. Worf's scans back this up by saying he found bits and pieces of metals and stuff in orbit, as well as evidence of weapons fire. So, a fight, an escape pod, and a crash.
Picard is holding what appears to be a glass Nalgene water bottle, and they all say that it's the last part of the escape pod's computer system. He gives it to Data to hook up to the E's computers so they can grab some info on their guy down in sick bay.

Back down in sick bay, a lesser Blue is handing Crusher a glass of water, and I guess we're meant to take that as Crusher working around the clock and ignoring her own self-care. Another Blue tells Crusher that they've successfully reattached his arm.
Geordi comes in, and she tells him that he's free to go, because his bio-scan came up clean. He replies that he feels great, and leaves.
Picard enters to ask about the mysterious injured guy.
"He's awesome," says Crusher. "I thought he was gonna die for sure, but he's bounced back like a champ. Things is, it's not entirely me. His body has crazy self-healing powers." She leads him over to a screen and pulls up some video (maybe a live-feed?) that shows cells regenerating. "It's not cells repairing his injuries. These are his regular cells, mutating."
Cancer?
"Possibly it's part of his natural healing process."
Not cancer?
"I can't stop it, anyway. Hopefully it's okay."

Geordi, Data and Worf are sitting in Ten Forward talking shop around that Nalgene-bottle-that-is-actually-an-alien-computer. Or rather, Geordi and Data are talking shop. Worf looks bored. He is the wrong kind of Gold for this convo.
He finally gets annoyed and says that they did not come here to work. They came here to relax.
"I'm relaxed," protests Geordi. "Actually, I feel awesome. Actually actually...."
He spies Christy at the bar and intercepts her before she can leave.
"I'm going to arboretum," she smiles.
When he asks if she'd like some company, she says she would, but didn't think he would be into it.
He hands her some smooth-ass line about how there are a lot of things about him that would surprise her. They leave Ten Forward together.
"I have been tutoring Geordi," Worf tells Data, taking all the credit.

Crusher's Log 43958.8: "I took that dude off life-support because frankly, in the day and a half that we've had him, most of his organs have pretty much repaired themselves to the point where they can function without our help. I'm calling him John Doe because I have no idea what his actual name is."

Crusher is standing next to the bed with John Doe on it, talking to some other Blue shirt, when he wakes up and grabs her hand. She jumps a mile.
"I am alive," he says, amazed. He thanks her. "Who am I?"
Nope, not "where am I?" John Doe doesn't know his own name, either.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

I think his bed is made of that foam that people pack stuff with. It actually
looks pretty comfy.

Picard's Log 43960.6: "Still doing the map thing. That guy John Doe is healing hella fast."

Crusher gives John some kind of medical treatment involving lasers, then asks how he's doing.
"Pretty awesome, actually."
"You're about six weeks ahead of my planned rehabilitation schedule. I'm gonna put these bands on your arms and legs to stimulate the electrical impulses to help you move them. But remember: you've been off your feet for almost a month," she smiles.
"I feel strong enough to fly," he declares. He stands well enough on his own, but starts to pitch over almost immediately. "Okay, how about I walk first?"
He takes it slower, and walks a very slow circle around the treatment chair. He starts to keel over again, but is caught by Picard, who has just come in.
"You're doing really well!" says Picard.
"I have a fabulous doctor," says John. There's an extended flirt-smile thing between he and Crusher.
"Have you remembered anything about who you are?" asks Picard.
John sits back down in the treatment chair. "Nope. My memories start when I woke up in sick bay. Dr Crusher says you think I was in a battle of some kind?"
"You were in an escape pod, and we thought we might have seen some debris that indicated a battle."
"It's weird not knowing who I am or where I'm from," admits John.
"Have you tried using our equipment to fire up his memories again?" Picard asks Crusher.
"Yeah, his brain patterns are too different for our stuff," she admits. "Does nothing. We're hoping his brain will just start giving up the ghost on its own."
John Doe makes a face and writhes a little bit in the chair, and Picard worries that he is relapsing. But John and Crusher says that it's a pain associated with his cell mutation, which has nothing to do with his crash injuries. And neither of them know what this cell mutation thing is about, either.

Riker is waiting for the turbolift. When the doors open, Geordi and Christy are inside, making out. She smiles at Riker as she exits, and Riker gets in the turbolift in her place.
"You've been seeing a lot of her this month," Riker remarks.
"Yeah, I feel awesome. Don't know why. Just more confident."

