Warp Speed to Nonsense

Warp Speed to Nonsense

Monday, February 29, 2016

Queen of the Clusterfuck

So, those of you who have been reading this blog for a while may have noticed that like, every other week, I'm all, "Sorry, technical issues. Post coming soon." This is because I have the worst luck ever, especially when it comes to electrical equipment and things of a technical nature.
This is due to my being clusterfucked. One thing cannot go wrong. There must be several things that go wrong, keeping me from my intended goal not for a short period of time, but for a much longer period.
Seriously. You can ask Roomie. She is also mildly clusterfucked, though it appears she is not as badly fucked as I am. Together, with our powers combined, we once managed to manifest a car in our living room. Not fucking kidding here. Woke up to find the grill of a Hyundai Sonata where my sliding glass door should be. I don't recommend that activity at all.

Those of you familiar with shamanism will not be surprised to find out that my spirit guide is Old Man Coyote. Somewhere, one of you guys is nodding and quietly saying, "God, that makes so much sense!"
So what's my deal now? Comcrap shut me off. My new job only pays once a month, and Comcast got all Internet Nazi on me when I couldn't cough up the cash quickly enough - "No webs for you!"
"So what's the big deal, Lady Archon? Surely you can just pack your laptop over to someplace else with free wifi, right?"
Only some of the time, friends.
The case on my laptop is cracked in such a way that it makes my internal modem hiccup when I'm someplace other than home. I guess it only likes the wifi I can access from my own couch or something.
"But you can use some other computer, right?"
Kind of? My local library offers computers with internet use... for one hour per day. between the initial viewing, the tangential research done for each episode, and the actual write-up and screen-capture-taking, every blog entry takes me between ten and twelve hours to complete. If I go to the library every night after work for my one hour on the computer... well, I still only get a partially-completed blog entry.
"Can you fix your laptop so you can access other wifi in a different place?"
That was the plan, to get a new case or something once I got paid. But when I asked the guy at Best Buy, I got the sad eyes and a slow shake of the head. The damage to my modem is likely unfixable, and would cost me more than just buying a new laptop altogether. In fact, he told me not to get another laptop by the same company, as that company has fucked up their laptops so much that they will no longer make them soon.
My friend Gimli was with me at Best Buy and asked, "When is your birthday?"
"Not tomorrow," I grouched.

Snagged this panel from one of Neil Gaiman's Sandman books. I find it works
rather well in a lot of these clusterfuck moments.

So that's the long and short of it: I am once again apologizing because of some fuck-up that means that I can't post this week (or for the last two weeks, as it were), and that suck furry tribble balls, especially because today is the last day of Black History Month, and the next episode is super-shitty as well as fucking racist, and I was post this awesome WTF, TNG? post to go with some introspective stuff. I mean, I'll still post it when I get some kind of consistent interwebs back, but it won't be the same. I go back and forth between shaking the machine and yelling "Fuck you, laptop!" and sighing out my old standby, "It is what it is."

Hopefully I will have something more than apologies soon.


Lady Archon


  1. oh my, don't you ever say "sorry" , your clusterfuckedness deserves a go fund me and an apology from the universe! The shattered glass is really pretty, like ice crystals. Make art! So sorry about your device, that is a tough one for sure and comcast is a bitch, we all agree! I hope your little kitty charges did not suffer!

    1. I've been thinking of doing a large-scale painting of that crash for quite some time. It gave me the weirdest abstract mental image of car grill and wonky vertical blinds.

  2. Yes, lady archon, please do a gofundme-ish thing! Your blog is such a happy thing I'd love to help support it.