O'Brien stumbles into sick bay holding his arm.
"Kayaking on the holodeck again," he tells Crusher.
She scans him and says his shoulder is dislocated, and that she'll set up some kind of medical thing to help fix it.
Wes comes in to confirm dinner with his mother. He talks to O'Brien about his shoulder and "kayaking again," then asks John how he's doing.
John takes a smooth walk around the room as evidence that he's doing well, then says that Crusher has promised to take him on a tour of the ship the next day.
Sassy Moment: "You might not believe this, but sick bay is boring."
Wes grins. He was probably raised a bit in sick bays and labs, and that shit is not fun for a kid. I totally get this. My parents ran an insurance agency.
"Dying over here!" O'Brien yells to Crusher in the next room.
Dude, be more dramatic. You're gonna live.
John walks to O'Brien. "Don't worry, you'll be okay."
He touches O'Brien on the shoulder in a reassuring way, but there's weird yellow glow, and O'Brien reports that the pain is gone.
Crusher comes running in and takes a scan. "It's totally healed. What did you do?" she asks John.
"I just touches him," shrugs John, mystified.
She scans his hand, and they all look nonplussed.

Later, the Crushers are having dinner in Beverly's quarters.
"Nobody can figure out what the deal is," she tells Wes.
"I like that guy," he replies.
"Everybody does. Everybody's talking about how much they like him. He's charming."
"What about you? Do you like him?"
"Are you asking if I'm romantically involved with him?" she asks.
"You said it, I didn't," he laughs.
"Hmmm, not really interested in romance with him per se, but it's different. More like a spiritual connection."

Geordi enters the bridge and goes to Data at Science.
"Hey, I think we've been thinking about this all wrong."
He puts the Nalgene bottle down on the console.
What follows is several minutes of scientific jargon and gobbledegook, where they figure out how to make the thing give up the info they want. They get some navigational maps from it, but Majel doesn't know how to read them, because they aren't finished mapping this system.
After some more retooling and guesses and adding in the stuff they have already mapped, they get a better guess at the trajectory of where John Doe's ship might have come from.
They let Picard know.

Picard goes to sick bay with the news that they figured out where John Doe's home planet is.
"We can take you back."
John Doe is alarmed. "NO, that's a bad idea! Cannot go back!"
"Why not?" Picard and Crusher ask. "Are you remembering stuff?"
"Not really," he admits. "I mean... I know that I can't go back there just yet. I think there were others with me, and we were escaping something. But I still can't figure out who I am, who they were, or why we were escaping. Sorry, I didn't mean to shout."
"It's cool," says Picard. "We won't be in that system for another three weeks, so we'll have time to figure some stuff out first."
Crusher sees Picard out, and while they're gone, John arches his back. That weird yellow glow appears in his chest, then subsides.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Crusher and John are in Ten Forward, having a drink. Crusher is taking him on that tour she promised, but because it's his first time outside of sick bay, she wants to limit the trip so as not to overexert him. He's pretty dazzled by the ship and by the people in it.
"It's so cool that there are so many different kinds of people, but they all work together."
"Is that weird?" she asks.
"I dunno. Feels unusual. Like, I don't remember my people completely but I do feel like this would not be the way that things were done by them. I got this weird sense of clarity yesterday."
"With the energy pulse?" she asks. He nods. "Maybe that and the pain are linked to the cell mutation. I wish I could help you more."
"No, you've helped me a lot. I wish I could repay you."
"Our friendship is repayment enough," she smiles.
"I'm also enjoying our friendship," he says acrefully, "but I'm on some kind of journey, and I have to complete it before I stop to consider other things."
She doesn't look happy, but nods. He has to do the thing before he can put their relationship first.

Back on the bridge, Worf reports a ship on an intercept course. Its about 11 hours away, and hauling ass to where the E is. Picard asks Worf to hail the unknown ship, but he gets no response.
"Hail them every 30 minutes or so," says Picard. "Kinda want to know who's in such a hurry to get here."
Maybe it's the welcoming committee, Picard. You did just stroll in and start mapping the place instead of checking to see if someone lived here.

John is in sick bay, sitting at one of the consoles, when the glowing energy pulse appears in his chest again. He falls out of the chair and alarms go off. A Blue shirt rushes in and calls for Crusher. He tells her that the pain is getting worse. The Blue shirt asks if Crusher wants to give John a painkiller, but Crusher says his system is so different that it wouldn't make a difference.
"I need to get off the ship!" says John suddenly.
He bolts out of sick bay, with Crusher rushing after him.
She's forced to stop in the corridor and call security.
John ends up in one of the shuttle bays, where Geordi and some Gold shirts are doing maintenance on one of the shuttles. But he's up in the control booth thing above them, and nobody notices him. He pushes buttons. The energy surge moves through him again.

Crusher and some security Golds arrive in the shuttle bay, but they are downstairs on the floor. She looks up and sees him in the booth.
Worf yells at John to get down, but John ignores him.
The set-up for the shuttle bay is weird. In order to access the booth, Worf has to exit the shuttle bay, go to the turbolift next door, and take it up to the next level.
I never noticed that there aren't any stairs on this ship. That's awesome for ADA standards, but less awesome in an emergency. Worf has to stand in the corridor and wait for the lift to come back down, then get in and wait for it to take him up to the control booth. Is there not an emergency ladder, like in a Jeffries tube?
Anyway, he gets up there and tells John to step away from the controls, that he needs to go back to sick bay. John opens the shuttle bay doors, but not the forcefield that holds the air in.
 A concerned John tells Worf to stay back, that he can't control what's happening to him. There's another energy surge, but this time, it does not stay contained to John's body. It radiates outward, and pushes Worf over the railing and down onto the shuttle bay floor.
Crusher and Geordi rush forward, and Crusher takes a scan.
"His neck is broken. No life signs." She calls for a resuscitation unit.
John appears next to them. (I didn't see him jump, so I guess he took the turbolift?) One of the Golds tries to hold him at phaser-point, but Crusher stops him. John puts his hands on Worf's neck, and the glow appears.
Worf sits up like nothing happened.

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

John is hauled into the ready room to face Picard's wrath. Picard is pissed that John tried to steal a shuttle craft, and nearly killed a member of his crew.
"He also saved Worf!" interjects Crusher.
"Uh-huh," replies Picard. "That's why he's here, and not in the brig!"
John admits that he doesn't know why he tried to steal the shuttle, just that he's afraid for the crew. He thinks he might be dangerous, and attempted escape.
Crusher scans him and says that the cell mutation has increased by a lot.
Data calls to say that the alien ship is within weapons range, and Picard excuses himself, telling Crusher to keep an eye on John.
They exit the ready room.
While waiting for the lift, Geordi approaches and thanks John.
"When we were connected on the planet, you gave me something, like more confidence."
John smiles. "I don't think I did. Maybe it just unlocked something you already had."

The ship comes onscreen, and Worf says the aliens are scanning them, and finally answering their hails. Then the screen shows the inside of the alien ship, and a dude is sitting front and center.
"Oh shit, it's Sunad," murmurs John.
Picard signals to Worf to mute the link, then asks John if he knows that dude.
"Yes and no?" John replies. "Like I remember that his name is Sunad and that he's dangerous, but nothing else."
When Worf unmutes the screen, the guy says that he's Commander Sunad of Zalkon, and that Picard is trespassing in their space.
Seriously, who the hell's job was it to ring the doorbell and see if anyone was home before flying in and starting a huge mapping project?
Picard starts to apologize, but Sunad cuts him off to demand return of John, "a Zalkonian citizen."
"He's a guest on our ship," Picard explains. "We found him dying in a shipwreck and nursed him back to health."
"Oh." Sunad smiles in a creepy way. "You aided and abetted a criminal. He escaped from us with three others. The others are dead, and we figured he was as well. Give him back to us so we can finish our job."
Kill him. They're gonna kill him.
"Sorry, what was his crime?" asks Picard, suspicious.
Sunad: "He is a disruptive influence. He spreads lies. He encourages dissent. He disturbs the natural order of our society."
Okay, kiddies: if someone tells you that a person is a criminal, and then lists stuff like this when questioned about their crimes, you can tell several things about the situation: A) those charges are bullshit; B) the government is most likely corrupt as fuck; and C) the person making the request to get the "criminal" back is most likely a sadistic asshole who will take delight in torturing and/or killing the person who is accused of committing these bullshit "crimes."

Sunad gives them two hours to hand over John, then cuts off the viewscreen. Picard turns and asks for info. Worf and Geordi tell him that the other ship has weapons, speed and maneuverability to match the E.
"Sunad hates John," Troi provides. "But here's the other thing: Zalkonians are afraid of John. Couldn't tell you why, though."
Picard leaves Data in charge of the bridge and pulls John and some others into the Obs Lounge for a meeting. There, John admits that he doesn't feel like a criminal, but he has no idea if what Sunad told them was true.
"I feel like I'm a danger to your crew, but that this is bigger than just me," he adds. "I'll surrender to them if I have to."
Picard says he wants to think about the situation for a while, and John exits.
Then the others discuss the ramifications of the situation. Crusher thinks the charges are crap (they are) and that Sunad will kill John if they hand him over (they will). Picard argues that the E isn't here to personally judge the Zalkonian culture (that's true), but that he also feels that John's life means more than just that of a criminal. Troi agrees. She says that Sunad feels personally threatened by John.
"I know how I would feel if the situation were reversed, and some aliens were holding a Federation citizen hostage," puts in Riker.
Troi points out that Zalkonians feel like the E shouldn't be involved at all, and they can't understand why the E's crew wouldn't immediately turn John over.
"But we are involved," says Crusher. "I saved his life so what - they could hunt him down and take it away again?"

Dramatic music! Commercial break!

Picard's two hours are up, and there's Sunad, demanding that the E turn over John again.
"Give us our prisoner, then GTFO," he tells Picard.
"Tell me more about his crimes," Picard presses. I get the feeling that he's stalling for time.
"None of your beeswax," spits Sunad.
"You should know something," says Picard. "While he was here, the Zalkonian developed powers. Powers to heal himself and others, and even bring back the dead."
"Lies! He has gotten to you, too!"
When Picard won't give up the goods quickly enough, Sunad nods to some guy behind him, who fiddles with some buttons on their ship, and Picard stops abruptly, and clutches at his throat. Everyone on the bridge follows suit. Then everyone on the ship.

In sick bay, Crusher is on the floor holding her throat.
"Can't breathe," she croaks at John.
He puts his hand on her chest, and the glow occurs, and she breathes deeply.
"I remember who and what I am," he tells her.
They move into a corridor and find someone choking on the floor. Not knowing what's going on, she pulls out her tricorder, but he stops her and places a hand on the crew member's chest. That person breathes easily. Recognizing that he won't be able to help everyone in this way, John touches the nearest panel, and the energy surge ripples through the ship.

They reach the bridge just as the surge does. People start getting up off the ground.
On the screen, Sunad tells his guys to start firing weapons at the Enterprise. John steps forward and tells him that he won't be harming anyone on the E anymore. He holds out his hand, and there's a light flash, and Sunad is standing on the bridge of the E.

And then we get a nice juxtaposition here:
John: "Don't be afraid. I won't harm you."
Sunad: "Kill him, Captain! He's dangerous!"
"Yeeeaaahhh," says John. "You and the government have been telling our people that for generations, but none of it is true." John looks at Picard. "Our species is on the verge of moving toward becoming beings of energy. Every time someone started to exhibit these changes, they were killed. The society is afraid of these changes, but shouldn't be. They were afraid that these changes would undermine their authority. So four of us left Zalkon, to see what would happen if we let the changes come to fruition. But they hunted us down and killed the other three. I'm about to become the first of my kind to change over."

There's one final surge, and John becomes a figure of glowing yellow-orange.

"Don't be afraid," John says to Sunad again.
But Sunad backs away from John's hand ("hand") and yells "Don't touch me!"
"Okay," says John. "But I'm going back to Zalkonia, and I'm going to tell the others that they can join me. And some of them will."
He lifts his hand again and Sunad is returned to his ship.
On the viewscreen, the ship turns and flies away.

The Zalkonian ship looks like a vibrator

John turns to Picard and Riker.
"I'm going to go back to my people now."
"It's out job to seek out life forms. We feel privileged to have been at the emergence of a new species," replies Picard.
John touches Crusher's cheek. "You restored my life and gave me so much more. I am grateful."
He becomes a ball of moving energy, then flies out through the skylight while the others watch, before flying off into space.

*******

Initial response to this episode: I still wish that it had been swapped in the line-up with "Menage a Troi." While this episode also had some light-hearted goofy scenes (Worf coaching Geordi on dating), it had more brevity than "Menage a Troi" and would have been an easier palette-cleanser than that episode.

What's good about this episode:

It was written by Rene Eschevarria, who wrote "The Offspring" and he was not yet part of the regular writing staff. Michael Piller called him in New York and asked if he could help with a story they started about the E crew finding someone who was mostly dead, then basically rebuilding this person from scratch with 24th-century medical technology, no one knowing who he was. Eschevarria ended up putting the spin on it that we had seen stories between humanoids, and stories between humanoids and beings of pure energy, but never the in-between process. He found the idea intriguing, and the writing staff liked it, so that's how they took the story.

This episode has some good sci-fi elements. We get up-close with the 24th-century medical tech, and see Crusher fighting like hell over weeks to get this guy up and running again. It's a little glimpse into that world outside of the usual few seconds we typically get. Then we get a dose of humanoid-becoming-energy-being, and that's pretty good sci-fi, too. This might make a good novel. (Surprisingly, no one took up the mantle of novelizing this episode.) 

What's less fabulous:

Crusher's relationship with John was a little fuzzy. While that's more realistic and closer to real life, that kind of relationship plays out better over a longer period of time in a television show, like her relationship with Picard. For an hour-long show, you should either get into it or not. There isn't time to pussy-foot around - your audience will get frustrated. The fact that she feels a spiritual connection to him more than a romantic one didn't play out very well. It's a rather nuanced concept, and again, might have played out nicely if they intended to keep him on as a regular over several episodes or seasons, but the fact that they had to add it in to John's amnesia, mysterious cell mutation, and everything else surrounding having this arcane guy onboard, it got lost in the shuffle. However, I do applaud them showing a widow/single mother with a romantic life, and also them showing the conversation with her kid about the subject. I feel like it's only recently that they've started showing people in her position as having romantic aspirations. I mean, it exists, people get remarried all the time, and they deal with it, but it seems like even in the early 90's (when this was filmed) that they were still tiptoe-ing around the subject matter.

The down-low:

As much decent stuff that this episode has, it doesn't really stand-out. I cringe calling an okay episode "forgettable," but there isn't really anything that makes a person say, "Oh, I loved that episode!" What's more, it's joined at the end of season three (a solid season) by the episode where Sarek loses his mind, by a Betazoid sex romp (more infamous than famous), and by "Best of Both Worlds," which is a rollercoaster. And I know they can't all be super-mega-ultra-fantastic, and that for some "good enough" is good enough, but sadly, "Transfigurations" just gets lost in the mix.

Fun Facts:

- John Doe is never given a name onscreen, but in a first draft of the script, his Zalkonian name is G'il Inar.
- The transformation of John Doe is mostly done on-camera with very little after-production effects added. Actor Mark LaMura was wearing an all-over orange bodysuit that glowed when they filmed with a special film.
- This is the first time we see the large lab set (the med lab). It will later be used as the stellar cartography set, as well as others.
- This is the first episode where we hear of O'Brien's love of kayaking on the holodeck. This activity and the dislocated shoulder will come up again on DS9.
- John Doe's left arm is lost in the crash. While it appears to have been replaced with an artificial one, spoken dialogue suggests that the lower half of the arm was found in the wreckage and reattached.
- Sunad is an inversion of TNG writer Richard Danus. Danus worked on "Deja Q" and "Booby Trap," as well as two episodes of DS9.
- Actor Charles Dennis (Sunad) will appear in an episode of Enterprise.
- This is the second time we've seen Christy Henshaw. She also had that disastrous date with Geordi on the holodeck beach in "Booby Trap."

Director Tom Benko with Julie Warner and LeVar Burton

Red deaths: 0
To date 1
Gold deaths: 0
To date: 1

Blue deaths: 0
To date: 1
Unnamed color crew deaths: 0
To date: 127

Obnoxious Wes moments: 0
To date: 1

Legitimate Wes moments when he should have told someone to go fuck themselves: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Geordi moments: 1
To date: 12

Sassy Wes Moments: 0
To date: 0

Sassy Worf Moment: 0
To date: 8

Sassy Riker Moments: 0
To date: 14

Sassy Picard Moments: 0
To date: 12

Sassy NPC Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Data Moments: 0
To date: 6
Sassy O'Brien Moments: 0
To date: 0
Sassy Crusher Moments: 0
To date: 2
Sassy Troi Moments: 0
To date: 7
Sassy Guest Star Moments: 1
To date: 6

Number of times that it is mentioned that Data is an android: 0
To date: 28

Number of times that Troi reacts to someone else's feelings: 2
To date: 28

Number of times that Geordi "looks at something" with his VISOR: 0
To date: 5
Number of times when Data gives too much info and has to be told to shut up: 0
To date: 3
Picard Maneuvers: 2
To date: 37
Tea, Earl Grey: 1
To date: 5

Handsome Boris